Winding down on food...

Feb 19, 2012

It's a little over a week until my surgery. I am so ecstatic about my rebirth. Not many people have this kind of second chance at life. How lucky am I? I praise the Holy Trinity & the Blessed Mother for keeping me sane through the "challenge" I've gone through to be almost to the finish (or starting?) line. 

I've been overweight almost my whole life (since I was about 6). I used to lay in bed & wish I could cut off my chubby belly. I would cry because I was treated differently than my 4 siblings (who didn't have a weight problem). I wasn't allowed to have dessert. If a child's not allowed to have dessert, she feels like she's being punished. Dessert is the holy grail of kiddom. 

My mother stayed on me. She would say, "I don't know where to get your clothes, I guess Omar the Tentmaker." It was a nightmare. My father would tell me I'd never be anything because boys don't like fat girls. I cried in my bed so many nights I don't want to think about it anymore. 

And here I am, a week from my new life. I'm so excited that the real GG will be visible to myself & everyone else. ME. A person with a huge heart, a bottomless reservoir of compassion, a great sense of humor... A person who has rays of sunshine coming from her almost every single day. 

Now my exterior will match my interior. Thank you, adipose layer! Thank you for protecting me from whatever my conscious & subconscious minds perceived I needed to be protected from. I love you so much because you've always been there for me. Thank you for keeping me warm. I love you, accept you, embrace you... & now I let you go. 

I don't need you anymore. You can let me fend for myself now. I am accessing other tools to help me deal with the good & bad realities of my life. I've gone through so much in my life, everything a human being could experience, I've experienced it. What is there for me to fear? Nothing. I've known all the pain a human can withstand. And here I am. 

The biggest weapon I'll take up & not ever put down is courage. I'm a Leo, & my strength is my brave heart. 

My cup overflows with happiness & gratitude that I will have a new birth day on 2/28/2012. Thank you, Universe! 

Love, GG 

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