gardeninggal

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Just a wee update on my progress:  I had my check up at HRRH last week and because of re-scheduling, etc. and the fact that my one year surgery date is less than three weeks away the NP said to have the blood work and that I would not have to book another appointment in only a few weeks time.  All said and done I am down 110 lbs since my highest weight of 305 lbs.  On my day of surgery I was 292 and I can only say that I do not regret one bit of this journey from start to now and finally feel hopeful that I can go forward with the tools to have a healthy life.  I will be celebrating a birthday next week and will be the ripe age of 63 but honestly feel like 43 and there ain't no stopping me now.  I am fortunate in that I have had an 'easy time' of this surgical intervention and I am so thankful to be able to write this note.  

I have officially lost 100 lbs and am still in a state of disbelief that I could actually do this.  I decided that I would use my day of surgery weight to put on my health tracker on this program abut as time went on I realized that I was missing a huge milestone, or rather cheating myself out of it by not using my actual starting weight.  I lost 13 pounds on Opti.  I think I did not want to know what my starting weight was because it all seemed so hopeless.  So my 292 lb number and adding on the 13 Opti loss gave me a number of 305.  I weighed myself on Monday morning and hit 205 which was fabulous as I had been in a stall for about a month.  My surgery was Sept. 4/12.  So yea I have joined the 'Century Club' and am so happy.  Thank you everyone for all of the inspiration, advice and hope.  I also connected that I have done the couch to 5 K and then some in my walking routines.  Not sure if I will ever become a runner like many here but then I wasn't ever sure that I could lose 100 lbs either.  I have found my hip bones again, my collar bone and my rings are too big. 

Here it is Christmas Eve day and I am feeling so happy and especially hopeful as my weight loss journey has become a positive force in my life now.  I used to feel so hopeless about my weight and especially at  this time of year, and the New Years resolutions always included plans to 'lose weight' in the coming year.  Well this year it has finally happened and I thank the heavens above that I have had this wonderful gift of WLS in my life.  I have experienced so very many positives in the last few months, physically and emotionally.  I have been very fortunate so far, as I have not had any issues and hope that I continue to go forward and be healthy.  I tolerate all foods and it is so wonderful to be able to feel satisfied with what I eat and not to have the hunger and the  emotional focus on food now.  I am cooking and eating healthy, nutritious foods and supplement with shakes or energy bars if needed.

I would do this again in a heartbeat.  I do not feel like I need to make/eat treats or feel that I am deprived in any way.  I try to make the healthiest choice of whatever is offered.  

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone here.  I could not have possibly done so well without each and every one of you, whom I consider a dear friend, and all of the support and care that is evident on the posts shown on the OH Forums.  I look forward to the New Year and sharing our stories for a long time.  

Sincerely,

Nancy

 

 One month ago tonight I was in a hotel room preparing to wake up the next morning and present myself for gastric bypass surgery (RnY).  Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would have this wonderful opportunity in my lifetime.  Gastric bypass surgery was something for the television celebrities, not for this girl.  But it happened and I am so happy that I made it to the front of the line and so quickly.

Things are going so well for me at this point.  I do not regret my decision at all to have WLS and hope I continue to succeed.  I feel like I am finally going to get a decent chance at getting healthy and rid myself of this girth.  In total, since my initial weigh-in at my first appointment at Humber River Hospital I have lost a whopping 37 lbs. and I am thrilled, to say the least.  I have lost 18 of those pounds in one month.  I am very aware that there will be a stall and hope I handle that as well.

 I have started walking again and it feels so wonderful to be able to feel like I can trust my body like this.  My first walk was slow and I stopped a few times to rest but the next few times were much better as I was better rested too.  Kind of over did it on Sunday past but all is good.  My hubby and I have driven to the local waterfront to walk the trail for the reason being that it is a paved walkway and there are benches along the trail to rest if needed.  Also the scenery is just beautiful with the colours changing and the odd sailboat or two dancing on the water.  The first walk I rested a few times but after that I was well on my way.  I will feel confident soon to just walk from our home and take longer stretches.  This is very liberating for me as my back pain stopped me from walking any distance (muscle spasms).  I feel much stronger with this weight off and look forward to more painfree exercise.  

 I cannot believe that I am on this 'ride' and already post-op.  The advice and support on this site is a huge part of my success and inspiration.  As so many have shared, the input from friends and family can be daunting but is needed too.  I have only shared my weight loss surgery journey with a handful as I am a fairly private person.  I want to blend in with the woodwork so to speak and my being able to write here is absolutely wonderful for me.  

My days leading up to surgery were a little stressful as I was questioning myself off and on but always came to the same conclusion:  I want to be healthy and move this body.  As we live about 2 hours north of Toronto and my day of surgery appt. was for 8:15 a.m. at St. Joseph's Health Centre we traveled the day before and stayed close to the hospital.  We went out for supper (well hubby had to eat something) and I had a diet pop and a chef salad (picked out what I couldn't have).  It was really nice because it was a beautiful evening and we ate at a little pub that had seating outside.  It was quite relaxing overall.

 We walked to the hospital in the morning and went through the business of checking in and getting gowned and readied for the surgery.  It is interesting to me how one walks into the operating room these days ( I am dating myself I know).  The team of about 20 people were ready to go and when I first saw everyone I thought "wow so many people in here".  Up on the table and arms to the side, and the next thing I knew the 'oxygen mask' was over my face and bam!!!! I woke up in a room.  My two day stay was good other than having a reaction the first night to the morphine drip ( I was switched to oxycodon for pain).   

The drive home was smooth and I headed for bed.  I was well prepared food wise and had everything I needed.  I lost about 20 lbs on Opti and have decided to weigh myself every week on Tuesday as my surgery was on a Tuesday.  My next food step is Phase 3 and I look forward to some more choice in my diet.  

Till we meet again 
Nancy

 Well my how times does fly even though when I saw the surgeon and was told Sept. 4Th I was disappointed as I had hoped for an earlier date and it is now nearly my turn.

 I am happy, anxious, excited, and all the rest that goes with this decision.  My mind wanders incessantly....is this right for me?....will I be successful?.....how will my body react to this way of eating and way of life?.... I am afraid of a bowel issue since I already have a irritable bowel and can I cope?.....can I be honest and truthful in my diet and use my no turning back RNY?.....?????? do I have the support that I need?.....

YES I DO and YES I CAN!   I am so ready for this opportunity.  I want out of this prison that my body holds on to so tightly, I want to be able to move freely and confidently again and enjoy all that a normal body size-ed person enjoys.  I want to be a healthy weight and have a normal BMI again ( it has been a long time).  p.s.  too funny....spell check says BMW lol.

I have my OPTI sitting behind me as I type and am ready to get on with the dance so to speak.  I have purchased a few items for my hospital stay and in some kind of weird way it feels almost like packing to go to the hospital to give birth...... but honestly it does feel like that.  I guess I say that because I have been fortunate enough to not have had a hospital stay for anything too terrible (partial hysterectomy and gall bladder and the gall b was done laparoscopically sp).

This hospital stay is a deliberate decision as opposed to a diagnosis but then as I write these words this really is a diagnosis of f.........g FAT.....and  not just any fat but morbidly obese fat......wow this part was not planned but is rather cathartic as I get to put it in words.  Yes I am morbidly obese and on my way to heart disease, diabetes and all the rest as we too well know.  I remember once kind of peeking at what my Dr has written as he had to leave for a minute during an appointment and I was described as obese.  Ha well the rest of the story is that now I have been accorded the next description that being 'morbidly' obese.  Who is the hell wants to be described in those terms and who really wants to shop in the xxx xxx sizes of anything that you have to wear and expect to feel pretty, sexy, fashionable and real?

I remember a conversation with a female physician with whom I had the highest regard.  I approached her and asked about a diet drug called Orlistat which had just been approved.  She promptly handed me the script and away I went thinking well at last I have some ammunition from my doctor.  Orlistat was not so very wonderful let me say.  It was supposed to 'gather the fat' in your intestinal tract and remove it through your bowel.  And in fact it did just that...all you had to do is not ingest any fat in your diet and it would squeeze out any that you thought that was lingering.  When you had a bowel movement the 'oil' gathered on the top of the water and you could see at a glance that it was working.  GREAT:  only thing, once it was in my system and I was not ingesting any fat at all in any food  for several days of course, it continued to do the oil/water thing.  The constant gas pain was absolutely unbelievable and the urge to get to the toilet bowl was like 1 1/2 seconds to get there.  I literally passed some of that on my office chair about 1/2 hr before days end ( 4 p.m.) and was so horrified that I cleaned it up and hoped like hell that no one came to use that chair later.  I went home in a great hurry and that was the end of Orlistat.

The next prescription med was Meridia.  It was an appetite suppressor and boy did it work.  I had been downsized from my job of 17 years and figured this was the right time to try this 'gift'.  I had always walked for exercise, often before supper and sometimes after but regularly, and prided myself on a clean house, laundry, done, supper organized, etc. person.  I had been a single mom for quite some time and organization and structure was the key to a smooth life.  So now I am in a great relationship and not the sole breadwinner ( yeah), had been given the down sizer handshake and now what????  

I had a in some ways a gift in that I had a wonderful separation package aka paid salary compensation for several months but what the hell was I supposed to do now?   I had no idea on how I should conduct my day now and slowly bad habits had their way too many times.  I did go back to work on a contract basis but it was not the same and I count my blessings that I had that opportunity as I was able to work for the same company but had a taste of other departments that I truly enjoyed.  That slowly ended and I could pretty much say I am 'retired' now.  My hubby is a retired secondary school teacher and looks forward to supply teaching ( thank gawd).  I have moved on in many aspects of my life as a mom and wife and now as a grandma but still have yearnings to be independent and most importantly in charge of my physical self and not limited by my body size.

I have struggled with mood issues in the past and am so happy to say that I can see the stressors and indicators of a 'bad' and don't dwell on it.  I strive to see the best and have always been a 'Pollyanna' kind of person/ cup if half full not half empty.  

This has been a ramble for sure.  I see the surgeon on Monday a.m. at St. Joe's in Toronto (yee gawd an early start on the highway of hell ....the 400) and start the opti on Tues. the 14Th for 21 days.  


I am ALMOST there!

regards,
Nancy

Just thought I would share a bit tonight.  Since my first post it seems like life has been on my side in a great way.  I feel so fortunate to part of this OH community and have become a part of 'the family' here.  Emotionally I feel like I have such a huge weight off my shoulders (and off the rest of me too in the coming months lol).  There is hope where once there was just despair.  My husband says he can see how happy I am and how serious I am about this decision.  It is a huge decision and I have a little discussion inwardly quite often and always come back with the same decision..  The saying 'Life is Short' is never so true as it is for me right here, right now.  I will be 62 on my next birthday, next month, and I only wish I could have been part of this when I was 42 but better now than never.  

My beautiful grandson, who is 6 months old, is my passion.  We stopped in to have a quick visit this evening about 6:45 p.m. and I knew it was his bathtime and we were lucky enough to join in on the fun because it is pure joy that is in his face.  He loves his bath and like most babies love to get out of that diaper and roll around on the bed before and after.  He giggles out loud and I could go on and on.  I want to be a healthy, involved parent and grandparent too.  I have always been an involved parent but this wee one is an absolute added incentive.  

I think part of my 'head talks' involve the one that most people post at some point and that is: there is no going back in terms of the permanent surgical procedure.  I have come to this conclusion:  it is a good thing that it is permanent because it only ensures that the weight loss is permanent and is a tool that if respected will be your best life tool.  I realize that some do not have success but there are many factors involved.  I meet a man last winter who told me that he had bypass surgery 20 some years ago and he gained all and then more weight over the last 15 years.  He knows he 'was a bad boy' and I will never forget him.  He probably weighs 200 lbs more than he should - bless his heart he was honest with me.  He has all the related health and body issues and he knows he blew his chance.  Sometimes I think I was meant to have met him.  I wish him all the best.  He inspires me to do well at this chance I have.

My husband I attended a pool party gathering yesterday and I wanted to shout out that I have this wonderful opportunity ahead but kept my secret for now.  My close friends and family have been involved and I will share as I feel ready to do so.  Our social life has taken a nose dive because of my poor self-esteem regarding weight so it was a huge step to accept and follow through on this gathering that was so much fun after all and we both needed the time-out.

I met with Dr. David Lindsay at St. Joe's in Toronto on Thurs. July 12 and was given my surgery date of Sept. 4th and purchased the Opti.  The Opti is stacked in the spare bedroom and is waiting for me to start and I am ready.  I have to keep busy and occupied and the 14th of August when I start my Opti journey and the 14th  will be here before I know it.  Opti..........I await your company :)

Well here goes:  this web site is the best ever and feel so much better after reading about all the information and emotions that go along with this decision.  I was absolutely amazed when I said to my GP that I would like to be referred for WLS and really had to idea that this surgery was now covered by OHIP.  I was at my wit's end (and not the first time) about my weight and health issues.  I have always been a curvy female but when I hit my 40th and menopause and all that good stuff I seemed to gain weight like never before.  I had always been somewhat active (or so I thought).  I was a single parent of two, employed in the manufacturing sector  in production and human resources support,  and all that goes with it.  

My weight was creeping up I compensated my fears by listening to:....oh you are so pretty and you always look so great.  Yes I had an upbringing that meant that you put your best face forward and look your best no matter what.  I tried to dress the best for my body type (5'3", hippy and busty but with a defined waist line or should I say waste? lol).  I tried to walk regularly, joined many weight loss groups incuding Weight Watchers many times with great but short term success.  I involved myself in work related exercise groups and with some great work friends who weighed in weekly in a great competition.  We weighed ourselves on the shipping/receiving weigh scale and there was not a lot of privacy believe me.  We had fun, met some goals, and I really tried to lose the weight in so very many attempts.  

As my profile name suggests I have a passion for gardening.  I was downsized  from my employer and was fortunate enough to work a few more years in contract work for the same company.  I filled those spaces of time with many activities and social experiences and really really enjoyed being home for the first time (with my spouse) and not having to wake up with an alarm clock.  But with that also the weight gain and loss of self in terms of a huge change in my day to day routine.

Along with my weigh gain came along some anxiety issues that finally had some room to be addressed.  I struggled at times when I was employed but was busy enough at home and with a full time plus work load that anxiety could be rationalized.  I have been fortunate that I now have a very supportive spouse and a great network of friends and family (well some anyway).  

I am so uncomfortable in my body and the weight that I carry around and it is really taking a toll on every aspect of my life as well as my emotional wellbeing.  To be able to have this surgery and to be healthy and in a 'not a plus size' article of clothing is dreamlike.  I look for the biggest chair, I am anxious and stressed and mostly want out of this body that traps me in so many ways...I want to be able to move freely without pain or embarasment and to be able to shop in the 'normal' sized departments of stores and have a choice again about such personal things.  

I see the 'team' of dietician, social worker, and nurse practioner on Fri. June 15th.....I am so looking forward to the positives that these next few months will bring,

Nancy