Skinny Cheryl

Jan 10, 2013

15 months out. I'm hovering around 135. I'm buying new clothes slowly but surely. Size 8 pants are generally the way to go. Anything lower and my extra skin doesn't have a place to go. Anything higher, and it's so baggy, it reminds me of being fat. I wear a lot of size medium tops, and I'm comfortable in them. Dresses I actually prefer to be around the 6 mark so it cinches in my waistline a bit. Oh... and I bought one of those fashionable wide belts that ladies wear over sweaters or tunics. And it was a SIZE SMALL people. Seriously. 

My mom took a picture of me with my son at his birthday bowling party, and I loved how thin I looked. I look so happy. I have bony shoulders and a collarbone that could cut ice. 

I'm finally getting used to seeing Skinny Cheryl in the mirror and, more importantly, in pictures. I'm finally recognizing myself. 

So yeah. I'm getting kind of vain. I got a kickass new haircut last week, and I like how put together I look. I feel stylish and fashionable. I feel like I can stand next to successful women my age in the corporate world or the supermoms who have it all together and fit in. It's a confidence I NEVER experienced when I was 280+. I could feel strong and capable, but I never felt stylish... I never felt pretty.

Pretty Cheryl? Mostly. My face is kind of gaunt right now because my skin is still shrinking, so my teeth look too big to me. Not when I smile... I have a great big smile and that's fine... but when my mouth is closed, I feel like my big teeth make my face look bony and kind of gross. I also have wrinkles around my mouth which might go away someday, but might not because I am over 30. I have the typical turkey neck waddle that lots of post-ops get, and that annoys me, but I can't do much about it. So my beauty right now is not the rosy, perfect look I dreamed about, but it's something better than it was before at my highest weight.

I read a lot of Rosamunde Pilcher books when I was a kid. She used to almost always describe her heroines by saying they weren't classically beautiful - their faces were too angular for that - but they had the sort of smile that could transform an entire room. And I think that's close to where I am, and that makes me feel good.

Vanity at a price? Yes. We are still paying off the medical bills, and I no longer have health insurance because we couldn't keep up the premiums AND pay off the deductibles that had racked up. But I honestly couldn't put a price on how good I feel, and how good it feels to be a normal, accepted part of society. That might sound harsh, but let's face it, this is not a fat and proud site. 

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