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I met with Dr. Shiau at the Ottawa WMC yesterday, for what I thought was to receive the results of the four cardiac tests I've had since May.

I have one partial artery blockage and some calcification of the heart, but does not need to be operated on. It is within acceptable limits for weight loss surgery. (whew!) I now have another appointment on October 2 at the Riverside to discuss the results of all the heart tests with the internist there.
  I also have another appointment with the Weight Management Clinic in two weeks. My blood glucose is too high right now for weight loss surgery, so that has to be changed over the next several weeks/months.  My A1C from last week is 8.4, it must be 7.5 or below for the surgery to occur.

Dr. Shiau reminded me that three people out of seven hundred have died at the Civic since they started WLS there.  She does not want me to be another one (please forgive my bitterness when I say, that I, right now, curse their statistics).  There's a medical coldness ...

Two other things concern me -- I called the Merivale Medical Imaging clinic to follow up on the missing results of my abdominal ultrasound (not in my file when I met with Dr. Wicklum).   MMI refaxed them while I was on the phone;  yesterday, no record in my file.   Losing important pieces of paper at the WMC is not encouraging to me.

Second?  I was not told that I needed to return to the Riverside for the interpretation of the test results.   A case of the right hand not knowing what the left hand is doing?   It's (bitterness, alert) making me question the reliability of the whole process.   

I am disappointed with this delay but I am not giving up; weeks/months of delay in exchange for a life enhancing surgery?
 
I've got to stick it through.

Colour me discouraged and unhappy.

Has anyone mentioned the emotional component to obesity?  Yeah, right. I thought so.  This pity party will last only the rest of today, I promise. 

I don't really do the hurdles, as I'm sure we are all aware.

I'm just home from the Heart Institute, having completed the cardiac CT scan that was, in my mind, the final hurdle in the detour that has been the story of my cardiac history and its effect on the process of getting to weight loss surgery.

The CT scan went well;  the usual, "oh, I don't know why they had you on calcium channel blockers since July 10 as they only work in 10% of our patients".  So, I've put up with six weeks of lethargy, fatigue, weight gain and discomfort, but hey, never mind, it's all a process, right?

So, sure give me a Beta blocker, which in 14 minutes had my heart rate at 50, where they wanted it (something six weeks of drugs did not do, but hey, never mind, it's all a process, right?).  Easy ... feeling drunk, being cooperative, in to the scan room, lie down, shoulders well protected and lifted with pillows (I learn from previous experience, and don't want to be crying from pain).   Scan commences, drugs in, no problems at all, the nice warmth spreading through my loins is interesting. *laugh*

So, in to the Heart Institute at 8:15, out by 10:30.

Please please please let me pass this test.  Let me not have a heart blockage and let me not need a stent

If I need a stent, WLS is off the table.   OCH won't perform WLS on a stented patient until 18 months post-stent, that would bring me to age 65, and no longer eligible

Please let me pass (its a remote possibility that I won't, but I'll believe it when I see it).

I'm tired, cannot take Metformin for the next two days as it interacts badly with the contrast dye used in this particular test, I'm going to bed (I love being retired).

When anyone says, "...is the easy way out", this source unknown quote comes to my mind.

Being fat is hard.
Losing weight is hard.
Keeping fit is hard.
Choose your "hard".

As far as I'm concerned, the only easy way out is giving up, or saying "I can't".

with Curiosity.          http://mckaylaisnotimpressed.tumblr.com/image/29138879537

Posted by polymerdiva of Florida, slight edits by me.

Dear Loved One,

While reading an article, seeing a Youtube video, or hearing about a friend of a friend would seem to make you an expert on the life of a WLS patient, sadly it does not.

Your loved one did not get the surgery to make you feel fat, or badly about yourself. Making you jealous was not in the grand plan.

Asking "are you supposed to be eating that?" is an insulting question. Please refrain.

Of course you think you know "tons of people" who regained all their weight back post-op. The statistics say they are the minority, NOT the majority.

Telling us we took the easy way out is the highest form of insult. We took the last option available to keep us out of the grave or horrible ilnessl. That's a brave act of desperation to survive. Can you truly fault us for choosing life? We have bodies that respond poorly to conventional methods of weight loss. If you can do it conventionally, congratulations. YOU get to do it the easy way without the pain, vomiting, and dumping. How lucky to be you!

Please don't tell us we should just push the plate away and go take a walk. That is an oversimplified solution to a complex problem. If it were that simple, nobody would be obese.

It is wonderful that you worry about complications and risks. We do too. This is scary. But our futures as obese people are far scarier than those possible complications. Please don't rub our faces in your fears. We don't need extra loads to carry.

Before you stand in judgement, please ask yourself if you are actually resentful that WLS isn't available to anyone with a little bit of junk in the trunk, including you. Is that at the heart of your resistence?

Please join us in celebrating the weight loss victories and let us talk it to death. It's our process, and a natural progression to make peace with a huge life-changing event. It's not meant to make you feel bad about yourself.

Finally, please understand that we are experiencing something close to being paroled from prisons we have been trapped inside for many years. If you knew how horrible it was to live in there with no breaks, you would understand fully.

If you cannot understand, will never understand, and disagree on all levels, please merely smile and nod. We don't need your poisonous negativity on our road toward survival. We've got lives to save over here!

Sincerely,

Your Loved Ones Under Construction

Let us celebrate our diversity ..

My colleagues took me to lunch yesterday to celebrate my birthday (tomorrow) and my return next week to retirement;  eight of them walked from Queen and O'Connor to Milestones on Sussex.  I took a cab.

I walked back to the office with them -- ohmygawd, my hips, my legs, my everything hurt.  (You know, it's called Parliament HILL for a reason, because it's all uphill from the Market to the Mall.)

My boss, who is the only one at work who knows what I am planning, had RYN three years ago;  she made a special point in the afternoon of saying privately and quietly "next year you'll be able to do that walk with NO problem".

It's going to happen -- patience, Marilyn, patience.

Ottawa's the worst for humidity -- well, that and freezing rain, but freezing rain doesn't make me sweat. 

mmm

Monica called me this morning. 

I'm sick at home with a cold so was here to receive the call.  I've been working on a casual assignment with the government since mid February and have been phoning home three to four times daily to check my voice messages.  The *first* day I take off sick I get the call from the hospital.  Who would have thought it.

Anyway, I have an appointment for Thursday, May 10 with Dr. Wicklum for a consultation.  I will be receiving a new blood test requisition (because apparently they are not using the ones they handed out nine months ago anymore), an ECG requisiton and a "brown" questionnaire (as opposed to another colour?)), all in the mail. 

I asked about the steps after the consultation (nurse, etc.) and was told that it depends on the results of the consultation and if I am deemed OK for surgery (health, age (! my huge concern, at 63), etc.

Have any other Ottawa people done the consultation first, then the appointments? 

I'm so pleased ... :)

mmm

I had a folding chair collapse under me last night, sitting with two friends and thirteen strangers playing euchre at a house party.  Thump! No warning from the chair, just me on my large buttocks, on the floor.

It was embarrasing, particularly the struggle to pretend it really hadn't hurt (and it did and does, like an SOB).  Then the struggle to get up.

So, yet one more thing to put on my list of "remember those times?" when I, too, post-surgery, may question "what the heck have I done".

I'm stiff, sore and more committed than ever to this long, long process.

It's March, and it's now eight months since my orientation at the Ottawa Civic, and they said eight to nine months, so I'm hanging in there, waiting patiently to be called for my first appointments.

And, next year?  at the annual euchre tournament?   I might not break a chair.

Thanks for listening to my whine.