Anne Crawford
Thank You Jesus
Aug 31, 2008
I just got back from an hour long workout in the gym. I ran/walked the treadmill for 3.15 miles. Feels so good! This is how I deal with stress/upset now. A year ago, I'd have gone to find a platter of ribs and my favorite icecream and then, I still would not feel satisfied, but after this workout, I feel my emotions are more in check.
I got a call from my mother, right after I finished writing the other post where I spoke of being disappointed in OH. I still am, but the thank you jesus in me dillutes it somewhat.
My sister and my favorite niece in the whole world were returning home from Panama City, FL to their home in Seale, AL(120 miles away from me here near Atlanta, GA) and my aunt and her daughter were following them. Out of the blue, a car was going down the wrong way of the expressway and was goiing to hit them head on. Out of knee jerk habit, my sister jerked the wheel and hit the trailer next to her and her car flew out of control. It tossed and turned in the air, and finally landed in a water filled ravine. THEY ARE FINE! THANK YOU JESUS! No one is hurt, but she is charged with the accident. Thats Alabama law for you. Had she allowed the car going the wrong way to hit them headon(and they wouldn't have survived), she wouldn't have been charged, but I believe their lives are worth it.
Her car is totalled, her child is completely shaken up as is she(mostly because her baby was in the car...my niece is 5.). Her other baby boy who is 2 was at home with his dad...thank God. I hate this happened to my sister because I've been through it too, & its something you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. Its scary...and I cannot imagine having a child in the car with me when it happened.
But...my victory for today is realizing how much I have changed since surgery. I was hysterical because I live so far away and can't see them, can't hold them and know that they are fine...and I have to hear my mom cry on a phone and I am separated from her by all of these miles. I would have ran straight for my comfort food a year ago. I know I would have. Today, I ran for the treadmill and its funny, but it calmed my nerves and my heartache way better than food ever has...and it let me know...I have changed and I will never return to the fat woman that I was, but I am returning to the WOMAN I was supposed to be all along.
I got a call from my mother, right after I finished writing the other post where I spoke of being disappointed in OH. I still am, but the thank you jesus in me dillutes it somewhat.
My sister and my favorite niece in the whole world were returning home from Panama City, FL to their home in Seale, AL(120 miles away from me here near Atlanta, GA) and my aunt and her daughter were following them. Out of the blue, a car was going down the wrong way of the expressway and was goiing to hit them head on. Out of knee jerk habit, my sister jerked the wheel and hit the trailer next to her and her car flew out of control. It tossed and turned in the air, and finally landed in a water filled ravine. THEY ARE FINE! THANK YOU JESUS! No one is hurt, but she is charged with the accident. Thats Alabama law for you. Had she allowed the car going the wrong way to hit them headon(and they wouldn't have survived), she wouldn't have been charged, but I believe their lives are worth it.
Her car is totalled, her child is completely shaken up as is she(mostly because her baby was in the car...my niece is 5.). Her other baby boy who is 2 was at home with his dad...thank God. I hate this happened to my sister because I've been through it too, & its something you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. Its scary...and I cannot imagine having a child in the car with me when it happened.
But...my victory for today is realizing how much I have changed since surgery. I was hysterical because I live so far away and can't see them, can't hold them and know that they are fine...and I have to hear my mom cry on a phone and I am separated from her by all of these miles. I would have ran straight for my comfort food a year ago. I know I would have. Today, I ran for the treadmill and its funny, but it calmed my nerves and my heartache way better than food ever has...and it let me know...I have changed and I will never return to the fat woman that I was, but I am returning to the WOMAN I was supposed to be all along.
So Disappointed
Aug 31, 2008
I don't write much in this blog...not like I should. I have lost 108lbs so far(yay!) and that is the coolest thing ever. But thats not what I choose to write about today.
I hate to be depressed on the Lord's Day, but it is what it is. I hear the bird chirping outside, and the beautiful blue sky, but it does nothing to alleviate my sadness today.
No, no one died, no...my faith in OH died today. Or perhaps, last night. I have seen such cruelty come on these boards of late, and I think its ironic in a way. We have all been fat, so fat that people thought it was okay to make fun of us, to hurt us, to deny us what we rightfully were owed...our dignity.
Nowadays, I am seeing board members, long time and even short time members, thinking its their right to ridicule and hurt others, and that hurts me. Especially, when the people that they have hurt, have helped me along with my journey. And its sad to see people that I have held in my respect fall yet again in my eyes, being petty and ridiculously angry about something that wasn't even malicious. Just a man who had succeeded doing something that they weren't...holding a different idea of weight loss out to those of us that are NOT scared of carbohydrates or scared of busting our butts in the gym.
He may be back, he may not, but the damage is done for me. Its made me not want to help new people because even the newbies criticize when they say that they want help. Why should I give my help to anyone just for it to be thrown back in my face?
Why is it, that the idea of low carb, high protein is so entrenched here, that no other ideas are allowed to peacefully co-exist? My program, from the beginning, allowed 60 carbs. They werent restricted because they didn't want us eating too many, they were restricted until we were able to get in both carbs and protein. Carbs are an important macronutrient, the only one that is the preferred food for your brain, nervous system, and blood supply. Why on earth wouldn't you want you body working at peak performance?
I am so thankful that I am learning so much in my college classes about nutrition and the way my body works. I am so thankful that I have a good nutritionist and doctor that understands the importance of carbohydrates. Perhaps I lose at a slower pace(I don't know...I am lost 64% of my excess weight in 7 months, and to be successful, one should lose 50% by a year...you be the judge), but at least I know that the weight I lose is fat and not muscle. With ketosis, you lose a lot of muscle and water, and some fat. Personally, I would rather not lose muscle. Thats why I am in the gym busting my tail to gain muscle. Muscle helps to kick your metabolism in high gear..and I'm sorry, but thats where I want mine.
Why do people feel so threatened by the notion that some of us did have WLS to be healthy, not look like Pam Anderson? And so...if I want to be healthy, why on earth would I not exercise? Why wouldn't I eat a BALANCED DIET with all the macronutrients God gave this earth? Why wouldn't I try to eat like a normal person, and not like I was on yet another diet? Haven't we learned yet that diets do not work, its changing the way that we view food that in the end, makes the difference?
And so...with all that being said, and yeah, I could continue the argument above, but I won't. Because I already know that there will be people that will take offense to what I have said, will twist what I have written, and try to make me sound off the wall. Doesn't matter. I may or may not take a break from posting on OH. This has really upset me way more than I would l would like. I don't get to my support group meetings as much as I want due to school, and this has been my support group. I hate feeling like there is no support here, but its how I am feeling today. I guess it really is your own journey, and you share it with no one. If anyone wants to talk, or just see how I'm doing, they can go to my myspace page. www.myspace.com/anne_and_christen
I hate to be depressed on the Lord's Day, but it is what it is. I hear the bird chirping outside, and the beautiful blue sky, but it does nothing to alleviate my sadness today.
No, no one died, no...my faith in OH died today. Or perhaps, last night. I have seen such cruelty come on these boards of late, and I think its ironic in a way. We have all been fat, so fat that people thought it was okay to make fun of us, to hurt us, to deny us what we rightfully were owed...our dignity.
Nowadays, I am seeing board members, long time and even short time members, thinking its their right to ridicule and hurt others, and that hurts me. Especially, when the people that they have hurt, have helped me along with my journey. And its sad to see people that I have held in my respect fall yet again in my eyes, being petty and ridiculously angry about something that wasn't even malicious. Just a man who had succeeded doing something that they weren't...holding a different idea of weight loss out to those of us that are NOT scared of carbohydrates or scared of busting our butts in the gym.
He may be back, he may not, but the damage is done for me. Its made me not want to help new people because even the newbies criticize when they say that they want help. Why should I give my help to anyone just for it to be thrown back in my face?
Why is it, that the idea of low carb, high protein is so entrenched here, that no other ideas are allowed to peacefully co-exist? My program, from the beginning, allowed 60 carbs. They werent restricted because they didn't want us eating too many, they were restricted until we were able to get in both carbs and protein. Carbs are an important macronutrient, the only one that is the preferred food for your brain, nervous system, and blood supply. Why on earth wouldn't you want you body working at peak performance?
I am so thankful that I am learning so much in my college classes about nutrition and the way my body works. I am so thankful that I have a good nutritionist and doctor that understands the importance of carbohydrates. Perhaps I lose at a slower pace(I don't know...I am lost 64% of my excess weight in 7 months, and to be successful, one should lose 50% by a year...you be the judge), but at least I know that the weight I lose is fat and not muscle. With ketosis, you lose a lot of muscle and water, and some fat. Personally, I would rather not lose muscle. Thats why I am in the gym busting my tail to gain muscle. Muscle helps to kick your metabolism in high gear..and I'm sorry, but thats where I want mine.
Why do people feel so threatened by the notion that some of us did have WLS to be healthy, not look like Pam Anderson? And so...if I want to be healthy, why on earth would I not exercise? Why wouldn't I eat a BALANCED DIET with all the macronutrients God gave this earth? Why wouldn't I try to eat like a normal person, and not like I was on yet another diet? Haven't we learned yet that diets do not work, its changing the way that we view food that in the end, makes the difference?
And so...with all that being said, and yeah, I could continue the argument above, but I won't. Because I already know that there will be people that will take offense to what I have said, will twist what I have written, and try to make me sound off the wall. Doesn't matter. I may or may not take a break from posting on OH. This has really upset me way more than I would l would like. I don't get to my support group meetings as much as I want due to school, and this has been my support group. I hate feeling like there is no support here, but its how I am feeling today. I guess it really is your own journey, and you share it with no one. If anyone wants to talk, or just see how I'm doing, they can go to my myspace page. www.myspace.com/anne_and_christen
So today...I've reached 101 lbs...6 mth anniversary on Monday!
Jul 25, 2008
Words cannot express how this feels. I get asked everyday how do I feel? In some ways I feel exactly the same. The weight was not the cause of all my problems, it was just the vehicle I hid behind. This surgery, if you let it, can become therapy. It can show you why you do what you do. It has shown me that I eat when I feel. It can be anything. I can be happy...but my immediate response is
lets go out and celebrate...what I mean, is lets go eat.
When I'm sad, anxious, mad...my IMMEDIATE thought
is where is something to eat? The why of that emotional
eating has not yet been exposed. I imagine that maybe I
am trying to comfort something inside that is not fully comforted by the people in my life, and by me. Something is neglected...but only time will tell what that is.
My anxiety kicked up a notch as I decided to go back to
school yet again, and yet again changed my major. But..this time I know that nursing is what I Was meant to do. But the the pre-reqs I am taking are brutal. Too brutal for summer...but it is what it is. A & P(Anatomy & Physiology) is intense, but I am learning so MUCH about my body and why it works the way it works. It is an enjoyable class...it is just uber hard. But...do we really appreciate things if they come to us too easily?
Chris(my DH)...he is very well...and though he doesn't say it much, I know he is very proud of my success with WLS.
He loved me at my highest weight of 315, and he loves me now at 209. I don't think I'm that different though. MY personality has made some changes...but I think when I weighed so much I was afraid of speaking up and now I speak up and don't care who listens. Its been and continues to be an amazing ride!
lets go out and celebrate...what I mean, is lets go eat.
When I'm sad, anxious, mad...my IMMEDIATE thought
is where is something to eat? The why of that emotional
eating has not yet been exposed. I imagine that maybe I
am trying to comfort something inside that is not fully comforted by the people in my life, and by me. Something is neglected...but only time will tell what that is.
My anxiety kicked up a notch as I decided to go back to
school yet again, and yet again changed my major. But..this time I know that nursing is what I Was meant to do. But the the pre-reqs I am taking are brutal. Too brutal for summer...but it is what it is. A & P(Anatomy & Physiology) is intense, but I am learning so MUCH about my body and why it works the way it works. It is an enjoyable class...it is just uber hard. But...do we really appreciate things if they come to us too easily?
Chris(my DH)...he is very well...and though he doesn't say it much, I know he is very proud of my success with WLS.
He loved me at my highest weight of 315, and he loves me now at 209. I don't think I'm that different though. MY personality has made some changes...but I think when I weighed so much I was afraid of speaking up and now I speak up and don't care who listens. Its been and continues to be an amazing ride!
WHOOT WHOO....Oh no honey...its 86lbs NOW!
Jun 14, 2008
I'm back...thats right baby..you heard...I 'm BACK!!!
So..I am down almost 83 lbs and not yet 5 months out!
Jun 12, 2008
Things are going well for me. Just been more tired lately.
Its amazing how much more energy I have now than in the
past though. I stay in the gym now at least 5 days out of the week, where before I didn't step foot there. It used to be a chore to walk to the mailbox, now I just skip right over and boom, I'm there. Its a lot easier to just live w/o an extra 83 lbs on my body. I still don't see the change though..UNLESS
I look at pictures. But..I know I am changing and for the better. Best decision I have ever made!
Its amazing how much more energy I have now than in the
past though. I stay in the gym now at least 5 days out of the week, where before I didn't step foot there. It used to be a chore to walk to the mailbox, now I just skip right over and boom, I'm there. Its a lot easier to just live w/o an extra 83 lbs on my body. I still don't see the change though..UNLESS
I look at pictures. But..I know I am changing and for the better. Best decision I have ever made!
WOW!
Apr 19, 2008
You know, I had read this board, listened to the doctors and the nurses who have had this procedure, but no way that I believed how awesome I would feel. Its amazing how suffocating fat is. How it suffocates not only your body, but your life sometimes. At least for me. I weighed 310lbs and was in a size 32 jeans prior to surgery. I carried aLOT of weight in my stomach. I'm only 5'3. Today I went to the store to try on clothes and find out what size I'm in. The last time I went I was down to a 26 which for me, was huge. So, instinctively I took that size back to the dressing room along with some 24s, and some 22s(out of hope). The 26 fell down, it wouldn't even stay on, the 24s stayed on but barely. The 22 fit perfectly. I cannot believe that in less than 3 months I have gone from a size 32 to a 22. How amazing is that? I've lost 63lbs, and I've been less than perfect, though I do try to fit some type of exercise in my day daily. I aim at an hour, but sometimes get none, or more depending on the day. I am just in love with my RNY!
Its not the easy way out, because you have to change a great deal, but I must say that once you get used to this, it is the easiest I have ever lost weight. I just cannot believe this...those single digit sizes are just getting closer to reality now. When my doc told me that my goal weight for him was 144lb I looked at him like he was crazy, but of late, I have changed to the goal of 130 because I want to be "normal" weight for once. But we'll see as we get closer to the goal.
57 lbs gone forever
Apr 05, 2008
Things are getting easier to get used to now. Back at work, exercising every day and loving it.
A little over a week out...
Feb 05, 2008
I really don't write this blog like I should. Well, I had my surgery and for about two to three days I was looking for the baby. LOL :)>>> I hurt
so bad, but most of the hurt has dissipated. I had my one week check up yesterday and the doc is very pleased. I am down 27 pounds since 1/14/08. I almost cried as I walked back to the car with my husband. That is more than I have lost on any other diet. My hair issues have lessened almost immediately, and it doesn't look like I have any problems losing weight anymore so I am so ready to hear that my PCOS is my past.
My incisions look really good, and I am starting to eat soft protein foods. The hardest part is getting in the fluids, vitamins, and protein. But..God is good and I came through the surgery perfectly.
so bad, but most of the hurt has dissipated. I had my one week check up yesterday and the doc is very pleased. I am down 27 pounds since 1/14/08. I almost cried as I walked back to the car with my husband. That is more than I have lost on any other diet. My hair issues have lessened almost immediately, and it doesn't look like I have any problems losing weight anymore so I am so ready to hear that my PCOS is my past.
My incisions look really good, and I am starting to eat soft protein foods. The hardest part is getting in the fluids, vitamins, and protein. But..God is good and I came through the surgery perfectly.
I'M APPROVED!!!! 1/28/08 IS MY NEW SURGIVERSARY!
Dec 20, 2007
I REALLY DON'T WRITE ENOUGH, EH? I went back and had another
sleep study(cpap titration study and my pressure is an 8).. I def
need the CPAP which I RECEIVED TONIGHT...I am excited to have it, cuz I certainly need to sleep bad!
So...I got approved on Tuesday, and my date is 1/28/08!!! So excited!
So scared!
Catching Up...
Nov 24, 2007
So, it appears I don't write enough because I have a lot to say. LOL. The results of the sleep study have come back and it says I have moderate obstructive sleep apnea. If I had not started on this journey for WLS, I would never have known I have a potentially life threatening issue. Isn't it amazing how God leads us?
So, I have to go back on Dec 1st and have another sleep study to get the CPAP levels right so I will have to get a CPAP. Well, at least, this explains why I always wake up tired, no matter how much time in bed I spend.
I talked with the surgery scheduler on Wednesday, right before Thanksgiving Holidays, and they sent my
approval in that day...so I am guessing I will hear something by Christmas. It sure would be a great Christmas present to hear that I am approved...but..
what if I'm not?
I started this journey with the idea that God had
everything in His control...I have to keep with that in my heart and mind everytime I get anxious. I have
to remember, if this is the way my God decides to
deliver me, to trust Him to make a way for everything to go smoothly.
I have found, in my short life,that the best way to determine if God leads you is if, for the most part, the
pathway is smooth, if there are few obstacles, that
the Lord has this as the perfect will. Not saying that God hasn't lead me the way of the resistance, but that is when He is teaching me. When I search out his ways, and allow HIM to do what HE determines if best, the pathway for me has always been smooth, because
HE not I is making the way.
So, I have to go back on Dec 1st and have another sleep study to get the CPAP levels right so I will have to get a CPAP. Well, at least, this explains why I always wake up tired, no matter how much time in bed I spend.
I talked with the surgery scheduler on Wednesday, right before Thanksgiving Holidays, and they sent my
approval in that day...so I am guessing I will hear something by Christmas. It sure would be a great Christmas present to hear that I am approved...but..
what if I'm not?
I started this journey with the idea that God had
everything in His control...I have to keep with that in my heart and mind everytime I get anxious. I have
to remember, if this is the way my God decides to
deliver me, to trust Him to make a way for everything to go smoothly.
I have found, in my short life,that the best way to determine if God leads you is if, for the most part, the
pathway is smooth, if there are few obstacles, that
the Lord has this as the perfect will. Not saying that God hasn't lead me the way of the resistance, but that is when He is teaching me. When I search out his ways, and allow HIM to do what HE determines if best, the pathway for me has always been smooth, because
HE not I is making the way.
About Me
GA
Location
43.6
BMI
Surgery
01/28/2008
Surgery Date
Sep 13, 2007
Member Since
