Day before surgery 229lbs

Apr 22, 2012

So here I am, a day before surgery, and I am SO NERVOUS.  I am more nervous than I was before my lap band surgery.  Perhaps it's because I was so naive about possible complications before lap band surgery.  I didn't find these forums until after I had the surgery.  I'm trying to keep my mind occupied by reading posts, but I am running into complication posts, which is just making me more nervous.

Everything is a trade off, right?  So, if I get this surgery, I will:

1.  Lose weight
2.  Get my blood pressure under control and avoid diabetes
3.  Become more mobile

But I can also run into complications.  I keep clicking on profiles of people who are under 140lbs and most of them have had to be admitted to the hospital several times after surgery.  I also see alot of people who feel weak, months after WLS.  I'm having this surgery to feel better and have more energy.  I completely understand feeling weak a month after surgery, but not several months after.  That's no way to live, either.

It really doesn't matter, because regardless of how I feel inside, I AM GOING THROUGH WITH THIS SURGERY.  There is no going back.  It has to be done.  I will just have to pray and leave it in God's hands.  Speaking of that, I am conflicted about writing my husband and son a "just in case I don't make it" letter. I feel like it would offer them some comfort if I didn't make it, but I also feel like it would jinx things. I am also so anxious about tomorrow, that I don't feel capable of writing such an emotional letter.  I'm just going to make sure I tell them that I love them and make sure they feel it.  This is going to be a wild ride.  Just praying for the best.

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