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Well, it's been an intersting time. I can't seen to stick to any kind of diet/good eating habit. I am really hooked on sugar again, and can't seem to kick it. I have gained almost 50 pounds back over the last  2  years, and don't know what to do with myself.

I finally got off my antidepressant, hoping this will help me get some control back over my eating habits, and care about what I am doing to my self.

I have been thinking for the last year-2 that I should have gone with the RNY like my Dr. wanted me to,  but was too afraid to do that one. Boy, was I stupid. I should have just went with his recommendation. Now, I don't know if I can get a revision surgery or not. I have been having problems with throwing up, things getting stuck in my band, etc, and can't seem to eat the way they wanted me to eat after surgery. Right now I don't have the insurance that would cover the surgery, and am debating on trying to get added onto my husbands for next year and pursue it. If nothing else, maybe just to get the band adjusted? I don't know. Will have to find out if they have restrictions on if there is a 1-time wls lifetime clause that I am seeing other people post about.

I have a lot of excuses and can blame a lot of circumstances on my behaviour eating, but I alone have to shoulder the responsibility, which I am totally aware of. I am just not happy with the band at all, and really want it out. Everytime I try and eat the way they want me to, things get stuck, pills don't go down, and I am throwing up all the time. NO FUN... Then, I revert to the easy things to go down that they don't want me to eat. Hence, a lot of weight gain.

I am also trying to get more active again, so hopefully I can start dropping some pounds through physical activity.

I wish that I really had someone to keep me on track - but, it's really on me. So, wish me luck...

Tuesday, another day. Did not have any energy today - did not exercise, other than what I normally do at work. It was pretty slow, so not a whole lot going on. I'm sure that contributed to my lack of energy. I did manage to stay on my eating path again today.
Protein shake-1 scoop chocolate protein powder, 4 ounces lo-carb yogart, tablesspoon peanutbutter, 2 tbsp half & half & water & ice.  Also had 1 3.4 ounce kefir probiotic.

Snack - almonds

Lunch - 1 ryvita cracker with tunafish w/mayo, and 1 mozerella cheese string.

sugarfree jello with whip cream.....sugar free italian soda

pistachios

spoonfull of peanut butter

mcdonalds double cheeseburger minus the bun

drank 56 ounces sugarfree oceanspray cran-cherry at work.



I did get on the scale this morning and was 237.4  (was 240.8 on Sunday), so going in the right direction.... 

Got back on track, yet again, after falling off last week. I have walked the last 2 days in a row - 50 min's, then 40 min's. Going back to lo-carb, as I  cannot seem to moderate my sweet intake if I am eating carbs. So, 2 days now on lo-carb. On Sunday I weighed 240 pounds, which means I gained 3 pounds from the last time I weighed. That's what made me change back to lo-carb. I pray that I can stick with it.

30 minutes on elliptical this morning

Breakfast: oatmeal with lite marg & half&half

Snack - banana

Lunch - 3/4 cup lentil soup, rye cracker with lite margarine and tuna salad (mayo & tuna)

Snack - small apple and peanut butter

evening snack - double chocolate chip muffin (albertsons)

Did good today. 30 min's on elliptical this morning.

Oatmeal w/lite marg for breakfast.

Lunch - 1 cup lentil soup, 1 rye cracker with peanut butter small apple w/peanut butter

Banana

2 granola thins, 20 tortilla chips w/hummus

Dinner - rye cracker with tuna salad

1/2 cup no-sugar added ice cream, tblsp hershes & whip cream

I know that this wasn't the best, but I think I did pretty good, because I am coming off a really bad sugar binge for the last few months.

 So far so good for today. I have been able to eat right so far. Lunch was tuna salad on a ryecrisp cracker, with brussel sprouts and lite margarine. Snack - granola thin; Snack - small apple with 2 tbsp peanut butter. Dinner - rye cracker with lite margarine, and tuna w/mayo. Trying to keep it real...

Well, I am starting again yet today. Did 30 min's on elliptical and about 15 min's with dumbells working the arms. Also did some stretching.

My weight this morning was 237 and my fasting blood sugar was 118.

I have debated on joining a gym, but don't know that I would go enough to make it worth my money. I will once again try to keep up on the elliptical and walking, and using the tools I have here at home.

My food today: 1 package 170cal oatmeal, with lite marg & 2 tbsp half & half (which I know I didn't need to add, but makes it easier to get down). Drinking so far: 24 ounces crystal lite grape. Will try and stay motivated and log my food and exercise. Will measure weekly - just measured bust, waist and hips today. Bust was 46, waist was 44, and hips are 50.

 

Well, it is now 2011, and I have been through a lot of stuff, as I am sure everyone has. I had to end a long standing friendship because it was just too caustic. Maybe someday that will change, but I don't like having to bite my tongue all the time, never saying how I truly feel, constantly being made to feel guilty, have it being insinuated that I am a LIAR - never directly, but it's there - ON FACEBOOK for everyone to read, among other things. So, I am sure that I will get to a point that I am okay with it - the problem is it was my husbands best friend since childhood. His wife (who passed away several years ago) was my best friend. Almost 30 years of friendship on my part with them as a couple. On the other hand, we have been LIED to many times by this person, and he's a verbal bully - there is no winning a verbal war with him. If I lie, it is to spare feelings, not to hurt someone. And, I really try and not say negative things about people, although I may feel them inside. So, this is my journey on healing my spirit, and letting go. I have been doing the lo-carb thing for a week, now, and yesterday I started exercising again. It feels pretty good. I did 30 min's on the eliptical yesteray, and 35 min's today. Also did 20-30 min's floor/ball stretching, exercises, cruches, etc. I am a bit sore, but it feels really good. I hope to keep back on track, and start loosing the 30 pounds that I have gained over the 2 years. My anniversary from surgery is coming on on April 16th - it will be 3 years. They say that hindsight is 20/20, and as I look back, I regret not having the gastric bypass (I had the lapband). But, I have to work with what I have. So, wish me luck!

Well, I didn't do as well as I would have liked, but haven't totally gone overboard. Still feeling a bit off from being sick, and breathing is weird.  Dr. gave me an inhaler to try for a few days, says it may be a spastic airway associated to the bug I had last week. Just tired, and no desire to do much right now. Hopefully I will feel better by the weekend, so I can get back out & do some yard work, or get back to the Y for water aerobics.  Didn't want to go tonight because of the breathing thing...

On the other hand, I got my new stove yesterday...I can now bake/broil/roast again! But, it does mean I have to cook, as well...But, after fighting with my oven for the last 7-8 years, it will be soooo  nice to actually be able to turn it on without all the time and frustration (the electronics panel went out and was over $600 to get a new one)...Used to be able to go through a routine to work on getting the oven on - never an easy task....but last week, it totally wouldn't work after spending an hour trying to get it turned on. I did have it for almost 18 years though....
 

 

Well, yesterday April 16th, it was my 2 year anniverary for having lapband surgery. I went to a support group meeting on Tuesday, and it kind of kicked my butt in gear to get back on track. I have gained and lost and regained 25-30 pounds over the 1-1/2 years. On Wednesday, I decided to go back on the liquids only for a few days to get all the sugar and carbs out of my system, and only doing protein shakes. I have lost 7-1/2 pounds in 3 days. So, I am doing good so far. I did eat some protein today - had some cheese and a couple slices of  pepperoni (not pizza), as we were attending a funeral for my husbands aunt who passed away this week. Of course, family, we have a humongous potluck, and I stayed away from all the casseroles, potato, macaroni, slaws, jello, fruit, etc salads, and breads, and all the desserts. I, as I said did eat a few small slices of different types of cheese with a couple slices of pepperoni, and added some picco de gaillo on top. Now, I am going back on the protein shakes for a couple more days, and then I will start incorportating the foods that I should be eating, and hopefully avoid the pitfall of sugar, which has tripped me up over and over.

That is probably the only regret that I have about having LapBand surgery - I wish that I had went ahead with the proximal Dr. Srikanth wanted me to have, then I WOULDN'T be able to tolerate sugar. But, no I couldn't get my arms around having my stomach cut off and disconnected in me, so couldn't do it. Hindsight is 20/20.  So, I have to work with the tool that I have, which is the band, and do what I am supposed to do to get the weight off.

So, Welcome back to the program to me!