Anne C.
Dreams
Jun 30, 2009
Today was just a great day all around. It started off cloudy...but then a glorious sun came out (which we've barely seen here on Cape Cod in the month of June) and the day just gets better and better. I'm sitting here, reflecting on how good I feel.I know I'm pms'ing...cuz I'm getting all emotional as I'm thinking about what I'm writing...but it's hard not to feel so good I could cry! For too many years, I was in a marriage that was detrimental to me. I was married to a man that was controlling, an alcoholic, and both physically and mentally abusive. I remember the last days he spent under the same roof as me in '99. One night, after he had too many beers (again) he came home and started off with...Don't worry. I'm not going to hit you. Very comforting, right? As he walked around the house following me....his breath on the back of my neck saying...you're nothing but a fat, f*cking whore. No one is ever going to want you. I thought....which is it? Am I a whore and doing the whole town...or am I so repulsive that no one will ever want me? I had fallen into a pattern of...if I'm heavy, he won't feel like I'm out trying to find guys. I never was looking....except in his head.
Although I got off that roller coaster so many years ago...I was never able to get myself into decent shape. Then I met Jeff!
Jeff didn't care if I was 215lbs. He didn't care when I ballooned up to 264lbs. He loves me. I would dream I could get thinner. I would dream I was attractive. I would dream .... MY DREAMS ARE COMING TRUE! I feel truly blessed. This is the hardest endeavor I've ever taken on, and, next to having kids...it's the most rewarding. I'm learning more about me, about my body, about my mind and about my soul. I've found a beautiful woman on the inside. I knew she was always there....I've always been the type to befriend everyone. But now, I feel like I positively glow! I feel like I exude happiness!
My dreams are changing...but they're always achievable. I truly am: losing half the person I was, but becoming twice the woman!
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About Me
EAST SANDWICH, MA
Location
20.6
BMI
Surgery
03/12/2009
Surgery Date
Feb 02, 2009
Member Since
