heathera36

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Holy Freaking Moly.  That was NOT the cake walk I thought it was going to be.  Surgery really knocked me for a loop!!  The hospital was awful -- not the staff -- the nurses, and student nurses and docs were fantastic -- just the noise and the interruption and the general discomfort. Things were beeping day and night. People were in and out of my room day and night. I don't think I slept for more than an hour at a time for Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday morning.  Of course the IV always freaks me out too...never knowing if I'm going to pull it out, so it was hard to get comfortable.

How weird is this...my BACKSIDE still feels numb because I think I layed on it too much MOnday, Tuesday and Wednesday morning!  So I was allowed to go home late Monday morning.  THANK God!!  I went home on the liquid diet.  On Tues afternoon they gave me the water test -- 1 medicine cup of water over 1 hour, then 2 medicine cups of water over 1 hours, then 3 medicine cups of water over 1 hour.  I was so thirsty it was hard to just sip it.  The uvula dealie hanging down in the back of my throat was swollen for the intubation tube (which I have NO recollection of, as they told me, so that's good.) but it made it hard to talk and all I wanted to do was DRINK.  I sucked on one of those sponges on a stick for a day and a half looking for relief.  

The thing I was most worried about -- waking in the recovery room and not knowing where I was turned out to be just fine.  The last couple of surgeries I had that kind of freaked me out.  I guess I was prepared, and as I say, the staff was amazing!  Very attentive. 

So anyway, after I passed the water test they gave me a medicine cup of broth, a tiny cup of SF jello and some juice that I was to mix with water.  Once I tolerated that and did my thing in the bathroom they discharged me.  I've been on liquids and protein shakes.  Doing 2-3 a day.  I got the foamies for the first time today -- I think I tried too much. Over the space of about 3 hours I had 8 of SF instant breakfast, and two sips of water to take my pills and a medicine cup of liquid tylenol (the codone stuff they sent me home with was awful!  I took it once and was done with that.  Lordy, it knocked me for a loop!! Did I mention that already?) Anyway, I then laid down for about an hour, and when I got up I took a sip of water and BAM!  A hard rock in the pit of my stomach and stuff started foaming out!!  Freaky. But was not up-chucking...just a rolling foaming.  So that was interesting.

My first night home I slept in my step-daughter's bed cause her room is on the first floor (she's at her grandmothers) and I got up a couple of times in the night and sat in the recliner for an hour or so, then went back to bed.  Thursday during the day I was still pretty tired...I'd fall asleep in the middle of conversations while sitting in my recliner.  Last night I slept in my own bed upstairs and took a shower.  Felt like a new person.  I woke up a couple of times in the night, but a much improvement. 

Today I took only 2 naps and got a little bit of work done on the PC.  My mother-in-law (and FIL) have been wonderful keeping my special needs step daughter so I didn't need to worry about her.  MIL sat with most of Thursday too.  Then my sister was here Thurs afternoon, and this afternoon.  She scrubbed my shower and then cleaned my kitchen.  The poor girl just can't sit still for long! Both my sister's have always been thin -- not sure how come I got the fat genes.  Oh well -- better than being hooked on that pain killer (not that either of my sisters are addicted to drugs!! YIKES!!

So I called my surgeon's office and have a follow-up for next Thursday.  Plus I'm cleared to start pureed foods tomorrow.  Seems as if I'm on the mend here. 

I'm up 6 pounds, but that's from the fluid they pumped into me, so I'm not even a little worried about it.

The most important thing I want to say here is that this surgery is NOT easy!!!!!!  Don't go into it expecting to be skipping out of the hospital.  Understand that you'll need a couple of weeks (AT LEAST) to recover.  Everyone on the boards has been amazingly supportive and they all tell me this is so worth it in the long run, and I believe them.  I just was not prepared for the first couple of days.

I got the call yesterday "reminding" me (like I'd forget!!) that I have to be at the hospital on Monday morning at 6:00 am, for my 7:30 surgery.  I thought the date would never get here, but just like everyone said, the time has flown by.  I'm starting to feel the slow simmer of anxiety.  I'm excited too...but can't help being a little nervous.  I just want it to be over and have everything go well.  

I read a post from someone asking about regrets--there were so few, even when folks had complications!  It's so bizzare that I feel nervous about this surgery working for me.  I feel like I'm going to go through this major surgery all for nothing.  I can't get my head around the fact that I'll ever be under 200 pounds. I could almost cry thinking about it. I'm afraid to even ask God to let this work for me. It's as unbelievable to me as winning a million dollars!  I've tried time and time again with "diets" and it would go great for the firest 50 pounds and then bam, I hit that wall and get discouraged.  I'm afraid to even whisper this out loud -- I'm terrified that will happen this time. 

I'm so happy I'm having this surgery before the holiays this year.  It will be the first year where I haven't gained weight while "on a diet" over Christmas. I'm so thrilled I don't ever have to be on a "diet" again! 

As I sit here munching on halloween candy I can't help but think 1 week from today I'll be home from the hospital and on the loser bench, as they say!!  I am so ready.  Even though I feel a little insecure about whether or not I can make this work--someone said to me that she knew someone at her church who had the surgery last year and "only lost 100 pounds, she has more to lose, she's probably cheating, you know you can cheat with this surgery."  I wanted to SCREAM--ONLY 100 pounds!?  What is the matter with you?  100 pounds is an amazing accomplishment!  Not to her though, she's never known what it's like to be overweight, or to battle an addiction. She's the kind of person who has always counted her crackers, and she even tells her husband what he can and cannot eat.  She doesn't have a very healthy relationship with food, she's actually kind of afraid of it, so afraid she might get "fat."  How discouraging to know people will be watching me, and judging me, and just waiting for me to fail (i.e., cheat).  

It's hard enough for me to believe I can do this, I can't let negative crap like that get me down.  I'm committed to doing the best I can do and hope I have good success.  I must be getting nervous, I'm feeling a little uncertain.  I have to get a grip.

I went on Wednesday for my pre-op testing and registration.  Everything looks like it's a go.  YAY!  I asked about whether or not they require a special pre-op diet and Marcy was really sweet.  She said she doesn't do that to people, especially considering what we're about to ungo.  I thought that was really nice.  I'm glad because I'm going to make a total Thanksgiving dinner for this Sunday because I'll be on purees this Thanksgiving.  

I met with the nutritionist and she gave me the list of post-op stages and how long they last. Stage 1: Clear liquids and protein shakes for 5-7 days, Stage 2: (until 4-6 weeks after) soft foods and protein shakes. (I should try for about 60 grams of protein a day). Then Stage 3: Long term.  High protein and low calorie food.  She also told me I'll start out with about 2 oz, working up to 4 oz.  There were also ideas for foods in each stage and the stuff about no drinking with meals (or a half hour before -  1 hour after) and then making sure I keep up on the water.  

It was good to go to the hospital so I have a better idea what to expect.  They went over the procedure with me.  The blood draw was a little dicey. Of course I got a "trainie" who said, "it's really slow, I must be near a valve."  AHHHHHHH!  I nearly feighted.  I'm squimish as it is, and I hadn't had much to eat or drink because I was worried about gaining weight. Anyway, I had to lay down and they got me some ginger ale.  I guess I should get used to being stuck, huh?  

Ohhh...and Marcy told me if my head cold got worse, or if I started blowing green icky stuff I should call to get an antibiotic.  I called today.  She said no surgery if I have an infection or a fever so because it wasn't cleared up I called.  I have 10 days to get rid of it. 

Ick. I'm stuffed up and feverish. I guess it's good to get it out of the way before my surgery.  I can't imagine what it would be like to be sneezing right after bariatric surgery!  Hopefully it will last only a couple of days.  

The count-down is driving me a bit mad.  I woke up way to early this morning with the squirrel running around inside my head. [sigh] I'm writing this for those who are coming up behind me...I'm hoping that in a month or so I'll say -- WOW the time flew by.  

I've been thinking November 5 will never get here, but I was scanning my through my blog. I went back to May and June and it seemed like my June 27 appt with my pcp would never get here and it was nearly 4 months ago already!  November 5 is just 2 weeks from Monday. Two weeks from Monday!!!!!!!  I wish it were tomorrow!  I just want to get this over with! 

Tonight was my monthly dinner club.  There's about 8-12 of us, depending on the month.  We're a conglomerate of sisters, sisters-in-law, old school chums, etc... 2 of us are heavy, the rest are 10-14s. I'm the heavier of the 2 heavy ones.  So tonight the other one says to me, "You've inspired me, I lost 4 pounds this week.  I decided I wasn't going to be the fat one in the group now that you're having surgery."  

I just  said well, good for you, congrats.  I've heard about that dynamic playing out but it still took me by surprise.  I'm not particularly upset by it, I just thought it interesting. I suppose whatever the reason, it's good that she's getting healthy.

It will be interesting to see how my relationships will change during this process.  I'm not very comfortable being the center of attention for one thing. I read a post where a woman was saying that for the past year she felt as if she was the "lady who had weight loss surgery" and it was all people wanted to talk to her about.  That will get old pretty fast, I'm sure.  I guess I just need to in to this with an open mind and see what unfolds.

I'm really going to walk the straight and narrow this week.  I would like to lose another couple of pounds before next Wednesday...I need to be sure no one has any reason to postpone my surgery date!  

It's starting to feel real. Man oh man, it better be!  I sold some of my favorite summer clothes on EBAY...so this better happen or I'll be bumming if I have to go out and buy the same size clothes at full price next summer.  

YIKES! I better bite my tongue. It is so hard for me to believe something good might actually work out for me.  I don't want to turn this into a pity party for Heady, I'm actually pretty blessed, all things considered, but I've had a few disappointments in my life that have left lasting affects.  I learned long ago not to count on things until they actually came to fruition.  I'd much rather have a pleasant surprise when things go as planned, than have a bitter disappointment when they dont.  I think that's why there wasn't much wailing and nashing of teeth back in 2004 when the hospital wouldn't take my old insurance...in my heart of hearts I figured something would get fouled up anyway.  

I must confess though, that I'm starting to get a tad more than a tad excited, I'm starting to count my chickens, I'm starting to believe that this could actually happen for me. Ut oh! I better be careful.  (Please send happy vibes my way!) 

I've met a couple of people on the boards who go to the same support group as I do.  It's good to have people you can bounce stuff off of, and someone asking how things are going -- that accountablity thing is important, and someone talking about their concerns and accomplishments so you know you're not the ONLY one who knows what it's like to live like this--people who aren't judging you, and all that stuff.  Blah, blah, blah.

Anyway, I'd be the LAST person on the planet to ever suggest to anyone one that they find a "buddy" to go through the process with, but I'm finding that it really helps.  (I'm pretty much a loner most of the time.) Even though my husband and sister and the friends I've told about this have all been surprisingly supportive, they haven't walked this walk and I think that's what makes the difference. 

The change of seasons is finally here in Upstate NY so I started pulling out some of my fall/winter clothes. Man oh man, they are in rough shape.  I have a couple of nice things...but I really need some new clothes. You know how you always buy a few new things when the season changes.  I've been trying to resist...I was shopping today for vitamins, shampoo, etc...and 3 times I had to put back a new top!  

It seems crazy to buy new clothes with surgery on Nov. 5.  I wish I knew how long it would be before I went down a size.  I'm guessing though it will be at least a month...so that would be a month and a half.    Hm...I think I'm talking myself out of it again...I should save my money for smaller stuff and make do with the stuff from last year.  I have sold a few things on EBAY this past week.  I made about $30...not a lot of money, but more than if I just dropped them at the goodwill....and $30 will buy me a new pair of jeans.  Plus I have a lot more to sell, so I'm hoping to have $80 or $90 in my new clothes fund as seed money.  My sister gave me a gift certificate from Mashall's for my birthday, and I've told my husband that's what I want for Christmas. 

I've been doing pretty well with my eating the last few days, so I'm counting my blessings for that. I was really worried there for awhile, wondering if I would be able to get a grip.  I can not gain wait before this surgery!  I don't want to wait any longer than I have to.  JUST SAY NO!

I mentioned this at a support group I went to last week. Just saying it made me stop and think. Someone that knows I'm having the surgery is constantly updating me on his progress: "Hey, guess what, I've lost 51 pounds since January with Weight Watchers. If you work the program, the program works." 

And someone else said, "I cut out soda and I've lost 15 pounds in the last month."  

Someone today went out of their way to tell me about how much weight he lost in the last 2 weeks, "it was really easy, I just watched my portions and stayed away from junk food."  

I'm wondering if I'm just being paranoid...thinking they're telling me this as their (maybe not so) subtle way of saying if you just watch what you eat you don't need surgery.  No one has come out and said that...and maybe I'm just being overly sensitive, but I don't remember people ever doing this before. Maybe I'm just inspiring the people around me to lose weight.

I'm not letting it effect my decision, of course. I've tried WW about a billion times, and many, many, many other "diets" and I know they just don't work for me long-term.  I just think it's kind of curious.  

Like one woman said on the message board, "Been there, done that, the t-shirt is too small now !"