cherryblossoms
I wasn't a overweight child. In fact I was a very skinny child. I started to put on 10~15 pounds in my tweens, after my parents divorced, which I was teased about allot. I felt as if I was much bigger, and started to develop a distorted body image. My mother used to say I couldn't possibly fit into a size 11. Size 11, she said was " a tiny size ", but that was the size I wore. I still do not have the slightest idea why she said that to me. I asked; she never elaborated, in fact she denied ever saying it. I'm sure she didn't mean to sound cruel. I weighed in about 140 to 145. I was 14. I also wore Levi's original 501's size 30 W.
I remember sitting a math class in a new JR. High in the back of a row of progressively heavier girls, and some horrible boy started going down the line " lets see we have 8 tons 4 tons 2 tons and 1/4 ton" ( that was me) I felt so bad for everyone.
Thru out my late teens and early 20's I maintained at 150 tops. When I married and gave birth to my daughter, at 26, I went from 180 to 215, but I was able to drop back down to around 180 within a year. My mother had a beautiful figure ( she studied ballet for years since she was 3) before I came along then she slowly became obese and did not set good eating examples as far as portion sizes and indulging in food such as loaves of french bread,, ice cream, cookies. Funnily enough I was raised on fat free milk, and she always served fresh broccoli and was interested in nutrition and vegetarianism- I remember finding "Diet for a small planet" in her bookshelf, but I also remember the vintage classic ( I have a copy for happy memories) of "The Betty Crocker Cooky cookbook" published1963... anyway.... I'd come home from school, as a teen, and fix like two packets of top ram~ en. We ate allot of hamburger helper , but chicken and fish too. After my parents divorced my mother returned to college and earned her M.S.W. at San Francisco State, so she was gone allot.
At 29 I weiged 215, so I went to the human performance lab at Long Beach City College, where I was attending at the time. I lost 60 pounds. It did not stay off permanently. I regained even more...
Even thou I have fiddled about with vegetarianism and vegan ism allot of my adult life, starting at 19 with the cookbook " Laurels Kitchen" I always reverted to my good pals fast food at stressful times, and I could pack it in resulting in rapid weight gains that I would let last a few years then lose it again, then regain... more then before. This pattern got worse I would say in my 30's and continued....
In 2005, at 44, I discovered "raw foods" as in vegan raw, and began that lifestyle for about 3 years. I lost 85 pounds in 7 months eating whatever I wanted~ I ate normally and well, seriously, and exercising such as running in the park and swimming and weight machines. I maintained this for a few years then reverted back, after a relationship with a jerk ended. I was feeling like... men suck, I would rather just hang out with Micky D. or In N out.
I am now the heaviest I have ever been ~ 275, and I feel just terrible; out of breath, weight bearing issues for first time ever,horrible GERD, gave up trying to find nice clothes and shoes, I can JUST squeeze into a theater/ airplane seat, and believe me it is NOT pleasant. Forget about roller coasters. People just walk past and even into me like I am invisible? hey am I not big enough for you to see! O, I guess since I'm the fat one I need to get out of your way.. sorry! second class citizen here!
I want to be healthy and proud of my appearance again, and be there for my future grandchildren and family, so here I am.
My choice to have surgery wasn't decided overnight, thou I'm new here. I have been researching it for over a year.
My original thought was to have a Lap band, but after learning more about it, and learning about RNY and other WLS I decided this would suit me better at this point in my life after trying so many other avenues and my growing BMI.
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