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Today I decided to get back online and find support and accountability.  I have lost and maintained over 60 pounds weight loss since my wls journey has begun.  Since the holidays back in December, I have gained 5 pounds which I have yo-yoed up and down with.  I lost down to 169 at my lowest weight and had maintained on average between 170-175 for almost two years.  After Christmas, my weight had gone up to 177.  So I started trying to cut down on the eating and got back down to 175 but then have since yo-yoed back up between 175-180 so I have decided I can't let this go on any more so I've decided to become accountable once again on this site and start tracking my foods and conversing and trying to seek support here.  We shall see where I go from here.

I'm almost a full year from my surgery date and I thought I would update my blog and let you know where things stand.  I've been working out 5 days a week since January of this year so I'm stronger and in better cardio shape than I've ever been in my life.  I've gained 2 pounds of lean weight since starting to exercise and have been told by the lady at the hospital where I work out that to be 22% bodyweight I would need to set my goal at 156.5 if I do not gain any more muscle weight.  I am currently at 170 pounds which would make me needing to lose 13.5 more pounds.  I probably have at least 8-10 pounds of lose skin hanging on me so I also have to compensate for those pounds in considering what I should weigh.  So now that I'm almost a year out, I am going to start looking into the plastic surgery area to start my search for a surgeon.  I am needing to have at least a tummy tuck, but I really need a total lower body lift as well as a thigh lift, an arm lift and also a breast lift.  I also have a spare tire around my middle that does nothing but shake.  It is like wearing  pants that are too big and they just move up and down as you wear them but never quite fall down or off.  I will be glad to have my body finally look to match all the work I've done over the past year. 

I cannot even say how glad I am that I made this decision to have this life-changing surgery. I finally feel like that broken part that I have had all my life is finally fixed and I have the tools I need now to maintain a "normal" weight.  I am finally feeling like I don't look fat all the time.  I do have days that I struggle with my body image, especially when the loose skin shakes, rattles and rolls more than usual.  I would still do it all over again in a heartbeat.  I have no regrets.

It's the end of February and I thought I would put my thoughts down on paper.  I looked at my weight graph today and saw a huge shift in the way I had been losing weight right during the Christmas holidays.  I asked myself what happened and why the huge shift in the way I am losing weight.  The only thing it can be is adding too many carbs and simple sugars to my diet.  I really don't think I'm eating that much more but I think I will pull out the tracker and start tracking every bite that goes into my mouth.  I have a palm pilot and also a nutrition program that I can load onto it so I am going to try to get that going and track my calories (every bite) and try to really cut back on the carbs and sugars and see if it shifts me back into high gear so I can get the last remaining 19 pounds off.  The weight is still coming off, don't get me wrong, it's just that I only lose about a pound or 2 a month instead of 6-10 pounds like I was.  Maybe this is normal, but I think I could be doing better.  I'll get back with you in a month or two and see if first I figured out how to use that blasted pilot and get the nutrition program loaded onto it and then I'll see if I can stop myself from having too many "treats" and get back to the basics and get the final weight off. 

I have started to exercise big-time after the hoidays and maybe I am eating more thinking that the exercise is compensating but obviously after looking at my weight tracker and seeing that graph today was a very visual reminder of my shift in eating during the holidays and how I haven't completely cleaned up my eating since then.  I  am trying not to beat myself up about this because this is my past history when I get off track so I am also trying to change my thinking patterns as well.  I know my thoughts (before weight loss surgery) have been very unhealthy and have been very self sabotaging to my weight loss efforts.  My body has changed tremendously since I started this journey.  I was wearing an 18-20 and now I'm down to a size 12 so I am not unhappy. I am very pleased with my consistent exercise and I can see tone returning to my body.  I was beginning to doubt if that would happen.  There is still sag going on with my skin but I am happy with how I look in clothes most of the time.  I will most likely need to have a tummy tuck at the end of the weight loss phase to look completely right in clothes.  If I became obsessed with that, I would have a thigh lift and butt lift and arm lift as well.  Those are all areas that are sagging, just not as badly as the stomach. 

Well that's enough blabbing for today so I am going to get started with my day. My youngest granddaughter will be in a pagent today. She will be 3 on April 1st.  Never been to a beauty pagent today - don't know if I'm going to like this.  I don't think you should judge beauty.  I think that is a very individual thing.  To me pretty is  - is pretty does.  A "beautiful" person can be so "ugly" that it ruins the outer beauty for me.  Just pretty outside does not make a pretty person.

Just got back from a few days in the Hill Country.  Hubby and I went camping with his brother and wife and we had an awesome time.  I don't remember the last time I went there and felt great the whole time and was able to do all the things I wanted to do and not get tired.  Campfires at night and shopping by day, what better things are there? Well, its been 4 months sinc my surgry and I have finally made it to 50 pounds gone.  I was wondering about a month ago if I had come to the end of my losing, but I've lost 10 pounds this month so things are finally moving again.  It is so hard to wrap my mind around the fact that I can eat what I want and am able to eat a little and then say, "I'm so full I can't eat another bite."  I've heard other people say that in the past and had no clue what they meant.  I've seldom felt really full!  Now I experience that feeling every day.  I feel like something that has been broken all these years has finally been fixed.  Looking forward to the holidays and being able to bake desserts and not eat a lot.  It's awesome. 

It's October I just love the fall.  It's my favorite season of the year.  I always feel very energized and want to clean the house and make everything look new and clean.  I love the crisp cool weather and it renews me after the long hot summer in Texas.  I'm approaching my 3 month anniversary for my surgery.  As of today I've lost 43 pounds and the last 3 have been while on vacation.  I've been to Disney World, Destin Beach, Florida, eaten ice cream 3 or 4 times (sometimes just a couple bites) and now I'm at Hilton Head Island, South Carolina and the weight is coming off still.  I am hoping to be in the 180's by the time we make it home before the end of the month.  I've really been able to pick up on my physical activity.  I've taken a 2 hour bike ride yesterday along the beach and through the town of Hilton Head.  I wouldn't have been able to sit on a bike that long before my vsg.  I thank God for the tool that has been given for us who struggle with this lifelong battle.  God is so good.  My husband has been so supportive and has split plates when out to eat and we've also saved lots of money along the way.  Hey, another upside to this surgery.  I keep telling him as I buy new things that I only buy on sale so I'm saving him money, well eating out and sharing plates is another way I'm saving him money.  I know I am saving my life and my lifespan while doing this as well.  Life is wonderful and I am going to try to do all I can to hang around as long as possible.  Got lots of things to do yet and lots of places to see.  Now my next goal is to start weight lifting to tone up this flab that seems to be hanging more and more every day.  I know I've also probably got a few dates with a plastic surgeon to get rid of some of this skin that is just hanging.

Well here I am - on my 7th week out from surgery.  Monday I added in more solid types of proteins.  Had grilled chicken for the first time Monday evening for dinner.  I probably ate 2-3 ounces and then had  a couple bites of ranch style beans and was full.  This is still hard to wrap my mind around that so little food fills me up.  I have not had one bit of throwing up.  I only had one small bout with drinking too soon after eating and I made myself sick enough to throw up, but nothing would come up.  I just pitched and gagged and . . . nothing! but then I got better and was on to the next day.  This morning I had some reflux.  I haven't had any of that since the surgery but it was bad this morning.  Hope this isn't an event that will continue.  We shall see.  I don't go back to see the surgeon until I'm 3 months out now.  So that means I will have to go before my 3 months and go the first week of October or wait until the end of October and see him when I get back from vacation.  I'm looking forward to going to Disney World.  We check in on October 4th.  We have 7 nights at Ft. Wilderness reserved.  Can't wait to see my friends and just enjoy some time away from the grind.  This has been a tough few weeks.  Things seem to be getting back to some sort of "normal."  I can't wait until I can eat a salad.  I can start those on September 8th.  We'll see how it goes.  I have started riding my bicycle this week.  I need to get into some sort of routine for physical exercise but I have been so rushed in the last few weeks that finding time must become a priority or it just won't happen.  I'm at 28-29 pounds lost.  The weight has slowed down since I started the more "solid" food.  I am wondering if the food just being heavier is holding weight on me just a little.  I'm also retaining a little fluid.  Not sure why that is happening.  My blood pressure is running a little high as well.  I am due to go to my PCP and have blood work done this week so I probably need to do that in the morning and then make an appointment for next week one day and find out what's going on.  So far, so good!

Today is my one month post-op date.  I'm now eating soft foods and am finding that I am hungry much more often even though I am eating more food.  I don't understand that unless my stomach is waking up or something.  Not really sure.  It doesn't take very much at a time to fill me up.  I am still having the Low Carb Slim Fast for breakfast.  I drink 1/2 cup and then wait 30 minutes and have 1/2 cup more so that I get around 15 grams of protein and then I can usually make it until lunch time.  Today I had potatoes and a couple bites of green beans.  I was at the hospital because my dad was having chest pains and that was the only "soft" food there that I could find.  About 2-3 hours later, I ate a couple of slices of reduced fat cheddar cheese that I had carried in my purse in case I needed protein.  Then my husband was working late and he sent some of our employees home in my vehicle and left me stranded at our business with him while they got caught up on some things so I had to drive to a fast food place and I got some refried beans with cheese and I also bought a taco with only meat and cheese and dumped the meat & cheese into the beans to up the protein.  That was my supper.  I am really ready to be able to eat regular food but that is still a few weeks to months away and I'm trying to learn to be patient with my new baby stomach.  Some days it is sensitive and feels like it is irritated so I'm sure the soft food is an adjustment for it.  I'm down exactly 25 pounds since before having surgery.  I started out at 234 by my scales and today I weighed 209.0.  That's one month.  I'm sure that month 2 will not be as much because I am eating much more food than I was when I first came home from the hospital.  I'm still not consistently exercising . . . what am I saying, I'm really not exercising at all on a daily basis.  I did buy a DVD today that has 1,2,3, and 4 mile walking with Leslie Sansone an I am going to start that in the morning.  Let me get back with you and see if I actually did start and stay with the exercise.  I'm also going to take my measurements in the morning.  I haven't done that at all since way before the surgery.  I didn't want to see or know what they were.  I did try on some clothes that I couldn't wear lately and I can get into my 14 women's jeans and get them zipped up but I don't know if I could actually sit down in them or not, but the 16 w jeans are really loose on me so for now while I still have a scab or two on my largest incisions to heal, I'm sticking with the looser pants.  I still have some soreness at the one month mark on the largest place on my left side where the stomach was removed.  That I guess will take the longest to heal. 

Today starts my 3rd week post-op.  I must say I am getting pretty tired of slim fast and all the liquid. Today I can start using my food processor and having things like pureed tuna salad, egg salad, and cottage cheese pureed.  That will be a wonderful change from just sweet, sweet, sweet every day.  I'm hoping that I won't feel as tired every day also.  This incision site on my far left side is giving me heck and when I do the least little thing it starts to hurt.  I guess it's just going to take its dear sweet time in healing.  Tonight starts VBS at our church and we're doing the "Big Back Yard" so I'm excited.  I don't know where they will put me to help but it will sure be fun.  All four of my grandkids are supposed to be coming so I can't wait to see what they have in store.  This morning I weighed 215.  I've been at that weight for the last three days.  I'm trying not to get frustrated but when you eat less than 400 calories a day it seems like the weight ought to be just dropping off like water off a duck's back.  I'm not complaining, just impatient.  I'll be glad when the restrictions are off and I can move and do as I please.  My house is waiting for a good cleaning and I'm ready to do it, it's just that I get so darn tired when I do the least things. I am sure it is because of the lack of incoming calories that my body is rebelling.  I am hoping that this week I will be able to up the calories enough for my body to let me get going again. 

Just got home from my post-op visit with the surgeon.  From my first visit at the surgeon's office, to date, I've lost 15 pounds.  I lost 12 pounds this week.  Unbelieveable.  Sugar is much better and I will have to see my PCP in order to get those meds adjusted.  I just keep doing what I'm doing and things are moving along great.  I just have to rest when I need rest for the next month or so.  Just listen to my body, the doctor said.  That will be a totally new experience for me.  I've spent so many years trying to ignore the thing that I'll really have to work on truly "listening" to it.  He wants to treat me with labs like his bypass patients since I am his truly first gastric sleeve for his practice.  I think I will be his test case as he takes the courses needed to offer it to his general practice.  That's kind of exciting. 

I went in last Monday, July 14th at 6:00 a.m. to the hospital and was 10 minutes late, which the husband reminded me of every few minutes as we were behind all the big trucks on the highway.  Got there and was promptly wisked away just to sit in a room for over an hour before they even started working on my I.V.  My husband told me he was about to let them have it for leaving him in the waiting room so long.  The I.V. went in, the bariatric nurse came and visited with me and they finally let my husband in the room.  He was not too happy.  Then quickly it was my turn.  I was rolled down to the operating room and met the cutest young anesthesiologist I think I've ever seen.  I almost told him he was too cute!!  Woke up in recovery room but really don't remember much.  Soon I was back in the room and hubby was there with me.  I was given about 6 vials of injections for everything from nausea, stomach pain, and more stuff I can't even remember.  So, as I tried to wake up, all I could do was fade out and sleep.  It was evening before I fully came conscious.  I felt really, really weird.  I've never had laproscopc surgery before and thought I was going to not be able to breathe.  I remember telling them all, "I feel really weird guys. . . "  Everytime someone would come in and ask how I was feeling, all i could say was I just feel really really weird.  They said that was a really common answer from patients.  Anyways, it was not a good feeling and thank God I was sedated or I would have had a panic attack.  I got up that evening and walked to the end of the hallway.  The next morning, my husband and nurse helped me get up again and we walked further than the night before.  I finally got to go downstairs for the leak test which went fine, but that stuff is awful!!!!   Got released about 4 p.m and off we went back home to Springtown.  Surprisingly, I slept most of the night that night and have slept really well most nights since then.  I think my snoring has gotten much, much worse since I've gotten home beause I can only sleep on my back because of those wonderful incisions on my stomach.  Any slight turn to either side made me so sore.  Last night, Saturday, was the first night I could move a little.  I put a pillow under myside and was able to prop up my fat so I could lean to the side without everything shifting.  I'll go to the doctor tomorrow for my first check and I'll check back in and let you know how things go.  By my scales today, I've lost 16 pounds from my high weight before surgery.  Not bad for a couple of weeks.