Jun 19, 2013
There, I said it. My surgery is less than 2 weeks away and I'm starting to freak out. I guess that's normal, at least from what everyone tells me, but that doesn't mean I like it.
What am I scared of? How long do you have to read this?
- This is going to hurt. How do I know? My wife had RGB a few weeks ago. She's almost back up to full speed. Granted, she had some complications that I will hopefully avoid, but clearly in the first week after surgery she was in immense pain. I don't do pain well. I've had arthritis in my knees for years, but somehow I don't think I have ever experienced anything like this before.
- What if I do the surgery and have complications? There are a myriad of possibilities: popped sutures, infection, stricture, bleeding, clotting, hernia..... Did I mention I'm not good with pain? That is just going to be amplify anything I am feeling.
- What if I do the surgery and don't lose weight? Granted, in 6 weeks since starting my presurgery diet I am down nearly 10%, but what if I can't follow the plan? What if the magic doesn't happen for me? What then? I see how little my wife eats. I can't imagine ever being satisfied. I know that with the bypass big changes happen on both the endocrine and neurological levels, but how can I go from eating a pizza to eating 1 slice and being happy?
- What if I do the surgery and lose the weight and then regain it? We've seen it happen to other people. It doesn't seem impossible that it could happen to me. After all, if I was that good at controlling my eating would I have grown to a BMI of 58 to begin with?
I suppose that there is not much I can do. If I allow myself to be paralyzed by my fears I will never get to my goals. Not the weight loss goal, but the other things
- shopping in a regular store for clothes.
- Flying without needing a seatbelt extender or pannicing because I can't find a seat with an open seat next to it so that I don't crush the normal sized person next to me.
- Going on roller coasters with my kids that I can't fit on now because I can't close the restraints.
- Getting off my CPAP so that I can snuggle close to my wife again when I sleep
So I guess that I have to believe: in myself, my surgeon, my nutritionist, my wife and kids, my friends. I have lots of support and for that I am grateful. Hopefully in a few more weeks I will be able to write in and tell you that everything went okay.