carolb101

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My body is changing and so is menstral cycle.I am not use to it.
My cycle  is now regular.every 4 weeks(use to ge it every45 to 50 days).
Today I am a bit down in the dumps,but not too bad.I just am having cravings for salt (sweet potato Terra chips)and sugar.However  I indulge on sugar free candies and decaf coffee for a desert like sweet!

As far as the scale goes I did  weigh myself today.Because I feel like I gained 5 lbs!!!However I didn't I stayed the same.I think once i get "it" and after 4 days after that I will see atleast 1 or 2lbs down.I hope.

I am trying not to focus on the number at the scale.Instead of I am more aware of the choices of food I am making,listening to my body more.Have I tried a cookie or 2 ...yes..sugar free and no suagr added.
Working out at Curves wich the way I feel I dont want to go but I am!!!!going!!

So ...poopy is the way I feel,but I am picking my ass up off the floor and moving on!!!!

I am really starting to love my Curves work outs!!!!
I am still at a plateau so I am taking a break from the scale for now.I have lost 70lbs since the surgery!!!!!!!!!!
I am feeling good and my mind is in a good place.

The surgery wouldn't have been possible if not for my loving family and husband.He has been my strength and my rock.He has helped me,taken care of me and IS so supportive of me...of US!
His love for me is truly pure and unconditional.he loved me at 70lbs more and he loves me 70lbs less.He just always wanted me to be healthy.
I am so fortunate for him being in my life.

I am feeling reflective today.I am seeing everyone around me who loves me for me and boy is that a great feeling.

OH and another thing ..this is the first time in YEARS that I dont have to worry how hot and sweaty I will be in the summer! wooo hooooo!

I have been doing a lot of reading about this surgery.I know if I do what the docotors and nutritionist tell me I WILL lose the weight.
I know this is just a TOOL to get me where I need to be physically,but mentally is the FOCUS for me.

Emotional.Mental state.This is my focus.I am working on this to go along with this TOOL i am greatful for.
when I am stressed out,need sexual fullfillment,intimate momnets with my husband,Family illness....the list goes on.
The question is what do I reach for INSTEAD of food?
I know I am working on this part.
I am more aware of my feelings.I am more vocal with my expression.I need to think before I speak sometimes.

This surgery really saved my life but it's up to me on HOW I live it.
I choose  everyday to eat well,healthy and wise.

I am changing in BODY and in MIND.
I am more caring for myself which in turn my husband and children are effected by it for the BETTER.

It's not easy being a good mother and wife.There is a balance needed which I am regaining.

I am taking this journey one day at a time.

I am enjoying Curves a lot!!!

Today I had my husbands family over for his 40th birthday.A casual gathering.Mellow and fun.The kids were running around to busy to eat anything.

I am changing.I feel it inside.
Even though I am at a plateau I really feel this change.I am finally making the connection...of my mind and body.

I realized my focus was not on food as much today.I was enjoying my family and children.

I am learning something..I just can't put my finger on it yet to give it a name.

It's not about looking skinny as much as FEELING thinner.FEELING great.

I know this is a long journery.I have a lot to learn about myself .
I am embracing everyday.in a bad mood or good mood.
these days I am more balanced with my moods.I have better days now.!

My cousin made me laugh.She said "Carol ...why are you walking so fast?"
I didn't realize I was?
I guess I have more pep to my step and I am FEELING better so I am carrying myself different.

This is truly some journey that I choose.I would chose it all over again.

The rny surgery was for me.It was what I needed to get to where I needed to be and I am greatful.

Even though I FEEL like eating everything today I am not.
For breakfast I had a protein bar
Decaf coffee with splenda and skim

Lunch was 1/2 cup of oatmeal w/splenda
3 small pita crackers
2 cashews 
For lunch I was at my parents house and that was the only thing I could eat.They don't have much in the frig since my mom didn't get to shop yet.

My dad was diagnosed with colon cancer and my mom can't drive to well.So I took them to their appointment.That is why I want to eat everything but I am not.I want bread,something crunchy and fatty ,cupcake and apple pie...but am I going to???NO WAY.
This is my journey and I am so realizing that carbs and fat is my choice of "drug" but I am not giving into it becasue I will get really sick.Thank God for this tool I have.It has helped me out so much.
Now I am going to really FEEL what I need instead of eating myself into numbness.
I am very sad about my dad(stage 4 colon cancer) and what I need is a hug from my husband,a squeeze from my children and I just need to cry.Instead of eating.
I am feeling!!! yes FEELING and it hurts but
I know I am making progress in my mind because I am now making the connection.
Connection is fullfilling  either lonelyness,sadness,fear,lack of sexual attention with OUT food.I am letting myself know what I need.I am tired of being numb  and ignoring things.
I choose to live with feeling and dealing with it without the comfort and numbness of food.
I am breaking through.......!

Well I am off to Curves now.Which I love.The owner also had the gastric bypass.I know she knows what I am going through and it's comforting.

I am greatful for this day.

woah! I really took a look at my boobs (the sista's)
and they aRRRRE saggin!
It's time to consider a boob job now,well atleast think about it.When I reach my goal weight and have kept it off for about 6 month's I am going to do this.I know it's coastly.I don't care WHO I have to do (lol),what I need to do to get them, but in some way ,shape or formI am getting them.Oh and a lift as well.
The one area of my body I always loved are now flappin in the breeze.
now the question is ....Silicon? or saline?
My friend just got her lift and double D"S that are silicone and they are BEAUTIFUL!

WEll enough of the boob thing.......I am off to Curves now.

Today was my first of many Curve workouts!
I felt great working out.
I felt even better after.It  gave me a bit of any energy boost.

Just to add I can not do sausage of any type right at this point.Not even chicken sausage! oh well.LOL!

I usually weigh myself at my mom's house on her scale.
I went there to day ..got on and weighed 178! that's a 70lb loss!
wooo hooo!!
Today I joined Curves!!!! wooooooooooo


Yesterday my friend gave me some of her clothes (She is getting ready for spring already )SHE IS A SIZE 16 !!! i AM WEARING HER SIZE 16 JEANS!!!Of coarse they are stretch,but hey who cares.
I went from a size 22/24 to a 16 -1x.wow..I am still on a cloud.
Most of all...I feel great! In body and mind.

I saw this on another person's profile so I figured I would play the game to:

C  ...caring and courageous
A  ...adventerous
R  ...relieving
O ...outrageous
L  ...loving and learning and laughing

Wow,I can't believe it is really happening.I am down 66lbs and I feel great .I am slowly changing on the inside and I am starting to look at food a bit differently.Although I still battle with the thought of food as my comfort ,even though it really does not comfort me anymore.It's my mind and I am am changing.I am at a stand still on my weight loss,but 182 feels great.I know what I need to do and I am thinking strong and healthy.....LEAN strong and healthy!!!I will get there.

I will be joining curves this week and not as a New years resolution.It is time for me to take action and get as strong and fit as I can.Not only in body but in MIND!
I am looking for a new attitude with my weightloss and I feel that it's happening.I am attending  the support group meetings and it helps.
I AM changing for the better and my happieness and gratitude show in my eyes.I look a lot brighter and more approachable.
This change is profound.I am so greatful to have this second chance,not only for me but for my family as well.As I change inside I see my husband and children REACT to my change in a positive way.I see how much I am loved and wanted.I feel more then ever how important it is for me to be strong as a mother.

I do battle with food still,but I am in a better place.It's not about wearing the bikini  this summer it's MORE than that.It's being INVOLVED with my children.
Being more "active" with my husband**ahem* you know what I mean! Sex is a lot better!!!! lol

I know this journey that I am on  is the right one.I feel it.
even though I am at a stand still with weightloss I am still changing on the inside.I feel  so alive...like the color YELLOW.