aulabell

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So I gained 4 pounds. I thought it was just because It was "that" time of the month. But it still has not gone away.  I am bloated and retaining water, I do hope it is not a serious gain. If it is , wow, I have been working out the most I have since surgery and thought I should be seeing the scale move down not up. I haven't been eating good though I guess the honeymoon is over eh. I have been really blah and grouchy for a week. It also will not stop raining and being cold! I am sick of SNOW ! I need to go to Mexico again !

So I am down to 188 pds thanks to the flu which has invaded our home. My 6 year old son has been sick for days I hate to see him hurt so much. I empathise for people sick in Chemo because I had one day of stomache pains and wanted to die. I didn't think I was such a whimp but seriously I just wanted to be unconcious. My poor boy is so young to have to go through days of this. Anyhow lost a couple of pounds.

I am a clothes, shoes and bag monger. I had no idea I had it in me to be so concerned about how I look. Everytime I know I will see people I know I dress to the nines. Not sure why. Still need therapy I reckon. When all the complements stop, which I am getting far too often. I wonder what will happen. Will I seek them out or  will I finally blend in and be normal.

So I ate horrible the rest of last week. Silly that I can let others effect me so much. It is great to be this weight but I have had a case of the negative nellies lately. The whole, well now you will gain it all back hope you enjoy the ride back to fat like you always do. I have lost 50 - 75 pds a few times in my life. Then proceed to gain it all back plus. I am only 20 pds away from weighing less than Wardell my husband I can do it !!! I am going to start taking Metphormin every day it helps. I have PCOS and it will take pounds off I just need to take it right.

195 pds ! I had a bad experience Wed. We were at a fundraising auction. Losing weight has made me more  of a target for creepy old men. Enough said. I ate all day yesterday I am thinking it is connected. I am also getting pressure from allot of females in my life " you are done losing now aren't you". It is like they are a ll feeling a little uneasy about me being smaller than them. I am such a people pleaser I know I am sabotaging myself! Figure it out Paula !!!

Went to Mexico last week what a trip. Loved it ! Stayed in a 5 star resort and still managed to lose 5 pds while there ! Got a great tan and saw some archeological sites. Fun fun. I weigh 198pds now. Broke that 200 mark without fanfare. I certainly am noticing all my extra skin now. I about 6 months I'll start the road to a tummy tuck. Her in Alberta our provincial healthcare covers a panni  I'll get that done then maybe the "girls" can get lifted !

Things are great down to 206. I saw my surgeon last week , he is always an ego boost. He still makes me nervous. I feel like a school girl waiting for a date in the waiting room. That was normal when he controlled whether I could have the surgery or not and I was affraid he'd be disapponted in my weightloss for that month but seriously I don't know why he still effects me like that post-op. 

Everything in my blood work was fine. Thankfully no B-12 shots. I take pre-natal vitamins and calcium right now I may intoduce B-12 too.

 I have been aquasizing at least once a week I try for 3 then I play baskettball on Fridays and now Volleyball also on Fridays. The baskettball is a killer ! Running who would have thought I could have handle that a year ago. I am always sore and short winded afterwards but it feels great just like when I played in school. 

I had an amazing experience on Saturday. I went shopping in a local mall and was able to shop and try things on in all the regular stores!!! I so enjoyed myself. I was shopping for things for our trip to Mexico in less than two weeks. I fit into exrta larges, size 16s and some 14s !! I felt normal. No one was staring at me like what are you doing in this store fat lady. I blended in with everyone. The only reason I stick out now is because I am goodlooking !! 

At church I am teased that 2007 is my year of change. I have new glasses, a new  trendy short hair cut and tonnes of new cloths. I put on make-up now and exercise. It is my year of rebirth of caring for myself inside and out. 

My mom had lap-band surgery on Friday. She flew home on Sunday and passed out on the plane ! I guess the crew were in a panic and she was met by a Dr and nurse when they landed and was not allowed off the plane till they cleared her. Scarry for her. She was wheelchaired to her connecting flight and said she was barely cleared to fly on. She reacts poorly to anethstetic. I am glad my sugeon is less than a half and hour away.

Had a physical today and weighed 209 pds !!! The exercising really has helped. I went on an overnight field trip with my daughters special needs class to the dinosaur museum. It was cool we slept with the huge dinosaur exhibits. They fed us huge amounts of food and I realized I was giving my daughter all my extra food. She doesn't need it she weighs almost 200pds. I need to retrain my mind so that I am able to waste food. Better it is in the garbage that in my daughter : ( Anyhow we had a blast. When I get sick is still so random. That part is a little frustrating but mint seems to help also I take a bath when I am at home and that always makes it a little better.

100pds gone from my first consult !! 105 from my highest !!! Ya baby!! Wow. I am really happy. I was worried I had stopped losing but it is coming off again : ) I have been eating alot of beef jerky lately. I do need to get back to the protein drinks. My Mom is getting lapband done in Febuary. She is desperate. It is costing her  $17 000.00 !! Mine was free. She didn't want to wait 3 years and is under the BM that healthcare covers. I hope it is successful for her.

So down to 220.7 pds. 100.3 pds gone from my highest !! It is really sobering to look at pictures of myself at 321 pds. I was at my inlaws this weekend and she has photo albums sitting around from 1999. I was really sad looking at myself... I really didn't think I looked that bad. I did. 

My sister inlaw was negative about my surgery and I let it get to me. I ate alot while I was there. I need something else to release my stress. Food is just easy and available. She wants me fat. She lost alot of weight and is gorgeous. Last time I lost alot of weight she sabotaged me and I gained it all back. It was not here fault but I let her get to me, started eating away my feelings. It is crazy how readily I give my power away. I am sad that she can not be happy for my success. 

My father inlaw also insulted how I parent I don't think that helped the situation. THEY ALL STRESS ME OUT !!! I really don't know why we visit. At least it is only 4 or so times a year. I did go on alot of walks around the farm to de-stress though so that was good. 

I feel really good alot of energy.

So Christmas was great. I was amazed at what I could eat 3+ months out. I am down to 222 , one pound away from 100 pds from my highest!! Almost 60 since surgery. I am sick all the time I can't seem to figure this thing out. I think my days are not independant of each other beacause I can eat poorly one day and great the next and be sick on the day I eat great ?? Go figure.

My husband and I have been fighting a lot. I hear this is common but it is not pleasant.  At 300+ pds I often would count my lucky stars that he'd put up with me .... now I still know I am blessed to have him but he's just as blessed to have me ! I need to retrain him ! I love him and know as Oprah says " God can dream a bigger dream for you than you can for yourself " because he is bigger and better than I ever dreamed for myself. We have a lot of work to do.