DragonLilly

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 Sooooo first a quick update since it has been a month since i posted last.... shortly after my last post i unfortunately had to put my sick dog to sleep (RIP Kayla .. mama loves you  ).  

   All my test have been done.. the Social worker was soooo impressed with me she wrote "MODEL PATIENT" along the top of my sheet. The same more or less happened with the dietitian, she said one visit would be enough for me (until post op of course). The class was fun, didn't learn alot i didn't already know but made some new friends.

  Then the loooonge 2 week wait for my follow up with Dr. Klein...... so Monday of this week (July 26th) I saw Dr Klein, a fast quick follow up ... he is very happy with all my tests and everything i have done to prepare and tells me to call Debbie at his real office on Wednesday (Today) to set a date. All happy and giddy I head home and the minutes turn to HOURS and time almost stops as i wait for Wednesday.

   ITS WEDNESDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 9am I call the office... Debbie is not in yet......wait and wait and wait... 10am call again...put on hold ....   ......................... " Hi this is Debbie" ... sweet!! I introduce myself and explain why i am calling... we chit chat a little (VERY nice lady btw) and on hold i go again ......  ........................... "Ok I have a date for you... is Sept 22 ok? " " HELL YES" i reply (yes i really said that) ..... so we chit chat some more while she books it and my patts... she explain the optifast to me (JESUS $300 cash ..... donations anyone???). Once everything is set i thank her a million times and hang up.

  FIRST thing i do is call my mom ... sobbing and shaking.....wooohooo!! She is soo excited for me and before i even hang up the phone she has already submitted a request to be off on my Surg day...aww she loves me!!!

So here are the details (if you missed them on the forum)

PATTS: Aug 31st @10:45

Optifast: Sept 1st

Surgery: Sept 22nd @ 8am -  registration @ 6am (yikes!)  

Sept 23 - First day of a brand new life!!!!


Start Warming up the bench because i am on my way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!     

So I'm not sure if anyone even reads these but hey it s a great place to empty my brain.

The past 2 weeks have been very long ones... Last Monday my dogs tumor rupsured, we rushed her to the vet and they set an app for sugery Wednesday, Tuesday i had my ECG and Pulmanary test (see blog "Quick Update" for that epic tale) Wednesday we droped of Kayla (my dog) at 8 am at 11 my hubby calls me...the vet called and said they cannot operate becuase the tumor is to big (i now spend half the day crying @ work) they take a biopsy and we pick her up that night. Thursday I have a day long seminar, Friday work ..... get home exsausted from my week.

Move on to this week, Monday - work followed by running errand and not getting home till 9pm - get home to find out that the vet called - biopsy came back as Cancer - Option #1 pay thousands of dollars for chemo (that might killer her) to shrink the tumor then more money to have surgery (which might also kill her) to remove the tumor to extend her life 1-3 years or Option #2 keep her on her pain meds and anti inflamatories and keep her home and love her as long as we can then do the right thing when the pain becomes to much.  Now for reasons that have little to do with money we have chosen option #2 . My girl is old, @ 12 chemo and surgery is just cruel and selfish. Right now she doesn't really seem to be in to much pain at all, she is still eating and talkative ... maybe not as mobile or energetic as she use to be but she seems happy. The whole ordeal breaks our hearts but you know what... death is a part of life and as much as it hurts all the happy years where worth it. And you know what? Everyone who has pets (unless you get a parrot) goes through this and we all do it over and over again in our life time, becuase the love we share with our pets far out weighs the pain we feel when we loose them.

  Ok emoness done.... Today is work and hopeing to go right home afterwards and play some World Of Wacraft ... Tommorrow is my appointment with the Social worker at HRRH.. Then work Friday then Off to the trailer for the weekend to relax and going out Sat for some Karaoke.

  I got a app with my GP next week. Then the following week I have Bypass Class and my app with the Dietitian (that same day I book a app with Dr Klien to review my results from all my tests and book my surgery date woot). Its all moving so fast and all the information I am cramming in my head from the forums is kind og overwelming.


Everyday is one step closer......

    Well the week is developing to be "one of them days" of a week... went for my ECG and Pulmonary function tests today ... putting me yet another step closer., but for the LOVE OF THE GODS ...what a looooooong friggen day. ECG tech toke me in 30 minutes early because well i was there and he wasn't busy so I was finished my appointment at 1 when I was not even scheduled to go in till 1. Great!?!?! ok well maybe not so much. Check my appointment sheet... well shit!!!! Pulmonary test isn't untill 2:45. And hour and a half in a hospital...what to do what to do .... BOOK? check!  Ipod? check!! Tim Horton's? check!!
Ok so maybe life won;t be so bad today... grab a icecap and find myself a nice relatively quite corner and pour myself into my book with the sweet siren call of Adam Lambert gently caressing my ears I settle in and before i know it its 2:15. So now wishing i hate MORE time I pack up and quest my way through the labyrinth of a hospital and find my way to the Breathing lab.

  I get checked in and take a seat.... watching the coming and going of patients and doctors the minutes drag by... great 2:40 can't be long now.....ZzZzZzZ .... mmm seems i nodded out check the clock.. WTF 3:15.  Excuse me miss receptionist chicky my app was at 2:45!!! " oh yes I know please have a seat" EXCUSE ME??? "oh the computer is broken we will get to you when its fixed" grumbling i head back to my seat.....ohhh ipod sweet ipod where art thou ... mmm more Adam to calm the nerves..Just what the doctor ordered.

 3:45... I Finlay get called in for my test.. everything goes smooth and i get the hell out of dodge...4:20 before i get out of the hospital (mind you I got to the hospital at 12 noon) and wouldn't you know it my bus breaks down on the way home have to wait 20 minutes for the next one... my 25 minute trip turns into and hour almost.

  5:15 Home at last... just in time to spend the next hour in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on some oh so yummy chicken rice soup (but so worth it). Best part of my night .... getting on OH and finding out not only does another member lived near me but when I chat with her i find out she lives IN THE SAME BUILDING AS ME!!!!!  What a small world, we chatted for an hour or so and she may have convinced me to go to the first local support meeting tomorrow.

 So chatting done, dinner done, house work done, looooooong day at hospital done....what was suppose to be a "quick" update....overdone! ....as for me I'm done too!!

Well the Monday monster made a mess of my life this morning.... for the past 2 months or so my dog has a  growing mass under her one arm but not having a"real" job I just could not get Vet money together. Well Friday i got the HST relief check and planed on making an appointment this morning to take Kayla (my 12year old dog) to the vet... well don't you know I get woke up this morning from my mom yelling "WAKE UP WAKE UP the dogs bump exploded and bleed all over the living room" ... jump out of bed ... clean the living room....clean the dog .. get dress and we all head out to the vet.


 So seems she has a tumor that needs to be removed, Vet thinks there's a good chance that it is not cancer (we can only pray), called on alot of favors but managed to rummage the money together for the operation (Thank the Gods), but you can't put a price on your 4 legged furry butt children.

 Tomorrow I go for my ECG and Pulmonary function test .... puts me one step closer!!


Well that's all for now...just need to make it threw today.......is it Friday yet??

SO i haven't even had all my pre-tests done, have not seen the dietitian or the social work yet.... everything is still in the very early stages but as they get closer i think more and more of what my life might be like post op. My life long passionate love affair with food...my love of cooking ...... gummy bears ........ when i try to be positive and think about all the things i WILL be able to do that I can't do now .... I fail and think about the fact that my hubby is still going to be obese and wont be able to do these things with me ---- how will he feel about the new me? how will the new me feel about him? how is it going to affect our relationship... how is it going to affect all the relationships in my life? will i really be any happier? is it going to be all worth it in the long run? I know i will be healthier but does that matter ... will i be a different person on the inside? by then i might still have no job, my dog (she is sick) might be dead my life might not be any different I'll just be skinnier -- what if there are complications...i might not be healthier at all...I might be dead or worse so sick i wish I was dead...what if my husband can't adjust to the changes well....just so many what ifs its driving me crazy .....  Guess I am just kinda depressed today ... feeling alone in all this ... .. i think joining this group might help.... give me a chance to share my journey and fears with others experiencing the same journey.