Peggy P.

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So... a lot can change in a few years... My mother died, then my daughter died and basically I ate through the stress and grief. My band was too loose and I didn't want to tighten it. Oh and we moved and I had to handle my mother's estate and all while working... Did I mention I developed severe back and sciatica problems and finally this summer diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. 

My surgeon yesterday told me... the diabetes is a game changer... i have to get back on track or possibly even have a new surgery... Gastric sleeve.  So here I am back.. Yearning for the good old days when my band was perfect and I had lost 130 pounds -- i have gained back 100. Sigh.

I have to do something and I feel so lost. So I am going to try to put more energy into using my band correctly. I had a fill yesterday... and we will see if I need another one soon or not. I do know this... On these boards are others like me who have been "blessed" with this weight/food issue. So here I am.

So its March and in February I decided it was time to try something new. I had been doing a modified atkins (badly) and that means I was eating an extremely high calorie diet.  I had been doing that for so long I didn't know how to eat any more. So since lots of my friends had been doing well at Weight Watchers.. I took the plunge and went.. hoping I could re educate my self about food.  And wow... I have lost nearly ten pounds..  I am eating fruits and vegetables.   I am eating much less fat.  My calories are lower... and the band has helped me with hunger...  My appetite which has been out of control for a while now has been appeased... Instead of snaking on high calorie atkins bars .. I am having an apple or a banana or an orange.
and the beautiful thing is... I don't feel any need to binge on an apple.   (like I felt with atkins bars)
I am eating a VARIETY of food -- instead of just cheese and meat and atkins bars.. wow.
This is probably not such a shock to everyone else but I had felt that fruit would somehow set off my glycemic index and insulin response and I would feel starved. It didn't.
So.. for now the Weight Watcher eating plan is working for me. I wish I wasn't an over eater. I wish food wasn't such a problem for me.. But it is, has been for 60 years.. I guess no matter what, band, no band I still have to watch what I eat and how much.
That is just the way it is.  But it sure feels good to be losing again.

Happy New Year... this year I will turn 62... I think its been 5 years since I have had the band and during that time I have stayed within a reasonable,  relatively normal size for me.. Having been in the 300's it has been a blessing to be in the low 2's  and even onederland.. This last year was possibly one of the most stressful since I have had the band.. Severe financial stuff resulting in us moving to a new house.... and moving my family.... sigh.. quite a job.. we have a lot of stuff -- even at this writing - we are still cleaning out the old place... literally we have moved a mountain.... but the financial and the move has placed the whole family into a very stressful place and frankly food has been what kept me going... oh... and we did all this during Christmas... and my other daughter hand lap band surgery at the same time.   I guess on a stress point scale we are pretty much maxed out..
Sadly sugar, is what I have reached for, ice cream, cookies... whatever... it hasn't been a total bingeathon.. but it hasn't been pretty... and then literally New Years Day... I had a complete flu collapse... tried to throw up through the band... (something that hasn't happened in 5 years) really sick... finally an ambulance ride to the hospital thinking I was having a heart attack.. but fluids, pain killers and anti nausea medicine and four hours later I was back home.. My whole system has been messed up since then. 
I am eating crackers... then nothing, then food, then a cookie, then cereal... then try to have coffee... my stomach is really putting up a fight. I don't even know how to eat any more.. I have done sort of a bad atkins version of a diet for so long... I ... I just don't know what to eat or how to eat.. Anyway, I  am up 30 pounds from my lowest weight but really up about 10 pounds for the year. I hate seeing the slide back up.  So here I am .. checking in ... being honest... wanting to keep this record to remind myself that this is a lifelong issue and my band is one tool.. but I have to use other tools as well.  Like writing it down.. planning my meals... counting my calories... and so I will .. oh and drinking my water.... 8 glasses.. or 4 bottles.. and learning to drink BEFORE i eat anything.
Those were the things that really worked..
Writing everything down RELIGIOUSLY.  Everything.
Drinking water when I was hungry ... before I took a bite.
Not drinking water for more 30 mins after eating.
Excercising.
Protein first
Planned meals.
So I can do this again.. Things are calming down...finally here enough that I can try to do this again. And finally I have God.. Even if it feels impossible with God I can do anything.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Thank you Lord for your love and guidance.. And I plan to truly work toward 2012 being a much cleaner and leaner year.. Physically, emotionally,  in every way.

So here I am... weight up 2 down 2.. food all over the place.. Lots going on in my life... financial stuff.. like everyone I guess... but somehow the food is just ... I don't know.. not doing it for me.. But I can't seem to eat less... So here I am. Posting.. The truth is without my band I would have been half way back toward my original weight.. So Praise God for the band.  But that doesn't mean I don't want to continue to lose more weight and continue to get in even better shape. I have been doing Zumba Curves for several months now.. Awesome.  I definitely feel better. But my doctor put me back on blood pressure meds.. very low dose.. because its been up. Stress.. the extra weight? I need to live in the SOLUTION not the PROBLEM.  

Down a few pounds... maybe 4 since last month... maybe... but I am working at it.. Started excercising at Curves again.. Curves Zumba!!! I absolutely love it! And I am feeling better than ever. Had my band loosened and then tightened a bit again. I think I am at a good space right now.. I am also reading The Lord's Table about weight loss. It has really inspired me to turn my excessive appetite over to God.  So I hope to see the scale move even more. And with school starting my schedule will become much busier and more calorie burning!! Yay!

I have been struggling with appetite this past year.  Not a terrible weight gain.. but I have gained about 20 pounds  and am still down 110 pounds but I don't want this weight to come back so back to my surgeon for this time an unfill a month ago -- to let my system relax. He felt I had been too tight.. ( i was) And yesterday I had my re tightening.. I can't tell yet if it's tight enough.. Just back on solids this evening.  I do know that all the bands and fills and unfills in the world can't stop me from eating if I decide to be rebellious and stupid.  I got the bad because of my inability to control my appetite and it has worked really wonderfully for almost 5 years.. It has been a miracle for my health and self esteem and just plain energy.  All great things.  Emotional eating is one of my issues and for whatever reasons it has been literally nibbling away at me. I have gone to meetings, read about it, and tried many things.  But at the end of the day it is about surrendering to God this behavior. And letting God take the reins. And when I do that -- when I let God take the burden of stress, irritation, worry, busyness onto His shoulders and when i turn to Him to find out what I should eat.. It always works better.  And in the past couple of weeks I have been working on this.  I have started excercising again. My energy is better and one minute, hour, day at a time I am turning this food over to God. My band is a tool and probably the best tool man can provide for this disease of obesity. But God is ultimately who I must turn to for the addictive behaviour!

Hi... Haven't checked in for awhile.. Happily my tummy tuck and hernia repair went really well and I still can't get over how flat my stomach is. I am now ready to really get back to my excercise and food routine.. I made enough excuses last fall.. the surgery, then the holidays... Ready to really enjoy my new healthy body!  Praise God!!

Yow!  It finally happened.  My insurance after months of dragging their feet and going through 3 different doctors etc finally approved both my hernia repair and tummy tuck and I am now my 2nd day home from the hospital. Once everything finally was approved the process was a whirlwind of dr. appts then a big one week delay when some approval missed the deadline. But last Monday at noon I was relieved of 5 pounds of extra skin and hand giant blueberry muffin sized hernia fixed with a huge 24 inch iincision from hip to hip and lots of stitching and tightening of abdominals.... ouch. Home right now on pain meds. Buit feeling better. Not sure why anyone would do this only for vanity. Although the doctors maintain that my pain level is more from the hernia than the tummy tuck.  Who knows? My appetite has vanished as have my daily bm's... so working on the latter.  Happy about the lack of appetite. Still this surgery was a lot more complicated and painful than the lap band. But still just another step in my weight loss journey.  Dr. Lisa Cassileth was my plastic surgeon and she was delightful and put all my fears to rest. My hernia surgeon was Dr. Leslie Memsic who was equally terrific and so funny I nearly ruined the hernia surgery from laughing. A great team and I felt very calm for most of the process. Maybe it was the valium that helped....
I will blog again as I recover and let you know how the results have turned out -- clothes and figure wise.  I am still pretty swollen and no longer have a navel... my choice... I can have one re sewn in if I really miss it. But the hernia and size and repair made it problematic at this time.  So what next....my arms.... just kidding.. I think. Thank you God for bringing me through safely! And for putting me in such good hands!

Its been six months since I checked in!  I am trying to get back on track with my goals again. I was talking to my daughter about short term goals and finding rewards and I was reminded of how successful that was for me while I was losing my weight. I would give my self a little gift for every five pounds down or whatever. It helped me to keep moving forward. It also helps me see what I have been doing. Today I am in the doldrums of summer waiting to hear about my tummy tuck surgery etc. But everyone is on vacation. So I guess I should be.  Actually we will be traveling to see my mother in a couple of days. So I guess since it seems nothing is going on ... I should just relax and enjoy the slow pace.... hmm... not always so easy for me.  But at least it gives me time to enjoy my time off work.  So here I am busily setting goals and typing on my blog etc. I must say though, its nice to get back here and remind myself of where I have been and how far I have come and really acknowledge the goodness of God in all that He has done for me. Thank you God!!!

Well my winter break is over and I am officially back to work tomorrow.  I went to a support group on Saturday and it was really good for me.  I am admitting my powerlessnes over food.. The band stops me from eating large amounts of food, but my head still wants to eat like a 323 pound person.  The compulsion is back. Its emotional and spiritual and frankly habitual.. at least 50 years of eating badly.. i still always want to reach for sugar or ice cream when things don't go my way. So back to my group. actually a new group.  A good first step. Now to keep making that step. My life is about to get really busy.. but I have to try.
I am going to continue writing in my blog about this journey in hopes it will remind me of where I am and have been and if anyone wants to join me -- welcome!!