chipmunk_roasting

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I had two very successful appointments this morning with the behaviourist and the nutritionist at the Civic Hospital.

I felt so much better after meeting both of them than I did after meeting with the screening physician, with an excellent exchange of information and lots of positive feedback on changes I've made to date. Terrific staff -- I'm impressed!

Tomorrow morning I'm off to the Riverside Hospital for another cardiac test -- the two at the Heart Institute two weeks ago were extremely unpleasant, and I'm in for a modified version of one of them tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it, but I will endure. I'll probably cry, but I will endure. The cardiac tests are to ensure that I'm in good condition for surgery, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they are formalities and not roadblocks. I've had no recurrence of my heart problems from ten years ago -- it's going to be good to have confirmation.

What a good day today was -- I'm hoping to report the same tomorrow.

Cheers!

Originally posted on Ontario OH Board, May 20, 2012 -- copied here. 

Good question, huh?

I've been leaping in and on to the board for over ten months now, marking each wee move forward, listening, watching, learning. So why haven't I posted about the really great news that I got over a week ago now, that I've been given the go-ahead to move forward with the testing to move me to RNY surgery here in Ottawa?

I've been thinking about it, deeply. I've been mulling it over in my head and it's not much clearer than it was on May 10 when I met with Dr. Wicklum at the Civic Hospital. We met for about 45 minutes and I answered lots of questions and have been busy for the past week and a bit with making and keeping appointments. I've been scrupulous in updating my signature and am just thrilled with the way the appointments are falling in line, so why haven't I got my fat little fingers busy and been typing away to my friends and co-voyagers here?

*sigh*

I'm ashamed. I feel shamed. I don't know how to handle this feeling. I feel slapped around and shamed.

*sigh*

I got the call from the Civic on April 10 for my first meeting with Dr. Wicklum, the physician with all the power to move me along. And from April 10 to May 10, I ate. I ate fast food, I ate slow food, I ate before, between, after and instead of meals. And I gained ten pounds in a month. I know what it was, it was fear and a wee bit of last meal syndrome. I knew what it was and I didn't control it.

So ... what's got me shamed? Not the eating, not really.

I completed the questionnaire for the meeting with the doctor honestly. I didn't pretend I had not eaten my way through the fast-food facilities in western Ottawa and most of the Bulk Barn's offerings. I wrote that I had eaten out six to seven times a week and had had fast food perhaps 20 times in the previous month. And I got slammed for it. I had everything except a finger waved in my face telling me I had to change my ways and I felt shamed.

Any people who have been to TOPS? You know the pledge that says "I am an intelligent person..." Well, I am an intelligent person and I let my emotions control me *in that month* waiting to see the doctor. That's *not* how I usually eat -- I've maintained this weight (granted it's _over_weight, for the past six years, It wasn't until the doctor drew back, physically, from me that I realized "oh my gawd, she thinks this is how I eat all the time and she's going to refuse to move me along" that I mustered the intelligence and clear-headed speaking ability I possess to explain that this was not the normal me, and that I knew what I was doing. I even had taken my TOPS weight charts for the past two years with me (easy, since I'm the Weight Recorder for our Chapter), to show her my steady up-down-up-down the same eight to ten pounds over the past six years.

Once that got straighted out (and I must add that my heart was in my throat the whole time), we proceeded with the rest of the appointment -- weight, height, blood pressure (normal!) waist measurement, physical exam of my neck, etc. We had a good discussion about my expectations from the surgery, booking a whole bunch of appointments to assess my current cardiac health, given that I had a heart procedure ten years ago, etc. etc. And, oh yes, discussion of my family history with obesity and cardiac/heart health. We discussed my son's successful RNY in Utica over two years ago (he was in the last of those referred out of country). And a brief mention, by the way, of my age and oh, yes, she's moving me forward.

Still, I feel shamed.

I've been fussing and fretting and thinking and re-thinking ... and maybe the place for this post is in my blog, but I'm choosing to be right out front with it, because I value the input from the caring people here, even though it's nine days ago, a very long time in the fast moving world of a forum.

I know what I need to do, I know the mental challenge of this life-altering decision -- I have the intelligence to use the tool of the RNY and the emotional intelligence to get the necessary behavioural therapy and assistance to work these changes. I am so grateful that my province will allow me to have this life-extending, life altering surgery.

But the shame? I didn't walk in to the appointment with anything other than a hopeful spirit and a willingness to do what is necessary to make the changes that will serve my health and future the best it can be.

And I'm afraid to mention it to them, i.e. the doctor, because these people have power over something I want.

I'm sorry this is so long and rambling; it's clarified a lot of how put down I felt.

Thank you for any thoughts or "snap out of it Marilyn"s you'd care to send my way.

And oh, wheeeeeeeeee! I'm moving forward -- I'm 63 next weekend and I'm moving on! At this rate, 2012 *will* be the year for me.

1.   Referral  to Registry – March 2011
2.   Orientation - Ottawa - July 8, 2011
3.   Sleep study - July 13, 2011 - moderate/severe sleep apnea – CPAP November 5, 2011
4.   Colonoscopy - August 23, 2011 - removed two polyps – follow up in five years
5.   Bone density baseline scan – November 29, 2011 – osteopenia
6.   H. Pylori blood test - negative – December 1, 2011
7.   Blood tests – OCH - May 10, 2012
8.   ECG – OCH - May 10, 2012 
9.   Consultation with Dr. Sonia Wicklum - May 10, 2012
10. Stress Perfusion Heart Test - Ottawa Heart Institute - May 17 and 18, 2012
11.  Behaviourist – June 4, 2012 (Rob)
12.   Registered Dietician – June 4, 2012 (Leeanne)
13. Pre-surgical assessment - Dr. Cathy Code, Internist - Riverside Hospital - June 5, 2012
14.  Abdominal ultra-sound - June 18, 2012 
15. Cardiac PET (Positron Emission Tomography) – Ottawa Heart Institute - June 28, 2012
16. Cardiologist(s) - Dr. Derek So and Dr. Gill - Ottawa Heart Institute - July 9, 2012
17. Second visit with Dr. Sonia Wicklum - July 18, 2012 (changed from June 26)
18. Cardiac CT scan with contrast - Ottawa Heart Institute - August 15, 2012
19. Meet with Dr. Sitarem, Neurologist - re neuropathy - nerve conduction test - August 17, 2012
20. Blood tests - Riverside Hospital -  August 23, 2012
21. Appointment with Dr. J. Shiau (Dr. Wicklum's replacement) - August 28, 2012
22. Second appointment with Dr. Shiau - September 12, 2012
23. Blood tests - Ottawa Heart Institute - for Dr. Code - September 24, 2012
24. Blood tests, ECG - Ottawa Heart Institute - for Dr. So - September 24, 2012
25. Cardiac catheterization/angiogram - Dr. So, Ottawa Heart Institute, September 27, 2012  CANCELLED
26. Second appointment with Dr. Chan's cardiac group - Riverside Hospital - October 2, 2012
- discharged to the care of the Weight Management Clinic
27. Cardiac catheterization/angiogram - Dr. So, Ottawa Heart Institute, October 5, 2012
 - no blockages in heart arteries - all look good
28. Third appointment with Dr. Shiau - November 7, 2012

29. Pre-surgery class - November 14, 2012

30. Meet with Dr. Mamazza to sign surgery consent - December 6, 2012

31. Call from Lana - surgery date - January 23, 2013 - only 16 days of OptiFast

31. Pre-Operative Assessment - January 17, 2013 - Civic Admitting

It was nine months on April 8 since my orientation at the Ottawa Civic Hospital.  I called yesterday, April 10,to find out where I am on the waiting list.  Michelle returned my call this morning, April 11 -- "I can expect to hear from them this month" for my first appointments.  

No mention of when those appointments might be, but patience, Marilyn.

I am really hopeful that I might have my surgery in 2012.

My focus for the next months must be to bring my blood glucose down in to a "healthy" range -- below 7.9.  I'm not there now, as I have not been diligent about my food choices.

Progress ... yes, progress is being made.  It's reassuring to know that my file is in the system, not lost, not forgotten, and that people are looking at it.

January 12, 2010 was the earthquake in Haiti;  I was in Utica, New York, in the waiting room of the hospital.  My son was undergoing RNY surgery with Dr. Fitzer.  My son has to date, January 11, 2012, lost 194 pounds.  I'm so proud of him.

January 12, 2011, I was meeting with my endocrinologist at the Riverside Hospital , to review the progression and treatment of my insulin-dependent diabetes.  I mentioned the date to her, and its significance as an anniversary to me (let alone my son), and asked if she thought I was too old for gastric bypass surgery.  She told me I'd be an excellent candidate, even at (then) age 61, and that it would an excellent treatment for my diabetes.

January 11, 2012, today (see where this is going?), I'm on the waiting list to be processed through the Ottawa Civic Hospital's bariatric surgery program.   I had my orientation on July 8, 2011;  I'm working through the eight to nine month interim between orientation and nurse appointments, and I'm actively participating in the OH Ontario forum.   I've been to one support group meeting, and plan to attend monthly.  Last week's was one I'd planned to attend, but life intervened.

The cut-off age in Ontario is 65, so even though these wheels are grinding slowly, they are grinding.  I'm hopeful that this time in 2013, I'll be writing as a post-op patient, rather than a patiently waiting patient.

I learn so much from the OH forum -- the good humour and common sense are good fits for me. 

No real points have been made in these miscellaneous musings, but they're clarifying my desire for this change.

insulin dependent type II diabetes - ten years plus
moderate to severe sleep apnea - on CPAP - November 2011
neuropathy - feet
high blood pressure - controlled by medication to 114/75
high cholesterol
high triglycerides
osteopenia