Purple Lotus

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The Barium Swallow Study is over.  It was not bad at all.  I got to the radiology department at 9am.  They called me back right away.  I had to undress from the waist up, and put on a gown.  Then I went back into the room where they did the test. 
I stood on a platform, and first took a small sip of the barium drink.  It's like a gritty, heavy vanilla milkshake.  They took some films.  Then I had to swallow pop-rock-like "fizzies" that tasted a little like Sprite, and chase them with a few sips of water.  They took a few more films.  Then I took either 2 or 3 big gulps of the barium drink.  More films.
Then, I laid down on the table, on my stomach but turned slightly on my right side.  I took a few sips of a different drink, it was a lighter barium drink.  It tasted like a combination of the first drink and the fizzes.  I had to take 3 quick sips of that.  More films, then I turned over onto my back.  They took a few more films, and it was over.
The last drink tasted the worst, but it wasn't bad at all, and it was small amounts.  I was worried about having to drink huge quantities of nasty stuff, but it was just a few sips. 
I got dressed and walked out of the office at 9:15! 
Now I'm doneeeee!!  And it's just a waiting process.........

....of my Barium Swallow Study.  
I am dreading it because I am SO nervous about drinking icky stuff.    I am weirdly picky about what I drink, and I hope it's not too horrible.  
I'm also eagerly anticipating it, because it's the last hoop I have to jump through  (unless something new pops up).  Then we'll be submitting everything to the insurance company.  After which I'll be biting my nails until (hopefully) I hear the magic words... .YOU have been APPROVED!!!! 

I have had a fantastic weekend....it was my baby girl's birthday,  and we went to Build-a-Bear.  She ended up making 2 dogs, and my stepson made an alligator.  They had a blast.  SS spent the night here, it was his first time doing that in a long while.  SS & baby DD enjoyed each other SO much. 
Today, they all played outside in our yard.  This was the first time all four kids got to do that, it's been so rainy and nasty.......they had a BLAST. 
Right now I am exhausted!    So here are my plans for the rest of the night.
1.
2.
and none of this!    because I am NPO after midnight.  
Good night!

I just remembered something that really made me realize I HAD to do something about my weight.  Beyond all the physical reasons, of course.
My husband works at an apartment complex that is full of college students.  He and I are older than them, of course, but neither of us really look our age so we can easily fit right in.  Hubby has a lot of friends who live and work there, and one weekend they were having a huge pool party.  He and I were invited, and when he told me that I looked at him like he was CRAZY.  I said, I am way too fat to go to a party like that!  And after I said it, I realized that it was the first time I let my size keep me from doing something (other than strenuous activity or something I physically can't do).  It was VERY depressing and sobering, and a big push towards making this huge change in my life!

I was thinking about this on the way to work today, and wanted to put my thoughts down so that I could look back on them.
As pre-ops, I think there are 2 different ways of looking at the surgery.  One is to give the surgery the power.  To totally rely on it to change us and solve all of our problems.
The other is to look at the surgery as something that will give US power.  This tool will help us take back the power and control that we have lost.  But the power lies within US, not the surgery.  The surgery cannot control what we eat, only we can.  It simply returns the power to us instead of our hunger and cravings.
I think we should be careful not to expect this surgery to BE the power.

There are so many things that I look forward to experiencing after I reach my goal weight, that this will probably be a work in progress.  But I at least want to get started!

~~1. Not having severe skin rashes, caused by skin rubbing against skin, sweating and causing severe skin irritation.
~~2. Not having urinary stress incontinence.
~~3. Not have pain from heel spur(s).
~~4. Not having back pain (I hope!).
~~5. Not being judged as an overweight person.  In my opinion, many people put fat people in a seperate category as people with no real value.  I wish that would change, but all I can change is myself.
~~6. Being able to walk long distances without having to rest, being out of breath, etc.
~~7. I don't anticipate ever wearing a bikini (LOL), but I'd LOVE to be able to go to the beach in a bathing suit without feeling totally embarassed.
~~8. Not worrying about obesity-related health problems.
~~9. Feeling more equal to other people.  Being overweight tends to make me feel inferior.  
~~10.  Having energy; not feeling tired so much of the time.
~~11. Not getting out of breath from just a simple quick walk down the hall.


~*~*~DISCLAIMER: I know that there are no guarantees, 
and that all of these things may not necessarily happen, 
so please don't rain on my parade!  ~*~*~

My barium swallow study is scheduled.  It's on January 28th, at 9am.  My last step before insurance submission!  Whee what a ride.  
I hope that soon I'm posting that I got approved!
EDITED TO ADD: It is scheduled for a Monday morning, which is perfect because I can sleep the night before instead of working and wanting food and drink!  YAY!

I had my Nut. Consult yesterday.  It went well, it lasted about 45 minutes and pretty much just confirmed what I already knew/expected.  It also confirmed by trust in my surgeon; I like what he has implemented and the changes he's made in the program.  He seems really committed to success, and particular and exacting about all aspects of the program.  
One more to go.....my barium swallow study.  I haven't heard back yet about it being rescheduled.  I SO wish I could've just went last week!!  Oh well, hopefully it will happen soon.
I have this crazy hope/wish that as soon as they submit to the ins. co., they'll approve it and then they'll have an opening for me almost immediately!  And it'll be over before I know it.  LOL 
What I'm doing: 
What I wish I were doing:

See that pretty girl in my avatar?  That's Sasha, my newest doxie!  She's a tweenie wirehair.  I found her on petfinder.com in a very high-kill shelter.  I rushed right over and brought her home!  She's my little tiny sweetie. 

Well, here's the dilly-o.  BOTH of my appointments this week were cancelled.  The nut cancelled the nut consult, she had a sick child.  I certainly can't compain about that!  BTDT!  It's rescheduled for 12/26.  Then I rescheduled my barium swallow which was supposed to be this morning at 9am.  For one, we have to go sign papers on the house at 11am and I wasn't sure if I'd make it.  For another, I really want to schedule it on a morning after I've been off the night before.  It's just silly to try to work all night on an empty stomach and with no caffeine, instead of scheduling it so that I can just sleep the night before like normal people!  So, I wasn't able to reschedule yet because the scheduler wasn't in, but hopefully I'll be able to get an appointment soon.   
I am just so ready for this!  I am soooo looking forward to the change this will bring about in my life.  I hope that the weight loss will give me a LOT more energy, because I'm planning on enrolling in nursing school and hope to start in May 2008!  I think that my WLS will give me the confidence, motivation, and energy I need to achieve my goals!
  <~~ this will be me!  LOL 

I had my psych consult and ABG this week.  The psych said I was the perfect candidate for the surgery.  The only issue is that I won't be able to take my Effexor XR right after surgery, so as soon as I'm scheduled I have to call them so that I can start weaning off of Effexor and onto something else.  If I want/need to, I can start back on Effexor down the road.
The ABG was not fun but it's over!  I'm a hard stick and they had to stick twice and probe around a lot.  Right before they finally got my artery, I started getting light-headed and almost passed out.  So I had to set in a recliner drinking apple juice and eating graham crackers for a while before I could leave.
Next week is my nut consult and barium swallow study.  Then I'm done with the pre-approval stuff!  YAY!