aulabell

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 So there IS no permanent fix to weight loss ... for me. Others can have the surgery and fix whatever it is that is so intrinsically flawed in overweight people where as I did not and therefor am not counted with the normal weighted. I went down to 180pd and now am up to 295pds. It crept back on and on and on and now here I sit higher than my preop weight. Sucks to be in my head and body.

So my sister died and I gained 45 pounds. There is little to tell other than I weight 248 pounds. Egads seeing that in print is so tragic. We will see where we go from here.

It has taken me a lot of time bring myself to post this -  My sister had RYN and died 6 weeks later. Catastrophic medical mistakes. The autopsy said she had 2 perferations ( holes) to her bowel and basically died from septic shock , her heart stopped. She had had a dialation of some scar tissue a week before she died that mostlikely caused it. The real problem was her after care. If she had lived an hour from her surgeon she'd still be with us. As it happened she lived in an isolated rural  area with a very very small hospital. The Dr there did not communicate well with her surgeon who was 3 hours away.

No one here really is interested in the details, no one who has had or will have this surgery wants to think this could be them. " We all know the risks" I have hear a million times. The surgery did not kill my sister. Her surgeon is one of the best. What killed her was the medical communities ill knowledge of what this surgery is. Rural Drs are the life line of small towns, they are looked on as more than simple humans they are god like. Why would we question them. I knew that they were not doing enough for her. I lit a fire under her Dr the day before she was transfered. I put the squeeze on for him to call her surgeon, but I was too late. Drs make estimated guesses. My husband is an Eye Dr he tells me this all the time.

DO NOT TRUST A  DR OVER WHAT  YOUR HEART TELLS YOU, please be the squeaky wheel. I will never again feel that  they know more than me. Had I listened to The Spirit Of God or my instincts as some say and not a man I'd still have my best friend. That said I know God is in charge he decides when we enter this world and when we leave it.

My sister Kari Smith left 4 kids aged 6 - 13 , she will be missed beyond any word can convey.

So had a handsome baby boy, 9pds 10oz on March 12th. All went well. I am still 20pds up from my lowest but have not done anything to lose it, I need to get on that. I am simply trying to function through these sleepless nights and busy days, chocolate and I are friends right now! Still wouldn't change having the surgery.

Still very much pregnant. I have gained 40pds. Unbelievable. How totally depressed I am. I am as huge as a house, in pain everyday , and a mental basket case. I have SADs and have taken no medication this year because of the pregnancy. I am at the end of my rope emotionally. Having gained so much weight is weighing my spirit down too. Soon, 2 weeks till I am due then i will fight this weight off!

Still sick and pregnant! This surgery has done a number on my body. I am sick a few times a day. At least I am not ,  well a few times a day,  like it was up untill a few weeks ago. Strange pregnancy. I have had 4 kids and never felt this kind of constant sickness. I am a basket case, seriously. I have gained 20 pds too. I am at 207pds. Still far from 321 pds but I feel soooo heavy. I have 3 months left till my due date. I couls be as big as a house by then! Enough whining. Things are good Christmas is coming so fast. I love this time of year. 
Merry Christmas everyone!

So alot of time has past. I still weigh the same and am 2 months pregnant! I have been sooooo sick I have not been on here since June. So the weightloss has stopped and I am OK if I stay here forever, we'll see. I look forward to not being sick, and tired all the time.

So last week I shaved off all my hair I look like a BOY ! It looks horrible. I seriously took the clippers to it  myself. It is about 1/2 inch long. I am so hormonal and it was raining all week I seriously think I was on auto pilot that day and a stupid idea came into my head and I did it. Egads. I was sick to death of my balding head as my hair is still falling out but come on reason lost out that sad day in June 07. I had no idea how vain I am I can not handle how ugly I look. I am wearing a wig and scarves around my head. So  a word to the wise DO NOT CUT YOUR HAIR YOURSELF a hairdresser will talk reason with you but you are not objective enough!

So I have low B12. I went to see my GP because I am SOOOOO tired all the time. I go in today to get a management plan. May be getting the shots but hey there are worse things in life like carrying around an extra hundred pounds. The weightloss has stalled. I am thinking that is it, unless I seriously diet. I am happy I look and feel great.

So the pounds went away !! Yahoo. I was almost resigned that I was done losing and then  ... they were gone. 

I seriously am in love with a new song. I have watched the video close to 20xs. Here is a link 

http://www6.islandrecords.com/bonjovi/news_2.php#     then click on watch video

It is Bon Jovi 's new song that they sang on American Idol. I am not a rocker ,country all the way  but I am addicted to this song. I want the release date to speed up so I can buy the CD. Anyhow not very weight loss related. But hey a good song to put on your  MP3 to walk too.

I have been walking a lot it clears my head. 

I have been really craving change. First I want to buy a horse... then I want to learn how to ride a motorcycle and buy one... I want to sell my house and move to the country... I want to re-do my kitchen... I want to sell the minivan and buy a Durango... will this ever end? 

I get no satisfaction from food . It is a good thing I do not drink because with this attitude I am sure I would try to drink myself satisfied. Don't get me wrong things are great with my family. SPRING FEVER that is what it must be... I over analize myself. I think everything is weight loss related when it turns out to just be life. And life is good.