Elissa W.
My husband Joe is an amazing guy and we fell in love w/ in 3 months. The only problem was that he was thin and could eat whatever he wanted and did not gain weight. He had and still has the ability to have donuts it the house and they could be there for a week and it does not phase him in the least. I found myself going food shopping and buying him things that he liked but I was really getting them for me. We would order fast food or go to the drive thrus all the time. I thought about not eating the same food as him but I kind of just ignored that voice telling me to get something healthy. I don't know why, and I now know this is defined as insane behavior, but I thought that since I had lost the weight I could now eat anything and it wouldn't have the same outcome as before. Well, boy was I in for a wake up call, b/c not only did I slowly start to gain back the 27 lbs. I had recently lost, but some more came along for the ride!!!
So a few years have gone by and I'm still bothered by my weight and the weight gain, mind you I'm even working for a weight-loss company, so I'm even more aware of my weight!! But my love life couldn't be any better and now I'm engaged and planning a wedding, all the while questioning,"how I am going to lose weight and look perfect for my big day?"
Then the unthinkable happened, I broke my ankle. So now I'm on bed ARRest and I can't walk for 3 months!! This just gets worse as far as my weight goes, and even though I'm supposed to be losing weight for my wedding, instead I am gaining weight and when it's all said and done I gained a total of 25 lbs. :(
Not good, and now I have only a few months until my wedding day. I am insisting that I will lose the weight but of course it never happens, even when I attempt to go back to the Diet Dr. and try my miracle pill, Phentermine, again. Nothing, nada, zip, zilch!!!! How can this be happening, it's my wedding day, the biggest day of my life so far and I'm squeezing into my wedding dress, literally!! (No joke, my bridesmaids are fighting to get the zipper closed!!) And now I have a wedding album with the pictures to prove it!! This was not how I envisioned my wedding to turn out.
Okay, so if the extra 25 lbs. wasn't enough to gain, the next thing I know, I'm pregnant. Which, don't get me wrong, was a blessing and the best thing to happen, ever, in my life!! But I knew there was only more weight to come. So I decided to say screw it and eat like I've never allowed myself to eat before. And I have the 50 more lbs. to prove it!!
So now we have a total of about 80 lbs. that I have gained all together, from my broken ankle and pregnancy. This is the heaviest I have ever been and I never thought I would see the day when I weighed 200 lbs. and now I have topped that!! This is so crazy to me. When I weighed 162 lbs. I remember that I saw a picture of myself and that's when I knew I had to do something. Now I am 60 lbs. heavier and I would love to be that weight. I used to love taking pictures, I have albums full of my friends and I in my 20's. Now, at 32, I am always the one holding the camera. I can count how many pictures I have with me and my daughter. It's really sad b/c if you look at all the baby pics all you see is Emma and my husband. I absolutely hate being in pictures and when I do see myself I don't even recognize me!! I feel like I am living in fat suit, like they use in the movies, and I just want to unzip and get out!! I DO NOT recognize myself anymore!! I used to love wearing makeup and fixing my hair. Now I barely look in the mirror. I never wear makeup and I hate going anywhere that I can't wear sweats. And when I do catch a glimpse of myself, I am disgusted at what I see. I can recall having a conversation w/ a woman I used to work with and she said you may just have to accept the fact that you are never going to lose the weight, and I will never forget what she said, b/c I can not and will not accept it. It makes me angry b/c I know that this is not me, and I refuse to just give up and accept this. And now I feel blessed that I am going to finally get my life back and start living it to the fullest!!
