Bee518

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I began a new life. I am ready, nervous, scared, anxious, but prepared. I go in at 11:30am and hopefully surgery will soon follow. They say maybe an hour after I arrive. Well family I will keep yall posted. Hopefully I'll be home tonight.

Peace

Well I have two more days and I'm starting my clear liquid diet today. I had a pretty good family reunion weekend and I let some very negative family members go. I have no regrets...My mom is in town and will be here until Sunday. I'm getting ready to go shopping for my post-op foods right now and get my Rx filled. I love my surgeon, he writes your Rx at pre-op so you can have it filled and not worry about it after surgery, I think thats super. Anyway on to run these errands and get prepared for Wednesday...my reborn day.

Peace

So yesterday I had my upper EGD done and it wasn't so bad. The worst part was that dang on anaesthesia. So I'm laying there and Dr. Duncan and I are talking and as the anaesthesiologist(Bobby) gets ready to put the meds in Dr. Duncan says "now this is going to burn but only for a second." It was more like 20 secs and thats a long time when your hand feels like its on fire. As Dr. Duncan is holding my burning hand trying to rub the pain through and saying just a few more momentd as then I woke up and it was over. So as I awake in recovery, the nurse is asking if I'm awake and Dr. Duncan comes around asking how I feel, "ummm ok" Then I ask if he found anything and he says yeah you have a hiatal hernia, do you have issues with heartburn? I reply yes, as I watch him pouring this pink stuff in a small cup. He says no worries I'll take car of that in surgery, I have the same problem that's why I'm drinking this pink stuff, we both laugh. I am really pleased with my surgeon so far, he's really nice and has great bedside manners. No wonder he's considered the best of the best. Oh yeah, I found out that he is really the best of the best, he was taught by the guy who came up with these surgeries. I feel so lucky to have him as my surgeon. But I just wonder how he does it with those big ol' hands... I guess it doesn't matter. 6 more days to go...and Family reunion this weekend...there goes my protein diet. I guess I will have to go hard Monday and Tuesday!!

PEACE

OMG what was I thinking??? I went to Pre-Op after doing 3-12hr overnight shifts an hour after I got off. I was so embarrassed because I nodded through half of the class. Well after that all I had to do was get my blood drawn and went home. So 2 weeks to go!!! Yaaay!!

So I had been doing very well, going to the gym and eating, I'd say OK, but for the last few days I've been on some kind of binge and I don't know why. I am so embarrassed to even admit that I have allowed myself to get this out of control so close to my surgery time. there are only 20 days left until I have surgery and I'm falling off already. Is this a sign of things to come? Am I going to be this undisciplined after surgery? Am I doing the right thing? Am I really ready to make this change? My BFF told me tonight while we sat here watching TV that I needed to start getting rid of ALL of these clothes, this is something she has been telling me since before I decided to have WLS. She always asks what am I holding on to them for and pointing out that I have accumulated so many clothes that I have no where to put them. Now she says since you are about to loose all this weight you can definitely get rid of that stuff. I don't know what I'm holding on to but part of me feels like what if I need them, not that I'll never need them again. Here I am at 03:49 in the morning wanting so bad to go and raid the kitchen but instead I've come to OH to seek refuge and hopefully in doing so figure out what my problem is. Am I nervous? Am I anxious? Am I crazy? I don't know but I do know that I'm about to drive myself crazy trying to figure out my problem. I know lately I have found myself saying to myself that once I loose the weight I don't want to become self absorbed and vain, because I know people who have. I don't want to be the person who acts like they were never fat to begin with and treat others really ugly. I don't want to pick up another addiction like some others have. I have told my BFF if she sees any of this in me to pull my card and bring me back to reality. Most of all I don't want to be a failure. I have failed at weight loss so much that I am overly concerned about failure. Up until now I have been so ready for the change and preparing for the best then all of a sudden I am here feeling this way. Is this normal?? Help me out OH family.

that I would document my emotions throughout this journey and do so in this public/international forum. Well today is a bad day for me. I am feeling down and depressed for more reasons than one but the main reason is that I made a huge mistake. I had purchased a flight for my mom to come to Atlanta from South Florida for my surgery. She was in a tight for money so I made this her Mother's Day gift. She was to arrive on Friday, June 12th which is also the weekend of my family reunion of which I'm the host (my other stress) and she was to depart on June 21st. Well low and behold her and I are conversing today and she's discovers that I booked the return date for June 14th!!! WRONG!!! WRONG!! WRONG!! So I immediately call Delta and ask what I need to do, they said since I didnt change it w/in 24hrs of purchase its going to cost me $150 to change the date, that's more than the original ticket. I refuse to pay more to change the ticket than the ticket costs. I feel so bad that I made such a stupid mistake. My mom and I are really close so I know she really want's to be here on the 17th for surgery but I dont see where I should pay more to change the date than I did for the ticket. And at the same time I told her the trip was on me. Ugh. I'm so aggravated. Also this family reunion planning is starting to get on my nerves. The reunion is the weekend before my surgery and that time is quickly approaching. My family is not cooperating very well and because of that my plans are having to be altered alot because of their indiscretions. I'm can't wait until its over and I will probably never host another family reunion. Anyway, I'm trying not to allow myself to sink into a depression and begin to stuff my face. So far in this journey I've been doing well emotionally, not that I didn't expect ups and downs but I'm trying to learn to control these unhealthy behaviors for the benefit of my journey. Well thanks for hearing me vent. Til next time...

Well from the time I decided to have WLS I figured hey why workout now, I'll just wait until after I have surgery and start fresh. So I've been reflecting on my WL journey and how significant it has become for me in this year, the last year of my 20's. On Monday I will turn 29 and I have told myself for years that I did not want to go into my 30's over weight and I was going to do everything in my power to make sure of it. Well in a few weeks I will be able to just about guarantee that. But this week I started to think why wait until after surgery, I need to began to condition my mind for the journey ahead. So I joined Crunch fitness, bought a Nintendo Wii and a Wii Fit + 2 fitness programs. I went to Crunch for the first time this morning and I feel great. I spent 30 minutes on the treadmill and 15 mins in the steamer. Yesterday I spent 20 mins on the Wii Sports boxing, fun yes...but boy do I feel it. I have made up my mind that I will use my tool to its maximum capacity, 30 will not catch me overweight and unhealthy. I plan to party hard this weekend and celebrate the journey ahead. I am already proud of myself for making such a life changing decision. Monday for my birthday I will be going to my initial consult, what a great birthday present!!! I CAN'T WAIT TO BE ON THE LOOSING TEAM!!!

So the other day I got all my dates lined up.

May 18th(my birthday)-- Intial consult at Dr. Duncan's office

June 1st -- Pre-Op

June 10th -- Upper Endoscopy (wasn't expecting that)

June 17th-- dun dun duuunnnn SURGERY!!

2 weeks after that Follow Up


wow...seems like a lot but it'll be worth it.  Until Later OH....

Hey Family, my surgery date is.....

June 17th, 2009

I'm excited, nervous, scared, happy, and ready all at the same time. Sorry I'm at a lost for words.

I am approved!!! I'm so excited I can't even type any longer...hands are shaking. I will update soon on my surgery date. Thanks for all the prayers. God is GREAT!!

Bee