Erica P.

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It's been awhile since I have updated.  I am on the site often but have been really down as far as my weightloss.  Its been such a long time since I ahve lost any significant weight.  I have so much weight to lose, that I need to lose as much as possible early.  I know that as the months pass it will be harder for me to continue to lose weight.  My goal is to be in the 100's (anywhere in the 100's!!) so that means that I still need to lose at least another 140-160lbs.  I told myself that I wouldn't set a goal but before I even knew it, I had set a goal.  I don't understand why I am able to eat as mucha s I have been.  Cann you believe that my weight stopped coming off when I started to really try and exercise?!  It should be the other way around.  Why isn't my body listening to my heart.  I know that I am an emotional eater and my emotions are all over the place so I find myself eating when I am not really hungry, when I am, when I tell myself that that is it for the day, anytime it seems.  I have told myself that I need to keep a food diary but then I change my mind because I don't want to see how much I am really eating.  Then I have people who are telling me how great I am doing and how I look and I all I want to tell them is how bad I feel and that I don't know why I am trying to sabotage all that I ahe done to get to this point of losing weight.  I read what people are eating that had the surgery the same month that I have had and I want to cry because I see that I am eating more than they are.  I think about food all the time and all I want to do is cry.  I thought about trying to start from the beginning with a all liquid diet and that lasted only a few hours.  I even joined Curves to see if that will help start the weight loss again.  We shall see.  I need help and I feel as if no one is here for me to tell how I really am feeling.  I know that I need to go to a support group but I don't know anyone in my area that has had the surgery since I had my surgery in another city (Rochester, NY) and I live in Ithaca.  I will have to figure out something.  Take care all.  Be blessed.

March 19, 2005
Hello all, Its been a few weeks and for that I am very sorry. I have been having a hard time recently. I have hit a plateau that has been around for a few weeks. I also have been able to eat great quantities of food. I know your saying, why are you allowing yourself to continue to eat more food than you know you should? I guess I am an emotional eater and I seem to not be able to eat during the day like I know I should. I feel so bad because I really want to see the scale move further dow but I also know that I may be sabotaging(sp?) myself as well.I feel as though I ahve no one to really talk to about this since where I live I know absolutely no one that has had the surgery (I had the surgery in Rochester, NY and I live 2 1/2 hours south). My friend that had the surgery live all the way in Buffalo now. I have weighed the same (345lbs.) since last month. I walk the treadmil almost everyday and do my exercise tapes and still nothing. Can a person stretch there pouch so soon after surgery? Help is really needed. Bye.

Hello all, How are you all doing.  I am ok...not good but ok.  I have been having some serious food issues.  I seem to be able to eat EVERYTHING and in large quantities.  Half the time I don't even realize how much I have eaten until its all gone.  I NEVER seem to feel hungry and I am so scared that I am messing myself up.  I know that I should be weighing my food but I can never seem to get it right.  I really need to see if I can meet with the nutritionist asap.  Someone please help me to figure out what I need to do to get back on track.  I need as much weight off as possible.  It seems that I am at a point where most people here on this site began and here I am at 345lbs. and have lost 105lbs.  I just have so much more to lose that I am terrified that it will not happen.  If you have any information to give me, please get in contact with me.  Take care all!

 


 

February 22, 2005
  Hello everyone,
Its been about a week since being on the site.  I have not been feeling well at all :barf:!!!!  Well I am back and have some news to tell you all! :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance:  I finally broke down and bought myself a scale.  I did this because my DR's office is over two hours from my home and my next appointment will not occur until my 6th month check-up in April.  So I went to Walmart and bought a scale.  I actually went to also buy a treadmill but all of the max. capacity were 250-300lbs.  And since my big butt is bigger than that, I guess I will have to continue to wait.  So I get home with this new scale and was praying that I don't get caught up with constantly checking the scale.  I get myself up on the scale and low and behold I am officially 100lbs down!!!!! :bow: :bow: :bow:.  Thank you lord!!!!!  in 4months and 10 days I have lost 100lbs!!!  I know you all know how I feel!!!! I have finally made it to the club that I have always wanted to get too. :grad:  I have reached my second goal!  My first goal was to be under 400lbs. and then to be 100lbs. gone.  I have done it and I am quite proud of myself.  I realize that I have so much more to go but I am prepared for it all.  The LORD has been good to me so far and I trust in all that he has for me.  So my question to you all, How do I get my card?!!!!!  I have also updated my profile and finally added some pics!  Take care all and pray for me as I continue to pray for all of you.

February 12, 2005 Hello all.  Its been a few days since I last updated.  No update on what my weight is but I have decided to buy a scale.  I have been withing down something that I would like to accomplish with my weight loss.  Most are quite trivial but they are something that I ahve always wanted to do.  So here goes:
1. Shop for clothes that are not plus size
2. Not have to use a seat belt extender (DONE- but its still a little snug at times)
3. Walk at least a mile nonstop without possibly feeling as though I was walking to death.(I did 2 miles nonstop on 6/19/05!) 
4. Dance(Done)
5. Sit on someone's lap without hurting them.
6. Cross legs without looking weird.(DONE)
7. Sit in a airplane or movie seat comfortably.(SOMEWHAT DONE)
8. Go to a restaurant and eat without people looking.
9. Be able to wear my shirt inside my pants.
10. Wear boots or strappy shoes (DONE)
11. Get on the treadmill and it be able to show my weight when I turn it on and work out.(DONE)
12. Fit into a bra that won't roll no matter how much it costs.
13. Walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded.(DONE)
14. Have a person look at me becuase they think I look good as oppose to them looking at me because they can't believe how big I am.
So these are my starters and I can't wait to achieve them all!! 
So I have been looking at alot of message boards and I thought about comments that people have made.  I think about the fact that when people talk about themselves and how BIG they got.  I have read people say that "I was HUGE at 240lbs."  "I ballooned to 295lbs."  I wonder what they think of people who were 450lbs. like me?  They must have thought I was pathetic and that they may have looked at me and said "At leaset I am not that BIG"  I try to find profiles of people that were at least close to my size to see what they have gone through and to see if its complarable to my life.  Does that sound weird people?  Let me know your thoughts.  Hope all is well with you all.  Hope to hear from people soon.  Peace out!!!

February 6, 2005
Well I hope all is well with you all reading about my journey.  Well here is some info about me this past week.  On again off again boyfriend is acting up and now we are off again.  Was not feeling well and the other day (friday) I went to bed with this lump under my chin.  Was painful but not too bad.  Woke up saturday morning with a great deal of pain and looking in the mirror I see that this relatively small lump is not quite large and doesn't look too cool.  The lump was on the skin but under the skin between my chin and my neck.  Well, I wait all day in pain but my mom finally told me to call my dr's office and speak to the on-call Dr.  Finally am able to get a return call around 10:30am and was told that I probably should go to the  emergency room and have it checked out.  I call my mother back (who lives 2hrs from me) and she and my dad tell me that I need to go on ahead to the Emergency room.  I get there and its really quiet and not many people there.  you would think that I would be seen really quickly.  NO!!!!!  Actually it wasn't too long maybe a couple hours.  I am sitting in this room all alone and at first it was fine but then I got super bored.  Just when i think I am going to start singing really loud to myself (I do that when I am bored) here comes the ER dr.  We talk for a few minutes and he examines the lump and tells me that based on the information I gave hima and what he sees, I tells me that I have cellulitus.  What the hell is that and when will the pain stop!!!  Needless to say its a infection of the skin.  I am now on antibiotics for 5 days.  Still don't really know what it is but I called my parents when I was leaving the ER and my mom says that she had it on her leg years ago and didn't get treated for it and is still having problems with the circulation of her leg.  So, its a good thing that I went and now am on the meds. 
 
Well I haven't been weighed since my last DR's appt. on December 29th so I asked the nurse as I was leaving if they could weigh me and she agrees.  I go with her to the scale and get on.  What is my weight you are asking???  Drumroll please........ 361.2lbs.!!!!!!!!!!  That is another 19 lbs. gone!!  Am I happy? Hell yeah.  I thought that I would have been closer to my 1st actual goal (350lbs.) based on the weight each month that I have lost before but I ahven't been exercising and that I really need to fix.  I had been in a slump lately but I will just have to get out from under it.  So back to more water,protein and excersing!!!!  Well I better go on to bed.  My neck is hurting a little so I need some rest.  Take care and I will be back real soon with another update.  God bless you all, would love to hear from anyone.

January 28, 2005
Well its been a long time.  Not really but my journal entries mysteriously disappeared along with my change in weights that I had posted.  I will be calling my surgeons office to see if they can give me my weigh-in amounts.  The last time I was weighed which was on December 29th I weighed in at 380lbs.  That is a total weightloss of 70lbs.  I haven't weighed myself since then.  I hope to go to weigh myself  sometime this weekend.  The wonderful person that changed my site actually put a weightloss chart on my profile but that has disappeared as well.  It was done on the 26th of this month and now I will need it to be put on my profile again.  Well I better go, I have been a little sick the last few days, so I am going to go to bed.  Take care all!!!

Well, I am back and officially on the losing side!!! My surgery was uneventful other than the fact that 10 minutes before going in for sugery I decided to start throwing up. And you ask what did I throw up....chicken broth! The stuff that I am suppose to eat for the next 2 weeks. I had some the night before since I already begun my liquid diet. In any case, here is a play by play of my day of surgery. 1) I arrive at the hospital at 10:30am for a arrival time of 10:45 am. I sit down with my mom and we watch ER for 2 minutes and they call me in for prep. My surgery is scheduled for 12:45pm. 2) I get undress and am waiting for them to put the IV in but alas they are unable to get a vein that doesn't move all over the place. 3) still no IV, they take me into the holding area where I meet a nice lady that tells me that she had the surgery back in april and has already lost over 110lbs. Dr. O'Malley comes in and says hello and ask me am I okay and if I am ready. Of course I am, he leaves and I get nauseas. I tell the nurse and she gets their with something so that won't vomit all over myself. Well after I vomit, I am fine and ready to go. I meet the anethesiologist comes in and ask me a few questions. I am then wheeled into the operating room. The next thing I know is the nurses are waking me up in the recovery room. I have a tendency to raise my hands over my head when I am in bed and that day was no different. 4) I am waiting in the recovery room and we are waiting for my room to be ready and I ask the nurse if I could go to the bathroom. Apparently the nurse was a nurse on the floor and didn't realize that I was not to be moved but since I didn't have a catherer on she takes my whole bed down the hall and the other nurses are looking like what the hell is she doing.

It has been a long and rough few days. I waited and waited to hear about my approval for the surgery and was given the run around the entire time. I received a call from Dr. O'Malleys office saying that if they don't hear anything from my insurance (The evil company called HealthNow NY) by the clos of business to day, they would have to cancel my surgery for next tuesday and reschedule at a later date. I cried like a baby!! HealthNow had mypaperwork for 10 days and I recieved so many calls from them stating that I would hear something in 48hrs. But they were talking to my PCP and Surgeons office and making them resubmit refrral requests and getting new signatures. I truly believe that Dr. O'Malley's office sent the paperwork at least 4 times and eveytime they would say that the insurance company had up to 3 days to review and give an answer. This was their policy. I told them that 3 days had passed 3 times so they were well pass the companies procedure. I even had to call my jobs liasion for the insurance company and have them see if they could help. I don't know what she(Deb!) said to them or if it was a combination of Dr. O'Malley's office(Diane and Angela!) or my sobs heard to any of the Customer Service Reps at the Insurance company, but I needed approval by 4:30pm today and HealthNow NY called me at 3:40pm to tell me that I was APPROVED!!!!!!! and that they had already contacted Dr. O's office to give them the approval number. I was so happy, I didn't know what to do. I did however thank GOD for allowing this surgery to stilll happen in a few days. I then called my mother and all of the people that have helped me without hesitation and have been so patient with my many phone calls asking for information. So in 4 days I will be getting my surgery!!!!

Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you how wonderful my mom is. After I called and told her that they may cancel my surgery, without hesitation she told me to call Dr. O's office to see how much the surgery would cost because she would pay for it out of her own pocket!!! I thought that that was so nice of my mother. Actually it was something I can't totally express to her how it made me feel for her to say this. My mom would rip her arm off by hand for all of her children and for that I am forever grateful to GOD for giving her to me as my mother.

I will be staying with my prents after the surgery and I can't wait! I love going home for visits so this will just be an extended 4 wk visit!

I keep thinking that I should be nervous and it hasn't really started. I am not scared and I know this is right for me, so I am putting it all in GOD's precious hands. Everyone has been so supportive and that has helped a great deal. Thank you all for all of your encouraging words and emails. You will never know how much I appreciate them all. Keep them Coming!!!!!!!!!! The next time you hear from me will be after my surgery!!!!!!!!!!!

Well more drama to tell you all!! Oh yeah, I hope all is well with everyone!! I am at work today and still have heard nothing from Dr. O'Malleys office. I get a phone call around 12Pm and its Diane from the Dr's. office. She calls me to inform me that I missed my pretesting appointment. Well, I am shocked because I NEVER MADE A APPOINTMENT FOR THE PRETESTING. I WAS TOTALLY UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT I HAD TO WAIT TO GET PRETESTING DONE AFTER INSURANCE WAS APPROVED. She basicall tells me that I had to have made the appointment myself and without saying it, said that I am a liar! Well you know this doesn't sit well with me and I told her that I am not crazy and that I would have remembered had I called a office and made an appointment that would be so important to me! She tells me that it was written in the paperwork that I was given when I met with Dr. O'Malley. AGAIN I had to tell her that I NEVER received any additional paperwork. Can someone please tell me how I could have called a office that I knew nothing about and made an appointment that I knew I had to have but thought that it would happen AFTER insurrance approval. I called my mother and asked her if I had talked to her about making a pretesting appointment. She knows EVERYTHING about what I have been doing and all of my meetings and she said that I NEVER said anything about having another appointment. Considering the fact that I had gone home to Rochester for the weekend to visit my family, I would have stayed in Rochester until Monday and went to this appointment instead of driving all the way to Ithaca on sunday afternoon. Diane also tells me that my PCP didn't fax over the statement that I had agreed to refrain from any alcohol use after the surgery (I don't drink or smoke so that wasn't a problem) I told her that I had called on friday and was told by my Primary doctor's secretary that she had faxed it over on friday morning. Diane (from Dr. O'Malley's office) said that she didn't work on fridays and that she would go and check again to see if the fax had been received. I hung up with her and called to see if I could get pretesting scheduled for thursday since I had a follow-up meeting at the sleep center to see how the CPAP machine was working out. While calling to schedule pretesting I received a voicemail stating that she had found the fax from my PCP and that she was sending it over to the insurance company. Oh I almost forgot to say that she told me that Dr. O'Malley was missing one signature on the paperwork and that she was sending over a complete set of paperwork again!!! How funny is that. If I didn't like and respect these people, I would be very angry but I totally understand paperwork getting misplaced or signature not being signed. So now its a continuation of the WAITNG GAME!!!! Have a great day and I hope to hear from many more people. God bless you all.