Jaime Moore

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Ok, I'm ready for Patrice or someone to call me saying it was sent to the insurance. I wasn't really expecting it to be today but hopefully by tomorrow afternoon. I hope it'll be tomorrow at the latest Monday. I'm being very patient. I wanted to call today to Dr O's office and ask if he had returned and if he had looked at my chart yet. I didn't though, instead I went shopping...with the money I don't have. I found a cute litte kitten his name is Prince and my friend found one her name is Dasia. They're so cute. Helps keep my mind form wondering onto my surgery. I've been really good too I haven't had a cigarrette in technically 4 days but that day doesn't count becuase I hit it twice before I started feeling sick and then before that it was what like the 10th I think I had a total of four smokes that day and that was it. So it has been three weeks not including the bad things I did. I'm so proud of me. Ok I haveta go pick Nichole up talk at ya later.

Ok, I'm ready for Patrice or someone to call me saying it was sent to the insurance. I wasn't really expecting it to be today but hopefully by tomorrow afternoon. I hope it'll be tomorrow at the latest Monday. I'm being very patient. I wanted to call today to Dr O's office and ask if he had returned and if he had looked at my chart yet. I didn't though, instead I went shopping...with the money I don't have. I found a cute litte kitten his name is Prince and my friend found one her name is Dasia. They're so cute. Helps keep my mind form wondering onto my surgery. I've been really good too I haven't had a cigarrette in technically 4 days but that day doesn't count becuase I hit it twice before I started feeling sick and then before that it was what like the 10th I think I had a total of four smokes that day and that was it. So it has been three weeks not including the bad things I did. I'm so proud of me. Ok I haveta go pick Nichole up talk at ya later.

Ok, tommorrow is when Dr O comes back to the office and hopefully will write my letter of nessecity. I hope I hope I hope. I'm trying not to think about it too much because I don't want to worry about it. It's so hard not to think about it though. Soon I will be having surgery I hope. I don't think the insurance can deny me I mean I guess they could only for my diets though I didn't really go into specific details only the name how long and how much I weighed when I started and ended. I didn't put on there if it was supervised or not. I hope they don't deny me. I would lose it then. I would have to appeal and appeal until they do approve me. I want this so bad and while I don't have any comorbiditys now I will if I don't lose weight soon. I know it. I already think I have a breathing problem, maybe asthma or sleep apnea, at night. I hate the part where I have to wait. I don't want to wait. I want it and I want it now. I guess now I feel like a little spoiled brat, ok not little but BIG spoiled brat. I just know what I want for once in my life and it feels really good to know what I want and how to get it. I don't want anyone standing in my way. While I'd like to think of the big bad insurance company as a nice caring sympathetic company that is all about the people, I seriously doubt that is the case. They are about the dollar signs.But hey what major company isn't right. They're no different from any other company out there. Wait they are, they hold the fate of my life in thier hands. They can choose whether I live a full, healthy life or if I die an early death because of my weight. I can't completly blame them I mean it is part me too, I should have never gotten this big. There is probably something I wasn't doing right somewhere. (I can't see it but I'm sure) It can't all be genetics. I mean mom was a size 28, grandma a size 20 aunt melanie a size 22. And on my dads side oh my... Daddy is huge I'm talkign like 400 pounds, all my aunts on his side are over 280 and the tallest one is 5'10. One of my aunts Janie on dads side just died last year from a massive heart attack, she had colon cancer, empazema, high blood pressure, diabetes, high choloesterol, she was considered super obese with a BMI of 60. I don't want to end up like her or my dad or mom. I want to be healthy. I want to run again. I really miss running. I used to dream of being in the olympics at least until I messed up my knee by falling too hard. I could still run though just not as fast and I eventually gave it up. Now though what I wouldn't give to be able to run again even if it's not super fast. If it's only a long jog I'd be happy. If I tried that now I know I 'd pass out from wheezing so bad. My chest would feel like it was caving in. My heart would be in my ears and my knees and ankles would feel like I had been hit numerous times with a hammer in those places. Please GOD let the insurace see my need. Hear my prayers Lord and let this dream become a reality. Let me not dream of becoming happier and healthier but make it real. I know everything is going to be allright. GOD has it in his hands and through him I will be able to have all things I need. Thanks for joining me on my journey. 

Guess what I did today? I went to pick up the letter from Dr Zahedi and it was a really good letter. She said that she recommended me for the surgery and I was shocked. I so expected it to say no way should she have this surgery, blah blah blah. I am so happy. I had Jack fax it in and forgot to call Patrice to make sure she recieved it, but will definitly be doing that after my 9am appoinment. I hope this guy rents this house. I need some money!!! I am really happy though. I can't wait till Patrice sends the info in to the insurance. I've told myself I will not call them and pester them, bt I know I will be. I am not patient. OK nite nite

I go tomorrow to get the letter from Dr. Zahedi. I'm really nervous, I hope that she recommend the surgery for me. I'm so scared that she's said I don't need it and that I haven't tried hard enough. Maybe I won't even need it. Who knows though. I keep talking to Jack and while he is all for it now he's worried about me getting sick afterwards. I hope that I will not get sick, but that's a while away. I smoked a ciggarette today, it tasted awful and I felt sick afterwards, so I guess I'm completly done with them now. I still get the cravings but the taste is horrible as well as the smell and the after effects. I'm so glad I was able to stop smoking. I'm really scared that I'm not going to get approved, I don't have any comorbidities. I'm perfectly healthy other than my breathing and waking up choking and the pain in my knees and back. But all that is just because of my weight. I think I've gained weight too since I completly stopped smoking. Which is so not going to help any. I wish I could be like my brother and never gain any weight. He eats a ton of food and never gets over 180. Jack's the same way though, he only weighs 170 and never gains more than that I weigh a whole 2 people and if I look at cheeseburger I gain 50 pounds. But hopefully all that will change. I will be on the losing side soon enough. I pray to God that my surgery is a go, my insurance approves me and understands that without it I will eventually die an early death. My daughter will also be obese because of me and that's one more person that they will have to insure and pay more for because of the things that can and will go wrong with us. Does that make any sense? Oh well I'm going to bed to dream again about the other me, the slimmer, healthier me.
Adios

Patrice called me yesterday. When I seen the caller id I almost fainted. For some reason I was overjoyed. (I can't wait till I get approved!) she called me to let me know that she had recieved my paperwork and Dr O will be writing my medically nessecity letter as soon as he gets back to the office on Thursday. Once he does that she'll call me to let me know that she has sent it over to the insurance company. OMG it feels like everythings actually going...moving. Like it's actually getting done. I'm almost there now that I can see the other side. I don't know what it's like on the other side, but I can imagine good things. Yes it's hard but the rewards are so worth it. Mom always says no pain no gain. If you want to lose weight it's hard but you can do it, with the help of this surgery mind you. I can't wait to get there, to the losing side. I was telling Jack how happy I was about everything happening. He told me that even if I get approved I still have to wait for him to beable to get off and he needs two weeks notice. I'm like seriously. That's 14 days a day away from a month and I'm gonna have to wait that much longer. I was a little upset, because I know that he can get off with three days notice he's done it plenty of times before. I told him I would give him a weeks notice and told him that if he only needed three days notice to go to Orlando he only needs a weeks notice to get off for my surgery. Then I asked him finally if we could postpone getting married. He looked so hurt. I'm almost sorry I even brought it up. I only wanted to wait until I lost some weight so I'm not so huge. I want to be the beautiful blushing bride. Not the fat and fried bride. He said that was fine, but I heard the dissapointment in his voice. I don't know if we should go ahead and do it now or wait for my reasons. What to do, what to do. 

I am still waiting for Dr. Zahedi to sign a letter for me. I called her office yesterday and spoke to Cindy this time. I asked her what was going on with the letter and she said that it's sitting on the doctors desk. I asked her if she thought Dr. Zahedi would sign it. Cindy said I don't know, you know she doesn't belive in that surgery. I don't care if she doesn't belive in it I want her to sign it so that I can have her behind me. I haven't faxed the papers over yet. I went to go have my a/c in the car checked yesterday and the compressor is bad. They said they'd have it done by 4pm yesterday and it wasn't so hopefully today in a few hours. I feel like everytime I am trying to save money something happens and I have to spend all my saved money. This compressor thing is costing $650. Last weekend I had to fix the radiator $394. I'm so tired of fixing it, but at the same time it's little stuff that needs to be fixed, nothing major. Jack wants me to get a new car, because he has to pay for it to get fixed. I told him if he'd stop breaking it then he wouldn't have to fix it. I'm going to go to the doctors office today to have her sign that letter. If it's not what I want then I don't know what I'm going to do. I wish I were a doctor so I could sign my own letter. Maybe I'll switch doctors and have the new one sign a letter. Oh well I guess I'll know what I have to do later today. Adios
Later}}} I faxed all the paperwork today. I am so nervous though. I still have't got the letter from Dr. Zahedi yet. I went to her office and Tina told me she'll have it by Monday, she needs time to think about what she's going to say. OK whatever. I know she is trying to figure out if she should let me have the surgery. I mean she has my whole life in her hands. If the insurance company des require her letter and she doesn't recommend me then I will be left to gain more weight. I don't understand how this works. I mean if someone came to me and said I have been fat all my life and I'm tired of it, I want and need something to give me that extra push, a boost, I would so do it. In a heart beat. I couldn't see myself ever say no I'm not going to reccomend a surgery that is going to save your life and help you lose weight and have an overall better self worth.
 I pray the insurance doesn't require that letter. I hope everything is gonna go the right way. I called Patrice at Dr. O's office to see if she recieved the info...she hasn't called me back yet though. I suppose I'll hear something by Tuesday, Monday is Memorial Day. I'm just so anxious and nervous that everything is going to NOT go right. I pray it is.

I called my pcp yesterday to see if she would sign a letter stating my need for the surgery, but got the answering service and left a message with them. No one called me back. So I called again today making sure I spoke with one of the nurses YES, Tina said she would be the one writing the letter and Dr. Zahedi would sign it. She said I can pick it up tomorrow but she'll call me if she has it's ready today. She kinda sounded like I was bothering her so I don't think it'll be done today. I'll call her tomorrow afternoon. I am so happy. Now let's just pray that Dr. Zahedi signs it!!! I don't really need the letter but after reading all the profiles on here I'd rather have too much info than not enough. I am so happy. I just feel like I'm doing something for me now and it feels so good. I can't wait to get approved to have the surgery. I know I will be (at least I think so). If Dr Zahedi doesn't sign that letter I'll just send in the patient packet and letters of recommendation tomorrow anyway. No sense in doing nothing while I wait. On a different note...
I spoke to Jennifer today. She is trying to sound happy for me, which is a start. She doesn't want me to do it, but she says she'll be there for me regardless. I am so happy. I was depressed all day yesterday. I kept thinking about how I let myself get so fat. I can't believe I did this to myself, but I feel so much better today. I know it's not just me, it's also having babies sooo close together and then birth control, plus me not eating healthy or exercising. All that is changing now though. With the surgery and myself I am going to be the young sexy person I always wanted to be. I just need that jumpstart, that extra little something to help. So I'm gonna be back to me in no time. Maybe an even better me than before. Dr. O has my goal set at 180 which I think is great but I wouldn't mind being between 160 and 170. I have to get a digital camera so that I can take some naked pics of me before and after and then after I have my body lift. I'm gonna hang them on my bedroom wall to remind me of what I looked like before the surgery and how embarressed I was to be naked in front of Jack. I know he loves me and he still thinks I'm sexy and everything, but he probably wouldn't if he knew exactly how much I weigh. When I met him at 16 I was 210-215 and he thought I weighed like 170 (he's not the type of guy to lie to me to make me feel better about myself BELEIVE ME!) and now he thinks I weigh about 270. Yeah right, I could only be so lucky. He says the only thing that really changed was my breasts got bigger and lost thier fullness and my tummy lost all the definition it had. OK, what about my thighs, my backflaps (Yes I have boobs on my back), my hips(            ) are like this wide, my thighs rub together so bad that I have dark spots  and my love lips have gotten dark from my things rubbing against them. I'm not complaining though if he can't see it then oh well. He's being really supportive though. More so than I thought he would be. He told me last night he doesn't understand why I want it because he doesn't think I need it but if it's going to make me happy and more secure about myself than that's great he's behind me on this one all the way.Plus he said that I will always be sexy no matter how big I am!!

I Just wanted to let you all know that I realized today that I went from 310 to 316.5. I don't know I can't believe I did that. I normally only gain weight when I try to lose it and right now I'm not trying. I am kinda disqusted with myself. I keep thinking how did I ever let myself get this big in the first place. Why did I do it? I don't understand what I was thinking. Oh well. I have to write my letters and I don't know what to say. I'm also going to ask my pcp for a letter of recommendation just to be on the safe side. I don't want anything to go wrong. So I'm trying to do all this today. I talked to my mom last night and she's really happy for me. I am too. She still is thinking about it. I told her all the details that Dr. O told me about the tummy tuck and such. I also told her I would have a boob job when I have the tummy tuck. She doesn't like that idea.But I don't care anymore I want what I want and I'm doing what I want to make ME happy. I'm tired of living for everyone else. I'm tired of trying to please everyone else. It's time for me to live and be happy.

OMG- I was soooo very impressed with Dr. Overcash. He seemed to really know his stuff. I felt completly at ease with him. (Though I was kinda upset with my friend that made the consult about her...she's 16 and weighs 130lbs...To be so lucky) He answered ALL of my questions. He seemed to be so there with me not worried about anyone else. I really liked that. He never rushed us or anything. He also let my brother and our friend come in. I am so happy that I made that call. I am so sure that everything is going to work out great. I recommend him to anyone in the area. Then I spoke with Patrice whom was also wery nice. She let me know about all the things I would have to do to try to get approved with my insurance. I am going to start working on my letters of need tonight and try to fax all this stuff over to her day after tommorrow. I hope that the insurance approves me without a letter of recommendation from my primary. She's so against the surgery. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed and pray that everything is going to run smoothly. Cioa for now