Salathia S.

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clothes. i have a love/hate relationship with clothes. they give me heartache, and they give me joy. i'm getting more joy out of them now, because i know those sizes will be steadily dropping, soon :) ... there still is a little grief, though. unless you can wear sweats to work every day, after WLS, you have to do some FREQUENT shopping. that's cool, because you get to see how you look in a smaller size - but it's also a hassle, because um clothes aren't cheap. and until you can fit in the sizes carried by charlotte russe, h&m and the likes - you'll still be racking up some serious charges just to look decent at work & church!

it'd kind of been weighing on me ... and then my cousin-in-law jolene said her mom [who has lost well over 100 after her RNY] told her to tell me that until i get to goal, frequent thrift stores for my clothes - else i'll spend way too much money on clothes that i will shrink out of within a few weeks. (i like saying shrink out of, rather than GROW out of lol)
ANYWAY! i've never been a thrift store girl, but i am going to go to them ... however, they will be my #2 stop, and not my #1. 

before a couple of years ago, i seriously didn't even know clothing consignment stores EXISTED. i'd seen them for furniture (yada, yada, yada ...) - but clothes? eh, i thought it was a little iffy ... but i went in and EUREEKA! it was great! 

let me give you my sales pitch for these great little shops [lol].
consignment shops are VERY particular about what they buy from people. stains, fading, smells ... not happening. they won't take it. basically, the clothes must look new. and guess what - some of them ARE new. [from time to time, you'll get that person who makes impulsive choices and buys clothes but doesn't wear them].

i'm not necessarily a name-brand-kid, but there are certain brands that i fancy. luckily, shops generally focus on those brands. for instance, the first consignment shop i went to had gap, banana republic, aero, a&f, old navy [which they were very selective with]. 
and there are some shops that won't take those at all - they focus on the more high end brands. [i haven't been to a shop like that yet, but i'm guessing they don't have regular consignment shop prices].

ah, and speaking of prices. well ... that's the lovely part. while these shops may not be as cheap as thirft stores, the prices are still dirt cheap. the time i went, i got a pair of aero khakis for $8 & a beautiful suede abercrombie wallet for about $3. tell me that's not just absolutely WONDERFUL! [and girls, they also have bags, accessories, etc!!]

it's been a couple of years since i've been to a consignment shop & they just began to cross my mind again when my cousin relayed that message; there's a pretty big chain called "Plato's Closet" that is open for a few hours (1p-5p) today, so i think i'll go out and take a looksie. maybe i'll give a thrift store a drop-by, too.

so ... what is going to be [or what was] YOUR solution? share, please :)

[if i buy anything today, i'll include it in my next vLog, which will be made wednesday, after my psych eval]

God bless & peace!

[edit] check this out: http://www.platoscloset.com - look to see if there's one in your area![/edit]

alright ... so, my psychiatrist is finally open to meeting me on a different day! i kept trying to tell him in the messages that i'm cool with another day, even if i have to take that day off ... but he kept pushing for friday! call center people, y'all know how difficult it is to get friday off, without preparing a month+ in advance.

his voicemail today suggested next wednesday [11/11/09] ... first thing i'll be doing tomorrow morning is requesting that day off. yeah ... the entire day. i think he said i'll be testing for a FEW HOURS. [are they trying to see if i'm crazy or make me crazy ...] anyway ... if i go in at 9a, i'll be testing until about 12 or 1, and i'll have my interview at either 1 or 2.

that next week, i'll be having my 5th doctor's appointment. WHOOP WHOOP! i am going to try to make the month 6 appointment on the 8th of december.

i'm so excited. it's getting closer and closer ... that time FLEW, man!

i just realized that i may only have like 3 paychecks until the surgery, and i really need to get my shopping list together. any suggestions? 

i know i AM gonna get a magic bullet ... i've heard some great reviews on weight loss vLogs on youtube for those.

whew - i'm sleepy, so this could potentially turn rambly ... that being said, i'll nip it in the bud  post again when something else happens.

peace & God bless!

man ... had to cancel my psych eval! he [therapist] keeps wanting to schedule them on fridays, but it is SO difficult to get fridays off in a call center! [i'm a blackberry/pda tech support rep] i suggested monday in his voicemail, but when he replied to my voicemail he again said FRIDAY. i might have to get a different therapist, to be honest. i like for things to run as smoothly as possible - and though i know life isn't as peachy as i'd like, there are things that you can control - or CHANGE. so if i can't get a monday appointment [my off days are sunday & monday], then i'm going to look for another therapist that has more of a flexible schedule.

in other news - i made my youtube vLog public! i already have my first subscriber! [how SWEET!] check me out: http://www.youtube.com/user/sheschanging
last vLog was 4 days ago - next one will be after the psych eval.
*starry eyes* can't wait to make a video saying "it's official, guys! I'M POST OP!" hahaha!

um, that's about it, really. i physically took my sleep study to my surgeon's office. my sleep specialist's office wanted it to be faxed, and then you have to wait on people & risk their forgetful minds neglecting your needs ... forget that! if you have the time, MAKE something happen ;)

also thinking of rescheduling my "month 5" appointment with my PCP. it's scheduled for the 16th, but i think im gonna change it to the 9th, so i can make that december appointment as early in the month as possible.

*raises my glass* ... here's to surgery in december ;)

peace & God bless! ;)

it's october 25th - and that means in less than 2 months, i will be "post-op". no, i don't have a date, yet ... but i've been communicating with my surgeon's office & my insurance quite a lot.

i had my month 4 visit to my PCP; everything is going well ... i even lost a few pounds. month 5 appointment is on november 16th (but i may try to change it to the 9th), and i will try to make the month 6 appointment for the first week of december (maybe the 3rd or 4th). after that, everything will be ready to be submitted for approval.

i still haven't gotten my psych eval, but that will be coming soon, as well. we have finally gotten in touch with a psychiatrist who will be able to see me this coming friday.

the only thing that is potentially out of my hands (well, i guess it IS in my hands, because i can pray about it & God can expedite ANYTHING! amen!) - but yeah, that one thing is my SURGEON's approval. not for me - but literally for the hospital. my insurance requires that the surgeon (and the hospital) be a part of their bariatric centers of excellence. my SURGEON is, but none of the hospitals he works out of are! how crazy is that!? and they all have stellar bariatric programs!
dr. nick's office has been more than gracious, though. from the moment i let them know what was going on, they started getting paperwork sent off for their own approval. one of dr. nick's staff called me friday to check up on me, and she also let me know that all paperwork had been submitted, but they requested MORE information! blah @ that! i'm staying positive, though ... she said that because everything is moving so smoothly with me, i'll probably be approved around the time THEY are approved. AWESOME!
(if push comes to shove, i will go to another surgeon, but i don't WANT to ...)

i'd really like to find someone who has had their surgery at baylor plano ... so if you have, let me know about your experience there. thank youuuu :)

OH - i've become a vLogger! woohoo!
i've seen so many awesome vLogs on youtube documenting post op journeys and they have been an inspiration! [they've also kept me from going crazy while i wait for these few months to go by!] so yeah, i decided to vLog, as well. 1) because i want to document my journey & have something to look back on. 2) because it would be SO awesome to be an inspiration to someone else!
i'm also going to post my vLogs on my blog: http://www.salathia.com

the vLogs aren't active yet, but i'm going to make them active. i've been so HESITANT with showing everyone how i look. i know that in less than 2 months, i'll have the surgery and weight will start coming off - but still! there's like this mental block, or something.

i've had a few blogs over the years, and i always advertise them on myspace, facebook, & what ever other social networking site i belong to at the time - but this? yeah. not happening.
see - a lot of the people on those sites are people i've met from the internet. now, back in the day - i was a sexy lil thing. (check my blog @ salathia.com - there are 'throwback' pictures). i didn't have to worry about concealing half my face, because i didn't have this RIDICULOUS double chin. i can't hide my cheeks, but i can surely hide this fat on the underside of my face. anyway - most of these people know that i'm a "little chunky", but they have NO idea how far it's gone. they don't know that i wear 18/20's. they don't know that i've struggled for what seems like aeons with my weight. they don't know what i REALLY look like ... all they know is what i USED to look like. i've never been skinny, but since i've gained more weight, i can't pull "thick" off anymore. my neck is no longer slender. i'm not the cute girl with the round face ... i'm the round girl with the really fat face. and my friends? ummm, let's just say i don't have any unattractive friends.

but ya know what? i'm not gonna hide anymore - not in these vLogs. i show my entire face in these vLogs ... i mean, i almost feel i have an obligation to be completely upfront. why? because these vLogs AREN'T just for me. they're also for the other person who is obese or morbidly obese and needs some inspiration.
so yeah ... that's why i haven't published them, yet. i said i was going to wait until i was post op - or at LEAST a week or so away from having the surgery - to make them public.

i'm taking that back. i am going to be brave & make those videos public. i'm also going to post them to my blog. so far, there is the introductory vLog (part 1 & 2), and vLog #2. they'll be up in a couple of days, if not by the end of the night.

... continued @ http://www.salathia.com

so today i spoke with my nurse/case manager w/optum health (united healthcare). she set some things up, so in the next few days, i'll be getting a call to schedule my psych eval (WOOHOO!)

i'll be scheduling my month 4 doctor's appointment for the 26th of this month [possibly ...]
my insurance doesn't require me to lose any weight pre-op ... and neither does my surgeon. i am going to go ahead and try to lose a few pounds ... 1) i don't want to give them (insurance) ANY reason to deny me. 2) i want to show i can do it - live healthy and not ruin my tool.
i'm just going to do slim fast + sensible eating. might as well do slim fast, since that's Dr. Nick's pre-op diet anyway.

another thing: some surgeons only do the surgery the first week of december - thankfully, Dr. Nick does surgeries all year 'round, and he hasn't taken any time off in December (WOOT!)

eh ... i know this is really rambly lol, so i'll end it. only a couple months left!

i was just thinking about how ignorant people say that WLS is the "easy way out". [disclaimer: by "ignorant", i mean a person w/a lack of knowledge about the subject ... i'm not being a meanie :) FYI: I USED TO BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE!]

anyway ... i was thinking about that. and then i started to think about all of the problems that being overweight comes with: fatigue, diabetes, joint problems, sleep problems, self image issues, depression - you know as well as i do that the list goes ON AND ON AND ON, so i'll just end that with an "etc".

so that thought process led me to another: WHY THE HELL NOT!? look ... i have been overweight for freaking ever. i have sleep apnea, so i have to sleep with this RIDICULOUS mask on my face (which irritates the HELL out of the skin around my nose) ... i have PCOS [polycystic ovarian syndrome], which stops my menstruation & makes it difficult to have children & REALLY freaking difficult to lose weight (even the healthy way) ... the CPAP helps me with some fatigue so i'm not falling out while i'm on the phone with customers, but it doesn't help the fact that i can't take my niece sophi to the park because i get so winded. get this: i WANT to run. BUT I CAN'T! because 265-270lbs on your knees and ankles is KILLER, man!

i've seen people on OH who have said goodbye to their CPAP machine within a few MONTHS of their surgery. women who have begun menstruating REGULARLY within 5 months of surgery [who have to be careful, because a lot of them get pregnant QUICKLY lol]. i've seen TONS of people who RUN. they run to work out, they run marathons ... like - wow.

so what's my point? my point is: i've been overweight way too long. i have trouble losing weight because of the PCOS ... i get winded too easily ... stairs are scarier than jason & freddy put together ... yada yada yada - so why the hell not? why SHOULDN'T i cut my risk for diabetes & heart disease? why should i keep on doing the same things i've done for years with little to no results? WHY should i keep missing out on family ... running away or hiding from pictures because i'm ashamed - or saying i'm sick to get out of going to an event? it doesn't make sense!

i'm on my way :) ... to being able to sleep without a mask, to playing with sophi, to being SEXY, to enjoying life, to taking TONS of pictures, to having children ... etc ... etc ... ETC! and if it's the "easy way out" to some people, then so freaking be it.

[and FYI: nothing about the surgery is "easy". if you are uneducated, you need to direct yourself to the blogs of obesityhelp.com]

so. on one hand, it's common courtesy to tell your family (especially a close, concerned family like mine) that you're going to have surgery.
on the OTHER hand, i don't always ... ok, i NEVER feel like pleading a case for bariatric surgery & why it's not actually as dangerous as people think it is. i think it's important to be informed, YES ... but ugh that gets old. i know i'm not the only one who feels that way.

told an aunt today, and she was like "baby, you gotta be careful ... that is DANGEROUS". blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah ... maybe i'll just hush from now on? lol yah, maybe so.

the past week and a half has been SO freaking hectic. i was diagnosed with carpal tunnel ... and it's bad. what's even worse is that it's in my DOMINANT hand (i'm left handed). it's been extra achy for the past few days, too. i'm visiting a surgeon next thursday; we'll do my check up and hopefully schedule my surgery.  

i'm trying to make sure that EVERYTHING is taken care of (as much as it can be) before my gastric bypass. 9/7/09 (tuesday after next) is my 3rd appointment with my PCP for weight loss. dr. nick's people assured me that they got the ball rolling to get qualified through my insurance. i don't know why they make things SO difficult. he's recognized through ASMBS as a center of excellence. *rolls my eyes really hard* - whatever. just as long as it's taken care of.

spoke with the "nurse" my insurance assigned me. actually - i spoke with her colleague, bc she was unavailable. i can't schedule my psych consult until october. that's fine ... i have a lot going on, anyhow.

my HUGE question was "after all of the criteria is fulfilled, how long does approval take?" the wonderful answer she gave me was "anywhere from 72 hours to 5 business days". COOL.
i REALLY want the surgery in december, but if he only does surgeries the 1st week of december like a lot of surgeons, then i'll have to wait until either the end of december or beginning of january. *crossing my fingers*

now, just so you know - i know that it will be CRAZY HARD to be around my family during Christmas, while i'm still eating a very restrictive diet. but as much as i love uncle mike's dressing, german chocolate cake, uncle mike's sweet potato pie, and can't forget about the potato salad (and every-freaking-thing-else) - that's what got me into this situation. pass me some freakin broth lol.

i believe that's all that's been going on. the carpal tunnel surgery is really going to put a damper on things, because i do EVERYTHING with my left hand. i HAVE to type all day at my job. oh well ... i'm sure i'll be fine.

let me stop before i REALLY start rambling. i'm nodding off as i type (dang, i love naps), so i'll just *yawwwn* stop here. 

i said i wasn't really going to blog on here, but this blog is definitely an "OH" worthy blog - especially since i know that the people reading this will truly understand how i feel. [but still, check out my blog at http://www.salathia.com]

over the past couple of weeks, i've been letting select friends & family know that i've decided to have the surgery [RNY]. the majority of them say they don't think i need it, but they will support me. [truth of the matter is, most of them don't want to see that i'm really unhealthy ... THEY are in denial about MY situation lol ... interesting, eh?]

anyway ... today, i told my bestie. love this girl to death, really i do. she's like another one of my sisters. she was totally against it & wouldn't budge. that's ok, because everyone has their own opinions - and i'm a grown woman who has to make her own decisions and mistakes.

what bothered me is that as much as she felt like she was talking to a brick wall, i felt like i was talking to a wall of steel. everything i said was bouncing back, reflecting back & hadn't been absorbed at all.

she told me that it was the "easy way out" ... and i argued that it isn't. anyone who has done their research [which i hope you do, if you're considering something this drastic] knows that no WLS is "easy". you DO still have to eat right. you DO still have to work out. the difference? RESULTS.
i'm sure that most of you have tried NUMEROUS diets & lifestyle changes before making this decision ... right? well then you know that one of the main reasons that people give up is out of sheer frustration of lack of results. 

i explained that, but she is convinced that i haven't tried "enough" and that i really don't know how to eat healthy. not to boast nor brag, but ... i DO! staying within a certain calorie range, keeping fat within certain limits, staying up on my protein - i know what i'm doing. i'm the substitution QUEEN. i can take a recipe, flip it and make it healthier very VERY easily. [and tasty, too ... i can't stand bland food!]

but as for trying "enough" ... what IS enough? i'm a 27 year old woman & i've been overweight since i was a YOUNG teenager. honestly, before then! is there a check list that says "you have to have gone on this diet, that one, and the other ... you need to have tried xx amt of trainers, xx amt of pills ETC "? 
no! and that's because this is a PERSONAL decision. and my personal decision is one to stop trying in vain. to get a surgery that will aid me in weight loss and getting rid of my PCOS and sleep apnea.

she's convinced that they're "filling my head with crazy things". that's not so, though. actually, i used to be on a high horse, myself. well, i wouldn't necessarily say a "high horse" ... more like a misinformed one. i actually said i would never do WLS - but after i saw a friend who had RNY, i realized she wasn't sick. then i saw how AMAZING she looks. and then how HAPPY she looks. and even more? i saw she wasn't struggling anymore. she wasn't struggling with weight, she wasn't worried about how people looked at her when she went anywhere ... weight [negative thinking, mind you] is the furthest thing from her mind.
when was the last time you spent ONE DAY without thinking about you weight?

in addition to this - i have PCOS. we all know what a double edged sword that is. PCOS is absolutely horrid. [who would have thought not menstruating regularly would be horrid? lol] when i mentioned PCOS, she said "you can't blame PCOS for your not eating right". true, very true. but as i said - i don't HAVE a problem with putting forth an effort ... i have a problem with not seeing results for killing myself to lose a few pounds. and the fact of the matter is - PCOS does make it difficult to lose weight. go ahead and consult with my gyno on that one.

next, you know she talked about how she knew someone who had gotten sick. well ... i have another friend who knows someone who got sick as well - but this friend, though she's not very happy about it, supports my decision.

ANYWAY ... i know there are risks involved ... but there is also risk in being 5'5" 263 lbs. 

and just for the record - in the week that i have been on OH, i have seen more post-op HAPPY people than not happy. [and these are people ranging from a few months post op to YEARS post op.]
as a matter of fact, any time i see an unhappy person on OH, it's NOT because of their surgery ... it's usually something personal, according to their blogs.

i don't need anyone's approval, but i would like some respect for my intelligence. i'm not a dumb person - not at all. i think things through. i RESEARCH. i try alternatives. this wasn't a rash decision. if it were, i would have been at LEAST 5 or 6 years post op. 

in addition to that ... trust my freakin judgement, man. ESPECIALLY about my own self! and don't try to talk me out of something JUST because you don't agree with it. after everything i said to my friend - all of the medical reasons, all of the personal reasons - she kept trying to convince me to not do it:

first, it was that i hadn't tried hard enough to lose weight. [yet i'm 27 yrs old, have been on every diet imaginable (from the very healthy to the very UNHEALTHY), spent countless $$, went through bingeing and purging in my teenage years, etc)

then, it was the scare tactics. people who have been in and out of the hospital, the risks, etc.

after that, it was "well, you need to feel good about yourself BEFORE you have any surgery like that". i explained to her that i do think i'm a pretty individual. she said i can't be ashamed and think i'm pretty at the same time. um - yes! yes you can! i'm ashamed that i'm FAT ... not ashamed with the features God gave me. i think He did a good job :)

and finally, it was "BIG is BEAUTIFUL". no, boo. it's not. there are so very beautiful women who HAPPEN TO BE BIG ... but big ain't beautiful! not in the least bit. big is UNHEALTHY. big is having a HARD TIME HAVING CHILDREN. big is being WINDED ON THE 2ND FLIGHT OF STAIRS. big is MY KNEES AND BACK HURTING the way they do. big is NOT RUNNING AROUND WITH MY NIECE SOPHI, because i need to catch a breath or i'm too hot. big is AVOIDING PEOPLE, INCLUDING FAMILY. 

oh - i almost forgot this one. she said that losing weight with the help of WLS isn't something someone would salute you for ... but frankly my dear, i don't give a d**n. and that's real.
big is not beautiful. big is a DISEASE.

[ps: when someone who is every bit of a size 3/4, and has been their whole life ... their telling you that you aren't trying enough or hard enough is NOT awesome.]

not sure how much i'll be blogging HERE ... but i started a new blog to document my journey. www.salathia.com ... visit & read :)