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Today is a much better day than that last week has been. I worked today, and it was very slow, I did a lot of 'clean-up' work and got some reading done. Got caught up on me e-mail, and went for a long walk on my lunch hour. I did eat popcorn today, but did not feel like I was out of control.

Breakfast was my protein shake, then oatmeal.

Lunch was 1/2 cup tomato soup; kashi multi-grain crackers with deli sliced chicken breast & a slice of cheese. Also had a 1/2 cup sugar free pudding.

I had a handful of raisens this afternoon when I felt that need for something sweet. Hit the spot, but kept in control.

My mood today is much more stable that yesterday, and I am sorry that I vented so much, but I guess I needed to get it out.

I know that I need to get more sleep at night, and try to get to be earlier.

I will try and be in bed before 10p tonight. Last night was around 12:30 a.m. & up at 7, work by 7:45a. Worked til 430 today, but did manage to go for a good walk - at least 1.5 miles. I felt sluggish, but kept going.

Tonight I visited my brother at the nursing home, and drank a couple glasses of ice water.  

Got home around 6:30, and returned family phone calls to all those who are asking about my brother. It's now almost 730, and I am going to get a protein shake going here in a few minutes. I feel much less stressed out and out of control today.

Thank you for letting me have a place to vent, and not judge...:)

Okay, I am in a very pissy mood right now. Too much going on, and I am eating everything in sight. Nothing is satisfying me. I am craving things and can't seem to get a handle on it.

My oldest brother is probably entering his last stages of liver cancer, and the last couple of weeks have been a roller coaster ride. He had a fall last Friday and was wedged  between his bathtub & toilet for 3 hours before he could drag himself to the bed and work his way up to get to a phone.

I was at work, and just had the feeling I needed to call him. When I reached him he had only been off the floor for about 15 minutes. Since then it has been quite the emotional time. He had friends take him to urgent care, but they didn't show up for 4 hours. I was 10 minutes away, and I could have left work and taken him. They waited until 6p.m. to get to him. I was a bit pissed off, to say the least.


I always ask if there's anything he needs, and how he's doing when I call him, or he calls me. He always says he's fine, and just tired. The chemo is really taking it's toll. He is also a diabetic with multiple other health issues as well.  His apartment is very small, and not a place that is conducive to visits, so he usually comes to our place, or meets us somewhere.

He finally asked on Friday if I would clean his apartment. I showed up there Saturday around 5p, and spend about 2 hours just getting all the recycle and garbage out of his apartment.  The smell and fruit flies were pretty bad.  I tried to make light of the situation, and not make him feel bad, but I could not stop the gag reflex. Around 730 he needed to use the restroom, and he couldn't get out of his chair. He is a big guy - 6'4" and 350. It took both me and my other brother about 5 minutes to try and hoist him out of the chair. Neither one of us are supposed to be lifting anything heavy - all have back problems, etc. Not something we could do alone, and really struggled to do it together. He was in the bathroom about 10 min's and started yelling for my brother who showed up to help me clean. He said he needed food. I got him graham crackers, and a coke, as  his blood sugar was apparently low. I helped him back to his chair, and he literally fell into it. I asked if he was okay, and he said "NO", and it went downhill from there. Very angry outbursts, flailing arms, yelling screaming, crying, etc. Finally had to call 911. Took him to the hospital to get him checked out, and I cleaned for 2+hours. Got home around midnight, and the hospital called and said he was being  released. Took him to McDonalds and got him food, then took him home. Helped him get all his pills so he could just go to bed. And the story continues.

Monday was chemo - or was supposed to be. Had a friend take him. Was supposed to call when he was done. Instead, he got a phone call saying he was being admitted to the hospital (30 hours after being released mind you)...Didn't say why or anything. I find this out when I get home from work. I go down to St. Joseph's and he's not there. All that they showed was his being released Saturday/Sunday around midnight.

I called all the hopitals in town, no one had him. I tried Group Health, but because it was after 5p, they don't answer the phones. I went to group health, and they told me he was gone.  It took me over 2 hours to find him - apparently I missed him by 20 minutes at Group Health. They waited until 500 to transport him, and took him to a hospital across town, because St. Joseph's didn't have any beds available.

I finally get to St. Clare, and there he is. He has a raging infection in his leg, and his kidneys are overworking per the doctor. It has been a long week. They moved him yesterday to a Nursing Home/Rehab Center. I hope they can keep him for a good couple of weeks, as I am working every day and don't have a day off until next saturday. I need to get back into his apartment and finish cleaning, and try and find some things that will make his life at his apartment a bit easier. Hoping his insurance will cover some of it.

Besides all that, I have other family issues going on that I can't go into right now,  but my stress level is too high, and my coping is not too good. I am feeling angry,  depressed, wanting to cry, and run away from everything.

Thank you for letting me vent.

Well, over the last 2 days, I have been on a cookie binge. No other way to describe it.  The 1st day I ate 7 cookies. and then yesterday, I ate 8 cookies. Not all at once, but 2 at a time. My stomach didn't like it, I felt bound up, and gassy. Did not stop me from eating the second day even feeling the way I felt.   I know that I am not suppoed to be eating sugar, but I tell you, a little bit sure brings back that craving that you try so hard to get rid of.

This last week has been very busy at work, and a lot of stress, between work and home, family & friends. I am sure this was my normal response to stress, is to grab for something sweet, or easy to eat without thinking about it. I am glad that there are no cookies in the house, and hope that I can keep myself in line when I go shopping.

I need to work on my self-talk as well, so I don't reach for that cookie, or other sweet in the first place. I know that emotions have a lot to do with how we react, and I guess I wasn't as prepared for the stress as I thought I was. Fell right back into old habits.

This morning my daughter took her driver's license test and passed. She is now a licensed driver - beware! Just have to get her added to the insurance before she get behind the wheel. Not looking forward to that call to the insurance company, but I guess it will need to be done. Once she is added to the insurance, she get drive her self to the park-n-rid at 4:30 a.m. everyday...:)

I have been reading a book by Bruce Fife called the Coconut Oil Miracle. Has anyone ever heard of it?

 

It has so much information, and it makes a lot of sense. I am about 2/3's of the way through, and have started incorporating coconut oil, coconut milk into my daily diet (2 days now). I realize it is high in fat content, and all the bad publicity about tropical oils causing heart disease and all, but if you read this book, it will make you take another look and quesiton what the papers, and doctors, etc are telling us. Coconuts have MCFA - medium chain fatty acids, and the way your body reacts to them is different than the fat from meats, and other vegetable oils. Instead of being stored immidiately into the fat cells, they go straight to the liver, where they are used for energy. I will not bore you with the details, but the book is really very interesting.

 

I figured it is worth a try, and only time will tell if I see a difference.

I highly recommend this book - and I am pretty sure I can adapt the recipes to fit my needs. I also bought a couple of books - cooking with coconut flour, and coconut lovers cookbook.  Anyway, the coconut oil can be used as a moisturizer, which is absorbed into the skin, and helps reliev all kinds of skin problems - this is exciting as I have very dry skin, no matter how much moisturizer I use....So, time will tell...

I will let you all know how I am doing as I have started adding coconut milk to my protein shakes, and coconut oil where I can.

 

Think about it. Look at pacific islanders - they live on a tropical diet and in many areas where they eat their tradition meals - high in coconut, heart disease if unheard of. Cancer is a rareity. Diabetes and weight issues are few and far between. The only places they start becoming prevelent is where they have adopted our Western way of eating. Anyway, I won't go into all the details, but I figure it is worth a shot. I will let you all know how I do adding these items into my diet.  MCFA's - Medium Chain Fatty Acids - have the ability to neuteralize free radicals and stop the damage and havok they are creating in your body. That is what is in coconuts,   He has a lot of scientific studies cited in his book, that he researched through a lot of medical journals. It all makes sense to me.

Went to the Dr's office for my second lap-band fill on July 1st. I was surprised, but I did lose 7-1/2 pounds in the last month. Vicki said that is great - usually between 5-10 pounds, so I was right in the middle.
I was pretty happy with that.

My fill went fine, although I got quite the bruise this time, about the size of of a small apple - really spread. It is still purple a week later. This restriction is quite a bit more that the 1st fill. The first 2 days, I had trouble just getting water and my protein shakes down.  It was quite a bit different than I expected it to feel. I was used to doing an iced shake in the morning, with soy milk and frozen berries. But, after the first 2 sips, it was coming back up - kind-of painful. Had to make myself burp and then spit out what was coming up. So, threw that one down the drain, and made an warm shake with nothing but the soy milk. It still took me 30 minutes to get that down. For the 1st 4 days, I had to do the warm shakes in the morning.  I haven't tried adding the berries back in yet - not sure I will for a while yet - did not like the feeling of having to burp stuff back up.

Today is July 9th, and I can tell the restriction is less. I am able to eat a little more now - I just have to really chew things up especially meats. I am finding that ground beef is not the best to get down, unless it's mixed in with something else. Chicken seems to be okay - little pieces. Tuna is fine.  Soups are good. Chili with green beans is good - goes down fairly easy. Rye crackers and cheese are okay as well. Fruit is great. Brocolli is okay, but just the florets. Celery is not so good - will have to cut that out of the stir fry's. Zucchini & mushrooms are good. So, trying to add a variety of foods and stay with good choices.

I go to my PC physician tomorrow regarding my blood sugars. I have been on 500mg metformin 2x a day, and my #'s are still too high. Averaging 200+ in the morning, and 230-250 after meals. So, we will see what he wants to do with that. I have to cut the tablet up in to 4 pieces to get it down. After my last fill, I only cut the iron and metformin in half, but it felt like a rock in my gut. I could tell when the dam finally burst and they went through my band - felt relief. Since then, as I said, I started cutting the tablets in to 4's, which is a pain, and they taste nasty - especially the iron....

Well, my weight is down to 242.4 on my home scale this morning. Yesterday I was 241.6 - so I know I am retaining some fluids - not getting enought water. I will try and wear the same clothes at the Dr's office as last time, so I can gauge any weightloss...

Well, hope everyone has a great week....will try and post this weekend...

It's been a month since I posted, so thought I'd better put down a few thoughts.

My weightloss stalled this month. I am sure that it is due to a combinations of things.  I started eating "real food" about 3 weeks ago, which is great. You would think that after 2 months of such a restricted diet, I would be able to control myself. I thought that with my 1st lap band fill, I would be restricted enough to stick to the 1/2 cup at a time theory. Not so for me.  So, my weight went back and forth between 248 & 246 for about 3 weeks. Finally dropped down to 243.8 this morning. I drank tons of water, and tried to maintain a reasonable amount of food at meals. I am eating at least 1-1/2 cups at meals, because I really am not feeling satisfied with 1/2 cup servings.

I go in tomorrow for another fill, and will discuss this with Vicki. I have also been very edgy this last month, and feeling some pretty strong urges. My diabetes #'s are still in the 180-250 range, no matter what time of day. I did get some blood work back last week from my womans yearly, and found out that my thyroid is being 'over' treated. So, they lowered my dosage, and I have to get my level rechecked in a month. This probably has something to do with my moods, and cravings - levels being out of whack. Haven't heard about my hormone levels yet (I am on estrogel hrt).
If that is also off, combined with my high blood sugar #'s & thyroid, I am sure that will help explain why I have had such a hard time this month.

Hopefully, with this next fill, I will be able to stick to the 1/2 cup serving sizes -  I really need to reenforce that habit.  

Well, I will try and post again soon with more positive results....

Yesterday, I had my 1st fill. I was kind of nervous, but excited as well.
It went well. From my last visit at the surgeons office 2 weeks post-op.
I lost 11 pounds in a month, and Vicki was very pleased. I was kind of worried about my weight loss stalling, but she said I did really well, and a lot of people only lose about 5 pounds in that time when you start adding mushy foods in, and not to give myself a hard time, as I had been doing.

So, I guess I am pleased that I am more on track than I thought I was.
I had to do 48 hours of warm liquids after the fill, and this morning I got to start back in with mushy foods, and tomorrow, I can start soft foods.

Last night I made some protein balls - mixed 1/2 jar natural peanut butter with 1 cup vanilla whey (lo-carb) & 1 cup chocolate whey (lo-carb). I melted the peanut butter in the microwave, and then mixed it with the protein powders, and added little bits of water until I could make a ball. Froze half of them, and have the other 8 in the fridge. They are supposed to be a good snack and will keep you pouch full for hours.

I have been trying to increase my walking, and was out Thursday evening for a walk in our local park (about 1/2 mile away). On my second trip around the track, I was dive bombed by crows, and attacked. I have 2 cuts on my head. Boy, I guess they don't mess around when they think their fledglings are in danger - I obviously got too close for comfort and they weren't going to let me get away with it. I had my husband wash it out with hydrogen peroxide, and then neosporin. Called my Dr's office the next morning to verify when my last tetanus shot was, and it was in 2005, so I am okay. Just have to try and keep it from getting infected now.

I was planning on getting my  haircut this weekend, but now I think I will have to wait, witht the cuts on my scalp...

Well, we are going to work in the yard today, and try and get the house cleaned up some. I was going to have a yard sale, but I think the Goodwill will be getting another donation instead.

Hope you all have a great day...

Well, today it has been 5 weeks since surgery. This morning I was down to 250.2.   I am down almost 32 pounds now since April 6th. I am feeling pretty good now, and most of the swelling at my port incision is gone. Still a little there. I do find that I am exhausted about halfway through my work day, and would love to be able to take a nap. When I get home, I am pretty tired and don't want to do much. Good thing I try and walk on my breaks at work, and ride the stationary bike when I can. Just took a vitamin b12 shot, hopefully that will give me some energy back soon.  I am scheduled for my 1st fill next Thursday, and I am kind of looking forward to it as I am not full with 1/2 cup of mushy foods - I want to eat more, but am trying to not go over the half cup unless it's soup, which goes right through anyway.

I went to the doctor today, and asked about my high blood sugars, and asked how long I was supposed to wait before doing something about them. He wants me to go on metformin, so I will be starting that tomorrow. We will see how my stomach does with it - last time I was on it I had major stomach upset, gas, diarreah, etc. Not looking forward to that part of it, but we will see if it helps. Just took my blood sugar tonight and was at 224 - this is 4 hours after having dinner of a protein shake w/berries, 1/3 cup tuna and a tablespoon of peanutbutter.

Hope everyone has a great Memorial weekend...

It's a beautiful Saturday morning here. I got up early & have already taken a 45 minute walk.  The sun is shining, and it is already pretty warm out.

I went back to work on Thursday the 15th, and it was a long day. I was so exhausted by the end of the day - I hadn't been on my feet for so long in a couple of months. Friday was a bit easier, and not quite as busy. Climbing the ladders ended up not being a problem, it was getting up & down off the floor that was the toughest part for me. But, each day will get better, I am sure.

I started adding mushy foods this last Monday - 1/2 cup of something 30 minutes after a protein shake, and cut the protein shakes down to 2 a day instead of 3 (per Dr's guidelines). I have added oatmeal, cream of wheat, hot oatbran cereal, split pea soup, lentil soup, etc. My weight actaully went up a 1.5 pounds, the first day, and now just sitting there around 252.2 every morning. I think I am not getting enough fluids in - it is harder to get the fluids in when you have to wait an hour after eating before you can drink anything. I will try and kick it up a notch this weekend and see if that breaks the barrier. I guess you could say I've hit my 1st plateau.

Today is Mother's Day, and I have had a nice an relaxing day. My daughter made me a beautiful necklace, and I love it. My husband gave me the entire Pink Panther Movie collection (I love slapstick comedy), but stiplulated that I can't watch them if he's home! HaHa...:)

I finally broke the 30 pounds down mark! Woo Hoo, Look at me! I fit into pants that I haven't worn for over a year, and they are loose! They were a tight fit when I bought them. So, that was a nice feeling. Since I have been wearing sweats since surgery, it was nice to wear real clothes and feel good in them. My port incision sight is still a bit swollen, but not too bad now. Still a bit uncomfortable to bend over and pick something up off the floor, and turn around and get out of bed. I still have to hold on to that area when I get up, but over all, I am feeling pretty good now.

Hope all mom's had a great day today....