alwayz_smilin2587
Rolling in the deep...
Feb 13, 2012
I went to the seminar today. It was a reality check. I'm in the preparation state and I really need to be moving further along to the action stage. It's not just food that I will be feeling a loss for. It's going out, karaoke, cocktails, the friends I usually just mingle with in that specific setting because they are fun.... All of those things will be on hold. I think I need to break these emotions down.Friends in social settings: Most of my really good friends I see outside of the bar and going out scene of course. But there are a few people that I genuinely care about whom I usually just see out in social settings and have a good time with. Most of them will be very understanding to why I don't make it out any more. Some of them will be bummed out because I do bring joy and a lot of laughter to the group. But I won't be absent forever.
Karaoke: I love karaoking! But unfortunately I seem to have a shaky voice unless I have a few drinks in me or I'm driving in my car haha. I must not be in a setting where I'm tempted to consume alcohol. So this setting is something that will have to be on pause for right now until further notice.
Cocktails: Where do I begin...I love going out with my friends, being in social settings and having fun! I have more courage to be the out going self that I really am inside when I've had a few to drink. I'm more outgoing, silly, loud, and fun. I think a lot of people who are self conscious can relate to this. You just feel more brave and don't seem to care as much once you've had a few drinks. This cannot be an option for me while I go through the feelings and emotions of parting with food comfort because I know that I will just pick up a new addiction. I'm glad that I'm aware up front and it's something I can be proactive about and seek counseling for in advance before my surgery.
Last but not least.....Food: I want to cry thinking about the relationship that food and I have. I want food when I'm happy. I want food when I'm sad. I want food when I'm angry. I want food when I'm bored. I want food when I'm really technically probably thirsty, but I choose food instead and then pile a diet soda on top. When I'm sad I crave chocolate and ice cream or warm baked cookies. When I'm happy I want to celebrate and go out with friends to eat at not so healthy places and of course throw in a beer or two. I've been on almost every diet plan, taken almost every pill, done almost every shake you can think of.....I'm really good at sticking to something until I lose about 30 lbs....and then if I plateaued or got sick of it...the will power left me and I abandoned it. I want to cry thinking about the relationship that food and I have. It's so complex and I'm not sure where to even start on letting go of that comfort. I'm not sure where to even begin dealing with these emotions. Now what am I going to do when I'm happy or sad or bored?????? I guess the answer is this. I'm going to have to write and talk my self through it. I'm going to have to find distractions every day to get through not wanting food. I don't know what it's like not to eat when I'm bored or happy or sad....my parents had a restaurant when I was young and I started this bad habbit way back then. Down home cooking....good stuff. I'm going to need to journal and have a counselor that I can talk to on a regular basis or reach out to all of you and have people who really understand what it's like help me through it.
Don't get me wrong I'm very excited and 100% ready to have the Sleeve surgery. I just haven't faced the reality on paper yet. I havent sat down and talked to myself about my feelings. I look forward to doing this more! My surgery should be in the latter part of March. I won't have a specific date for a couple more weeks or so! I'm very anxious!
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About Me
MO
Location
31.5
BMI
Surgery
04/16/2012
Surgery Date
Feb 13, 2012
Member Since
