**Dana *.
October 05 Journal
Oct 01, 2006
10/07/05
I don't know where to start. I am a 28 year old Real Estate Professional in I am here because I am prepping myself for the surgery. I have been overweight for about 15 years. I don't remember being skinny ever. I have always been on average 50 llbs overweight but I do remember in High School being really overweight and avoiding the scales so I don't know what my weight was then.
When I got pregnant with my first son I didn't gain that much weight and I lost a bunch after he was born. But then it started to come back. Less than two years later I found out I was pregnant again and started putting on more weight. Also since I was laid off when I was 4 mos pregnant I started feeling depressed and ate to comfort myself with the notion that "I am pregnant so it's okay". I didn't really loose any weight after I had my second son and have been gaining ever since.
I do work out but not that often, I used to go everyday but I never really saw any results from it. I am a severe asthmatic and find myself having more problems with it as times go on.
I have tried pills, exercise, severe dieting (starving), Atkins, drinking huge amounts of water all day. Nothing really helps.
My mom is also 100+ llbs over weight and she has such bad health problems from it. I just don't want to end up like her. Both my parents have diabetes, and they each individually have other life affecting ailments that I don't want to have. I just hit the 230 mark even thought I have been watching my weight and I don't want to go any higher. I started researching WLS about a year ago but friends and family talked me out of it. Well I have decided to heck with them I want to be healthy. So this is where I begin my journey.. 10/15/2005
10/10/05
Well yesterday I was cleaning out a closet at my moms and found my old prom dress. 10 years ago I was a size 11/12. For some reason I felt so much heavier. I also found another old ball gown that was size 15/16. My perception of my weight has never been very right. Even today I feel smaller than I really am. I made an appt this week for all my blood work and my g/p dr. is doing a physical. I am also trying to see if I can get back on Zoloft again. My mood swings have been out of control and I just don't feel like myself anymore. I also read somewhere that Zoloft can help me loose weight. I just didn't like it before because it messed with my sex drive. I have been reading all of these pages on here and trying to decide if I am totally crazy for wanting this. I know that I want to improve my quality of life and be able to be an active mom for my boys but I'm scared that I might fail at this. There is one part of me that really wants to be skinny and I can't wait for that to happen. Maybe if I open myself up and let that part of me rule my total thoughts I will come out just fine.
Oh yeah, my reunion is next year in July... I know that in the back of my head I want to be skinny for that weekend. Like I said earlier I really thought I was huge in High School, so to go to the reunion much thinner would be a delight. I am helping plan it and I have a page on MySpace that has current pictures of me and I know that they can tell I'm fat on there. It wouldn't be a suprise to them if I just show up skinny cause I am working with the other planners regularly and they will notice my weight loss but hey, a woman can wish right?
10/12/2005
I am walking on cloud nine right now. I just got done with my GP whom I have never met before and not only was he cute but he is an advocate of WLS!!!! Needless to say he is totally supportive and ready to help me get the ball rolling. He also thinks that I might have a hormone imbalance that is making me wacky! Since I am overweight, asthmatic, irregular periods and a myraid of other issues he thinks I might be a candidate for hormonal treatment. He said that it should help me lose weight also but he is still prepping me for WLS. I had all my labs done this morning and my EKG. I feel 5 steps closer to getting this surgery! Well on that note I gotta run but have a good one!
Well I have had a couple of bad days now. I guess the high has worn off. I was in such a good move because of the good appointment with my PCP but now I'm starting to feel BLAH again. I'm draggin my ass into work but not really getting into it. I finally told my kids father about me wanting to have the surgery. His reaction was kindof mixed. He and I have been hovering between together and not together. I think like 35 percent of the time we are together then the other 65 percent we don't care either way. We are really good with the kids and that is why we try so hard. We both love our boys and I don't really see us breaking up our family quite yet. But back to the story ... I was worried about telling him that I am definately having the surgery now cause he wasn't that supportive when I first brought it up a few years ago. I also don't know how he will handle me being skinny and gorgeous! He seems concerned about my well being and worried about the consequences of the surgery. I asked him this morning if he would still like me if I was skinny and he just acted like he didn't hear me. Well the bottom line is I'm not doing it for him, I'm doing it for my boys, I want to live a long long life and not be plagued by health issues. Allright thats enough for today... Oh yeah I forgot I'm moving this weekend BLAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! Have a good weekend all.
10/17/05
Okay this was a shitty weekend. I was so unmotivated to move. I guess I just didn't want to deal but then again who does. I ended up procrastinating to the point that I didn't even have a UHaul lined up for the move nor did we have any help. Well needless to say it almost all came together at about 2pm on Sunday afternoon. But we are still doing massive cleanup and packing at this point. Other than that not much going on in my life. My mom told me today that I don't really need to loose 100 lbs, looks can be decieving I have been told that I look consistenly about 30 llbs less than I actually am. I guess thats a good thing. :) Okay peoples have a good one...
10/18/05
Hi everyone... I don't have too much to post today but I do want to say that you guys are great, and I love reading all of your pages! Thanks for the support. Oh yeah... good luck to C L for your upcoming surgery on Monday! Best wishes for a speedy recovery!
10/26/2005
I didn't post for while... I have been down sick with my asthma. It really is pissing me off. I moved into the house that my mom and I own and she has a cat that I am really allergic to. We pulled the carpets up in my room and the boys room but I am still having a ton of trouble breathing. I had break out my pulmo aid for my breathing treatments. I have taken about 4 a day for the last few days. I just took one right now and I am still having problems. Anyways.
~~I got a phone call yesterday from the Dr.'s office and the coordinator for my insurance said that I need to send in my written test and the patient history and they will begin the process. Since I have PPO there is not that much that they need to do. My insurance covers the surgery at 70%. I already have the money in my savings to cover the rest. And I am putting money away now for the TT and Breast lift that I am going to need.
I finally told one of my good friends yesterday that I am going to go thru with the surgery. I had brought it ujp to my to my friends about 2 years ago and was met with opposition. This time I just called one of them and told her that I had made my mind up and I am really going thru with it. She was supportive but she told me ****SHOCK**** that my hair might fall out. She said that one of the ladies at her job had it done and lost all of her hair and has to wear a wig. I don't know what the reasons were for her hair loss but I have been doing reading and if you take your vitamins the right way you shouldn't really have that problem right? Oh well... each person reacts in a different way. BUT I was happy about her reaction because she did say that it was a scarey idea but it will be wonderful for me if it works out. (wow this is a long post)
I am starting to lean towards having it done ASAP! I wish I was on the loosers bench already! Okay - have a good day everyone!
10/27/2005
I was just looking thru some before and after pictures and was noticing that everybody generally looks so much younger after the weight loss... well i get told all the time that I look really young and I still get carded, I wonder whats gonna happen after the WLS!!?!?! I can't wait. I'm like a puppy if I had a tail it would be wagging right now. I got a call from the coordinator at my surgeons office and they want to get me scheduled for my consult with the three dr.s!!! It soooooo close now! okay gotta run.
10/28/2005
Okay I went to my PCP today to get two more blood tests done and it has come to my attention that I have lost 4 pounds since I started this whole thing!!!! I switched up my diet for pre surgery and I guess it's been working! So now I'm eating more... just kidding. I just don't want to lose anymore weight before the surgery since I'm barely making the requirements as it is.
10/31/2005
Happy Halloween!!! I didn't really put much of an effort into this Halloween. I bought some pumpkins and thats about it. I feel like my kids are too young to do the whole costume thing but at the last minute I dressed my youngest up as Ricardo Tubbs from
I just got off with Pac Bar and I guess I was reading way to much into everything. So this is how the process goes according to my Coordinator... I have to get all my medical clearance first, then I have to meet with the surgeon and the psych dr., then they send it off for approval. I was thinking that I was already approved... So now that I know that there is a slim chance I could get denied now this is really bumming me out. I have been reading on the board where people get denied multiple times and I don't think I am ready to go on that emotional rollercoaster. It might come down to the fact that the dr. might think I don't weigh enough or that I haven't tried enough diets. Just when I thought that everything was falling into place... oh well, I will just sit back and let it take its course. It's not like I was trying to have the surgery this next month. I was fine waiting untill January! I think I am going to be scheduled for my 3 appts for this friday. Next week I am going to
