Check-in

Jan 03, 2014

Thought I'd check in.  Still hanging in there.  Friday's are my usual - "Go to Rite Aide" and stock up for the weekend.  My car was on auto pilot and navigated to a familar place.  Before I could find a place to park - I hi-tailed it outta there and went home.  My mom...never calls me on Friday nights anymore - yet today, she did.  She asked me to dinner.  I was happy to see her... (Sighs) we went to my favorite Greek place...Only my favorite cause they have the best fucking wine in the word. I thought I was going to pass out - from starring at those pretty bottles on the shelf.  I ordered a single piece of grilled chicken breast with a glass of water - and mom ordered her usual - soup and dip/pita.  Of course she fucking orders a Long Island Ice-T.  At first I thought she was trying to be funny or test me.  But then I quickly got that outta my head before I went off on her.  I have to be strong is all I could think of.  I can't expect everyone around me to change their habits.  Additionally, I know she would not purposely try to fuck with me like that.     Before she could get the straw in the glass - it dawns on her that I asked for water.  She then tells me how bad of day she's had and just that fast - had let it slip her mind that I was cutting out all alcohol "because it's becoming a problem" (not that it IS a problem).  Okay - maybe I didn't go into to much details when i told her about my drinking problem - I didn't really give her 100% of the story.  I wasn't going to use tonight to tell her - so I let it go.  Anyway - I miss her.  I miss our Friday night girl dates.  I miss her motherly stares at men when they try to eye fuck me from across the bar.  I miss hanging out with her.  I had to keep the mood lite since I was going home alone.   Anyway - the night was well spent...full of emotions held back.  I soooo wanted to explode and tell her everything.  Maybe tomorrow.  

Today - 

- Breakfast - Spinch/ Kale / Berrys / Apple / Protien - blended 

-Snack - 3 slices of turkey lunch meat

-Lunch - beef and brocolli from (side) from Panda Express

-Snack - trail mix (wayyyyy to much today) plus 3 slices of turkey meat

-Dinner - grilled chicken breast

- Water - 45oz.  Need to drink more water tonight.

-No gym (booooo)

-Still happy I had RNY in 2009.  One day at a time. 

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