Thursday, September 14, 2023

Yesterday was a good day - paced quite differently. We spent 2.5 hours at the Country Music Hall of Fame - very interesting, but almost too many exhibits to read and a bit more music for each person would have made it better we thought. We shared a mediocre lunch, after which we toured Ryman Auditorium. Very interesting history but not actually a lot to see. The main reason it exists is due to one woman who managed/owned it for 50 years at the beginning of the 20th century. The tour was only 45 minutes and cost more than the other one. They do take a "free" picture which I guess is to keep people from complaining about the price, LOL. The biggest issue for us in this phase was that we were FREEZING everywhere we went! It was like being in a meat locker. 80 outside, but freezing inside. They really over air condition here (as is true in Florida). We spent the afternoon at the rooftop pool warming up and regrouping. Dinner at a place off-Broadway which I finally remembered from DH and my visit in May 22. BBQ and pub-type food, done fairly well and reasonably priced. They also had a good singer who didn't have the volume up so loud that it blasted your socks off (also true at many venues).

We are ready to go home. SILs are both 5 years older than me. Amazing what 5 years difference can mean in terms of stamina. A reminder to keep active and moving.

We are leaving here in 90 minutes. I am looking forward to getting home and hopefully not doing too much over the next 11 days until we leave for Florida. DH's sisters were supposed to visit over the weekend but it looks like remnants of Hurricane Lee will make travel difficult on Saturday so I suspect they will cancel. They are lots of fun but I won't mind if we don't have company.

Have a thrifty Thursday!

Our neighbor came for dinner last night, which was a nice time. After what feels like days of dreary weather, the sun is out today and tomorrow. I leave on Saturday. I love them, but it will be nice to be on my own for a few months.

My bff's brother in law (they aren't technically married but have been together for over 20 years) passed away yesterday from liver failure. He was younger than me and a longtime alcoholic. My bff's partner paid well over $100k to send him to the best rehab center they could find. His parents are enablers and didn't follow the strict but necessary rules post rehab. They could never deny him. He relapsed and has been in hospice care for months. His parents are inconsolable. Such a sad situation all around.

I know research says alcohol addiction and compulsive eating aren't the same brain mechanism, but I can't help but understand about knowingly engaging in behaviors that are detrimental to one's health, but seemingly not being able to do differently. About engaging in a behavior that for most people is not a problem, but for me quickly turns to excess. The "I'll start Monday" thinking where Monday never comes.

I don't drink because I don't like what it did to my mom, and it combined with obesity lead to her liver disease that killed her (you can't differentiate what liver damage was from fatty liver and what was from alcohol. Both cause cirrhosis). Why can I not view the poor eating the same way for myself? It was just as likely to be responsible for her early death. Maybe because it's really easy to avoid something you never had a taste for in the first place.

Today I need to get sympathy cards. I didn't like getting them for my mom as they were hard to read, but I think it would have felt bad if no one send them. I also need to start cleaning to leave. It'll be dirty when I come back next year after a winter of spiders, dust, and whatever random mouse makes it through the trap gauntlet to get inside out of the cold, but better to start with no dirt.

Take care everybody! Wish us all good choices today.

Interesting points about alcohol and compulsive eating. My mother was also an alcoholic though not obese. I too feel that sometimes my falling off the eating "wagon" is similar to her falling back to drinking after being dry for a while.

From research done in the 90s at Indiana University: Any activity, substance, object, or behavior that has become the major focus of a person's life to the exclusion of other activities, or that has begun to harm the individual or others physically, mentally, or socially is considered an addictive behavior.

So, while the brain may have different "mechanisms" that control disordered behaviors, addictive behaviors are addictive behaviors. I have read that alcohol triggers release of serotonin and dopamine. Eating refined carbs/sugar does the same. So the mechanisms may be different, but the physical chemical hits are very similar.

I am a poster child for addiction. I have been addicted to alcohol, nicotine, and have an eating disorder. I believe my primary and most significant addiction was self medicating with food, which developed an eating disorder. Smoking came next, then possibly pot. Finally, in my mid twenties I found booze and drank progressively more and more for about 13 years until I knew it needed to stop. Luckily, I was what is commonly referred to as a functioning alcoholic. But, I have not had a drop of alcohol in decades. I quit smoking cold turkey after 30 years of smoking.

What I think is often forgotten is that addiction, compulsive behaviors and disordered behaviors are multifaceted. There is no one size fits all approach. There is no diet or no pill or no single method that will work for everyone. Recovery is a highly personalized journey.

One of the biggest problems for me (possibly others) is that food addiction/eating disordered behavior are perfectly socially acceptable. Frankly, unless one is super morbidly obese, most people encourage and enable eating disordered behaviors in people with eating disorders. Luckily for me, I am able to accept my eating disorder (after years of therapy and hard work) and understand my own limitations. My limitations are perfectly illustrated by the meme CC posted with the Hippocrates quote. I am currently unwilling to eliminate sugar/desserts from my daily habits. For now, I'm good with that. But I also know that if I wish to truly reduce, I need to change my eating behaviors.

CC, I'm very sorry your BFF's BIL passed away. It is tragic. But, thank you for the thought provoking post.

I agree with everything you said! I was really over-simplifying with my statement, but what I was trying to get at it while some things are different between alcoholism addiction and food addiction (we can't not eat and we don't get the DTs or seizures from abstaining from sugar), there is so much overlap in the underlying behaviors relating to procuring, hiding, promises to stop, the destruction of our bodies, the relief when you get your fix, enabling friends and families... the list goes on and on. So while my eating desires are destructive and I can identify with a lot of why he did what he did, I feel lucky that my compulsion is food and not alcohol or drugs.

This paper is very long, but did a nice job of showing where the similarities align and where they don't: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S009130571 7300035

Saw this online this morning and it felt appropriate...

My Mom has 3 brothers. They all lived with us at one time or another, sometimes one at a time sometimes two, until I was 13. They all 3 are recovering alcoholics. I saw a lot. Sometimes it was scary. Two of them have had long, bumpy roads to sobriety with multiple relapses and near death experiences. And, oh the pain it has caused them and everyone who loves them. My brother almost died from a car accident he caused while driving with a blood alcohol of .278, when he was young. More pain.

I don't know enough about addiction, except it seems my uncles were self medicating anxiety and depression. One went through multiple in patient treatments, some court ordered. He is sober now for 25 years. What finally made it possible? Medication to treat depression, enough talk therapy to peel away the layers of pain/denial or a combination of both?

Add to that, being raised in a religion that declares alcohol is sinful. There is so much shame in my family around this topic.

I am so grateful that for whatever reason alcohol does not have the siren call for me that potato chips do. I enjoy a pretty ****tail, or some wine. But excess is downright unappealing. Why is my brain wired differently than a lot of my family? I do know I spent a lot of time thinking about whether I would be a social drinker, would I hide it from my family, how much is too much. I ultimately decided that maybe it would be good for my younger cousins to know that I did drink wine etc without addiction. (Although obviously I do not drink at family gatherings, as my Uncles' need for alcohol free situation way, way out trumps my desire to have a glass of wine on the pontoon).

But my goodness, there is so much to unpack...

Greetings all

It's sunny and warm here. Day two of the chicken leg chronicles. Still a satisfying bit of protein but the day will come when I am sick of it. Oh well thats for another day.

Lots of interesting posts today. CC I am so sorry for the loss of your BFF's partner. Very sad. Hope you can be comfort to your friend. Yes, watching someone self destruct is traumatic thing. The impact on the observers is immeasurable.

I have nothing to add about addictive behavior except that there is lots of it. Our family had its share of alcoholics including my dad who was high functioning. But once I had to go and bail him out of jail in another state for DWI. Not fun. Fortunately he only demolished a fence and took a pretty good hit to the head.

A shrink once told me that all recovering alcoholics end up doing lots of sugar. Not sure if that is true but it's an interesting thought. I know in the worst of my sugar addiction days when I would get a craving for sweets it was like I was on a mission and had to find m and ms or whatever. A lot of that was how I handled stress. I so clearly remember driving home from work and thinking I have just got to have chocolate. I think a lack of those work stresses is part of the reason I feel less sugar driven today. Unfortunately I am still potato chip driven.

Spent some time at the studio today and made a few things. More planning for future they're needed. Dogs are staring at the rremains of my chicken leg. Must dispose of it.

Cheers. Diane S