Jaime Moore

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Just wanted to let you know that I made an appointment for the endocrinologist today. I called the three psychologists in my local area one is only open on Tuesdays and Fridays another no longer offers an examine for the surgery, and the third didn't have an appoinment till Aug 14th. So I basically got no where with the psych part. I called a bunch of cardiologists to find out I needed a referral doctor to make an appointment, so I called Patrice and asked if she could do that for me. She said she would. Thank you Patrice you've been wonderful. I have my dietary consult on the 27th. I'm waiting for Patrices referall to go get the H Pylori test and alcohol and drug screen. So that's four down only two more to go. I have to call the psych that's only open on Tuesdays and Fridays tomorrow. Hopefully I can get an appoinment with her in the next 20 days. I hate this having to wait on everyone else thing. I want to get it done and I want to get it done now. But on the other hand four out of six isn't that bad. Ok I guess I'm going to bed. Nite Nite

What a dumb ass I am. I felt so bad today. I slept in like usual on Sunday and woke up to Jack bringing home chinese food. He's like well I don't think you deseerve to eat. I was hot with that comment. So then he's like I didn't get you anything today. I said fine. No one wants to hear that crap when they first wake up. So I looked in the bag and there was my General Tso Chicken...Yummy. So after I ate a few bites I asked him what's up his butt. He's like you have no clue do you. NOPE nadda. So he's like what day is it, DUH Sunday. NO it's father's day. OH Crap. I hadn't even bought his gift yet. I couldn't let him know that though so I told him I was just playing and his gifts were in the car I just hadn't wrapped them. So he goes down there and checks.LOL. To my surprise his gift had mysteriously dissappeared. I told him I'd have to go down stairs and find them myself and wrap them while I was down there. It only took me two hrs to do that...Yeah ok I went to Wally world and bought him some stuff. But I more than made up for forgetting. Anywho, Justin bought me a bike. So now I get to ride bikes with the kids hopefully. I'm going tomorrow if it's not raining again. I was supposed to go today but didnt want to get my new bike wet. I found all the docs I have to go to last night. So I'm gonna be making plently of phone calls tomorrow morning before I clean up. Talk at'cha later

I'm so tired of waiting. I am still waiting. Last night I estimated that I should know something by the 22nd my 9 year anniversary. The day I was supposed to get married. The day I told Jack I loved him. I hope to have a date of July 5 if that's available if not then July 6, 7, or 10th. I would hate to have to wait until later than that though. I just found out that my kitten whom I got for free has worms. I don't know what kind they are but they keep coming out of his butt. I bought some dewormer and called the vet he has an apointment tomorrow at 2. Hopefully this cheap dewormer from walmart will work. Who knows though. I added my pics yesterday of my fat back. Sorry if I grossed anyone out. Forgive me please. Oh well I should go I'm trying not to get depressed about waiting sooooo long to find anything out about surgery. I'll talk at cha later. CIAO

June 16, 2006
:< Sorry it's been a few days...PC problems. Anywho, I went to see Celeste Momin at Shake Your Weight Friday the 9th. That was really cool. OMG you would not believe how good she looks. Read her profile, she's a true inspiration to us all trying to get to the other side and those already there. She went from like a size 26 to a now beautiful size 4. She has so much energy and as I was sitting there listening to her talk I couldn't help but be envious of her. She's where I want to be and she's helping so many people. She has so much energy. I miss having that much energy. I hope to be where she is some day soon. She told me her story in a one on one meeting (not usual but no one else showed up) and gave me so much info on what to expect what could and would happen and also about the group. If anyone ever gets the chance to meet her definitly do. She's AWSOME!!! Anyway before I went to see her I called the insurance company to find out what was going on with my case. They said it was still being looked over and to call back in about a week. Cool. So I couldn't wait and called Monday the approval dept was closed so I called on Tuesday the 13th. I spoke with Kathryn and she got my info and said hold on let me look over your file. I'm telling you I had butterflies in my stomache and was holding my breath. She then says there's a note on here I got really excited then she says we need more information. I about cried right then. I was like theres no way I can give them more info, I must have to write an essay or something my mind was racing a million miles an hour. I was dissappointed but she did give me the info I would need : HP Lori Test, endocrine workup, Alcohol and Drug screen, Dietary consult, and a cardio pulminary eval. Ok thats not so bad just a little more waiting, then she says oh and they're requireing a Psych eval. OH Gee my lucky stars. I don't think I'd pass a psych test but whatever. So as soon as I got off the line with them I called Dr O's office to ask if they had any info on where to start and so on. I can't remember who I spoke with but she was really nice and she said it's really unusual that they would require all this info on someone my age. But she said she'd give Patrice my info and have her call me back. That was Tuesday it's going on Friday the 16th and I still haven't recieved a call back. I know sh'e busy but a simple phone call to let me know how to get all this stuff done would be great. I've gotten an ekg done at my regular docs office but I don't know if that's what they're requireing or not. I'm a little dissapointed I was hopeing that it would be as easy as everyone elses with United. So I will call this morning around 8 and then 9 if they aren't open to Dr. O's office to see what to do next.
Let me tell you about my day though. I had a brilliant idea to walk to the park today so the kids could ride thier bikes and I could get some exercise. I got to the end of the road and my hip and back were hurting so bad I had to sit down on the side of the road to rest. I felt so bad. Andrew was dissapointed but he wouldn't say it. I felt horrible what kind of mother am I that I can't even let my kids get exercise because I'm so fat. I ended up driving though. I wish I were a size 10 and 170 pounds. I hate being fat. I hate it. So I'll write later. TA-TA for now
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I called the insurance company today. I spoke with either Banielle or Danielle (she didn't say or spell her name very clearly), anywho she didn't really tell me anything other than the application was recieved and that it can take up to 15 buisness days to be processed. I asked what would happen next and she said they may send a letter or call the doctors office. I didn't really know what to ask so I just said ok made sure I documented the call and wrote down everything that was said which wasn't really anything. I wish I knew what to ask. I was going through some pictures I have today and found one that I took about 4 years ago. I also added my fat back pics today. So here's the pic that's from 4 years ago. I only have a face shot would never go with a full body shot.
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I had a dream last night that made me so happy I woke up to tell Jack about it. I dreamt that I had me this guy whom was as sexy as I had ever imagined and he and I instantly became best friends he was there for me in a way Jack has never been. Anyway, I went to  the doctors office with my son and Dr Overcash told me to lay on this metal table, while he took Andrew somewhere else. As soon as I laid on the table I guess I went to sleep, cuz everything was black until Dr Overcash woke me up and said you can go now.The doc and I walked to I guess the waiting room where Andrew was patiently waiting for me. I hugged him and told him mommy missed him so much and we left. A few days later I went back and told the nurses I was ready to have surgery and I needed to know what was going on with my approval. The nurse looked at my chart and then at me and told me to have a seat. Her and another nurse came out and told me that I had had surgery. I looked at them in disbelief then at my tummy to find a large scar. I was happy and shocked at the same time. I started crying and told them that they must have given me some really good drugs because I didn't remember anything. I was ecstatic. I woke up and told Jack and he held me till I fell asleep again. When I woke up this morning I looked at my tummy and was dissappointed when I didn't see a scar or anything. I was so upset. Now I'm just depressed. I want this so badly I can feel it. I am ready. I know that I can do this. I keep reading the profiles on here and get more depressed because all of these people are on the losing side and while I've only been waiting a short period of time it feels like forever. I'm tired of being tired and not able to do anything. I want to lose weight and I want to do it now. I need some energy. Ok I'm going to sleep now then I'll get up and clean the house.

Hola everyone, just thought I'd write to say hi. I'm still waiting though it's only been a few days. I didn't call the insurance on Friday I figured I'd let them have a few days before I called. I am so excited. I have told so many of my friend though I didn't really want to right now I wanted to wait until I had the approval letter in my hands. I have yet to let my favorite person in my family know, Grandma. I think she'd be so happy, but I know how upset she would be if I didn't get approved. I have been avoiding grandma because I feel like I'm lying to her when I'm around her by not telling her. Isn't that bad. I can't keep anything from her and it's so hard. I'm just glad she hasn't called me yet. I bought a robe to wear while I'm in the hospital. The only ones I have now are either too revealing or too tight. I also found my goal outfit! A pair of size 10 white jeans with a silver thing on the leg and a silver design on the hip, with a silver tank top. I haven't bought the bra and panties yet cuz I have NO clue as to what size to buy. I just came from Jennifers house. It was Chances first birthday and she's now pregnant again. I feel so bad for her. She's had soooo many complications with the last two pregnancies I don't think her body is able to go through it again, plus March 31 she had surgery on her uterus. She said  she didn't think she could get pregnant. I just hope she's gonna be ok and not get sick as she did with the last two babies. Kevin, her husband is really excited. She's not and I'm not. I mean yeah having a baby is great but for her it's not. I told her that I would carry it for her when she wanted another one. This time was an accident I guess. I want her to be healthy though. She wasn't eating last time, she smoked, she drank at least once that I know of. She developed toximia and dysplasia. She was pasty white and I don't want to see her like that again. She was miserable and I honestly thought she would die. It came across my mind more than twice while she was pregnant. I hope she'll be ok. Allright I'm gonna go I think I'll call the insurance now. 

Ok...Now the official waiting begins. At 2:11pm this great Wednesday afternoon Patrice called me to let me know the paperwork was submitted to the insurance conmpany for approval. I am so scared. I am so very scared they won't approve me. I have to think positive thoughts but those negative ones sure do have a way of creeping up on me, unexpectedly. So I am now offically waiting. I will do my best to be patient. I'm going to call them though on Friday just to make sure they received my paperwork. I am so scared and happy at the same time. Happy that the ball is finally moving again and scared because the ball is in Uniteds court now. It's them that decide my fate. It's them that will tell me that I will no longer have to be scared to fall asleep, that I will no longer be afraid to make love to Jack, its them that will tell me whether or not I have to fight for something I really want. I want this so bad and YES I will be fighting if they don't approve me, but that's a really big hassle. Don't get me wrong though I am willing to go through it 210% baby. I will not give up and I will not take no for an answer. If anything so far this jurney has taught me to fight for what I want. I normally wouldn't do that, but I have NEVER wanted anything as badly as I want this. I want it so badly I can see it happening. I can see me on the other side. I can see me two years from now after plastic surgery. I can see myself 10 years from now still being the active me I've always wanted to be. I can see it clearly as if it's already happend. I want it that bad. I will not stop until I get it. Please any and every one reading this blog PLEASE pray for me. Pray that I am able to have this surgery. Pray for everyone going through this that really needs this surgery to change thier lives. I will be praying and please pray for me and all others. Thank You GOD for everything. Amen

It's now Tuesday, I'm still impatiently waiting for Dr.O's office to call and say they've sent the paperwork to the insurance company. I know they said not to call and I'm trying not to, I'm just so anxious to get this show on the road. I want to know whether or not I have to fight to get this surgery. I have already started writing my appeal letter(just in case). I am so nervous that I'm not going to get approved. I just want to know. I want to stop thinking about it constantly though I know that won't happen until I have surgery. I am just so ready for this that I don't want anything or anyone standing in my way. I just want it to be done and I want it now. I can't help but talk about it constantly, think about it continually. I have to go finish cleaning my house. I will talk to ya later. Ciao

Guess what today is...It's Memorial Day!!! And do You know what that means? It means the doctors office isn't open. DING DING DING DING. We have a winner. My prize is having to wait yet another day to find out if the paperwork was sent to the insurance company. I was so hopeing it would be done on Friday, but it wasn't. I hate this waiting game. I wish there were only like two or three steps. Like you go to the consult, then the nutrionalist, then have blood work to make sure your healthy enough for the surgery then you have surgery. You're insurance would automatically cover the procedure as long as your 100 over weight. Wouldn't life be grand then. Everyone would be happy. Man, too bad the world doesn't work this way, huh. I just know I should be approved. I've been debating to have this surgery for five now six years. On a different note though... Last night we had a party kinda sorta not really. I was just a wee bit tipsie and made my own party. Man I spend alot of money when I drink. Nikki and I went to Wally world and kmart to get slip and slides and a miniture pool for the kids. After we made the guys put everything together and cook for us we made the kids get off so we could have a turn. I'm telling you I seriously did not know I was that wide. I went on the slip and slide and part of me was sliding on the slide and the rest on the grass. I have a huge scrape on my side. So then I decided it was time to get into the pool. I get in and mind you it's only me in there, and I swear there was a Tsunami when I got in. More than half of the water spilled out of the pool when I sat my fat behind in it. I'm not really depressed any more about it. I know that I'm gonna lose this excess sooner or later. I just want it to be sooner like NOW. I'm tired and I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of being the biggest one in my house. I'm tired of going to the beach and being self consious about walking around. I'm tired of not playing with the kids. I'm tired of not being able to get my lazy ass off this computer and clean my house. I'm tired of not going out with my friends. I'm tired of sitting in my house wondering what all my friends are doing and not wanting to call them from fear of them asking me to come hang out with them. I'm tired of not being able to please my man. I'm tired of not being able to walk around walmart to see everything instead of just what I came there to buy. (That one isn't such a bad thing because it kinda saves me money) I'm tired of the knee pain, the hip pain, the back pain. I'm tired of being scared to sleep because I think I might die. I'm tired of seeing myself as the fat lady. It's like my whole life I seen myself as the skinny person in the fat persons body. I felt trapped in my own skin, my own body. I remember being ten and thinking this. I was walking trying to keep up with my friends and wanting to run but couldn't because I knew if I did my boobs would fly everywhere (I hated bras then), my knees would hurt, and I'd be out of breath. That I think is the first time I realized that I was a skinny person trapped in the fat persons body. Ok I'm depressing myself gonna go play in the pool while the kids are playing, adios