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So I had my 1 year post-op appointment today.  Everything looks good.  According to their scale I am down 122 pounds (that's including the cast right now).  They are very pleased with my progress.  The only thing they want me to discuss is pain management as well as the aspirin regiment I am on because of the ankle surgery.  the medications they feel are having an impact on my stomach right now.  Other than that everything looks good, my blood work is perfect, etc.

Well a year ago today (not this date, but this day-the day before Thanksgiving) I had my RNY.  I think I can finally say I am thankful for doing it.  Life has been a little busy and on Monday I am facing ankle surgery.

Ran 4 miles this morning in a little more than 38 minutes.

This morning I ran a mile on the treadmill without stopping...took me 12 minutes but that's better than not being able to run at all.

After several months of trying to call my sleep study people, I finally got the results....no more sleep apnea!!!! YEAH!....also since coming off metformin for PCOS, I have not had any of the side effects of PCOS I once had.

I have been thinking over several weeks about several things, mostly about loss in general.  When people think of having weight loss surgery they think of weight loss, and not about other losses that come along with it (sometimes).  Obviously for me more losses came along with it.  As much as in reality I have lost a part of me (physically) there is the emotional loss of me as well.  As much as I thought in february I hoped that things would be better by now, but a lot of the times I dont believe that any more.  Just when I think things are getting better something happens to bring me back down.  One of my aunts passed away last friday.  I was unable to visit her because I passed out and was in the ER that day.  I have learned that the family is not having any services for her, which is hard for me because I have been learning strategies for grieving but it's hard because they all involve saying "good-bye" in some form of the other.  I didnt get the chance to do this in any form.  I have stil be having problems with suicidal thoughts and for a long time have been thinking it's a sin to have these thoughts, but as I was reading a book about borderline personality disorder (which I have officially been diagnosed with) suicidal tendancies/self-harm is one of the major characteristics of BPD.  Which in a way makes me feel better, as I was reading this is something that people with BPD struggle with most of the time.  So now I know it's not me, it's in reality something I can't really control, but I can control the fact that I dont act on the thoughts (both self-harm and suicidal).  Also along with reading in this book, it has helped me understand why I can't seem to be able to hold a job, because even though my classroom was very structured I didnt have supportive administrators.  This is why I am starting my own business and luckily have the support of the ones I love to be able to do this.  SOme of this I count as a loss too, because I have loss my old way of life...the life of frustration with people who just didnt undersand me, and in some ways I didnt understand myself either.  I think I am starting to understand myself through reading this book.  (the name of the book is- I hate you! Dont Leave Me).  I can't guarantee that my business will be successful, I just know I can try and try my hardest.    Ever since my surgery and struggles following surgery I have been trying to put my life back together in a way that I can try to do things I enjoy.  I for some reason didnt believe that some of these things would be from going to church, since in December/January I gave up all hope on God and even up to a few weeks ago.  But things have just been coming together, there have things I have been praying about doing through the church, that have been asked of me.  I have interactions with people that have had surgery and even one who wanted to know about it because they are thinking about it.    So as much as I have had several "losses"  I am starting to come through each of them.  As much as I know I still have a long and hard road ahead of me I am starting to see some of the positives and how maybe I can help other people. 

Well, today it has been 8 months since surgery.  Currently weigh 153 which is down 116 pounds from  11 months ago when I began the process.  Fit into anything from a 10-12 down from 26 and into small/mediums/larges from the 3x.  I am doing good with energy levels despite some things going on.  Have posted a few pictures.

Yup it has been 7 months.  WOW!  Where does time go?  I have posted a few pictures taken today in our unfinished yard.  As of today down 111.4 pounds since August.  The capris I am wearing in the picture are a size 10!  I wore a 26 day of surgery.  Someone at my step-mom's work today said he has been wanting to say it all week, but he said "wow, you look amazing, I think your half the person you used to be"  the pharmacist, said yes she is, but only in size.  So it has been 7 months since surgery I no longer regret having the surgery and I am beginning to believe that I actually look good, I look at the pictures my stepmom took and have to think is it really me. I dont recall when I have ever been this small.  As much as it is a happy time for me because of the weight loss, it's also a really hard time of the year.  tomorrow June 27th it will have been 1 year since my father passed away.  I miss him sooooo much.

Wow! Has it really been six months since surgery.  Things are going better in more ways than one.  Things are getting better emotionally, physically and spiritually. 
I now weigh 185.2.  Down 53.8 pounds from day of surgery and 103.8 since I started the process.  I fit into a 12 and sometimes a 10 size pants.  And medium/large tops.  All depends on the style.
Other than that not much more to update.
I also posted new pictures.

My brother brough home lobsters yesterday from a fisherman that he knows.  I debated whether I should try them since they say it should be one of the last foods you try and to at least wait 4 months.  SO I decided I am 6 months out so I would try.  And yummy!  Of course 3 ounces was all I could eat (which was a claw basically).  I never realized how low in calories lobsters are either.

I will post another update tomorrow as it will be 6 months.  Off to my sleep study to see if I still have sleep apnea.