CarolinaGirl270
-21 lbs
Dec 04, 2006
Thanks to my 3rd fill, I am loosing at a better pace and am not really hungry at all anymore!! I am down to 249!! I can't remember when I was in the 240's!! I also went to Lane Bryant yesterday and bought a beautiful sweater in an 18/20!! NOT 22/24.
Waving the white flag
Dec 01, 2006
I think I finally surrender to my band. I just PB'd again at work. This is PB #2 today. I was filled monday and it is now friday. I am up to 2cc and I can finally tell ya'll, I am feeling full. I ate way over capacity and I could not hold it. I finally understand people who say "if I take another bite, it will be all over with" . It is so much easier to PB at 2cc's. Less pain and effort but I don't want to do it anymore. I KNEW I was not hungry but that lemon pepper tuna from bumblebee looked and tasted good. I also gorged earlier on Oreo's dipped in my coffee--mmmmm. I can't eat before about 2:30 in the afternoon and I seem to make up for it at night while I am at work. I have started some light exercise though. I feel like my cheating has been defeated and I am still slowly loosing so It's not working any way. My self sabotage has met it's match!! MY BAND!! I am just scared of succeeding I guess. Scared of the world and being thin in it. I feel and look so much better. This fill is perfect for me. Maybe on Dec 21 I can get a .2 or .3 tweak to kick it up. Who knows. I'll just have to keep that white flag in my hand to remind myself that THE BAND HAS WON!!
It's Official!!
Dec 01, 2006
I have lost 20lbs since surgery!!!
Fill #3
Nov 27, 2006
Well, I had my third fill today. He got it on the first stick again! This makes 2cc in my 4cc band. Half full. He said that maybe I will need a tweak next month but that we are coming close to being where I want to be in terms of the band and losing weight. I did not meet my personal goal of 249. The holiday eating pretty much put an end to that. Anyway, I was at 251. As long as the scale is going down, I'm good! The surgeon did say I have to do some form of exercise everyday. I'm trying to build up slowly due to joint pain but I have already started and things are still looking up.
Happy today
Nov 20, 2006
I'm actually losing weight. I am now down to 251. My highest ever was 274 and I usually hung out around 272. On my consult I was 272 and 268 the day of surgery only because I had had a stomch virus for about a month pre-op. I feel lighter and my clothes are more loose. I am tying to stick with 3 meals a day with a protein snack. I also upped my liquids and this is probably what started the weight loss back. I have another fill planned for the 27th. Exactly one week. I want to be at least 249. I am starting my period this week so I will have to work extra hard for those 2lbs. Things are starting to look up, finally!!!
Bad day all around!
Nov 11, 2006
It's Saturday and I am sitting at work. I am feeling sorry for myself and mad at my boyfriend. I went to the break room and of course there is lemmon cake and choc. cake and pizza left from last night. I make my protein coffee and take some lemon cake. I eat a few bites and get stuck. It goes through. Not even 15 minutes later I get an anger surge and take a few big bites, not caring if I get stuck! OK--then I start hurting, sliming and I know a PB is immenent . SOOOOO, I hightail it to the ladies and procede to PB, a nice long violent PB. Productive Burp is so stupid a name for this, it sounds way to pleasant! Anyway, I'm back at my desk, cake in the trash, and me spitting on it as I still have some slime. The reason for this??? STRESS!!! Last night I got home from work at 12:10am. My boyfriend is sleeping and his cell phone rings so I kick his foot to wake him up. He answers and says his friend's truck stalled in the road and he needs help. OK, maybe I would have believed this if I already didn't have doubts about his fidelity. Anyway, he comes home at 2:30 am. He is all giddy and just SOUNDS guilty. He also says that the "guys" truck is still on the road since they couldn't fix it. I let this go and went back to sleep. Now I am thinking this over in my head. Missing time on a daily basis, missing money from his checks EVERY week!! No hugs, kisses or anything outside of the bed. Sleeping on the couch most nights. Now, disappearing for 2 hours in the middle of a friday night after a mysterious call????? Also, another stressor is my friend/coworker who just had RNY has been having nausea/vomitting for two days. She was so bad off that they won't let her eat or leave the hospital. It has been 6 days post-op for her and she's still in the hospital. She is on two different meds for nausea and this is not helping. I feel helpless. She was soooo excited for this and now she is in agony. Prayers are going up for her every hour on the hour for her safety and recovery so she can get home and feel normal again. And, as usual, the holiday stress and money issues are all on me and my depression is at an all time low. I WILL make it through this. It will just take some time, NOT CAKE!!!
Linda had RNY today!!
Nov 06, 2006
Well, my friend/coworker Linda Kirven just had her RNY today!! I saw her for a few minutes and she's fine except for thirst. She looked really drugged up so I'll stop by tomorrow and visit her when she is feeling better. YEAH LINDA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fighting my band
Nov 03, 2006
WHY do I fight my band? Didn't I want to have surgery to be healthy???
Why did I eat a whole sleeve of choc. chip cookies today??? I am so tight in the morning but by early afternoon I am shoveling in the crap!!!
I also graze!!! This is an old habit and I can't seem to break it. I liken it to a crack addict trying to busy themself so they don't use! I clean the house, play with my daughter, take naps just to try to NOT EAT!! Even though I am not hungry, I will eat anyway!!! I hope I will come to the realization that I will be OK, and STOP FIGHTING MY BAND!! It is there to help me , not hurt me!!! I really had NO IDEA how deep my issues with food were until I was banded. With each fill the urges to eat just get stronger. It's like the food fest before surgery, the urgency to get it all in before I'm cut off. I still get the euphoric, almost hazy, feeling when I eat. I'll be alright and then start taking bigger bites too quickly and don't stop. That's when the hazy, addict's fog takes over. It is so weird. I can actually tell my endorphines are being released. I truly feel like an addict now. Before I just thought I loved food. I was a foody. But now I know that's not the case. This is sinister. A beast that needs to be dealt with.
Why did I eat a whole sleeve of choc. chip cookies today??? I am so tight in the morning but by early afternoon I am shoveling in the crap!!!
I also graze!!! This is an old habit and I can't seem to break it. I liken it to a crack addict trying to busy themself so they don't use! I clean the house, play with my daughter, take naps just to try to NOT EAT!! Even though I am not hungry, I will eat anyway!!! I hope I will come to the realization that I will be OK, and STOP FIGHTING MY BAND!! It is there to help me , not hurt me!!! I really had NO IDEA how deep my issues with food were until I was banded. With each fill the urges to eat just get stronger. It's like the food fest before surgery, the urgency to get it all in before I'm cut off. I still get the euphoric, almost hazy, feeling when I eat. I'll be alright and then start taking bigger bites too quickly and don't stop. That's when the hazy, addict's fog takes over. It is so weird. I can actually tell my endorphines are being released. I truly feel like an addict now. Before I just thought I loved food. I was a foody. But now I know that's not the case. This is sinister. A beast that needs to be dealt with.
PB'd at work!!
Nov 02, 2006
Oh Lord, I just PB'd at work!! My coworker brought in a jamaican beef empanada and I ate it too fast! It was good the first time, not revisited!! I felt like I wouldn't make it to the bathroom and then I felt all flushed and dizzy. Then, of course, someone had to go into the stall next to me (only two stalls) I only have 1.5cc's but it is working with the doughy bread and rice! I should know better! I am sipping on warm coffee now. The only good thing is that I work 2nd shift and noone is really around to gossip about me in the bathroom upchucking!!
I just realized that the photo of me "the reason for WLS" I am wearing the same outfit tonight at work!! WOW--what a difference 16lbs makes. My stomach and arms are a lot smaller!! I need to take another photo just to compare then and now in the same clothes!! That's so crazy!! I look a lot different in the face too--I actually have a jawline and a chin now!!
UPDATE: OK--it's three hours later and I have made the mistake of eating after I PB'd earlier. I'm a food adict, that's all I can say about that. I knew I shouldn't have eaten again but I did and I made another uneventful trip to the ladies room where I just wretched and spit slime for 10 minutes and for the last three hours I have been spitting into my trash can at my desk. Swallowing my saliva makes me nauseous. Since my fill monday, everything over spiced or garlicky is making me sick. It's like it sits in my pouch and is concentrated flavor. I can't stand the thought of swallowing right now. I CAN swallow, I just don't want to. Spitting is gross but I don't care now. Liquids tomorrow!!!! I promise!!!!
I just realized that the photo of me "the reason for WLS" I am wearing the same outfit tonight at work!! WOW--what a difference 16lbs makes. My stomach and arms are a lot smaller!! I need to take another photo just to compare then and now in the same clothes!! That's so crazy!! I look a lot different in the face too--I actually have a jawline and a chin now!!
UPDATE: OK--it's three hours later and I have made the mistake of eating after I PB'd earlier. I'm a food adict, that's all I can say about that. I knew I shouldn't have eaten again but I did and I made another uneventful trip to the ladies room where I just wretched and spit slime for 10 minutes and for the last three hours I have been spitting into my trash can at my desk. Swallowing my saliva makes me nauseous. Since my fill monday, everything over spiced or garlicky is making me sick. It's like it sits in my pouch and is concentrated flavor. I can't stand the thought of swallowing right now. I CAN swallow, I just don't want to. Spitting is gross but I don't care now. Liquids tomorrow!!!! I promise!!!!
2nd Fill
Oct 30, 2006
Well, today I had fill #2. He filled me with .5 cc. So total now is 1.5. I can tell the difference. It's not where I want to end up but I'm glad I'll have some time to adjust and work on my chewing some more. It was soooooo different today. He got me on the first stick. Last time he stuck me a lot, even bent a needle! The only problem I had was waiting for an hour while the nurse freed herself up. The fill was not even two minutes long. First the numbing, then he felt around and then the stick. I only felt the prick from the numbing stuff and that was nothing! He said since I have lost weight in my abdomen, that the port is easier to find. I'm happy and feeling full on full liquids. I may try to eat some soft/mushies tomorrow. I have a follow up appointment on November 27. I am also taking my kids to Walmart tomorrow for Halloween games and stuff. I will only eat one or two pieces of my favorites and that's it. Fills get me back on track for some reason. Maybe it makes me feel like there is hope after not feeling restriction. To feel it again is great!!! Happy Halloween Ya'll
UPDATE: OK--Halloween was a bust on my promise to only eat two pieces of candy.
UPDATE: OK--Halloween was a bust on my promise to only eat two pieces of candy.
