feeling sad

Having a real hard day today.  Don't know what brought it on.  Not sure if it's Thanksgiving coming u*****t.  Although, it's just my husband and I this year--so it's not that we would be having a huge get-together anyway.  But last night and today I've had this overwhelming feeing of "what have I done?"

Thinking about how I'll be measuring 2-3 oz of food and living by a timer for the rest of my life.  Thinking about so many of the foods I won't be eating anymore.  Why all of a sudden is this hitting me??  I knew this before.  Why is it bothering me NOW?! 

Suddenly very jealous of all my family and friends who can just sit and eat (AND DRINK AT THE SAME TIME) whatever they want.  Kinda angry/upset about it too.  Very emotional and crying about it.  Feeling stupid for feeling this way too.

Hang in there, it gets better.  When you have a little more energy, and start getting the benefits of the surgery, the reason why you did it will become much clearer.  Right now, you're seeing a lot of the controls, and not much of the benefits.

You'll find that it's not too bad not to eat and drink at the same time, and that you'll go to restaurants, and get lots of doggie bags, but still had time to converse and enjoy the people you're eating with.  You'll also find when you're with friends and at family get-togethers that you can estimate the amount of food you take.  - I can cut 1 oz of cheese and be between 1.05 and 0.95 oz almost every time!!!  Over time, you'll be able to progress to a wider variet of foods as well.

I'm so glad that I had the surgery - I'm a lot healthier, and can do things that I could only watch before.  I can sit in airline or auditorium seats, I can go hiking, skiing (one of my loves), and also have energy to spare.

I'm sure you'll get there as well.

Take a deep breath.....Sending you a big cyber {{{HUG}}}.  

This is very normal, we all went through it.  It will pass.  What you are feeling now is not forever.  Soon you will be able to enjoy your food again, only in much smaller portions AND you will be so glad that you don't eat the way you once did.  Don't feel bad about the way you are feeling right now, it is part of the process.

Hang in there.....Dee

I could have written this myself postop, but now 16 months later, I still dont drink with meals, but can tolerate just about anything in small amounts. Somedays I can almost forget that I had surgery except for taking my vitamins.
Dont feel bad about the way you are feeling, it is what it is. You have to mourn your previous way of eating (for me, now I realize it was a way of coping)  and get on living with your new healthy lifestyle!
Just remember this is a journey and there will be ups and downs. So hang in there and do something nice for yourself  today, because you are worth it! Postop I had to get some counselling for depression because of all the changes I needed a little help learning to cope with my new life without food as my crutch.
And keep posting, I think we all have been there and it does get better! We do understand.
Big hugs to you!

Part of what is bringing this on is the holidays and part of it is that hormones are stored in your fat and as you lose fat, you release hormones, making us sad, happy, crazy and everything inbetween.  On top of that, holidays are just difficult for lots of folks.  Have a cup of hot herb tea and a long bubble bath   and you can bring your pity parties here anytime. 

It does get better.  I can eat anything, really like the way I am eating now and wouldn't go back for anything.  I don't think about the surgery much, just enjoy my life.  I do more planning than I used to, but it isn't difficult or opressive, just something I do to be healthy.  You will get there too.

I cant really tell you what to do but I can tell you that you are not alone.  Yes it is something we all knew but to actually go through it is a whole new ball game.  I feel the same way you do.

I thought these same thoughts and had a few bad nights initially after surgery.  Like the others said, this GETS better.  Once I transitioned to pureed foods, those feelings of regret ended.  I have to say though that I had panicy type thoughts and kept thinking, "what did I do, what did I do?".  And my pre-op process was almost a year long....I was READY.  I recall several people saying that these feelings would pass and it was NORMAL and that helped me SO MUCH!!!! 
I am almost 9 months out now and although I do not eat some things that others do, I feel okay and so enjoy what I do eat. 

Hang in there!  IT GETS BETTER!!!!



Blessings to you!!

~jennifer

Oh, MochaGal!!    You'll be ok!   Us post ops have been there!!  Just remember......you won't be "measuring 2-3 oz" of food and "living by a timer" for the rest of your life!!!  Its just for the time being!!  Once you are healed, and you are where you want to be, you will be eating like a "normal" person!!!  Granted, you won't be eating and overstuffing yourself like them.....but you will feel normal!  Think of how OVERSTUFFED they are all going to be Thursday!!  You won't be!!  I thought I would hate not drinking with my meal.  I find I don't even think about it now.  When I go out to eat, I just ge****er.  If we go out drinking....I do my drinking then we order!!!  I look back and don't miss drinking with my meals!  I kinda had a 2 week "last supper syndrome" before my surgery.  But that was not because I would "never eat this stuff again", it was more....Its going to be awhile before I can eat this again!!!  I did everything I could to lose as much as I could in the "honeymoon" phase!!!  I took advantage of that time!  I wanted to hit goal!  Because I was too afraid that I wouldn't!!  I did it in 7-8 months!!!  Now......just over 3 yrs post op.....I'm well below my lowest weight at that point!  You will do fine, just give it Time!! 

I know this doesn't really make you feel better, but it lets you know that we are all on this big cruise ship together!!!!  Don't feel stupid!!  You and your body have been through a lot and this is a roller coaster ride!  Just think......This is ALL temporary!!!!   

Hugs coming your way!!! 
 

Thank you, MochaGal, for posting this - I am right where you are and really needed to read all of the supportive posts. I keep telling myself this is only temporary, but it is such a huge change to get used to as well. I, like you, was READY, but find myself wondering sometimes what the hell I have done. I can't stomach protein drinks and spit up vitamins that I try to get down. I am hopeful this won't be as much of an issue when I start mushies, but what if it is? What I wouldn't give for some real food!

I am SOOOO grateful and thankful for all of you that have posted today.  Each and every one!  I am sure that it is just a part of the process.  I know this in my head.  And as Price stated, I know that it also has to do with the changes going on in the body.  I have to try to remember to just take care of ALL of me and let it come, just breathe (right? wink!), and let it go. 
The head hunger/thirst for a diet coke or popcorn (etc) will go by.  I am very determined about my health and my future on all of this!  And I know that I will be ecstatic when I get to that point. 
New day tomorrow.  Thank you again everyone.  I am so thankful for you all!