Anne Crawford

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I had a great visit with my folks.  We went to the Joyce Meyers conference here in Atlanta.  How powerful!
She talked a lot about freedom..walking out of the prison that Jesus had already given us the key to.
I couldn't help but think of this as an affirmation that again God is behind me, that God wants this surgery for me.  I know I will be successful!
I had the sleep study last weekend. Sleep study?  Could they have named this more incorrectly?  Sleep?  when?  I know I did sleep because I had two crazy dreams, but I must say that it took FOREVER to get to sleep with all those wires on.  I sure was glad when they said I could go home. I went home and went right to sleep.  :)
I don't know the results yet, I should have those this monday or tuesday...but that was the last of tests prior to me sending in my packet for approval to the insurance company.  
I  know I fit the requirements, but my bariatric insurance person has me worried.  She's like, it would be good for the approval if you have sleep apnea.  WTF? Its good to have a life threatening ailment?  How 'bout we do this before I get there, k?  I really don't think I have sleep apnea, so I'll be surprised if I do.
I am just trusting God to work it out.  If its His desire that I do this, it will happen.  Thats my take on it, anywayz!

My parents are coming to visit tomorrow.  I'm a little nervous because this is the first time since I moved to Atlanta that they have decided to visit so I am trying to be compulsively clean. I have the bad rep in the family as the messy one!  Between my husband and myself, we are a pretty messy family, so its hard to keep the house clean. :)

I go for my sleep study Saturday night.  I am looking forward to it because it is the last thing I have to do prior to sending things in for surgery.  I don't  want to hope for sleep apnea,  but I know if I have it, it'll be a lot easier to get approved for surgery.

I had wanted in the beginning to do the surgery before the end of the year.  And though, its possible I could be approved before the end of December, it'd be more practical to wait to have the surgery in late January..at least financially it would be.  Who knows?  I just want tit done before I turn 30.  I would like to be on a losing trend when I hit the big 3-0.  Vain, huh?  Oh well..I just hope to have more energy and be less sickly.

So, I've always been an extremely outgoing person...
today I go to the psychologist's office for the psych
eval for surgery.  I take all of those crazy tests,  and finally get my interview with the doc.  So..he thinks I'm ADD, and is worried I will have a Manic episode when I lose my weight!  WTF???  I don't have bipolar..do I?
There is no history of this in my family, and I came
right out and asked him if he thought I had bipolar..he just kept saying that my psyche energy is high already, right below clinical concern, and if I lose 170 pounds, my energy will skyrocket and he's afraid it would send me into a manic episode and I'd go gamble away my fortune(ha ha yeah right), or make risky choices and decisions...so he told me to keep an eye on that.  He recommended stress management classes, counseling for 6 months after surgery to deal with my food love issues if I felt I needed it, and said the only thing he'd require me to do prior to surgery was get an ADD eval because he thought that might derail my success if it wasn't treated.  On the brighter side, my IQ test showed I was close to genius.  Yep...I always knew us crazies were the bright ones.  Okay, I'm kidding...I think. 

So, I get a call from the doc's office today.  Somehow in transit, my test was opened, so there was nothing to test.  So, have to take it again.  And I can't for at least 14 days because I'm on antibiotics.  Dagnabit, I had this silly thought I could have the surgery over the Christmas holidays...yeah..I don't think so now.  Only good news:  HR  tells me that there has been no change to the policy on gastric bypass so it should be covered next year so if I have to wait, its cool...I just want to get started!!!

Scheduled for sleep apnea test today...the lady seems to think i have the apnea already!  How could she know that just based off the Epworth scale?   Okay..I snore, I am sleepy during the day, but so are lots of folks.  I hope I dont have it...I don't wanna wear the CPAP..but I will if necessary.

I cannot wait until this is all in the past and I am on the loser's bench.  I am so so ready.  So psych consult this Saturday and sleep test on Oct 30th unless they get a cancellation for a Fri or Sat nite earlier...I hope hope they do....LOL

So, today my Dh and I went to Gainesville, Georgia to Northeast Ga Medical Center, at Lanier Park for my education class.  Connie, the RN in charge of education was really sweet.  She took me in, measured me, took photos, and sat with myself & my Dh in the conference room to tell us about the surgery and answer any questions we may have.  We were the only ones there.  The class lasted from 10:30 am to 1:00 pm.  I learned a lot and I must say, the size of the little cup that represents the size my pouch will be was unsettling to look at. Can I do this?  

After the class, we rode over to the doctor's office and met up with Dr Richard, an associate of Dr Procter's.  Now, I am wondering if he, rather than Procter is doing the surgery.  He is really nice and thought I'd be a great candidate for the surgery.  Not sure if that is a good thing or not, but I only need to get an EKG and psych testing out of the way and I should have the testing part finished.  I have a test for them to complete, and my psych testing will be on Sat, Oct 20th.  I'm not too worried about the insurance company paying...I work there and I know its covered(AT LEAST IT IS FOR THIS YEAR), and hopefully I should have the
surgery before the end of the year.  I am being
optimistic.

I had to go to the dentist today and it looks like I need a root canal!  Can you say ouch?  At least the dental insurance will cover 80%...but dang, it hurts and I can't get in until Nov3rd...hmm..at least I
got some antibiotics and Tylenol Rapid Release caps
are my new best friend, lemme tell ya!
I am excited, but really really scared.  Oh, and
joy oh joy, I've gained three pounds.  Yikes!

Why am I excited?  'Cuz now I have a consultation date with the surgeon:
October 10th.  I know, I know, its not a surgery date, but...this means I have committed to this, this means I mean business.  Yes, I am really excited to have the surgery, I know what it means for me and to me, but I am also really scared:  scared of failing, of this not working too, scared of not waking up, scared because this is my first real operation..but what keeps me going?

GOD...HIS PEACE.  i KNOW THAT IF IT IS WHAT HE WANTS...IT'LL HAPPEN FOR ME AND IT'LL GO SMOOTHLY...GOTTA RELIE ON HIM.

All of my Christian life, I have been blessed to sing God's praises.  I enjoyed it, it defined me, and it made me proud to be able to give something back to the God who had given me so very much.  Much of my Christian life I have been in churches where controversy, backbiting, and evil have reigned; consequently, my faith has taken constant beatings and since I sing with all of my spirit, when my spirit isn't there, I just cannot sing.  After two pastors falling to adultery, I just refused to sing, it wrecked my spirit.  I questioned God, I questioned my faith, and for three years, I have never sang in public again.  Singing used to be my Everything, and it became my nothing.
But God's call is strong.  God is the ultimate authority in our lives.  The call to use my talents for Him is stronger than devastation, disappointment and disillusionment.  Its time to get back home where I belong.  Singing for His glory.  
Now that I have moved to the Atlanta area, I had been looking for a place to call home, and while I am not sure I've found it, God called me back into music ministry again.  So today, I signed back up for choir and the church's vocal team.  Please, if you read this, keep me in your prayers.  Its a difficult journey back...but as long as I know that God has my back...I know I'm coming home!