Taking it to the "Dump"

Jul 29, 2010

That's right... I'm about to talk about pooping. Hey, it's natural...right??

Turkey Chili was the culprit. Stupid lookin Turkey Chili!!!! I ate the stuff once before and did fine with it. So I took it to lunch yesterday because I was running late it was convienent. At lunch I pulled it out of my bag and crunched up about 5 or so crackers in it. Heated it and took about 10 or so bites before I put the lid back on. It wasn't as good as I remembered it being the first time.

Two hours later I was praying my gluteus maximus muscles would not fail me as I RAN to the bathroom!!!! I sat down and first thanked the baby Jesus that I had made it to the porcelian throne. I sat there..... and I heard it..... the rumbling of my tummy only acknowledged what I feared. I was about to play the star role in the "Dumb and Dumber" scene where Lloyd gave Harry the laxatives in his drink??






Yeah... that bad. I only wish that I would have lifted my legs like Harry so nobody recognized my shoes as the thunderous noises came from the stall. To top it all off, as I sat there vomiting from my ass..... I literally felt the saltiness in my mouth and the tightening of my jaw. That feeling you get right before you hurl chunks?? I looked around and began to ponder how I would ever conquer this experience with some sort of dignity. The little metal trash with the flippy lid didn't even flip open enough for me to stick my head in there (and I wasn't sure I would if i could). I tried to breath through it as best as I could... but the stench had me breathing small breaths through my mouth instead of my nostrils. Thank God it worked.

It took three commode flushes before I felt comfortable enough to walk out of the stall. And that would have given anyone that was present during my "storm" time to vacate the restroom....so yanno, I didn't crawl to the sink with shame.

As I stood there washing my hands, I saw a woman walk into the restroom and right into the stall I had came out of. I did the cross sign from my forehead to my navel and then shoulder to shoulder and said a silent prayer that I wouldn't hear a "thud" as I was washing my hands.

Very quickly, washed my hands and ran out. I didn't want to witness the greenish glow to the woman's face when she walked out of the stall.

This folks.... my first "Dumping" experience. Stupid ass Turkey Chili

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