Salathia S.
the post no one wants to make
Aug 20, 2012
January 2010 was such an amazing month for me. I turned 28, and a little over 2 weeks later, I got the best present I've ever been given: gastric bypass.
my intentions were great. actually, i started out just fine. the weight came off with a quickness. i stuck to the rules. those pre-existing conditions? they faded away almost immediately.
after not having a menstrual cycle for almost a year, my ovaries were actually doing their job & doing it well!
acid reflux? what acid reflux?
those signs of pre-diabetes? darkness around the neck ... tough/leathery, dark skin around my ankles? all of it cleared up.
then i moved back to Oklahoma in March 2010. i moved in with my sister. bless her heart. at the time, health was not a concern of hers. i took a serious pay cut, so majority of the time, i was subject to whatever groceries she'd bought. it was ok in the beginning ... slowly but surely, though, bad habits crept back. still, though ... from January to September, i'd gone from a size 22 to a size 12. only a couple of sizes away from my goal of a size 8.
i hit Onederland, but eventually bounced back. i was feeling so ALONE! NO ONE (literally, no one) in my family even TRIED to watch what they ate. so ... a few sips of an Izze soda turned into a whole bottle. i realized i didn't dump as badly as some people, so my sugarfree candy turned into half a Gigi's cupcake - and my sugar cravings resumed. some of the time, i don't even care that i'll end up feeling sick for a while ... i just go for the sugar, anyway. McDonalds crept it's evil way back into my life.
surprisingly, i didn't gain ... i stayed at a size 12.
but life got rough. people died. my department closed so i got laid off. emotional eating got SERIOUS.
today, i sit here and have to admit that while my 14's are still too big, my 12's are exceedingly tight.
i don't know if i've ruined my surgery. i know i still can't eat as much as people with regular digestive systems. but i have to get back on track & go back to the life change i made. the change that made me fee good, healthy, confident.
i know i need to go to the doctor, but that will have to wait until i have insurance again. UNTIL then, though ... my priority is getting my eating under control & getting active, again. because i'm visiting family for the next few days, my activity will be walking/jogging. when i go home, i'll continue walking & jogging, but i'm also doing P90x. (i did this before, and as hard as it is, i LOVE it.) and eating? i will really just have to do the best i can until i'm at home.
i also realize that i have a sugar addiction. well, i don't know if it's an ADDICTION - but you know how sugar is: if you eat it, you want more ... and that isn't your mind playing tricks on you, that's science. so sugar has just got to be cut. i'm going back to sugar free sweets.
ya know, i never watch MTV, but i was flipping through the channels and saw a show called "I Used to be Fat". i became SO ashamed of myself when i saw this young lady lose 90 lbs in less than 4 months. how? eating right & exercising - WHILE HOLDING A JOB & GOING TO HIGH SCHOOL. i was just disgusted with myself.
so ... here i go! pray for me! i am confident that with sticking with healthy eating and P90x, i WILL meet, and possibly even exceed, my goal of a size 8 in my first round of the program.
0 comments
my intentions were great. actually, i started out just fine. the weight came off with a quickness. i stuck to the rules. those pre-existing conditions? they faded away almost immediately.
after not having a menstrual cycle for almost a year, my ovaries were actually doing their job & doing it well!
acid reflux? what acid reflux?
those signs of pre-diabetes? darkness around the neck ... tough/leathery, dark skin around my ankles? all of it cleared up.
then i moved back to Oklahoma in March 2010. i moved in with my sister. bless her heart. at the time, health was not a concern of hers. i took a serious pay cut, so majority of the time, i was subject to whatever groceries she'd bought. it was ok in the beginning ... slowly but surely, though, bad habits crept back. still, though ... from January to September, i'd gone from a size 22 to a size 12. only a couple of sizes away from my goal of a size 8.
i hit Onederland, but eventually bounced back. i was feeling so ALONE! NO ONE (literally, no one) in my family even TRIED to watch what they ate. so ... a few sips of an Izze soda turned into a whole bottle. i realized i didn't dump as badly as some people, so my sugarfree candy turned into half a Gigi's cupcake - and my sugar cravings resumed. some of the time, i don't even care that i'll end up feeling sick for a while ... i just go for the sugar, anyway. McDonalds crept it's evil way back into my life.
surprisingly, i didn't gain ... i stayed at a size 12.
but life got rough. people died. my department closed so i got laid off. emotional eating got SERIOUS.
today, i sit here and have to admit that while my 14's are still too big, my 12's are exceedingly tight.
i don't know if i've ruined my surgery. i know i still can't eat as much as people with regular digestive systems. but i have to get back on track & go back to the life change i made. the change that made me fee good, healthy, confident.
i know i need to go to the doctor, but that will have to wait until i have insurance again. UNTIL then, though ... my priority is getting my eating under control & getting active, again. because i'm visiting family for the next few days, my activity will be walking/jogging. when i go home, i'll continue walking & jogging, but i'm also doing P90x. (i did this before, and as hard as it is, i LOVE it.) and eating? i will really just have to do the best i can until i'm at home.
i also realize that i have a sugar addiction. well, i don't know if it's an ADDICTION - but you know how sugar is: if you eat it, you want more ... and that isn't your mind playing tricks on you, that's science. so sugar has just got to be cut. i'm going back to sugar free sweets.
ya know, i never watch MTV, but i was flipping through the channels and saw a show called "I Used to be Fat". i became SO ashamed of myself when i saw this young lady lose 90 lbs in less than 4 months. how? eating right & exercising - WHILE HOLDING A JOB & GOING TO HIGH SCHOOL. i was just disgusted with myself.
so ... here i go! pray for me! i am confident that with sticking with healthy eating and P90x, i WILL meet, and possibly even exceed, my goal of a size 8 in my first round of the program.
she's back ...
May 29, 2010
hey, guys. i've been gone for about an aeon and a half. MY BAD!
truth is, i've been on a spiritual fast for 40 days, and one of the things i gave up was the inet - specifically social networking.
anyway ... i'm back & so happy to be. i feel, and if i must say myself, look great (pics in the May '10 album). a vLog will follow soon ;) I MISSED THIS PLACE!
OH ... and i'm at 205 as of this morning ... WOOHOO! :) just a few more lbs til ONEDERLAND!
0 comments
truth is, i've been on a spiritual fast for 40 days, and one of the things i gave up was the inet - specifically social networking.
anyway ... i'm back & so happy to be. i feel, and if i must say myself, look great (pics in the May '10 album). a vLog will follow soon ;) I MISSED THIS PLACE!
OH ... and i'm at 205 as of this morning ... WOOHOO! :) just a few more lbs til ONEDERLAND!
week 10.5!
Apr 10, 2010
[edit] ok! my bad, my bad! new pics up - "March & April '10" album! peace! [/edit]
ok, forreal ... i'm going to do a real blog & a quality vLog soon lol ...
here's a random update, though <3 xoxo
0 comments
ok, forreal ... i'm going to do a real blog & a quality vLog soon lol ...
here's a random update, though <3 xoxo
updates / week 7 vLog
Mar 18, 2010
hey HEY hey!! (think: dwayne from What's Happening ... ROFL)
hope everyone is doing great. i'm AWESOME. excited about life, as corny as that sounds.
finally found a food that DOESN'T agree with me. it doesn't so much make me sick - it gives me GAS! of all the foods that i could have an aversion to ... PEANUT BUTTER?! man, i freaking love peanut butter. it's gas that i have a BIT of a time getting out, but i can eventually um ... get it out. ;o/ sounds so horrible rofl.
anyway! more updates in the week 7 vLog!!
6 comments
hope everyone is doing great. i'm AWESOME. excited about life, as corny as that sounds.
finally found a food that DOESN'T agree with me. it doesn't so much make me sick - it gives me GAS! of all the foods that i could have an aversion to ... PEANUT BUTTER?! man, i freaking love peanut butter. it's gas that i have a BIT of a time getting out, but i can eventually um ... get it out. ;o/ sounds so horrible rofl.
anyway! more updates in the week 7 vLog!!
week 6 vLog
Mar 12, 2010
man, i need to post pictures! sorry ;o/ i know i suck. add me on facebook, though (salathia scott) - i have plenty of new pics up & i'll eventually get em here :)
0 comments
week 4 vLog!
Feb 28, 2010
be proud of me ... this one was PRETTY MUCH on time (lol @ pretty much) ...
comment :) <3
peace.
0 comments
comment :) <3
peace.
whose shoes are you wearing?
Feb 22, 2010
growing up, i didn't SEEM like a very sensitive person. actually, when i was REALLY young, i WASN'T a sensitive person. honestly ... i was mean as hell.
but along came middle school - 5th & 6th grades. i started getting nicer.
i've been trying to think about when i started gaining weight - and i think it's safe to say that this is when i noticed i wasn't "normal size". i know i was definitely getting bigger in 5th grade, because when i moved in with my dad for a year, he once said that he was going to lock the fridge. he didn't say it in a mean way - he said it in a concerned-daddy way. *shrug* he didn't know what else to do!
anywho - i still had a tough girl facade, but i was getting more sensitive. you know how kids are - they call names ... and it started to affect me. i wasn't quite self conscious yet ... i was a cheerleader that year (5th) & i wasn't even the biggest one.
as the years went on, i gained more weight ... and didn't pay attention to my own emotions. everyone else's emotions were more important. everyone else's issues were more important. was i running from my own issues by dealing with everyone else's?
in junior high, i was dealing with my friends' issues with their parents, girlfriends or boyfriends, family, school - you name it & i was the one on the phone. i remember at one point i had to talk a friend down from suicide.
that behavior not only continued throughout my late teens into adulthood - but it intensified.
is this the (or one of the) reason(s) that i got fat & kept GETTING fat? did walking in shoes that didn't fit land me at 270 lbs, my all time high?
don't get me wrong - i know that my upbringing had something to do with it. i have an AMAZING family ... an amazing family that shows love with food. my grandparents raised my mom & her brothers on a farm ... now just sit there and think about what kind of food they grew up on. yeah ... that's what i grew up on.
so i forced myself to think about the things i left behind - the times i left MYSELF behind. when i neglected MYSELF, not worrying about how i was going to handle a particular situation in my OWN life, but focusing on someone ELSE's situations.
i'm over the small stuff ... but what about the big stuff?
i lost my daddy 29 days after he dropped me off at my mom's house at the end of the 5th grade school year. i think the fact that i can't remember the funeral AT ALL, i don't remember the trip from the funeral to florida for our "getaway vacation", and i don't remember mourning him until i was 14 shows that i didn't deal with it. i didn't address my pain, anger, or sadness at all.
i finally started the mourning process when i was 14, but at 28 yrs old, i'm still not sure he's dead. i don't know if the theory i have is actually SOMETHING - or if i'm stuck in the denial phase & can't get out.
i've had some serious heartbreaks ... have i really dealt with them?
the list goes on ... but i really realized that it is more than ok for me to acknowledge my own feelings. i NEED to acknowledge my happiness, sadness, anger, etc ... and whether negative or positive, i need to DEAL with those feelings.
i think it's ok to take a walk in someone else's shoes ... but what about your own? how do YOU feel about _________ situation?
hmm ... well ... i'm taking off everyone else's shoes ;o/ ... they don't fit.
0 comments
but along came middle school - 5th & 6th grades. i started getting nicer.
i've been trying to think about when i started gaining weight - and i think it's safe to say that this is when i noticed i wasn't "normal size". i know i was definitely getting bigger in 5th grade, because when i moved in with my dad for a year, he once said that he was going to lock the fridge. he didn't say it in a mean way - he said it in a concerned-daddy way. *shrug* he didn't know what else to do!
anywho - i still had a tough girl facade, but i was getting more sensitive. you know how kids are - they call names ... and it started to affect me. i wasn't quite self conscious yet ... i was a cheerleader that year (5th) & i wasn't even the biggest one.
as the years went on, i gained more weight ... and didn't pay attention to my own emotions. everyone else's emotions were more important. everyone else's issues were more important. was i running from my own issues by dealing with everyone else's?
in junior high, i was dealing with my friends' issues with their parents, girlfriends or boyfriends, family, school - you name it & i was the one on the phone. i remember at one point i had to talk a friend down from suicide.
that behavior not only continued throughout my late teens into adulthood - but it intensified.
is this the (or one of the) reason(s) that i got fat & kept GETTING fat? did walking in shoes that didn't fit land me at 270 lbs, my all time high?
don't get me wrong - i know that my upbringing had something to do with it. i have an AMAZING family ... an amazing family that shows love with food. my grandparents raised my mom & her brothers on a farm ... now just sit there and think about what kind of food they grew up on. yeah ... that's what i grew up on.
so i forced myself to think about the things i left behind - the times i left MYSELF behind. when i neglected MYSELF, not worrying about how i was going to handle a particular situation in my OWN life, but focusing on someone ELSE's situations.
i'm over the small stuff ... but what about the big stuff?
i lost my daddy 29 days after he dropped me off at my mom's house at the end of the 5th grade school year. i think the fact that i can't remember the funeral AT ALL, i don't remember the trip from the funeral to florida for our "getaway vacation", and i don't remember mourning him until i was 14 shows that i didn't deal with it. i didn't address my pain, anger, or sadness at all.
i finally started the mourning process when i was 14, but at 28 yrs old, i'm still not sure he's dead. i don't know if the theory i have is actually SOMETHING - or if i'm stuck in the denial phase & can't get out.
i've had some serious heartbreaks ... have i really dealt with them?
the list goes on ... but i really realized that it is more than ok for me to acknowledge my own feelings. i NEED to acknowledge my happiness, sadness, anger, etc ... and whether negative or positive, i need to DEAL with those feelings.
i think it's ok to take a walk in someone else's shoes ... but what about your own? how do YOU feel about _________ situation?
hmm ... well ... i'm taking off everyone else's shoes ;o/ ... they don't fit.
vLog - finally
Feb 17, 2010
so, as you may have noticed, i never did post that week 2 vLog. things have been hectic, and i've been going through some "down in the dumps" times. [NOT bc of the surgery ... the vid explains all!]
here ya go, loves ... vLog weeks 2 & 3
0 comments
here ya go, loves ... vLog weeks 2 & 3
ugh, i'm such a neglector lol
Feb 15, 2010
i will be 3 wks out this coming wednesday! the horrible pain i got when sitting up straight in a regular chair or seat in a car is gone, as far as i can tell :)
i'm so happy about that, because it got to the point where it was excruciating.
as far as the scale. i'm actually still 242. the scale stalled on me. i do have trouble getting my protein in, because im so "un-hungry" - but i do manage to get some in. my bud (Lyndsey / LyndseyLouWho) said she's seen that a lot of people go through a stall somewhere around weeks 2-4. i'm ok with it, though, because i know the scale WILL move. the only thing i have a problem with is non-ops who ask me how much i've lost. last week, i said 242. this week, i'm saying 242. and bless their little uneducated hearts, you know good & well they're thinking "look, that girl went through all that mess - the surgery, the pain - and it doesn't even work!" misguided souls lol.
i am going through a bit of a depressed moment, though. it doesn't have to do with the surgery - it has to do with going back to work. shortly before i left work for the surgery, we had a shift bid. i happened to be a super unlucky girl :( ... my schedule went from a lovely Tuesday thru Saturday, 8a-4:30p (30 min lunch) to a wretched 5:15PM-2A (45 min lunch) [same days].
i've been trying to find something positive to look at regarding this schedule, but i'm sure you understand that it's close to freaking impossible.
for the past week or so, i have changed my sleeping schedule in order to get ready for my new schedule after work starts up again. right. um. I HATE IT. i have worked horrible schedules in the past (nothing as extreme as this, though), and i can tell you that - it may look like a "normal" 8 hours, but honey ... 8 hours is not a normal 8 hours when it's from the early EVENING til the wee hours of the morning. tired (check), moody (check), saddish (check). and to think, i work in technical support (getting cussed out by angry people who don't know how to turn their phone on.
i know i seem really negative - and i hate to bring anyone else's mood down ... but really. this is THE most horrible schedule i've had. EVER.
anyway ... 9 days until i go back to work. what would make me happy? breaking the stall and being down another 8 to 10 lbs by then.
PRAY for me. peace dearies :)
0 comments
i'm so happy about that, because it got to the point where it was excruciating.
as far as the scale. i'm actually still 242. the scale stalled on me. i do have trouble getting my protein in, because im so "un-hungry" - but i do manage to get some in. my bud (Lyndsey / LyndseyLouWho) said she's seen that a lot of people go through a stall somewhere around weeks 2-4. i'm ok with it, though, because i know the scale WILL move. the only thing i have a problem with is non-ops who ask me how much i've lost. last week, i said 242. this week, i'm saying 242. and bless their little uneducated hearts, you know good & well they're thinking "look, that girl went through all that mess - the surgery, the pain - and it doesn't even work!" misguided souls lol.
i am going through a bit of a depressed moment, though. it doesn't have to do with the surgery - it has to do with going back to work. shortly before i left work for the surgery, we had a shift bid. i happened to be a super unlucky girl :( ... my schedule went from a lovely Tuesday thru Saturday, 8a-4:30p (30 min lunch) to a wretched 5:15PM-2A (45 min lunch) [same days].
i've been trying to find something positive to look at regarding this schedule, but i'm sure you understand that it's close to freaking impossible.
for the past week or so, i have changed my sleeping schedule in order to get ready for my new schedule after work starts up again. right. um. I HATE IT. i have worked horrible schedules in the past (nothing as extreme as this, though), and i can tell you that - it may look like a "normal" 8 hours, but honey ... 8 hours is not a normal 8 hours when it's from the early EVENING til the wee hours of the morning. tired (check), moody (check), saddish (check). and to think, i work in technical support (getting cussed out by angry people who don't know how to turn their phone on.
i know i seem really negative - and i hate to bring anyone else's mood down ... but really. this is THE most horrible schedule i've had. EVER.
anyway ... 9 days until i go back to work. what would make me happy? breaking the stall and being down another 8 to 10 lbs by then.
PRAY for me. peace dearies :)
About Me
Edmond, OK
Location
34.3
BMI
Surgery
01/27/2010
Surgery Date
Surgeon
Aug 12, 2009
Member Since
