carolb101

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WOW!! my 6 month check up!!! time goes by fast.
So far everything looks great.I am down to 168 on the Doc's scale.My scale says167.5(i like my scale better) lol lol.

The dr.said I am about 20lbs to my goal.In all I would like to loose 100lbs.He said I am about ready for a body lift.A BODY LIFT????I was thinking my ass and back side are not that bad! lol.
I am thinking about it and I DO want it done.The question is MONEY and insurance but I will cross that bridge when I get to my goal of 100lbs! woooooooooooohoooo that would be a celebration!

I feel great.
I look good.
I have so much more energy.
and I am loving my new life style,working out
and being really active.

I am embracing my new idea's about food.
My relationship with carbs.(I love it when your here but I am better when your gone!)
and my new found protein and loving it.

This journey was and is not the easy way out.
I am embracing the "new me" the "new" thoughts about food
and taking it to another level.
emotionally ,physically and spiritually.
I am ready to help others as I am helping myself.

This week has been a crazy busy week for me and my family,I got on the scale and it finally moved again.I have been drinking protein shakes for meal replacements for now because of my busy scheduale.I will have a lean cuasine although I can't finish it.
On my scale I weigh 166.On my moms scale I weigh 169. 
I had to see my primary doctor.I might have phlebitis so I needed to get a script for before the appointment for the ultra sound.I rolled up my leg and she said"you have to stop losing weight,look at your legs!! Are you still on liquids?are you eating?" Of coarse I am eating!!!!!!
it sounded to me she was freaked out.I want to be about 140.so that means 25lbs.On a 5'5 frame thats good!If I reach my goal I will weigh what weight watchers always wanted me to weigh.That was always the same goal.I have gone to weight wathcers about 30 times... so I know.
I don't drink alcohol
I don't eat sugar
I excercise 3 to 4 times a week like the doc said to.
I am very physical with my job
So I am very active and on the go.
I still have a 44 inch waist I would like it to be 38.
A lot of people say I look great.
SOme people say to stop
but most of the people are happy that I am healthier
and my eyes are brighter and showing my happienss.

I am freakin out over this phlebitis thing.
but as long as I get the ultra sound
and follow what the doctors say I'll be alright,

warm hugs and wishes for all,
carol

I am still the same weight.170.5.
I feel great! my body is changing even the the scale is not.My BOOBS are so SMALL.wow....

I worked a lot this weekend.I am (amoungst other trades I do)A massage therapist.
I do swedish,deep tissue,chair and myofacial release.YES i massaged at 248 lbs beleive it or not.I WAS insane
However I had 3 deep tissue in a row and they were all men!!!I survied with energy after that!!!

I have not been at Curves too much this week because of work.To me my work IS a workout in it's self.Upper body and legs.I used a lot of muscles!!!!My arms are getting small!My chest is nearly gone.the chest fat right above the boobage.my legs are tooth picks and I am not used to it.
Everything has changed.My out look on life and my compassion for large obese people.Today a woman needed a men robe at work becasue the white one could not close.
I really felt her pain.Its strange because I am just over weight now and m co  workers never new me at 248 with a 52 inch waist.I have been opening up and I showed my fat picture today and one of the staff says wow.I can't believe it.You look like you take good care of yourself.and I had a ahhh ha moment.My answer to that was...NOW i do.

I am really changing on the inside.I feel it and it's  a bit scary but I am embracing it.

OK this might sounds funny but I feel anorexic on the top of my body and the legs! lol lol .I am feeling boney.I never thought I would ever say that!.

I am a bit stressed out lately.I found out this past week my father's colon cancer is also in the liver now and more lymph nodes were found in the pet scan.I didnt run to eat.I ran and drank like 5 cups of coffee.
My heart sank from the news because it does not look good.Dad is on chemo in the pill form but he is starting to get sick from it and has a loss of appitite already and it's onyl been 3 days.


well that is for now.
take care everyone.
Wishing you peice of mind and
peace in the body,
carol

OK i am going a little nuts becasue my hair is falling out like crazy and my son said to me not to worry iI am only going a little bald! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.He is 10 and adorable and honest.

I have been through some stress this week.My mother in law whom I am very close with had a mini stroke .I brought her in to the ER and was with her for 8 hours wiht no other family to cushion my emotions and to share the craziness.She is at home now in better spirits and doing well.I am proud of myself i didnt even try to binge eat about this!I did however drink about 5 cups of coffee.well its batter then a big mac right?At this point I dont even want one ...ever again.
This situation BEFORE the surgery I would of went to WENDYS and got a number 3 witha diet coke. But that is in my PAST and I have said goodbye to the old ways of binging and beating myself up.
instead I embraced the situation and myself and dealt with it.

I decided to step on the scale today and I weighed 170.5 I cant' believe it.It must be all the hair I lost.lol  hah a.
that makes a total of 78 lbs??? is that right????I think my math may be off.Or i am in denial lol.

I am changing for the better one day at a time.I am embracing my faults and my goodness.


I wish for everyone  a warm and wondeful 
big (((hugs)))),
carol

I finally had a loss this week. wooo hooo!
I hit 174 on my moms scale.
I have lost a total of 74 lbs!!!!! wooooooo hoooooooo.

I feel great... and working out at curves....
which I do love!

My personal goal is 140lbs....that means I have about 34 lbs to go.I can't freakin believe it.

I heart is filled with gratitude and I am fortunate in my life.

peace to everyone.

I AM GOING TO MAKE A CHANGE...FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE.
IT'S GONNA FEEL REAL GOOD.
I'M GOING TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

MAKE THAT CHANGE!!!

This month my weight stayed pretty much the same.I have been working out 3 to 4 times a week at Curves and really enjoying it.
I tried not to focus on the NO loss but you know your mind wanders and I did think about a bit.

My nephew had his  birthday party over this weekend.I have not seen my brother in law and sister in law in about 2 months.When I walked into their house thay were shocked that I looked to good.My brother inlaw does not throw out compliments too easily(once a year if that) but he saw me and said wow you LOOK great.He said since the last time he noticed weight loss but this time my face has changed and I look great.My sister inlaw said the same thingit was like WOW! It made me feel real good.and I was not thinking about the scale.
So my husband and children went their ways...kids went to play and hubby went to mingle.I was saying my hello's  and my sister inlaws friends ans family have not seen me either in a long time and they were like "wow you look great" It was feeling wonderful.
One other person not only said I looked great but I have a spark in my eyes and that I looked at peace!!! and thats when I knew this is the journey I was meant to be on,once again.That's all I really wanted was to get back to loving life with ease,myself,and being a better mother and wife and friend.
It was an eye opening day for me.It was nice to see people excited for me.




OK changing the subject.My body is going through some funky changes since I have lost my weight.I got my period on the first of this month and now I have it again at the end of the month.so it was exactly 3 weeks! OH no I hope I am not going through me "changes" yet?I 'll be 40 in October!!! aaaaaaahhhhh!   lol lol!!!

My friend Linda and I went to the mall today and window shopped around.She said that she wanted to be the first to buy me my first "smaller"shirt.So we went into Lane Bryant and looked around.I found a pretty top SIZE 14/16 and it fit!!!! SHe said I looked great  and bought me the top and then we went to Joes American bar and grill.I had filet mignon and steamed broccoli.and I barely made a dent into it.I really cant do beef to well,even though the cut was tender.It took me a while to digest it.So faor now on when I go out to eat I am not having steak. Its' either Chicken or turkey.
However we had a great day and I am thankful I have a good friend in Linda.She made my day.She kept on telling me how good I looked and that my working out shows.
AWWWW! 
Now I can't wait until my   kids  and hubby come home so I can give them a great big hug and kiss!I

opening of the heart.

In my meditation I Wish for all of you including myself

May you live in safety.Be happy.Be healthy , live with ease.


I am realizing I need to put myself first.Yes I have heard about putting the kids first but It wasn't working since I was so unhealthy.Going on a spiral downward.My thought was ..I won't be here for my children and hubby if I don't CHANGE  something about me...and of coarse it was my weight,my attitude.I found I need to love myself and embrace my feelings and deal with them without sabataging myself with food to numb everything so I can deal.
opening up my heart to myself and letting go old resentment and learning to forgive.learning to love myself with my faults.
\
Since this wls journey I am slowly changing.Everything.
As the soft change occurs I am seeing a soft reactions of my husband and my children.All for the better.
I am CHANGING and they are REACTING! All in a positive way.

One day I would like to hold meetings for WLS patients.
and call it" Opening of the heart".
Not to talk so much about food.portions,protein drinks...but about OUr hearts,our emotions,what hurts us and how we fight back.
Dealing with our emotions diferently and actually FEELING.
We all know what to do.What to eat.What portions and how much water to drink.but what we don't address at support group meetings is HOW we FEEL.What is the PAIN we are experienceing.Letting go of old anger,resentment and HURT.
Are we sourrounding ourself with the postive people aorund us?Are we still stuck in an emotional rutt?
We need to put ourself first in a postive way so we can be stronger,postive and happy for others.
It's really Whats EATING you!
getting down to the nitty gritty and facing our short comming and embracing them
Knowing if we need cuddle time with hubby,sexual fullfillment,Opening communication.
Do we need to ask a friend for forgiveness?
Do we need to forgive?
Do you get my drift?


this meeting will be more spiritual.Emotional and opening of the heart.
One day.
For I am opening my heart.

May you live in safety.
Be happy.
Be healthy and live with ease.

carol

Now when I get up I don't think about how uncomfortable I feel or how achy.Well I am still a bit achy (systemic lupus)but it has been much better snice I lost my weight.
Life is so much easier ! Easier to move around,bending stretching and I swear since I have joined Curves and started moving I feel so much better.

It was a chilly cold day but the sunshine made me feel warm and happy.I do better on sunny days then gray days.
I took my mom and dad to his doctors appointment.He is gaining strength and looks a bit better.My concern is how he will do once he starts chemotherapy.
I know I will be bringing them to the treatments.I am going to need something other than food to soothe me.I am thinking of booking a massage and a pedicure and a night out with some french fries.....LOL just kidding. my friends.
So I weighed myself at my parents house and I am still stuck at 178..I think I went up a pound..is that possible? anyway....

So for the now..life is good.life is calm.