CrrrlyGirl
The Final Countdown Begins....
May 09, 2011
Just over twenty four hours until my surgery and I'm actually feeling a bit numb. My emotions have been all over the place the last few weeks, ranging from anxiousness to fear to complete sadness. I mean, I'm losing my best friend and my worst enemy all in one fell swoop. My drug of choice. My favorite hobby. The one thing I can always forward to no matter how bad my day has been. What do I do with all of those emotions? What do I do when I'm bored? What do I do with all of that TIME!?!?!?!But then, I remember.........I'm going to have a life now. I can finally make plans for my future. Find the job of my dreams, (wherever in the world that may be). Possibly not be completely humiliated when wearing a uniform! Not always be hot, sweaty and exhausted! Woo hoo!!! Then once I land that, I can even have a home of my own again. Be independent again. Maybe even meet someone and not spend all of my time constantly wondering how this person could possibly be attracted to me. FAT me. UGLY me. DISGUSTING me.
I remember that not only can I have a life, but that I can actually live it.
That's when the fear all but melts I away. I think of all that I have to look forward to. That the discomfort will be over relatively quickly, and that it will be a distant memory in just a few short months. That I'll be able to hold my head up with pride when I walk down the street. That I'll feel liberated. Then I'll know it has all been worth it. I will mourn my loss. I will break down. I will cry. I may even fail. But at least I'll know I took the chance.
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About Me
Philadelphia, PA
Location
40.2
BMI
Surgery
05/10/2011
Surgery Date
Apr 24, 2011
Member Since
