Sheryl in So Cali
Jan 10th 2009....I have been bad.....
Jan 10, 2009
I have been fighting the food demons for over a year now. Unlike some, I have no dumping and can eat anything without side effects. I have not admitted this to anyone, until today, but I have gained 16#s from my lowest weight. Why? FOOD! I have no one to blame but myself, I am my own worst enemy. After attending Dr Lamont's class this morning, I realize I am not alone and I can get back control of my life. I have the attitude that it is ok to cheat and promise myself I will not do it again. Yeah right! With Dr Lamont's help and the help of my friends, I will get back my self control and I WILL post here regularly to put myself in check. I will follow Dr Lamont's lesson plans and you, who may read my blog, will be my confessor. Please email me with your support and good words, and give me a slap when I am bad.
I did not realize how much I miss getting together with my old and new friends. My life has been a roller coaster for about 6 months, and this is when I gained my 16#'s. I choose not to go into it in detail, but I will say, food is my comfort when I am upset, sad, depressed, well you get the idea. Perhaps by admitting my weakness, I will conquer my demons.
Enough for now, but I will post again soon.
I hope to hear from some of my old friends from years past because I miss you all so much. Being with Rachel today made me realize how important all of you are in my life. Maybe we can have an "oldies" get together for dinner soon, somewhere in the OC?
XOXOXOXO
Sheryl
Beyond year one.........
Oct 14, 2006
This is the continuation of my story below....sit back and relax and enjoy my journey... October 11, 2005
I had my 1 year surgeon’s appointment yesterday. Today, Oct 11th, is my anniversary. I have lost 147 lbs and couldn’t be happier. I have gone from Super Morbidly Obese (BMI 51.1) to overweight (29.3) in one year. Oh yea…..life is good.
I was so ready for surgery. I fought to have my surgery with Smart Dimensions. My advice to anyone having problems with their primary care physician is if your doc is giving you the run around or not taking an interest in your quest for WLS, change your primary care physician. My dear, sweet Angel, Rachel Q turned me on to a WLS friendly PCP within Blue Shield and within a few months I was having surgery. Take your health into your own hands and make it happen.
Was I ready for all the changes? Yes, I was. I had a lot of time to prepare myself for what I knew was ahead. Was I ready to give up my best and oldest friend “food”? Yes, I think I was. I was so tired of being severely morbidly obese. Being the fattest person wherever I went. Unable to enjoy walking any distance, unable to climb a flight of stairs, ride any ride at an amusement park, have chairs either stick to my butt when I got up or breaking it when I sat on it, having to use the handicap gate because I could not fit through a turnstile. Those who have BTDT understand.
I still battle the food demons but I REFUSE to let them win. It is harder than I thought to not eat the things that I once loved and cherished. I have not found anything that makes me sick or dump. Even at 1 year I have limited myself on what I eat. I still weight and measure my food.
All my labs were good. I am religious about taking my vitamins and getting in enough protein and water. I still take Flintstone chewables (2X2/day), Viactive Chewable Calcium (1X2/day), daily iron, and sub-lingual B-12 (Trader Joe’s) 2 X a week. Why should I pay more for “designer” vitamins when what I am taking works?
Skin issues…….. I have them big time. I can take my bat wings and wrap them half way around my arm. My tummy is bad but I am religiously going to the gym to help it any way I can. My boobs have sagged but there is not much there to sag. Thank goodness for Wonderbra’s!!! My inner thighs look like elephant ears, flapping when I walk. Thank goodness for compression garments. I found some very reasonable ones at Lipoinabox.com. I have not had any rashes or breakouts that I didn’t have before surgery. I had planned on documenting everything for PS but so far I have nothing to document.
Before surgery I was 26/28/30, depending on where I shopped.
My pants are now a comfortable size 14. I can get into a size large blouse, but with the batwings, I have to be sure they fit the arms and cover the sagging skin. What a hassle, but one I can live with. I am still amazed that I can walk into any store and find something to wear. I still tend to go to a larger size than I need…some habits are hard to break. I don’t have to buy my hosiery/undies/etc at Catherine's or Lane Giant anymore. When I walk I don’t hear the swishing sound of my legs rubbing together. I can wear regular shoes; no more WW and I can wear heels and not feel/look like a dork. I bought a pair of hot black boots a couple of weeks ago and they fit my calves. That was a big WOW moment! I can tie my shoes and not feel light headed. I can paint my toe nails without having to contort my body into unnatural angles.
There are times I can see the difference in my body and some days I cannot. I still see a super morbidly obese person but I know I have lost weight……Some say it takes up to 2 years for the mind to catch up with the dramatic weight loss. Looks like I have about another year to go.
Right after surgery I was embarrassed when someone complimented me on my weight loss. I felt very uneasy and did not know what to say. Having been so big for so long, compliments were few and far between, except for my DH, who complimented me from the day we met. Now I am not embarrassed at all and usually answer, thank you for noticing. People have been saying “you’re not gonna lose anymore weight, are you?” Considering it is none of their business, I usually say, “oh just a few more pounds.” What people don’t realize is that I am still in the 180’s and YES I am going to lose more!
Friends. I have the most wonderful friends in the world. Most have been long time (20+ years) friends who are genuinely happy to see me lose weight, gain confidence and mobility. I have not lost any friends due to my surgery. A few acquaintances have gone to the wayside but they were not true friends to begin with and were expendable.
I thank God every day for finding the ObesityHelp website. I started posting on January 12, 2004. I was a lurker for a couple of months before I gained the nerve to post. Without the support and love I felt from so many people, I probably would have quit trying to get WLS. I have gained friends that I hold very close to my heart. Rachel Q, my angel, by my side every step of the way. There is no way I will ever be able to repay her for her friendship and kindness. I won’t name names because the list is way too long, but everybody knows who they are, my friends I love you all dearly! I get so excited when there is a function and I will get to see everyone together for fun, laughs, and friendship. I get such a kick out of watching everybody progress. I sometimes wonder if I will ever lose enough to look like some of the “hotties”, and y’all know who you are!
Would I do it all over again? In half a heartbeat, YES.
I have the pleasure of being Tami B’s angel. She is my first Angelette and her sister Sheli B is co-angeling with me. I will be out of town for her November 1st surgery, but her loving sis will be there for her.
If you are still reading, thanks for allowing me to share my 1 year thought and musings with you.
December 30, 2005
It has been a while since I updated. Bad me!
I have now lost 155 lbs and couldn't be happier. I am at the point (174#'s) where if I do not lose any more weight I am happy where I am. I am comfortably into size 12's.
I have not found anything that I cannot eat and that scares me. The holidays were and are hard. A piece of candy here, a cookie there.....thank goodness only a couple more days of festivities and food! I am having a diffult time with carbs... CARBS ARE EVIL! I went for so long without carbs, sweets, etc that my body now craves them. I try to keep them out of the house, but they seem to find their way into my shopping cart then into my kitchen cabinet. It doesn't help that DH brings goodies home from work that were given to him for Xmas, but he does not realize they are demons for me.
I don't do New Years resolutions but I am doing Lifestyle Resolutions to get "Back on Track". I WILL NEVER EVER EVER GAIN MY WEIGHT BACK. Everyone has a bad day or days and mine are numbered. I have not gained but I am not going to chance fate.
Thanks for taking the time to read my musings. I hope in some way they help. 'Till next time XOXOXOXO
January 2, 2005
Day 2 of "Back on Track" and all is going well. I have rid my house of most of my trigger foods and am happy with fruits and vegi's and sugar free pudding, popsicles, fudgesicles. I only left the things DH likes to eat and I can live without. I feel like I am back at the beginning of my journey.
I cancelled my gym membership in December so I have not had a real good workout in weeks. I took down the XMas tree and set up my treadmill with the free weights. I also have a gym at work which is free and plan to use it regularly. It is so easy to fall off the horse, but it's hell getting back on. My weight has stalled and I am playing with 3 to 4 lbs up and down for weeks. Hopefully my lifestyle resolution will kick my weight loss into gear again. Although I am happy where I am right now, I would like to drop a few more lbs. Only time will tell.
January 3, 2006
WOW. Updating again..LOL
I received an email from a newbie asking questions and I love it! This makes me to put down in writing things I feel and think. I am overjoyed helping those who really want and need it. I am going to share my musings because they are heartfelt and true:
I am still doing well over a year after surgery. I have lost 155 lbs and plan to lose a few more.
The mental part of the surgery is the hardest. It is hard changing bad eating habits. At the beginning, right after surgery, your appetite will be next to nothing because your new pouch is so small. If you over eat or eat something your pouch doesn't like, you yack (throw) it up. Simple. The further out you get the more you can tolerate. I stuck to the food plan given to me by my surgeon to a "T" for the first year and I think that is why I did so well.
I have always been a carb junkie. When I found that I could tolerate chips, crackers, cookies, candy, etc it was like WOW, neat, cool. Then I realized that these are the things that got me to 334 lbs. I have given myself a good talking to and decided to get back to the foods that I am supposed to eat. The surgery is a tool and I must remember that. It does not work on its own. It is a lifelong change and I must treat it like that. I don't like the word "diet" because this is not a diet it is a lifestyle change. As long as you are prepared to make drastic changes in your eating habits the surgery will work for you. Thousands of people have done it successfully and thousands more will too. It is up to you to make it work. Support from other WLS people is critical. Get to support group meetings and OH gatherings to see the good and the bad. People make good and bad choices and it is apparent when you see it with your own eyes. I find gatherings educational and observe quietly the things going on around me. You can get good ideas and suggestions for success as well as seeing people who are using their tool badly. It makes me look at what I am doing and put myself in check.
I am seeing the changes in my body. Some days I like what I see. Some days I still see a fat, super morbidly obese Sheryl. I have been told that it takes over 2 years for your mind to catch up with your body changes. I will still do a double take when I pass a window or see my own shadow. After so many years of obesity, it is hard to believe that I am the person looking back. When I do laundry and take a pair of size 12 jeans out I still think who do these belong to and there is no way I can fit in these. It is hard to explain but those in the same shoes as me will understand completely. I still choose clothes too big for me and end up in and out of the dressing rooms. It is funny, I never bring in something too small, only things too big.
Again I think that the mental part is the hardest. If you can prepare yourself to succeed and make yourself believe you can do it, you can and will succeed. Don't sell yourself short because we are stronger than we think we are.
Get support and positive influences during your entire journey. I did not tell a lot of people about my surgery because I did not want to hear the negative comments. I surrounded myself with the people who love me and lots of Obesity Help friends who understand what I was and am going through. You are not alone in your doubts and fears and there are people out there who will help you through the rough spots and there will be rough spots.
April 2, 2006
OMG! It has been 3 months since I have updated. Shame on me. This is what has been going on in my life.
I knew something was wrong when I didn't want to be bothered with people in general. I stopped going to gatherings and pretty much worked, went to the gym and then home, night after night. I suppenly realized that depression was setting in again. I had a bad bout with it 6 years ago and know the signs. So besides my body physically changing on the outside I am now in full blown menopause! Oh joy! My doc pin pointed it immediately and I am on PremPro, a mild estrogen compound. It has helped but I think I may need a stronger dose or maybe take it more than once a day. I will follow up with my doc this week to see.
I am still bouncing around 175 - 180#'s, up and down, up and down, but the downward momentum is slowly getting there. I would love to be the weight on my drivers license, 170, which it has read for 20+ years LOL. If I do great, if I don't that's ok too.
I am now comfortably into size 12's/medium. I never imagined being this size and am still overwhelmed. I am taken aback a little when people tell me I am skinny and need to stop losing. I have learned to just nod and let it go. Even some OH'ers have offered their opinions.....I just don't see myself as skinny.
So many of my friends have had plastic surgery and look marvelous. I still don't know what or if I will have any. I would like to get my batwings clipped and maybe a non surgical face lift but that is something I will have to save up for because I don't think Blue Shield HMO will cover them. I haven't approached my PCP yet because if I do decide to go for it, I want to have lost all the weight I need to. I see too many people having PS and still have many pounds to lose. I cannot figure out the reasoning for this but hey it's their business.
I still have the food demons all around me but I really try to keep them in check. Nothing makes me dump. Carbs and sugar alcohol make me fart.
Guess that's it for now
Thanks for reading my profile!
Sheryl
4/26/06 It has been a while since I have updated my profile. I am pretty much stalled in my weight loss but I am still losing inches and changing sizes.
I posted a very good question on the Cali Board and hope this link works. I thought I was going crazy. I knew I had lost weight but whenever I look in the mirror I still see a fat person, even tho I just bought my first (well 3 pairs) of size 10 slacks. The responses were great and made me feel so much better.
http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/CA/postdetail/414949.html?vc=0
The link doesn't work, so please copy and paste it into your browser. It really is a good subject.
I have my 18 month check up next month and will be glad to see my test results. I always worry about my blood work. I am still very rigid taking my vitamins, but worry about malabsorption.
I wonder is there ever a time I won’t be worrying about something WLS related? I guess only time will tell.
Thanks for reading my profile
Till later
August 11, 2006
After many months of up and downs, I am finally moving forward. I have a bilateral brachioplasty (bat wing removal) one week from today.
I have been lax in updating my profile but I just didn't feel like doing it and I still don't by my upcoming plastic surgery is a big step for me. I will have this and at least 2 more procedures. I had wanted to retire in 3 years, at 55, but I think it will take me that long to pay off what I need to borrow. Oh well. This is something I have thought long and hard about. My hubby and I are planning a trip to Jamaica, his homeland, in December and I realized I did not want to go there with this ugly, flapping arm skin that makes me very concious of wearing short sleeves. A freind of mine told me the other day " F*^k It Sheryl, you lost all this weight, you damn well deserve taking the next step."
I made an appointment for a consult yesterday to see Dr Kent, fully expecting to plan for the bat wing removal in October and I did, October 11...my 2 year surgiversary. Norma told me she had a cancellation if I thought I could be ready next Friday, August 18th. I originally said no but driving from Orange to San Clemente, I decided to go for it next Friday! I called Norma from the Stater Bros parking lot and took the date of next Friday. I also told her to hold the October 11th appointment because if all goes well with the arms, the tummy is next on my 2 year surgiversary. How cool is that? After talking to Dr Kent for over an hour, I am very satisfied I made a good choice with him. He is my artiste and I am his sculpture...which cracked him up!
I do not know if I will update again before my batwing removal but I will definately update after. I work vicious hours and just don't have time for a lot of extra stuff right now but I do visit the Cali boards often....
Till I am flapless..........
Sheryl
October 11, 2006
Reflecting
It was 2 years ago today that I started my new life. I truly believe that this surgery saved my life and is giving me the opportunity to live longer and happier. Thinking back I would never have imagined that I would be a success because every other weight loss I tried failed miserably. My only regret is not having it sooner in life but then again 10 years ago WLS was not as advanced as it is today.
I can still see the stares and hear the comments of rude people when I was super morbidly obese and it still hurts today. There are times when someone looks at me I think, why are they staring? Am I too fat? Am I offensive? It is hard to remember that I have lost 158#’s and am close to normal size.
Just the other day I was getting on a shuttle in Vegas and was standing because I didn’t think there was room for me on the bench seat at the back of the bus. A nice lady said “sit down dear” and I automatically said “Do you think I will fit?” She looked at me, laughed and patted the seat. I had a nice conversation with her about my WLS.
The one thing I want to pass on to the newbies is to stick with whatever program your surgeon recommends. Do not go by what others do because all you have to do is to watch the trends at any gathering to see good and bad habits and the results are obvious. Someone 2+ years out has more leeway than someone 6 months out. Take advantage of the “honeymoon” period. Mine lasted 18 months because I stuck to my surgeons program to a “T”.
No matter what some people say about this board, it has been a life saver for me. I have friends who I would never have met had it not been for this board. People I know I can turn to for advise, who have been where I have been and have first hand knowledge to pass along. You know who you all are and I love you dearly!!!!:kiss:
All the bull$hit about “cliques” is just that bull$hit. Is it too much to ask that people to get off their dead a$$es and go to a function and meet someone new? That is not a clique. That is going a little out of your normal routine to broaden your knowledge base for this surgery and maybe, just maybe, meet someone who you “click” with. Of course you will feel left out if all you do is sit in front of your computer screen and type. Get a life and meet some of your fellow OH boarders. Enough about that.
In retrospect, I could not be happier with my decision to have WLS. So many new doors have opened for me and I meet each new day as an adventure ready for me to embark upon.
January 30, 2007
It has been a while since I have posted and I have begun my plastic surgery journey.
On August 18, 2005 I had an arm lift with Dr Kent in Orange. What a wonderful man an a true artiste in reconstructive surgery for WLS graduates. I was warned that the arm lift was a painful one but I did not experience anything except a little discomfort...it kinda felt like I could feel the stitches kinds pulling but no pain. I am so satisfied in Dr Kent's work that I have no doubt that he would do any other PS i needed.....fast forward to today. One week from today, February 6th at 7:30 am I am having a tummy tuck. It is surreal to me that it is happening. I NEVER thought I would be able to afford this procedure but after a little juggling of my retirement savings, I was able to finance it and it is all systems go for Tuesday. I cannot say I am nervous because so many have gone before me and Dr Kent is a genius but maybe a little anxious to get this done and see what life has in store for me getting rid of this massive amount of skin. I still wonder of hw will be able to take so much off but I trust this man completely and have no doubt he will do his absolute best. He is very serious about his work and the results I have seen with Mary Ann, Judy Anne, Marta, Stacie s, Claire and many more give me peace of mind that I will be completel satisfied.
Say a little prayer for me next Tuesday morning........
I want to thank all the love and friendship I have found through OH.
Please, those of you who have my cell number, please call me because I will be going stir crazy and will love hearing from my friends during my recuperation.
XOXOXOXOXO
Sheryl (soon to be a real Dr. Kent doll!!!!!)
