Danielle_24

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So here I am, down to 151.8. That puts my BMI to 26.4.......... I am so close to being a normal weight.... and not even 2 pounds away from 100!!!! I honestly don't know why more people wouldn't do this...... to experience this freedom, and release of food and feel confident about myself is empowering! I have tried stuff I have never done before, and now look forward to extracurriculars!

Like for example... I would avoid sitting on small chairs, hammocks and such ad well as fearful of pop up trailers and kiddy toys, that if I sat in them they would just fall right out from under me.......... Just yesterday as we were driving down the road I seen a pop up trailer in someone's yard. I then said to my hubby, if you want we can get one now, I don't feel like I would fall through it! Then I realized how I though. Everything I looked at before I thought of my weight, even in school, when we did fun activities I would sit out, because I felt so big! ( I was probably 160 in grade 9, so I could've participated) but what my head turned me into was something really bad, and now I am ralizing I still have that mentality for a lot of things, and I want it gone. I don't want to think about my weight before Istep infront of my class room or onto a boat or elevator (which I used to all the time) I want to think about my plans, my children and family......

Another thing on my mind is my extra skin...... for starters, I thought extra skin was, well, only extra skin! But as I am experiencing it for myself, I am realizing it is skin with loose streched fat cells attached! When I do the bridge pose for yoga, my stomach sinks in so my hip bones are protruding by almost a half inch, but all my extra skin and fat move up towards my chest.... and it is the same thing if I lay on my side... and even more noticable if I am all my knees and hands! I am finally starting to feel skinny, but in certain activities (like gardening) I feel like flabby skinzilla! 

So I am there fore thinking about skin removal surgery..... about 10 more pounds and I definately will need it! I just don't want to jump the gun.... I want more kids.... but then again do  I?????

I am in my 20's I SHOULD LOOK GOOD! This is my time to shine! I am 25, and I would love to live the rest of my 20's the way God intended my body to look..... the only thing is wth my breasts... I still have milk in them so I don;t know what to do with them?? My (nearly one) year old hardly uses them! In the past two days she spent maybe 1 minute on them! Mind you, I don't hae alot of milk left but still......

Well, I am going to wait til I get closer to my goal I guess.... ( this is my way of putting it off because I am undecided) LOL! I still have 31 pounds to go, so... well maybe 31 pounds. If I get this surgery it might take off 5 or so pounds alone! Which would put me currently at.. 26 pounds left...... wow... never though I would be here!

ttyl,
Danielle

P.S. PRAISE GOD!!!! He has helped me, and has given me freedom within my body again!

So bad enough I didn't recognize myself in pictures, but I have a really bad sense of clothing size too! LOL. Today I went to Walmart, and drifted by the sale rack( my hubby wasn't with me, tee hee hee) anyways, I seen some very cute shirts, XS..... there are ALWAYS XS left over, anyways I looked at them and actually thought, 'Boy, these look big', so I tried them out of curiosity...... Are you ready? I bought two XS women's shirts, and a cute small because there was no XS left. I felt amazing! So why do I see a big girl when I look down at my body?? I couldn't tell ya, but I do know that I am realizing and relearning my size... it feels great. BTW, these are tears of joy.....

Oh, and I asked the cashier if the XS's looked "big" to her, and she said, "I don't know, I guess..... why? Did they not fit you? (I said they did fit me) Well, your definately NOT big!"

Walmart was always my happy store.... and my happy store it will remain!

ttyl, Danielle

Down to 154.6, 4.6 pounds til 100!!!!  Wow, I can hardly believe it, but here I am. (I took this weight yesterday, it is just that I am helping my friend plan her mothers funeral, so I didn't get a chance to write until now.)But anyways....

I have an UBER WOW moment. So my hubby was looking at some pictures posted of him by other people on facebook, because a wedding, baby shower and birthdays have filled my past few weekends and he enjoys looking at them. So I walk in, and start looking too. Matt is flipping through these pictures really fast (kinda like the TV) and I see this girl beside him, and I think, "Who is that?", Next picture is a close up........ Oh my Goodness, it was ME! I didn't recognize myself!!!!! I felt lame and happy at the same time....... and usually those emotions aren't shared! I always told other people, pff, I will look the same, or I 'm not that different, but WOW! Mind you, in this picture I was 100 pounds heavier, because I was 6 months pregnant, and I don't count my prgnancy weight as my before weight, but I told me husband to go back......... Was that really what I looked like? I look different, I do......

well, I can't talk long, I am mourning the sudden loss of a friend, who is also one of my best friend's mother. I find small joys here and there.......... just thought I would share one.

ttyl,
Danielle

Another week has just flown by, and I am down to 155.6! Wow, 5.6 more pounds and I will have lost 100 POUNDS!!! I almost can't believe it......... Its so wierd. This past week I have started to notice a strange thing in the mirror, I am noticing a smaller woman staring back at me. In full body reflections I actually stop, and stare........ is that really me? Is that what other people see?

I know that when I was bigger I played the same mind game on myself, just the opposite. I would slid in between chairs and such just to see how "not big" I was, and when I looked in a mirror, I seen a big person who was smaller on the inside. For the longest time now, I seen a smaller person who is big on the inside... but thats not me anymore.
 
Now I know my surgeons goal is 35 pounds away.... wow, thats so close, and I am starting to think about corrective skin surgeries, b/c my self conciousness in my arms, upper thighs, stomach and breasts have dropped durmaticly, while my inner self esteem has risen past any level I have ever had. I know if I were to get it done I would loose another 10 pounds (thats all of it) but I have other things on my mind too. Like a family.....

Being only 25, I still have a young family, a 32 month old and a 11 month old......... I want another child, so these surgeries must wait, and second to that..... shouldn't I wait til I am closer to my 30's before getting such body sculpting surgeries done? I mean, yeah I want to look good, but this is a one time deal!

Anyways, I started this tuesday..... *sigh* so I am a little crampish   I had all those hunger cravcings a week before as usual, but at least I can control and not beat myself up for craving food like I used to. I know its just the way my body works now....... 

Well I gtg, and change my tickers and such. 
God Bless to you all, and I wish you all the best in the coming week!

ttyl,
Danielle 

Well, down another pound, currently at 157.6! 150's..... I never though I would see the day. I am currently about the size I graduated at............graduated GRADE 8!!!! Wow, just to say that makes my head spin.

So, I have been wearing size 9 pants, with a belt. For a few weeks now, as I will not go shopping until I am at goal. I don't want a lot of "bigger" clothes (compared to my goal weight). Besides, I am lucky enough to have a small mom, and sisters, so I get thier old clothes, but anyways,I found a bag of clothing my mother gave me a while back, so I dug through it..... I found size 3's, *snort*, size 4's, LOL, and 5's. Wow, I thought, I still have a way to go before I get into those! My curiosity got the best of me....... how much did I have left????? So I took the size 5 jean shorts, I could do up the button, my loose skin bubbled out, I didn't suck in, it didn't hurt, and I will repeat, I did up the button! So, in slight disbelief i found some size 5 pants, and tried those on, same thing.........

My conclusion....

I think I am a size 6/7 without my loose skin, and I can't belive that I could wear 5's, it was kinda an unreal experience for me. When I ran out to show my hubby, he asked me if I was going to wear the pants to church! So apparently, my skin wasn't so bad either! It is just scary to think. I still have 37 pounds to loose, I read once that 10 lbs is approx. 1 dress size, so even if I was an 8, by my goal weight  I would be a 4......

I will have to say though, I really did try to prepare myself mentally for the changes that my body takes, and so quickly. But I still look at clothes and go, "no way am I going to get in that" and all too often I am proven wrong, and yeah, it feels good, but once I see myself in the mirror again, I look fat to myself.  I don't know how... but I do. And I try to look past it, and fight the self hatred again but, man, the mirror is a dangerous thing. 

And becasue of my looking badly upon my body, (now for a new reason) I am debating wether to have surgery to fix it... or have another child, then have surgery.  This is a huge decision..... I am not a pro about pregnancies after plastics, but I am pretty sure that people should be done having kids before they get plastics....... SIGH

So many things to think about..............

ttyl,
Danielle

30 weeks....... seems like a long time..... anyways, I weighed 158.8 this morning. Down another pound.  And only 8.8 away from my -100!!!! Very exciting days! Now I am noticing cravings coming back.... but then I realized I will be starting next week, phew. Funny how my body works isn't it?

I know I still need to lose 38 more pounds til goal....woah! ...... is it only that much now?????.... seems reasonable, eh? I can do this! I will hit my surgeons goal.....  but anywho, with only 38 left til goal I am noticing guys, (some that have known me since I was 14ish) commenting me, then scrolling up and down my body with thier eyes... lol! I am being checked out! If only they knew that my skin is not as "tight" as it used to be! lol.

Although I will say, that I have been working out 3 times a week, (gonna try to up it to four), and my skin is loose, but not folding over itself like I feared. My breast seemed "puddle-like" a few weeks ago, but they are starting to look  good again. My hubby even admitted that he was starting to dislike my breast, but now they look "really good again"..... I am glad he can be honest, but I have noticed the difference too. Wouldn't it be amazing if I didn't neeed any corrective skin surgery? You never know, with God all things ARE possible, I mean look at me? down 92 poounds, all by my self it WAS impossible, but here I am!

ttyl,
Danielle

So I have been losing weight more slowly.... I know..... I am supposed to at this point but the past two weeks it has been difficult, seeing less then a pound difference in a week plays mind games on you, I was thinking I would never get to goal at this rate, and so on........ well, I stepped on this morning and had to gasp...... 159.8! I don't remember seeing the 160.0's!!! I went straight down to 159's!!! andI actually weighed myself twice, I didn't belive it! LOL

This means 9.8 pounds left beforeI hit 100 pounds gone forever..... wow, 100 pounds.......8 months ago this was a dream,  I never though in a million years would happen.... and I am sooo close.
So why the sudden drop in weight this week? Honestly, I missed the gym twice, becuse I have been gardening, and plkanting my vege's and such..... so maybe the gardening is my trick. And thing two... my huisband and I have been getting intimate.... well several times a day, and we get sweatty..... so maybe gardening and exsay (pig latin) together make a really good weight losing combo. 

Anyways, I am thrilled to be in the 150's the ;ast timeI was 155 was in Grade 8, for our skiing trip.... so technically, I could of weighed 159 pounds by graduation......  I need to take a minute and wrap my head around this!

Anyways, PRAISE GOD!!!! 

Dear God, Thank you,  Thankyou, Thank you. You are my God, you are my King and I can do all things through you, I AM doing all things through you. I feel so blessed this week, I asked you God this past week to bless my garden as you blessed my life..... wow.... my garden is going to be overflowing with vege's and fruits! Please continue to bless me God, never stop, and thank you for keeping me on the straight and narrow when it comes to food GOd, you know that has beena weakness for so long , and finally I feel that I am not dieting anymore, I am living, I am living healthy and I give full credit to you God, you gave me motivation to eat right, work out, and be abetter person all around.  I love you. In Jesus precious name I pray this.
Amen.

ttyl,
Danielle

Well, I am on my way to the gym, gota tone those arms, legs, stomach well.... I gotta tone everything! LOL

Sorry abou tthe late night weight in, the 20th is my wedding annerversay, so... well. I kinda wrote in late, BUT I DID weigh myself this morning........ 162.2. Not a whole lot, but hey, I had my periord this week and I am dropping the water weight I gained. I tend to drop it starting the last day of my period... so next week should be better!

Gosh, I am tired.....
tttyl,
Danielle

I currently weigh........ 163.8!!!!!! That puts me down 86.2lbs! It also means 43.8 lbs til goal! I don't know if I will reach my goal by my one year mark, but I do know that I will be pretty darn close, and for me that is super exciting! Most doctors tell me that most people NEVER reach their thier 100% excess weight goal that the doctor sets... but then again, many people feel more then comforable weighing 10-20 heavier then the doctor ordered, some go lighter, but at least most people hit A goal.
Another thing to see is that 86 pound ago I was COMPLETELY overwhelmed by the amount of weight I needed to loose, but seeing the numbers now give me hope and best thing about it is, it is completely attainable. I don't feel like I will never see the day... that day is here!

Oh, I posted my next goal, since I hit my last goal, THE WEIGHT I MET MY HUBBY AT, the new goal os, DOWN 100LBS!!! Which may I add, isn't that far to go, only 12.8 lbs.

..... I know this sounds extreme, but before this surgery, I honestly felt that the only way for me to get a beautiful body that God wanted and intended for me was in death, when he gave me a new body...... I am not saying I wanted to die, no, but i felt that being so little was never meant for me, that being confident with myself, my body and face, was jjust never going to happen.... and here I am!

OH! I do have one more thing to say. I have been exercising three times a week at a gym, plus family outings and things. At first I became VERY self concious of my arm fat, dangling in the wind, and wrinkly tummy and breast.... but in this past week i, my hubby and some family mambers have all noticed that my tummy is tightening right up.... and my arm fat kinds of disappeared over night!!! And my breast? Looking better..... Alll in all, I am leaning towards no tummy tuck surgery and arm lift!!! To me, that is WAY more exciting then getting plastics done, no scar tissue and down time! I think that if I keep it up I will be blessed with tighter skin. I mean, it probably helps that I am only 25 years old.! And if I do end up NEEDing surgery, I want to wait until after I have another child. I am partially hoping that the hormones of the pregnancy will natuarally tighten up my breasts and stomach, but if not, at least I would of had all 3 kids before getting surgery, I mean who wants a tummy tuck and breast lift just to have a child give your strecth marks back and saggy boobs... um no one. lol
Anyways, my mother is here, not feeling well, and although I am giving her back massages she is still in a lot of pain! I gotta go to the gym too, c ya l8r!

ttyl,
Danielle

Upon the occassion of being six months out of WLS, I have decided to talk about some pro's and con's about what has happened to me, and in me, and what I get to look forward to. 

So first, the Bad.
1. Missing Food.  I am not going to lie, I miss food. I went through the mourning process, and I am doing pretty good, but even now and then I feel the loss. I am getting better every day though.
2. Stories. now that I am no longer obese, people are starting to tell me stories about what other people said and did when I was........  I guess I am happy that people aren't picking on me anymore, but some of the things they say are very hurtful. These people included my family, such as grandparents and aunts, and so on. Just because I am no longer obese doesn't mean they don't hurt, I am still me......
3. Comments. No not compliments, comments such as, "At least now I feel better about introducinng you to people." or "i thought you were going to die of a heart attack" here is my favorite." Wow, you have a pretty face under all that fat!" There are more but they kinda sting.
4. WLS Comments. I put this under a different sectin because it really is a whole different area. I wanted to be honest, yeah I got surgery, but its not a magiv pill, I work hard, go to the gym regulary and people still don't get it. Oh well.
5. Clothing..... I attach moments, and holidays to specific clothing, stuff I wore for my wedding and baby showers and stuff...... and I have to let it all go... tear(but there is a good side to this)

The Good!!
1. Inside. I feel better physical, mentally, spiritually... every area and aspect of my life as gotten better.
2. Relationships. With my husband, I have WAY more fun, with my kids, I can play all day. With friends and family, I feel aas though a wall has been broken and we are all closer then ever.
3. Public Eye. Strangers are nicer for me, guys are starting to flirt with me, and care about my well being. A guy about my age, 25, came out to fix my gas heater, and when he left he said that our furnace was off, and that some nights that if it gets cold we might need it, lol. no person every went out of thier way like that before. GUys open doors, and STARING!!! I have had stares before, but always regarding my weight, now I am treated normal and even special!
4. Compliments. I love the praise, the "good job": the "you look hot", or great..... It fills me with joy to know how far I have come, and only helps me do that much better.
5. Job. As a teacher the chldren respond better, the listen more........ seriously, are some kids afraid of larger people????
6. Activity. I can do things and fit places I have never been to for a long time. I was under the house a few days ago, never would've fit before, and I LOVE going to the gym. I feel really good after a workout.
7. Fashion. I can now have a fashion.... before I just got what fit me and what didn't look like a hooker or old lady clothes. I have choice in how I look now, Plus I get to look forwad to new clothes! It also feels nice when you try on a large and find out it is way to big on you, tee hee hee. AAHHHH.
8. I weigh LESS!!
In general everything has gotten better and the good definately outweighs the bad, even though the good happens at lighter weights. lol


And what I get to look forward to....
1. More energey
2. New clothes
3. More activies, (exuallysay, and sports)
4. More compliments.
5. Platos..... but hey at least
I lost weight!

Anyways, I got to go.... might add more later but gotta bring my daughter to Grandmas!