elizalde

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Wow!  it has been a long time since I have been on here.  I got sucked into facebook land. LOL!  Really though, I think I was just getting frustrated with the entire process.  So I just let go and let GOD!

Instead of waiting to get a surgery date, I was so fixated.  I enrolled in CNA classes.  I will be taking my State Boards this Wednesday!  I had my surgery two days after I graduated.  It all happened so seamlessly and quick!  I originally scheduled to test the friday after my surgery, but postponed after the pain and discomfort of surgery.

Now that is a different story, which I will elaborate on some other day.  Just wanted to document that I had the surgery, I am recovering, and have already lost 14 pounds!  I am so happy.

I was so nervous about Thanksgiving!  Not only was dad's new girlfriend coming, I had my niece and nephews staying with me while sis went to visit her husband in Japan.  He is in the Marines, and has been stationed there for 6 months.  Those weren't my main concern.  No, I was worried about the eating part!  I love Thanksgiving food, and I love eating food.  So, I knew I would have a battle on my hands. 

I faithfully went to the gym three days a week and worked my butt off, literally, according to my husband. (lol)  I figured, if I lost a couple of pounds before "T-day," then I could indulge.  Then the night before T-day, while at the gym, I weighed myself.  What? three pounds!  I gained three pounds!  How?  I was dismayed.  So I resolved right there and then, IT HAS TO STOP!

I am making a life  L  O  N  G  decision in having bariatric surgery!  It is not something I can turn off and on.  So i started repeating the mantra I learned in class... "It is a tool!"  "It is a only a tool!"  I have use the tool, and work.  I know I gotta step it up with the work out intensity.  I have to put the best foods in my mouth, which starts at the grocery!!!!  Come on Zoe! no excuses!!!!  I have no room to be dismayed, I gotta figure out what went wrong and make it right.

I conquered Thanksgiving!  I didn't indulge.  Why should I?  As a treat to myself?  Because I deserve it? PIFFF! 

I deserve to live a long, healthy and happy life!  I deserve to run, skip and jump with my little boy!  I deserve to buy new underware because the old ones are to big!  I deserve to get compliments from people, telling me I look good.  I deserve to wear my "skinny clothes" that I hadn't been able to for so long.  I deserve having my husband run his hungry hands over my shrinking body and smile at me, his eyes filled with emotion.  I deserve to look at myself in the mirror, completely naked and feel satisfaction for the changes.

I conquered Thanksgiving when I only had ONE resonable plate.  Instead of the three huge plates I usually eat.  I conquered Thanksgiving when I had a small slice of pumpkin pie and shared a pizookie with my son.  Instead of the plate spilling over with the many different samples of desserts.  I conquered Thanksgiving when I didn't have to sit and snooze after an enourmous meal.  Instead we layed games, laughed, told stories and had a great time.

Thanksgiving was not about food, for the first time in my life.  It was about being thankful for all the blessings in my life.  I feel confident about Christmas, too!

Happy Holidays,

Zoe

     I am so excited.  I got the call... An appointment to consult Dr. Casillas at West L.A.  Dec. 2 at 2:15pm I will drive to see what is required of me before having the surgery.

     I wish I could shout it from the mountain tops.  Well, maybe not, but it would be nice to tell my friends or relatives.  But I have chosen not to share this experience with them. 

     Well, I am sharing the information with all of you.  Thanks for your thoughts and prayers, as I continue this journey.

Love ya all,

ME!

     I started my weight loss journey 21 weeks ago, weighing 265 pounds.  I told my doctor I was tired of being obese and asked her for a real way to lose weight.  I was desperate and wondered if there was any way she could help me find a way.  I was playing Keeper on an all girl soccer team and manages to gain 4 pounds while playing once a week for 6 months!  I was really upset and had no clue why I couldn't lose weight.  So she referred me to the Options program where I have faithfully attended and learned so much!

     I have reduced my caloric intake, learned to read labels, started eating more greens and less carbohydrates, and I joined a gym.  I am so excited because for the first time in the last 7 years, the scale is going down instead of up.  Thank you Jesus!!!  I have lost a total of 17 pounds.  I am at the half way mark to my pre-op goal weight.  I now have to step it up.

     When I first started working out, I would work up a sweat going from my car to the gym.  Then I started water aerobics... It kicked my butt!  Now, I can go through the entire 1 hours work out with out stopping.  Then I joined a class that combines weightlifting and aerobics.  After that class my legs were jelly, my arms burned and I must have sweated a gallon of sweat!  I have also been working out on a circuit called The Hoist.  I love it! However, I have noticed the burn is not as intense as it was before.  So I am stepping it up a notch and increasing the weight and the reps so that I can burn more calories and increase my muscles.

     I was eating so well while I was taking the classes.  Really watching what I ate and eating the correct portions, but I noticed I tend to "cheat" that time of the month.  YUCK!!!  Why do I do that?  I just make excuses for the sweets I put into my mouth, then when I go to the gym I  realize I have to work extra hard to burn them off.  I really needed a boost in morale.

     I attended my sisters engagement party.  I usually hate family gatherings, because I hear it from people... Family members I haven't seen for a while and notice them looking at me and practically shake their heads.  They can't believe how big I am.  People I meet for the first time struggle to make eye contact and small talk.  Then there is always the loud mouth who has diarrhea of the mouth and no filter.  That person says rude, obvious and hurtful things.  I really just avoid these events, whenever possible!

     I had such a great time.  For the first time EVER, I got compliments on how good I looked.  I felt good, I looked good.  My husband told me he couldn't wait to get me home and out of my clothes.  He said I looked yummy!  Oh, and that loud mouth... Was there yelling out loud how skinny I look and must have lost so much weight!  Yeah, I had a great time.  It was just the reinforcement I needed.  I am half way to my goal weight for pre-op, I am very motivated, I know I can do it! 

     Since joining a gym, I have exercised Monday thru Thursday.  (Friday I clean house, we call it "Scrubbing Day" and it is quite a workout!)  I give myself Saturday and Sunday off.  I am loving the gym like NEVER before.  I don't know why and can't understand it, however, I am going with it!  The only thing is, I hadn't really lost any significant weight.

     If I were not getting the sleeve, I would be mortified!  Why am I not losing weight?  I should be, well I think I should be-I expect to.  Before getting my surgery I need to lose 10%, which translate to 27 pounds.  Twelve pounds down and 15 to go.  I work out with a friend, who doesn't always "make it" to our workout sessions, and that has not kept me from doing it alone.  ***I am so proud of myself!! I like this new me.***  Anyhow, we do water aerobic Monday and Wednesday, then resistance, weight training on Tuesday and Thursday.  Each workout is 1 1/2 to 2 hours, sweat pouring down, heart rate up and feeling the burn.  So I am thinking, we must be doing something wrong.

     My workout buddy asks one of the trainers and she tells us to increase the weights and reps and decrease the sets, then use the treadmill with a 6% incline at a 3.9 speed.  She promises we will see results in three weeks.  So that is what we have been doing for 1 week now.  According to the scale, I have lost 3 pounds!!! YAY!!!!  Having such great results from her advice, I venture to ask her how to get rid of my arm "wings" and mistakenly tell her, I want to tone my arms now before bariatric surgery.  Her face went from  to , in .89 seconds! 

     Uh oh, here we go... "Why would you want to go and do that?"  Not even waiting for a response, she continues.  "Have you even tried to do it by changing your diet and exercising consistently for a year?"  Rolling her eyes at my response she insists that if I would only commit to a sound diet and exercise plan, I would lose the 110 pounds I want in one year.  I am left questioning myself, the decision that took 4 months to make, and giving some lame excuse to her and my friend.  I was sooo embarrassed.  Why, oh why did I mention the surgery? 

     I should have known better, but I just had to say it.  That was early this morning.  This evening, I am confident in my decision, because it is mine alone to make!!  Regardless of what others say, I am going to be "selfish" and do this for no one else but ME!!  I will still attend her class and follow her exercise advice, cuz she is good at it and I enjoy it and have seen results.  But, anything else, I don't need her advice or permission, period!

     I feel like a new person!  This going to the gym thing is great!  I never liked going to the gym, and especially not alone.  Now, I love it.  Working out gives me energy for the day and I am ready to go to sleep at night.  I usually go to bed after 2am.  Not anymore!!!  The world is a better place, now that I am exercising.

     Here is the way my week goes...  Monday and Wednesday is water aerobics from 10am to 11am, then free swim until 11:30.  On Tuesday and Thursday I do resistance training on the machines.  Two sets of 15 reps on the most weight I can handle.  Saturday and Sunday, I take off to rest my body.  Friday is scrubbing day.  I scrub the floors, walls and bathrooms.  Then I dust, vacuum, and sweep everything.  Finally, I wash the bed sheets and put away the laundry.  For me, that is a work out!!!  At the end of the day, I feel great.

 According to the scale, I have lost 4 pounds in the past two weeks of following this schedule.  Now, for some people, it may not be a big deal.  But, for me, losing even half a pound is cause for celebration.  I am well on my way to losing the required weight before surgery.  However, I think the best thing is that I am forming a good habit in working out. 

So, cheers to this new week!!!!

You would think I would have learned my lesson and stopped doing it!  Every time I do it, I vow never to do it again, but sure enough, it happens again, and again, and again.  (OK, I normally don't curse, so please forgive me but...)  I am such an *SS!!!

Foot In Mouth Disease.  That is what I call it.  You know, when you say something and you realize that you shouldn't have.  Then you go through a gamut of thoughts and emotions like:

    *  Maybe they didn't understand.
    *  They know I didn't mean it.
    *  Well, it's true!
    *  Aren't I allowed to say what I think? 
    *  It is a free country after all.  I am exercising my freedom of speech.
    *  Oh, man!  I shouldn't have said that!
    *  I am such an idiot.
    *  Why do I keep doing this?
    *  I am an embarrassing joke.
    *  How can I call myself a christian and be so mean?
    *  My credibility, just went out the window.
    *  I hope they'll forget about it.
    *  How do I say sorry now?
    *  Will they even want to hear from me?
    *  AWWWWWWW!!!!!!

I think I will stop posting on the message boards until after my surgery.  I will have a different perspective then.  Maybe there should be filters on this website... Like pre-ops only allowed to read and not post on post-ops.  That would be a good one for me. 

I am normally not so insensitive... well maybe I am.  Blurting is my MO.  Has been since I was a kid.  You would think that after doing it for so long I would learn my lesson.  But, no!  Come on, girl, stop it already!!!!!

OK, Lord, take my life and let it be consecrated to you.  Take my will and make it yours.  Direct my thoughts and my actions, I am a horrid and sinful person.  I don't deserve it, but you promised that if I asked, you would cover me with your forgiveness and change me.  Please mold me into the loving person you want me to be.  Even if it hurts!!!

I believe in the possibility to change.  Pray for me as I go through a character and personality transformation as well as a physical one.

Sincerely,  Elizalde

There is half a gallon of Moose Tracks in the freezer and it has been there for 3 weeks!  That is a first for me... Usually it is gone in a week, but I have no desire to eat it.  I don't really understand, and I find myself practically forcing myself, willing myself to go get some.  For the past 3 hours, my mouth has wanted the ice cream.  My brain and tummy on the other hand are still full from a nicely portioned dinner.

It must be the old habit.  I used to eat after everyone was in bed, while I watched a movie/TV or got on the Internet to "unwind" from the day.  Ever since I started my classes and learned better habits, I don't want to do bad things anymore.  Especially now that I have decided to get a sleeve.  It is like I have mysteriously found resolve.  It is a good thing, I just can't believe it, but I like it!!!!

So I was reading how someone had a Food Funeral and I thought, well, why not?  Here is my list:

    *  Chocolate Anything (especially around "that" time of the month.)
    *  Ice Cream
    *  Huevos Rancheros with Rice
    *  2 servings at Dinner
    *  Eating While Occupied or Unattended (late night snacks)
    *  Starbucks-Frappachinos
    *  French Fries
    *  Shakes
    *  Grazing on Chips & Salsa

OK, that was kinda hard...  Now, I can look back and remember and hold myself accountable!  I am loving this new me already, and I am pre-op. :)

    Last night, in class, I asked if there were co-pays for the pre-op labs, ultrasounds and echo-cardiograms.  The instructor advised us to check, because every body's coverage varies.  So, early this morning, I called to find out.  I was so worried about it, I could hardly sleep.

     I mean, what if I have a huge deductible or everything has a copay?  I hadn't even thought about it before!  The instructor mentioned circumstances when a pt. got to surgery day and was told they had a $3000 copay, and was unprepared to pay that.  So the pt. didn't have the surgery.  See, that would have been me.  Not knowing exactly how much I was covered for, really made me nervous.  Imagine going  through all those weeks of classes, tests and all, then not getting the surgery!  I don't have that kind of money at my finger tips... Actually, I don't have half the amount period!

     What a sigh of relief!  I spoke to the insurance Rep and she assured me, I am completely covered.  I have no co-pays, whatsoever!  I thanked God, then thanked her.  My husband was relieved to hear the good news, too.  It seems like the closer I get to finishing all of my pre-op tests and classes, the more excited I am getting. 

     I have been so mellow and laid back about the whole thing.  However, now that I have decided to go with the Sleeve, and am more confident, I feel ready.  The dieting is going OK, I have 15 more pounds to lose.  Now that I am going to the gym, I hope it will come off in time.  I would like to to lose the weight before meeting with the surgeon.  I have heard stories about pt. being told to lose more weight before even scheduling the procedure.  I say I am in no hurry, but, if I am honest...

     I turn 40 in February, this is a gift to myself, and I would love to be under 200 lbs by then!  Oh, that would be amazing!  So, trying to hold in the excitement and stay focused.  So glad I am totally covered!  I love Kaiser!!!!!

God is so good, all the time!  And some times He allows us to have those little things that make us incredibly happy!!!  I can almost envision him, He is like a parent watching their child opening presents.  I can't wait to finish opening this gift!

Hugs and good thoughts for all my friends.

The end is in sight...  Last week in class we filled out paperwork for our labs to be ordered.  We were told not to go get them until we were "released," which will probably be tomorrow, at the next class.  It was expressed, with no uncertain terms, that we MUST wait until we are told to go.  However, I got a call on last Thursday to schedule an ultrasound for today.  So, I took the appointment!  I thought, "Hey, they called me.  Might as well get it over with ASAP." 

I had to fast for 8 hours, so last night 5 p.m. was my last meal.  I was up by 6:30 a.m. to get ready for my 7:30 appointment.  I don't know if it is normal to have two techs perform the ultrasound.  The first one tried for what seemed like 15 minutes.  "Deep breath, hold it.  .  .  .  .  .  . OK, breathe regularly."  She'd say.  Then a second tech came in and did the same thing.  Except, she forgot to tell me to breathe regularly, but apologized when I sharply exhaled and said, "I couldn't hold it anymore!"  Another 10 minutes and we were done.

After the ultrasound, I went to the lab and asked if my labs were ordered.  They were!  Since I was already fasting, I went ahead and did the blood, urine and stool tests.  Now all I need is the electrocardiogram and the EKG/ECO.  My goodness, the end is almost in sight!

I just hope I won't get scolded for going before being "released."   Oh well what can they do about it now?  Five more weeks of classes and then its on to the surgeon.  I am feeling anxiously excited, and a satisfied calmness.  I am in no hurry, just being efficient!

God bless you all!