cmobley4

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well, I found out that my benefits with my job wont be effective until July. Some red tape about 30 days after your first "permanent" day and then it has to be on the 1st day of the month, so I have to wait. Its ok... no biggie. Something is better than nothing. 
My sister has been helping me gather courage. She is so brave. Last night she sat for 4 hours getting a tattoo outlined on her back of a Costa Rican rain forrest. Shes a NUT!!  Our dad is gonna kill her! 
Shes 36 too!!! But she lost 80 pounds on her own and had a tummy tuck and she said its not "that bad" so I think I can suck it up!
Just keep encouraging myself!!!! 

I quit posting because I chickened out of surgery again! I am such a baby! 
Anyways... things are better at home. My family and I moved into a house with better neighbors. The crackheads we were living next to  broke into our hosue and stole meat out of our freezer!!!
So.... now  we feel better!
BUT... I am finally going to be able to get benefits from my job. Effective in June so I can go see the WLS dr out here. 
I have put to rest my dream of being able to move back to Cali. For now, God just isnt opening that door! For now, SC is home. and I am learning to be ok with that. 
I finally submitted some pictures to get loaded so stay tuned! Im a big phat fattie ;0) (PHAT= Pretty Hot And Tempting)

Good Morning EVERYONE!!!
This past weekend my hus and I got to spend a few minutes chatting about WLS before we drifted off to sleep. He was much better than he normally is. He said that he can understand my desires and that he just wants me to be happy... but that doesnt make him "want" me to do it. 
I tell ya what... that lil chat helped me feel better about wanting the surgery, but nothing seems to make me feel better about being scared outta my mind. I think I gotta go to the altar with this one. 
But I am buying an elliptical with my tax refund this year. A GOOD ONE TOO...
Plus I am buying myself new clothes! I know that if I proceed with WLS, they wont fit me for long... but I deserve them and I figure I can give them away once I am too skinny to fit into them. 
My job is going ok. Less fulfilling than I would like, but they will accomdate my school schedule one I get started so I am ok with it. 
PLEASE just throw my name in the air when praying... I need all the courage God can bless me with. 

I say "baby steps" bu t in fact I have been researching WLS for 7 years. I have attended seminars in San Diego, CA... Fresno, CA... Tampa, FL and now Charleston, SC. The biggest obstacle is my fear! Fear of the unknown, fear of having surgery, fear of how WLS will change me.
BUT I turned 27 on January 6, 2007 and losing the weight is NOT getting any easier. So.... I am going to go ahead with surgery this year.  I have made up my mind. I am choosingm MUSC as my hospital and of course Dr. Bryne or Dr. Morgan for the procedure itself. I have not attened their "clinic" yet, but I will. I am waitng for my insurance to kick in...( I just started a new job ) 
Once it does, I am getting on the ball!
In California, I was a regualr patient at a weight mgmt clinic. I was even treated by a nutritionist. I think it should be a breeze to get approved. I have been this route SOOO many times before. 
I dont know whats wrong with me. I can lose about 30 pounds on my own... and then NOTHING. 
At one point, I was even at Golds Gym 5 days a week for 2 hours a day and I plateau at 270 pounds! Thats ALOT for someone who is on 5'6". I dont consider myself a BAD eater... but I am a snacker. I like my popcorn and cheez its too much ;0)
I am hoping, and praying... that WLS will give me a new chance at living a better life. I have two small children, a son who is 8 and a daughter who is 2... and I just want to participate in their lives more.  My husband is NOT supportive. I think its part insecurity, part fear and part jealousy. I would hate to see my WLS be something that puts distance between us... but my WHOLE life I have been living for other people. FOR ONCE I WANT TO LIVE FOR MYSELF!!!!