Christmas Musings

My gift of VSG in February, 2010 has brought a new life to me. I can't even begin to explain how wonderful this has been. My ability to walk without knee pain. Clean house or other chores without having to stop and rest every 10 minutes - and finishing the job without pain. Going on all the rides at Disney World with my grandchildren....fitting in the rides without question. Climbing in and out of the rides without problem. No seatbelt extender on the airplanes. New clothes that actually fit. Feeling a confidence that I didn't realize I was missing, as I have always felt confident in myself. I no longer ask my husband to do things for me. I jump up and do it myself. It feels great! As I was cleaning house on Thursday I thought to myself that I really wasn't lazy before surgery. I just couldn't do it. Plain and simple. It felt good to do all of that work myself.

I learned something over this Christmas holiday that concerns me. I can eat more sweets and junk food that I thought. The sleeve just doesn't seem to have much restriction with these foods. That scares me. I don't want to go back to that place. I felt somewhat out of control with these foods. I know I didn't eat nearly as much of those foods as I did pre-op, but the fact that I was able to eat what I did frightens me.

So today, December 26, 2010, I'm back on the low carb wagon. Carbs get control of me and make me just want more. I'm taking all the carb laden left overs to work tomorrow so that they will disappear and no longer tempt me. So far today I've only eaten meat. If I start wanting a snack later in the day, I'll eat a few almonds. No sweets. No chips. No Crackers. No starches. Not even fruit today. Generally the carbs in fruit don't send me over the edge wanting more. But I need to detox, so I'm off carbs completely for the next couple of days. Then I'll add some fruit and veggies back into my healthy eating lifestyle.

I think I slipped back into the old mindset that Christmas gave me an excuse to eat all that junk. I've had sweets since surgery. Small, limited, portion-controlled amounts. I had no difficulty with it. I didn't indulge very often - just on special occasions such as birthdays. It was a 1 day, 1 meal thing. But Christmas is a whole "season" of special occasions. Too easy to fall back into old habits. Those habits haven't been broken. They are still there lurking...waiting for the opportunity to sneak back in when I'm not paying attention.

I'm paying attention.

Isn't it great to to be able to do all this stuff! Truly is a gift and blessing. But don't underestimate your own effort and resolve and celebrate your own achievement. Not everyone has the success you have had and you get plenty of credit there. we all do.
Yeah, we all got a little visit from the carb grinch this holiday - seems the stuff is everywhere even if you don't make it yourself. But good to recognize the issue and move on. Keeping the carbs at bay is a small price to pay for all the things you mentioned that you get to do this year. And you are right about the fruit carbs not being such a big deal. So nice to enjoy a sweet satsuma orange and far better than some artery clogging cookie (so i tell myself)
anyway, great post. the right attitude for the upcoming year and those last couple of pounds. YOu are getting seriously close to your goal and i am waiting for the on-line party! Diane

Thanks Diane.  Funny how I recognize the affect of sugar on my body since VSG.  Wonder why I never recognized that during the 40 years I've yo-yo dieted. 

If I get a craving for something sweet later in the day, I'll have to think about how much this surgery has done for me.  The real work has begun, but it's all up to me from this point on.

I think that weight loss should be the result of a goal - not the goal itself......    My goal was to have the surgery to improve my health and improve my quality of life.  That goal has already been met.  Weight loss was necessary to reach that goal.   Setting a weight goal means dieting.  Dieting has never worked for me.   

Yes, weight loss has made me look better.....that's the bonus.   And losing the weight has been fun.  It's fun that people notice.  It's fun to shop for clothes.  It's fun to feel "normal" and not be the fat person in the room.  Life is fun. 

That said, I would be happy to lose another 13 pounds, which would put me at the "goal" I entered on my ticker, because to have a ticker, I had to enter a "goal".

But if I don't lose another pound, I'm happy, healthy and my quality of life has improved amazingly.  I will never say that I didn't reach my goal, because I have.   Does that make sense?  

It makes perfect sense babygirl, and for me, I am quick to say whenever I mention goal, I will now always say "whatever that looks like."

Because for some folks its a size, or a weight, or a lack of comorbidities, or a degree of mobility, a regain of sanity, so many things and shades of things are in the world "goal." 

I think.

 

Hey you know what Wanda, my last post was wrong. You ARE at goal - the goal of being able to lead a full life with good health and understanding the food issues that got in the way of it in the past and knowing how to address those issues should they attempt to insert their greasy little noses into your life. The number on the scale is just that and doing what you have done you are already a 100% success. So the goal party begins now and lasts for the rest of your life. You win, fat loses!   diane

The most beautiful thing, my love, is that you *know* this about you now.  And, depending on how you feel the next few days, this may or may not temper how you, how much you, or if you do indulge next "holiday" :} 

If you mark the calendar with every birthday, mother's day, father's day, holiday, Wednesday (:} ) you will see that in the scope of a life there are a lot of special occasions and you are so right in that a season is much trickier.  :} Especially one that seems to start at the end of October! 

A really COOL thing for me to notice and then - well take advantage of (in more ways than one) during X season- what is a something I can ONLY get here (at this place, i.e. my mama's house) or at this TIME (maybe at Easter, Cadbury Cream eggs!?), et cetera and then block those things IN for that time period.

Like when we go to Mexico to visit daddys' reefball, for breakfast, EVERY DAY I eat Chilaquiles verdes.  What are they, you ask?  they are essentially breakfast nachos.  :}  Tortilla chips covered with chicken slivers (I ask for chorizo), green sauce, and crema, and some cheese. 

I do not have them anywhere else.  That's the only place I have them.  I do not have to dread that they are on the menu anywhere else, because they are just something I only eat in Cozumel.

Eggnog.  I could drink drink drink drink galloonnnsss.  But - I only have it *and rummified* when I go to mama's for Thanksgiving or Christmas.  No other time.  And I do not tell me I can only have one cup.  If I need to drink it until I am sick, then do that thing. 

But I guess my point is, as the holidays come and go, I have decided to be a little more selective in which goodie is actually WORTH the withdrawal.  Does that make sense? 

I am really proud on you girlie!  Instead of being moany, you see what is the truth, and make plans to deal and then deal!  Its just another day in life, its just food, it will be back! 

Old habits *are* always there, especially during things that are - tradition, good or bad.  Staying aware really is huge girlie.  It really is!

I am so proud on you!  I know you are proud on you too.

My wise wise Brandilynn.  You know me too well my dear!  But as you have said before.  It's just food.  There are so many more important things.  I don't understand why it has such a control, but it does.  I'm trying my best to be the one in control now.  Some days are easier than others. 

Your idea of blocking in a period of time or a particular date to allow certain foods is a great idea.  I'm going to have to sit down and think about that and decide which food is "important" enough to me to have the honor of having a time given to it for my pleasure. 

It's kind of strange because sweets has never been a huge weakness for me.  Crunch and salt is what I've always craved.  In the crunch and salt category, I had 2 crackers with cheese spread and 5-6 chips.  But then I ate sweets.  Lots of them.  Well, at least I felt like it was lots.  I ate 6 red velvet cake truffles and a couple of Ritz peanut butter cookies.  That was yesterday.  I probably had the same amount Christmas Eve.  Funny how that sounds like a lot to me now, because pre-op I would have eaten a pound or more of each.  But the truffles made me feel almost sick.  Stupid me.  Lesson learned...I hope.  :o)

I only know you well because we are twisted in the same places :} 

I just finished this GREAT book called Anatomy of a Food Addiction and it actually goes through chemical stuff and SHOWS you why, chemically in our bodies it has a pull, and then she goes on to talk about our emotions and environment and the pulls there, but its REALLY great!  Its now in my toolbox of books!! 

The blocking in and out, I would not have been smart enough to think of it on my own (because that was not HOW I thought, you know, I was all or nothing, not some maybe sometimes!)  That 10 Thin Commandments book is where I learned it.

I TOO was NEVER a sweets person (which does NOT MEAN I would not have eaten he whole cake/ tub of ice cream/batch of cookies, et cetera )_ but savory was my choice.  My sweet tooth is MUCH stronger now - which is why I have that cocopeanutbuttery thing at least once a day, to keep my tooth knowing that there is something delicious, that FITS into my nutrition macros.  And I even like it SO MUCH that if there is a tray of something sweet and delicious (that is slated for that occasion) but there is TOO MUCH to just polish off (because some stuff, when I start, I cannot/will not/whatever stop until its gone) then I will promise me if I just wait, when I get home I can have a delicious treat that I do not have feel compelled to assign any feelings to - because its food, its nutritious food, and it will be delicious in my mouth AND I will not suffer the crazies from it.

I still am a huge fan of savory, but notice my sweettooth has evolved a bit.  :} 

Well it was a lot *relatively* speaking, in relation to the fact that you have not had that much stuff of that calorie/sugar density for a while - and some folks can console themselves with the fact that its not as much as it would be preop -

But the thing that lurks in my mind is - the actual DOING of it, more than the food and that its not as much as it might have been.  The mindless munch is a dangerous habit. That is not a habit I care to cultivate/nurse/grow into a mature habit AT ALL!! 

For me the beauty about a boxing plan, and having had enough once to think MAN THIS MAKES ME FEEL ****TY!! is that developing of a nice maturity for what IS - not what somebody said could be!  You KNOW it makes you feel ****ty. And for the next few days, if you indeed have a few words with yourself about stuff in vending machines, or hover in the doorway of the breakroom, or whatever, just notice yourself doing it, chuckle to you, tell your Trixybich she needs to wait until next Christmas and just getcherselfa a plan!

You have learned!  If you are like me (and you might not be!) you might have to touch the stove about a couple of other things before you string the similarities together, but hey!  You are open to being teachable and different than before!

You have a lot to teach yourself! 

*squeeze*

I am *really* proud on you girlie.  I know that you are proud on you too.  See if maybe your library has the 10 Thin Commandments, Stephen Gullo is the fella's name. 

If Brandilynn recommends a book, then I know it has to be good!  I'm going to Google it right now and get it ordered. 

And yes, the actual DOING it is the point.  I DID it.  It doesn't matter that I ate "only" 6 truffles.  If my stomach would have allowed a pound of them, I would have eaten a pound.  That old mindset was there - strong and in control.  Damn Trixybich.  But not today.  Not tomorrow.  I'm not going to allow it.  I am thankful that I was able to recognize it and stop it in its tracks.  It's not easy.  I'm wanting something right now.  I'm going to go into the kitchen and get an ounce of almonds and gnaw on them for a while. 

That Trixybich isn't going to win this one! 

*ttssshh* High five!  Put that Trixybich to bed!!  And you know, she was just doing what she always did.  And when the parents are no****ching the babies will play :} 

Simple it is - easy it is not.  Which is the truth about so much of this journey! 

When I have the wants and am detoxing, I just have multiple mini protein meals.  oy! 

You show you that YOU are the boss of your mind!

I am going to snuggle up a kitten and watch CSI! 

Then invite you over for chorizo and eggs for dinner!  :}

And too with the book, since you *are* twisted many of the same ways as I am then I *do* think it will be eye opening and helpful. 

Some folks are different than us!

Freaks. 

Ha!  I kid!