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It’s been a while since I’ve tracked my progress on OH. Life with 3 small kids, going to school, running my own preschool out of my home and getting through the holidays has been keeping me very busy.  I think the scale lies to me and my clothes exaggerate to me. I wish I would of taken my measurements before surgery so I would have a better idea of how things are going for me. However the scale says I’m 184 and I have dropped two sizes in my clothes. I’m so excited to fit into clothes that I couldn’t even get into a few months ago. However I’m still struggling with the whole mental part of this journey. I’m trying so hard to change behaviors but I like to watch TV and need to find something to do with my hands so I don’t feel like I should be using them to put food in my mouth. Not that I am I just feel like I want to.    Bottom line I’m shrinking and I’m doing everything I can to make the best choices so I can play with my kids in outside till the street lights come on and so I don’t ever have to look for the biggest size on the rack again. 

  I’m alive!!! I’m feeling pretty good folks! I took my 2 ½  on a walk today around the neighborhood. We live in a very hilly community so it was a lot of uphill and I did ok. I think I’m ready to start moving into the next phase here, but I have to wait to have my follow up appt which isn’t till Fri. 11/5/10.  So far so good, I hope all keeps going this way!

 I’m still tired but can make it from 7:30 am to 8 pm and then I’m done. But I’m feeling much better then day 2 and that’s awesome for me. I’m finding it hard to cook meals for my kids that I can’t even taste. And my back hurts like someone swung a baseball bat at me.  On the good side I’m down 10 lbs. already!!! And I just have to hold on to that so I stay strong and keep looking forward,  and I’m trying so hard to have no pity parties for myself. Must keep my eye on the prize. Hope everyone has a great week!

I can’t believe I’m 4 days out. After surgery it was so hard to keep my eyes open. I had a great night nurse who made all the difference in the world to helping me feel safe and that I could get trough the next 24 hrs. Didn’t push me too hard just nudged me enough to get me going. She was gentle and patient and I really needed that. My husband on the other hand can’t seem to follow some basic request and it’s really making me made. But do I feel this way because I just had surgery or do I feel like this cause we got into a fight before surgery. I don’t know and I don’t care I have to think about me and it’s unfortunate that I have to rely on him so much right now.  Well on to some good news about me. I was told that once my blood sugars are below 100 I no longer have to take me diabetes meds. One med I stopped right after surgery today if my blood sugar stays below 100 than I don’t have to take that big pill anymore either. Hurry for me! Today was also the 1^st day I could get down a whole 12oz protein shake. I’m going to go out side for a walk, I’m starting to feel like a real person again!

I can’t believe how fast today came. I’ve been praying for this surgery for 2 yrs. And now it’s finally here and I’m so scared. I have so much to do this morning so I should be able to keep form thinking about it too much. But I just wanted to take a moment and write my feeling down. I think then I can let it go and move on. My RNY surgery is at 3 pm today and I can go with out food but that is a long time to go with out a drink of water. Oh well, can’t cry about that now. I am looking forward to not having diabetes, living a longer life, playing soccer with my kids, & of course shopping for nice clothes. I have to keep these thoughts in the forefront of my mind. so as I go through this very tough, scary, road ahead of me I know why I’m doing it.  Ok off I go. Need to run a few errand and burry a time capsule with my kids before going to the hospital.      Hugs to everyone going through this journey and I thank you for your support!  

Now it’s just 1 & ½ days to go. I am officially on liquids only and our water is turned off to our house. There’s some damage to the city water pipe leading to my neighborhood. Just my luck. It’s all I can do to not go mad right about now. But I got to believe it’s all going to be ok.  It has to be. But even as I type this I can’t help but think is this a sign of some kind? Ok, well I can’t eat, drink, or doing any laundry so I might as well try to get some sleep. 

Ok it’s my last night for solid food for a while and I didn’t eat all day so I could enjoy a nice meal with my family at Olive Garden. As of midnight tonight I can only have liquids and then Mon. nothing and surgery is at 3 pm. I’m trying to come to term with this feeling of anxiety. I just pray I’m not that 1 person who dies. I’m also just nerves and afraid of what I’m going to feel like after surgery. I have 3 young kids under the age of 8 and I just need to be able to care for them. Well I say goodbye to this fat girl I see looking back at me in the mirror that I don’t really know and hello to a healthier me I hope to see soon. 

    I may have 4 days to go but only get to eat solid food for 2 more days. Then it’s time to clean my system out for surgery. I was schedule to have surgery at 1pm just got a call that it’s been pushed to 3pm.   I don’t know that’s a long time for me to go with out drinking any water. Oh well it’s mind over mater right. I’ll just pretend I’m on survivor, oh wait they get water. Well I’ve stopped reading all about all the things that could go wrong because I keep freaking myself out. I really don’t know if we can really prepare for life after surgery. I have tried. But the sad thing is I still have to cook for my family and not eat it. It’s going to be super hard for me because my husband has to go back to work 3 days after I’ve had surgery and I’m on my own with 3 kids young kids and I have to try and take care of us all the best I can. God please help me heal fast! At the very least help me get up and move even if I don’t feel like it. 

"You can suffer the pain of change or suffer remaining the way you are."
— Joyce Meyer

    Today I find myself saying good bye to a steak sandwich and fries. It’s the only meal I’ve allowed myself to have today so I don’t gain any weight before surgery but also get to enjoy a meal that I won’t be enjoying for a few years. Maybe never again.  I love bread. I’m going to miss it a lot. I’m trying to say good bye with out over doing it. But at the same time I don’t really get the same enjoyment I once did with food. Every time I eat some thing I ask my self is this mouth watering and satisfying. And 9 times out of 10 it’s not. So I say goodbye to food as I know it and try to think of all the wonderful things I will be enjoying. I keep telling my self “When you change the way you look at things. Things Change.” So I’m working on changing my view of food so my relationship with it can change to a healthier one.