Life on life's terms

Jul 11, 2011

I haven't blogged in awhile so this is a long catch up...be warned!!!

I went back to work a few weeks ago and it took a few days but I managed to get into a decent routine as far as eating and drinking at regular intervals. I'm finding it REALLY challenging to space out food and liquids. (I'm a girl who consumed water all day long and certainly never finished a meal without drinking at least 6-8 oz of liquids.)

Then last week I went on vacation with my son for 6 days in Cambridge and Toronto. We had to attend a Canada Day party with all of it's trappings (beer, chips, 7 layer dip, bbq hot dogs/hamburgs, potato salad...) and a wedding with it's buffet crap (mac & cheese, chicken nuggets, cabbage rolls, cheese & crackers, dinner rolls, mashed potatoes, candied carrots... and then tons of wedding cake and various kinds of other deserts/bars, peanuts, chips, fruit & veggie platters... not to mention everyone enjoying beer and cocktails. The social aspect of food really sunk in. So much revolves around eating.

It was really hard to manage my diet on vacation because the hotels I booked never had a fridge in them and it was about 700 degrees outside so I couldn't keep stuff in my car. I basically survived on SF, Lactose F Starbucks and chicken breasts chopped up from various places I found. I'd place the 3/4 of the chicken I hadn't eaten on the air conditioner every night hoping to have it the next day but always ended up too scared/smart to chance eating it and getting sick. The other thing that made it hard was a schedule that was out of whack. We were staying up late and sleeping until at least 9:30-10 every morning (super late for us) as well as visiting attractions, etc. So I'd get up and find the nearest Starbucks and then take the boy for something to eat and by the time he was done eating it was time for me to eat... it was tough. Essentially, I did not consume enough calories and definitely didn't consume enough protein!

Got back from vacation and back on track for two days and then weighed myself. I had my first 'stall'. In fact, I'd gained .6 of a pound. Ugh!!! That was this past Thursday.

Then I had to umpire our year-end softball tournament Friday night and all day Sat & Sun. I'm the head ump for our league and most of my umps were away on holidays so I ended up doing the plate on 9 games over the weekend. Most of the games were back to back with very little time in between. Again, it was challenging to get food in given the little bit of time between games and also because I needed to be drinking constantly to avoid dehydration. It was 29 celcius + the humidex here on Saturday (and about the same on Sunday) and I was standing in the blazing sun in long black pants, black socks and full shoes with a chest pad and a face mask on. Can you say sweaty!?! All bitching aside, I do love umping those little kids. They're so cute!!!

For those that don't know, 9 games is alot and I was worried whether my body would hold up through the weekend. Then add the weather consideration and I had my brother on emergency standby to fill in if I couldn't move anymore. I'm thrilled to report that Mother Nature sent a nice breeze and I managed to hang in there no problem. My body hung in there better than I ever expected. I was pretty sore when I got home at 9pm on Saturday (mostly my feet) so I had some chili and went and soaked in a hot bath. That was really nice. I hadn't had a bath in about two years. The nicest surprise was that I no longer create a dam in the tub...the water can actually flow by me when I'm draining the tub. There's actually a bit of room on both sides of me. Also, I had no problems getting my big butt up when I was done. Quelle surprise! :)

Next observation: I've been wondering if all the hair I was losing was just in my head (pun not intended), as I was trying to buy into the fact that I'm too early out to be losing hair and 'this is normal lossage that seems excessive because my hair hasn't been this long in about 8 years'. I see this morning that I was blowing smoke up mine own tooshy. I've got a pretty bad burn on my head for the first time in my life. I'm definitely thinning out.

Another side effect of being so busy this weekend is that I was afraid to need an emergency BM while in the middle of a game so I stopped taking my stool softeners on Friday. Did I ever pay for that this morning!!!!  Felt like I was trying to push a pine tree through a wedding ring, backwards!!! My butts been telling me about it all day. I've never had a hemorroid so I'm not sure what that feels like but I'm beginning to wonder if it's another joyous symptom I'm having the opportunity to experience.

I woke up this morning with a lot of doubt about whether I've made a big mistake having this surgery. I have moments of wondering if I'm going to be able to manage this lifestyle (especially the liquid/food separation thing...that one really challenges me) as regular life gets in the way but the truth is that I have no choice; it's done now. I made the choice and I'm determined not to fail. Maybe I need to cut myself a break and not be so hard on myself. I'm sure I'll get used to it all eventually. In the mean time, I don't have to like it; I just have to do it. The truth is that I can't say that I'm at that point where I'm ready to say that 'my only regret was not doing it sooner' but I'm praying that I'm heading in that direction.

Today is Monday and I know I've not been getting enough protein in so I treated myself to a filet mignon. I was too exhausted after my long hot weekend to go to The Keg so I got it take out. I ate about 3 oz of filet, a tsp of garlic mashed and a small piece of cauliflower. I've packed up the rest for lunch tomorrow. Probably won't finish it then either so may stretch it into three meals.

Got on the scale again tonight after stuffing my face and dumping my bowels (again) and I'm down 5 lbs since Thursday. I wonder how much of that is dehydration though. We'll see next week when I've got myself back on track and weigh myself again.

This blog seems to have focussed alot on the negative so just a few last thoughts to end on a positive note. I got a dress from one of the support group clothing swaps that was just beautiful but I was a 24/26 at the time and the dress was a 20. I wondered if I'd shrink quick enough to be able to wear it to the wedding. I did (almost too much even...I think it's mis-sized). I looked and felt beautiful for my friend's 10 wedding anniversary/vow renewal wedding thingie. I received many compliments on the dress and will get it cleaned and pass it on to the next beautiful woman on this journey.

The other big surprise while I was away was that my summer clothes were all getting a bit too saggy so I hit a Walmart and was so shocked and thrilled when I fit comfortably into size 20 shorts. 20!!!  I'm counting the time until I can fit into 'normal' clothes but for now WOOOHOOOO size 20!!!

Have a great week.
Shoot!!! That reminds me, it's two months today that I had surgery!!! I should be taking my 2 months out pics. I'm still wiped out so it's going to have to wait until tomorrow. Give me one extra day to shrink. LOL!

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