FreeSpirited1

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Well, I continue to hit the gym 5 times per week with cardio and strength training, but now I am looking for ways to make my lifestyle more active in general and a way olf being a person who enjoys physical activity. Yesterday I took my first ever tennis lesson and I love LOVE LOVED IT!!!!! Hopefully I can find the money and time to continue!!! We practiced for about 2  1/2 hours and I had soooo much fun. I have NEVER been a sports person. This may be the thing for me!!! Plus they have cute outfits!!! lol

I am grateful for my RNY B/C

no more meds
down 8 clothing sizes
shrinking feet
can sleep in my bed comforably at night( I had to sleep propped up in a recliner at the end of my SMO days)..and I dont snore any more, and if I do, it sounds like a kitten instead of a grizzly bear
I eat better....produce is tasty! Who knew?
I can hit 2.7 miles in 30 min on the eliptical(At first I could only last 3 minutes..no lie!)
I can get up my 3 flights of stairs wayy easier
I look for excuses to BE active....rather than excuses NOT to be active
The fat over my eyelids is shrinking
I am starting to wear heels again
I feel proud to live a healthy lifestyle

I was in the gym this morning and caught an unexpected  glimpse of my booty in the mirror with my skin tight leggings on. Wow, these workouts are totally re-shaping my booty. I was like wow look at that cute " little" tooty booty! yay!!

Ephiphany....wow...I ate something else today because I'd only had a salad (all veg and zero cal dressing) and 2 protien shakes...I was like "Im not hungry at all"...but I thought "I need to have something b/c I did not have enough protien today. Especially when I'd been to the gym earlier today." So I thought, "either drink a shake or eat some protien," so thats what I did.......this feels strangely like EATING to LIVE. Weird concept, but I liked it!  NEVER has happened to me before!

Last nightI went to the store and stocked up on good foods, and am happy that I have gotten avck on the track as of last Tuesday with the help of my friends here on OH. This site has been such a blessing.The workout schedule is back on again and Im just focusing on one day at a time. I will be looking into OA meetins online this week.  I have found that for me trying to exsist on protien shakes and very little food leads me to binge eating. I have to accept that #1 I love to eat and #2 my pouch which I affectionately call "Steel Magnolia" can tolerate anything and larger amounts than the avereage rny paitent at this stage. Therefore I need to plan foods that I can eat and have them on hand and eat dammmit!! Soo I stocked up on lots of veggies, frozen and fresh, salad ingredients, salsa, zero cal salad dressings and dips, sug free jello, 50 cal fiber yogurt, no sugar added fruit cups ( only 35 cals a cup!!), turkey, chix breast, lean pork and beef. I plan to make lots of veggie stir fries and salads to fill the hunger hole, and for special /snacks treats I will have sug free posicles, puddings, mooses, ff sug free whiped topping with fruits, 100 cal popcorn, chocolate cherios ( 100 cal a serving and I usually only est 1/2 a serving), 1/2 servings of pretzels, sugar free gum and 2 or 3 sugar free hard candies.
My eating priorty will be protien shakes and water, I will then veggie load, protien next, some carbs and then treats/ snacks if I want them So far so good!

So this is day eight for me working through Beck's Diet Solution and I had a difficult day today following my program. There were some successes which I do congratulate myself for however. One of which is that today when I got home I took a long hard look at what was at the root of my desire to binge. Ok, yes I feel like crap today ( catching a cold) and at work today people were pushing food on me like CRACK...but what's really going on. I sat in a quiet place and it came to me that there are some things that I'd been needing to take care of this week that I had been avoiding, or 'just hadn't found the time' to do. Mainly taking care of some financial housekeeping that I am very worried about (fear of the future) and unfinished  classwork(sabbatoging success/fear of failure)  Also some fear and worry about an upcoming event and some resentments towards some people in my life. I decided to get into action. Two hours later here I sit phone calls made, business handeled, and a major binge avoided. Now the resentments are a work in progess...... Baby steps.

and it seems too big. I can eat sooo much at a time. And today Im breaking rules. I will get back with it tomorrow.

so today I dragged myself to the gym in order to stic to my every other day schedule..and I get their and my main motivation (my mp3 player) was not working! I thought there was NO Way  was going to workout w/o music. But I stayed and got my workout as planned. Yay me!

Today a random person at work who I dont even know their name says "so can you give me more info on your surgery" I was like "huh?" as this is not something that I made public..so I told her that I changed my eating habits (truth) and hit the gym 5 times a week (truth). I feel like my journey is MINE right now. Maybe in the future I'll feel different but right now I only want my close friends and family to know..speculate all you want but it will not be confirmed by ME. ..Later I was flattered and thought "wow" the results must really show ( as when I look in the mirror I STILL dont  see the difference even though my clothes are not fitting anymore) and don't even start me on the evil scale....lol

I have decided to stay off of the scale for a long while. It was driving be bannanas obsessing about the weight fluctuations, the obsessive compusive calorie counting, and constant obsession about the scale which was just making me want to eat more out of frustration. I am going to follow the rules,work out an RELAX and enjoy the journey. I am feeling so much better and letting go of the scale has made it easier for me to work the program in peace. My clothes are getting looser by the day and I've been in the gym like a trooper. I have also begun working with a sponsor on my food addction. I want to live my life in peace, not constant emotional highs and lows based on the scale. If I continue to honestly do the work then the weight will come off. Period.