geminikb
I started having trouble with my weight when I was eight years old. I'm not sure what exactly happened.... I suspect it may have had something to do with my dad's new wife, my stepmom, doing a lot of baking back in those days. Not that I'm blaming her at all. I'm just saying--I have always loved sweets and baked goods. By the time I was prepubesent I had a real problem. I probably weighed in the 160's when I was 11 or 12. I had flab... rolls... I was one of the fat chicks the mean people at school liked to pick on.
When I was 14 I moved to the Minneapolis area to live with my mom. Things changed for me when I moved to Minnesota. I threw myself into school and lots of fun extracirricular activities like band, orchestra, pep band, drama, honor society.... I also had a steady boyfriend... so I was always busy and on the go. Food was little more than a utility then. I just ate because I had to but didn't overeat. I slimmed down quite a bit and was normal weight through high school--although the "pouch" (my flabby lower abdomen) never quite vanished all the way.
During my early twenties I gradually gained weight. I think it was my lifestyle. Too many late nights in bars, bar food.... and then there were all thy daytime take out or fast food lunches. My weight crept up to 190 pounds. I remember so distinctly, getting on the scale one day and being shocked at that number. I immediately joined weight watchers, followed the program, and dropped fifty pounds. I kept that weight off for a few years.
Then I met my husband. Some say that one gets a little more comfy when married. I'm an awesome cook, and I impressed my husband with homemade enchilladas, pizza, big breakfasts... The weight started creeping back.
But then things took a serious turn for the worse. I've been living with chronic pain for eight years. In 2005 the pain situation got really out of control. It was actually quite debilitating. I fell into a really bad depression and consoled myself with food. If I was going to feel so crappy, doggonit I was going to at least enjoy my food. I inhaled lasagna and garlic bread, pizza, cake, pies... Looking back, I feel bad that I let it get so out of hand... but I didn't really have very good coping mechanisms for dealing with pain. I have since learned a lot about how to live well with pain... but... my eating habits have not changed. I think when you get to such a high weight, it feels hopeless and overwhelming. I weigh 267 pounds now.
At my current weight, I have developed some secondary health problems. I developed tachycardia a couple summers ago. I had a complete cardiac workup and everything checked out. I am on a beta blocker to bring my heart rate down. My hope is that I will be able to get off that medication after I lose weight . I also experience joint and back pain pretty much every day. I find it hard to do my job sometimes. I'm a nurse, so of course my job is pretty physically demanding. I've also developed sleep apnea. My poor husband--most nights we can't sleep in the same bed because of my snoring. I never used to snore when I was at a normal weight.
I have always thought of myself as a vivacious, outgoing, funny gal. Anyone who knows me would say that I'm still those things... but it's just not the same when I'm so overweight. I look forward to getting a thin me back. My weight loss journey begins here.
