**Cara *.

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Well I can go either way on that.  I just got accepted into the nursing program at school and am starting on the 22nd.  My boss was willing to take me part time as long as I can handle both work loads....then if I can't I will have to quit my job.  I looked on the San Bernardino Court website today and yes, finally my divorce is final.  I know this is a good thing, but it still hurts.  The bad thing about this week is, is that the scale didn't more and it frusterates me.  I knew it was coming....aunt flo should be here soon, I lost a lot of weight for me the past two weeks, so I was expecting a stall.  

So recap: Happy: nursing school
                  Happy and Sad: divorce is final
                  Sad: weight stall.  

I need to snap out of things right now....I go through these times of depression, right now being one of them, although so many good things are happening for me in my life right now. 

I am having a hard time eating right now....I am just not hungry, nothing sounds tasty too me and I don't wanna!!!!  I also am having a hard time with water.  I have to have some kind of flavoring in it or I can't drink it anymore.  I have been going through a little bit of depression recently, sadness, no one around me understands what I am going through.  I go out with my friends....they get drunk and I pee all night from all the water I am drinking.  I get tired of being asked by guys that approach me....your only drinking water?  I don't know them so my excuse is that I am the DD, they still wanna buy me beer and shots....sorry not going to happen right now.  Give me another 9 and a half months, then I will think about it.  My weightloss has sped up some, but I am waiting for my stall since that has happened.  I am now down 42 pounds from surgery and 56 over all.  I love it I just miss being able to be my old self sometimes.  I feel like I have changed not only in my appearance, but in my everyday life also.  I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but I sometimes miss being able to eat with my friends and having some drinks with them.  At least I know they are getting home safe and recently that's a good thing since 2 of my friends have gotten in drunk driving accidents.  Anyways, enough rambling....

Well here I am, I am a slow loser, but that's okay, at least it's coming off.  I just hope it keeps coming off.  I am down 53 lbs in all and 39 lbs since surgery.  Not bad....not great, but not bad.  I can deal with that.  I am just hoping to be down 70 lbs by Christmas which is 31 more pounds from surgery date.  31 lbs in 3 months, is hopefully do-able. (sp?).  Anyways, I hope everyone is doing great, I have had no complications, have thrown up only 2x...one from eating too fast, the other because I have found out chili just does not agree with me.  So no more chili for awhile.  Other than that, I feel great, go to the gym usually 4x a week and am just living life.  My divorce should be final in about 4 weeks, looking forward to closing that chapter in my life and moving on.  I apply for nursing school next week, I don't know when I will find out if I have been accepted or not, but I will sure let you all know!!! 

I just love Tanaka, he is a wonderful man.  Well he said everything looks good.  I am cleared to go back to the gym.  I have lost 22 pounds since surgery and 36 pounds  from my highest.  I am feeling good, I even went hiking, tubing and went down a zip line in Park City.  Life is good from that aspect.  Now if I can only get my divorce finalized so I can move on with my life!!!

Well, I know I am almost 10days out, and I haven't updated my blog yet.  

I went in for my preop and everything was fine.  I was scared to death of having this surgery, I have never had surgery, my daughter was freaking out and that made me freak out even more.  I stayed down in San Diego on Monday night and had to be at the hospital on Tuesday morning at 7am.  Well we all got to the hospital, (me,my daughter, mom, dad and sister), and I changed into my gown and got put in my holding room.  I then got taken down to the preop room and they started my IV and did my vitals.  My surgery was supposed to be at 10 but it didn't start till like 11:30.  Dr. Tanaka came in and said hi.  Then the anesthesiologist.  They gave me this wonderful drug because I was so uptight and I was so high, it was almost scary.  I said good bye to my family and off I went.  My daughter was crying so hard because she was so scared.  On our way into the OR, they gave me some more of that cocktail and all I remember is them telling me to move over to he table and I did but couldn't seem to find the middle of it.  The put an oxygen mask on me and I was out.
I don't remember the recovery room at all.... I just remember waking up in my room and vomitting blood over and over and over.  I was so nausiated for the next two days and the drugs they gave me just knocked me out bigtime.  I slept for the next 1.5 days because I could not open my eyes from the meds.  Everytime I tried to stand I would vomit.  At about Midnight the first night, I had to get up and walk, my body wasnt functioning correctly, my urine output wasn't what it should've been, I couldn't do my spirometer, I was running a fever, so as nausiated I was, up I went and did a few laps around the floor.  The next morning all was good except for the nausea.  Eventually that went away and the only pain I had was in my belly.  Friday morning Dr T came in to see me and released me, took out my drain, which was great, it relieved a lot of aches that I had and into the shower I went and off to my house. 

So I am packing my bag, getting ready to head down to San Diego for my preop.....I am getting very scared.....someone just died in Florida I think it was from a blood clot to the brain after surgery.  That didn't help calm my nerves....there is so much that I want from this surgery and will benefit from, but I can't become unscared.  I have never had surgery before and that is the scariest thing to me right now.  Please keep me in your prayers that I will pull through this without any problems.  I love you all my friends and family, especially my daughter Rachael.

4 more days to my big day....I have been stressing about my weight because I cannot even gain 1 pound of Dr. Tanaka will cx the surgery...well I have been watching what I have been eating and am down 7 pounds from my weigh in with him at consultation....now I can have my last supper with my family....mmmmmmm mexican food!!!!  And also a few last drinks with my friends on Saturday.....I will keep you posted!!!

Diane offered to be my angel this weekend while we were at Kelly T.'s last lunch....and I so graciously accepted.  I am so lucky to have her as an angel.  We are so close to my surgery date that we decided to wait and have a "First Supper" instead of a Last Supper.  I love you Diane!!!  You rock!!!

Well July 17th is my date....I told my boss this morning and she was okay with it!!!!  Here we go!!!

So I received my approval letter and I get to wait yet again for a call back from the surgery scheduler.....they said I should here by Tuesday for a date, but we'll see.  What is so hard about scheduling a date???