Jasmine72181

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Wow, not a good month for me.  I only lost 6lbs!  WTF?  I really have to step it up this month.  This is not good.  Going to be starting working from home in two weeks.  That should help a little.  That's all I have to say for now... 

 The second month has been a little better.  I feel better.  I don't feel as weak.  I haven't lost as much as I would like, but I'll take what I can get.  I haven't been exercising or keeping my carbs at a minimum, but I have been counting calories and taking my vitamins.  I have been able to keep up my vitamin schedule, so that is good.  If I can lose 15lbs a month, it will still put me close to goal by the six month mark.  Gotta work on exercising and decreasing my carb intake.

So, it is officially 4 weeks since surgery and I've only lost 17lbs.  I guess I'm greatful, but some people lose up to 30lbs in the first month.  I know I could have lost more, but I haven't been very active.  I've just been SO TIRED.  I am still having a hard time establishing an eating and vitamin schedule.  I really need to work on that.  Still not feeling much of a loss in my clothes. I am having to wear a heart rate monitor today for 24 hours.  Then I have to do a stress test tomorrow.  Once I get the green light from my cardiologist, I will have no excuse not to exercise.   

Today was my first day of real food.  The last three weeks have been pure hell.  I have had to sit at meetings drinking water, while everyone else indulged in pizza, chips, sandwiches, etc.  That was SO HARD.  To top it all off, as of two weeks, I have only lost 10 pounds.  I will be weighing myself tomorrow morning.  I will be so upset if I haven't lost any more weight.  I don't feel like I have.  My left side still hurts so much.  I really feel like I have an incisional hernia. I brought that up to my surgean and he said that it is very hard to get those and that my pain is normal.  I sure hope so.

Now on to my first meal.  For breakfast, I had 2 ounces of cottage cheese.  That went down pretty good.  I had low fat string cheese for a snack.  I am now working on 2 ounces of refried beans mixed with cheese and ground beef.  Hopefully, I don't have any issues with this.  I am trying to remember to take tiny bites, chew, wait 10 seconds, and do it again.  I'm also trying to remember to only eat for 30 minutes.  I'm still having a hard time getting all of my protein in. I have only been able to manage 34g of protein a day.  That's not good.  I have to keep working on that. 

Well, I am now 6 days post op and feeling much better, physically.  Here's a breakdown of my experience:

My surgery was scheduled for 3pm on the 23rd.  They asked me to be there at 12pm.  I had a blazing headache that just kept getting bigger as I waited.  As I was laying there waiting, Dr. Alexander stops by to say hi and also mentions that he will be taking out my gall bladder.  Wow, ok, I wasn't prepared for that, but I know it's for the best.  They finally started my surgery at 5:30 and didn't finish till 8:30PM.

Waking up from the surgery, everyone was making fun of me because I would only open one eye.  It is kinda funny.  It's something I do when I really can't handling all of the light in the morning.  I was so groggy, all I wanted to do was sleep.  

The second day, yes it was bad.  I was SO THIRSTY! I was miserable.  My night nurse was awesome, but my day nurse kept forgetting everything.  I was having to ask her twice for everything.  She left me without pain meds when they ran out.  She forgot to take out my IV when I had inquired if it was still necessary and she said no and agreed to take it out (already had a central line).  She said she had to go get some supplies and never came back.  I had to ask her again, as I was in the hall trying to walk an hour later.  She would forget little things like water.  She didn't seem to be at all concerned and she didn't seem to know what she was doing.   

The third day was a little better.  I started getting these really bad facial flushes but my body was cold, so the doctor took me off of the morphine pump and put me on Tylenol with Codeine.  This helped, but now I was at the mercy of the "wonderful" nurses to bring it to me before my pain started coming back up. I also found out that I was tachycardic, so the doctor wouldn't discharge me.  

The fourth day was okay.  The nurses kept forgetting everything.  They would say things like, "can I get you anything?", I would tell them yes, but then they would forget and I would have to ask them again an hour later.  What's the point in offering if you're just gonna forget? The nurse actually told me that she had a problem with short term memory.   My sister (who is a nurse) was also very upset about the care I was receiving.  On this day, I was due for pain meds at 11am.  I pressed my button at 10:30 to give the nurses some time.  The nurse never came.  She sent a tech to come ask me what I wanted.  I asked my sister to go check and she found this nurse just sitting there playing with her phone.  The nurse tried to blame it on the pharmacy down stairs, but she displayed no sense of urgency about the situation.  It took another hour just to get the pain meds.  By that time, I was done, and asked to be discharged early.  My family could have done a better job taking care of me...and they would have done it for free.

Then the patient advocate comes in and asks how everything is going.  At first, I wasn't going to say anything, because I just wanted to go home and put the whole thing behind me, but my sister insisted that I speak up.  She and the patient advocate both agreed that if I didn't say anything, then the problem would never get corrected, and someone else would have to go through this.  So I told her my experience.  Well, not soon after my sister left, the charge nurse and one of the nurses I was complaining about came to my room and confronted me about my claims.  I told her about everything and she didn't seem at all apologetic.  She actually seemed put off by the whole thing.  She kept making excuses for them.  She "encouraged" me to get up and get my own water.  Well, if they would have just stayed on top of my pain meds, I would be happy to do that.  But if I'm in too much pain, I'm not going to get up and get water.  I feel like they purposely waited for my sister to leave to catch me in a vulnerable position.  I mean, it wasn't like I was being high maintenance.  I only pressed my button for pain meds.  I would never press it to ask for water.  They would be in the room doing something replacing the antibiotics and then I would ask for water, maybe once a day.  That is all I asked for.

So, I was discharged and my mom drove me home.  My son was so glad to see me, he gave me a big old hug.  I was so happy to be home.  My sister ended up telling her doctor, who invested in the hospital, and he ended up placing a direct call to the CEO.  I really hope they do something about the nursing staff.  I never want to be left in their hands again.  I also remember two complaining under their breath that they weren't getting paid enough, right before surgery.  I just let it go, because I didn't want to get them in trouble.  I should have known what was to come.  I'm gonna jot down some notes, just in case someone calls me and then I'm going to put the whole thing behind me.

I had read a post yesterday about someone having crying spells before surgery.  I was like, "that's not gonna happen to me".  Well, here I am, emotional.  Part of it is that it's that time of the month.  The other part is that I have been watching the UPLIFTING ENTERTAINMENT channel all day. This movie about Kirk Cameron doing something for his wife everyday was so inspiring. This has reminded me once again that I need God in my life.  I've been so mad at him for giving my husband Cancer.  I can't seem to reconcile praying to him and my husband having Cancer.  But I really need the inner peace.  

My main reason for not going to church is laziness and partying the night before.  I didn't want to get up early.  I'm hoping that since I can't drink for quite some time, that I will get more clarity in my life.  I love going to church.  I want to go back to it.  I think it will help me inside.  I need to start taking care of myself inside and out and quit trying to escape reality with bad influences.  I need to start seeing the beauty in life.  

So here I am, a day before surgery, and I am SO NERVOUS.  I am more nervous than I was before my lap band surgery.  Perhaps it's because I was so naive about possible complications before lap band surgery.  I didn't find these forums until after I had the surgery.  I'm trying to keep my mind occupied by reading posts, but I am running into complication posts, which is just making me more nervous.

Everything is a trade off, right?  So, if I get this surgery, I will:

1.  Lose weight
2.  Get my blood pressure under control and avoid diabetes
3.  Become more mobile

But I can also run into complications.  I keep clicking on profiles of people who are under 140lbs and most of them have had to be admitted to the hospital several times after surgery.  I also see alot of people who feel weak, months after WLS.  I'm having this surgery to feel better and have more energy.  I completely understand feeling weak a month after surgery, but not several months after.  That's no way to live, either.

It really doesn't matter, because regardless of how I feel inside, I AM GOING THROUGH WITH THIS SURGERY.  There is no going back.  It has to be done.  I will just have to pray and leave it in God's hands.  Speaking of that, I am conflicted about writing my husband and son a "just in case I don't make it" letter. I feel like it would offer them some comfort if I didn't make it, but I also feel like it would jinx things. I am also so anxious about tomorrow, that I don't feel capable of writing such an emotional letter.  I'm just going to make sure I tell them that I love them and make sure they feel it.  This is going to be a wild ride.  Just praying for the best.

 I had lap band surgery back in 2005.  I couldn't get my insurance to cover it, so I flew to Mexico and self paid.   I went from 220 to 133 in a year and a half.  I never got my band to work correctly, so I really think I lost the weight with it being 75% me and 25% the band. I worked my butt off to lose those pounds.   In in effort to get my band to help me out a little, I started off on a never ending cycle of fills and unfills.  I became so frustrated with never getting the right amount and going back to the doctors so much, that I gave up on my band and had it unfilled.  It was causing me nothing but problems.  I now have uncontrollable belching (because of all of the damage to my esophagus), occasional pain and vomiting, and have regained all of my weight +20lbs.

For a couple of years, I had just given up and determined that I was a failed WLS patient and was doomed to be obese for the rest of my life.  A month ago, I was just sitting with my lap top, and it dawned on me that it didn't have to be this way.  My weight is starting to catch up with me and affect my health.  I am pre-diabetic, recently diagnosed with high blood pressure, and obstructive sleep apnea.  I am starting to suffer from stress incontinence.  I now can feel my heart beating out of my chest, after I eat.  I can barely walk without getting winded.  My XXL clothes barely fits.  None of my bras fit.  My skin is terrible.  I barely recognize myself in the mirror.  I'm only 30.  I should be alot healthier.  My husband was just diagnosed with cancer, and at this rate, if everything goes down hill, my son might lose both of his parents at a young age.  So I have decided to do something about my health.

At first, I wanted to go with the DS, after doing all of the research.  I found a good DS doctor, but he wasn't willing to work with my insurance.  I thought I would have to be self pay again, but I found a wonderful surgeon who was somehow able to get my insurance to agree to pay for it.  Now if they actually do end up paying for it, after the fact, is a different story.  But I decided that my health is worth going into debt for.  So far, I LOVE my surgeon.  He seems to be so caring and really wants to get this band out of me.  He hates what these bands are doing to people.  Anyway, he doesn't do the DS, so I will just have to settle for the bypass.  Maybe I wasn't meant to get the DS.  It is a bit more extreme, but has better long term results.  I will just have to put more effort into maintaining the weight loss this time.  

THIS TIME...This time, it will be different.  I will follow all the rules to the T.  I will try my best to not rely on my brain to tell me it's full.  I will measure EVERYTHING.  I will rely on my measuring cup to tell me when I have reached my limit, not my brain.  I will exercise more.  I will not try to test my limits.  This is my second and last chance.  I WILL NOT BLOW IT THIS TIME, regardless of any complications.  I will not use anything to justify not following the rules.  If I can't tolerate real protein, I will just have to drink it, instead of eating easy carb foods.  

So, I am scheduled for surgery on 4/23/12.  I am scared and anxious about it.  I'm preparing for the worst, but hoping for the best.  I intend on documenting my journey this time, as I didn't do that last time.  It will help keep me accountable to myself.  Well, that's it for now.  Will continue after surgery.