johannahunny
If They Can Pump It In, Why Cant They Suck It Back Out???
Jan 18, 2008
Well I'm back from the hospital and WOW am I excited that future weight loss efforts will not go unrewarded! I will finally be able to see lasting results as long as I follow the rules and stay focused. I mean, that goes for any diet but if anyone knows what I mean, I know YOU ALL do! Dr Y found a small hernia behind my belly button and fixed that when he was in there, so that added to my recovery. I was on morphine the first few days and then they took me off that and put me on a horrible tasting liquid Loretab (sp?).
Wait for it, wait for it…”HOLY MOTHER OF GOD IN HEAVEN, WHAT THE HECK IS THAT PAIN????” “Hmmm? Oh that’s just probably gas pain, dear.”
“WHAT?”
“Well, the doctor had to pump your belly full of gas to be able to get around in your stomach cavity. It’ll dissipate soon enough.”
“SOON ENOUGH? HAVE YOU FELT THIS PAIN? ARE YOU NUTS? I WANT IT GONE NOW!”
“Oh now dear, you’ll soon find yourself having little burps and farts and it will soon be gone.”
Little burps and farts? Is she freaking kidding me? I need to let one rip that will rival a tsunami to get rid of this pain and oh look, I CANT PUSH BECAUSE IT HURTS LIKE HELL! I just continue to look at her like she is growing a second head and with that, she pats my hand and wheels her beeping, blinking cart out the door. This blows. Well, the good thing is that today, with the help of laying on a heating pad, the gas is starting to dissipate. And I have never been so happy to fart like a man in my life! Ahhhh!
My hospital stay was a good one and my nurses were fantastic. My surgeon stopped by twice a day to check on me, so I really felt like they were looking out for me post-op. The only thing I can complain about is that they put me with a non-bariatric patient and when she would order food, it would just gross the hell out of me. 
The smell…Oh God…blech. The good thing is, since I have left, I haven’t had any problems with food smells, just in the hospital. I was a little surprised that they would put me in a room with someone who wasn’t going thru the same recovery as mine but I understand that’s not always possible.
My co-workers brought me to tears...
Jan 13, 2008
There's Always Room for... Pudding?
Jan 12, 2008
I just got back from Walmart... post-op grocery shopping. I forgot to get broth and sugar free popsicles! Helloooo Jo, what were you thinking? OMG, I have loved the SF popsicles for years! Wayyyy better than the full sugar version. They are so much tastier, more flavorful and sour. Sooo good.
Anyhoo, so whats the deal with sugar free/fat free pudding? All the literature says to get it but I can only find either sugar free OR fat free - not both in the same package. Now, someone told me that if it says sugar free, it is more than likely fat free too. Not so, lady who told me that, not so! I dont care either way and since I dont know what I will dump on, I bought one of each. 
Anyway, I got bored with shopping after a while so I'll finish getting the stuff on my list the next time. Luckily I have to be on clear liquids for the first week after surgery, so I have plenty of time to find the answers. I asked my old new friend Jenn (Signgurl) about a zillion questions, so we'll see what she has to say. She has done so well (lost almost 200 lbs!!!!!) ...I'm prettttttty sure I can trust what she has to say! LOL! Hugs to you, Jenn!
Oh yeah, only two more days!
Fears, Tears and Loose Ends
Jan 11, 2008
Three more days. Wow. I'm scared for the first time. I just started thinking about the possibility of death and it all sort of hit me. What a crazy thing to have come over me when I have been so calm and level headed about it up until now. I think it has alot to do with the fact that I had so many loose ends to tie up at work to get ready for my time off. Its not like I'll be gone for weeks on end, only two...but I had to train a temp to fill my shoes while I am gone and it sort of seemed like I turned my life over to her. Well, my work life anyway. I mean, unlike most people, I LOVE my boss. He's funny, laid back, has a good heart, is supportive and easy going. He's great to work for and I enjoy what I do. On top of that, I work with a bunch of the most amazing chicks I could ever ask for as co-workers. Every time I try a new diet, they have all been very supportive of me, they have been encouraging and thoughtful and never judged or made me feel like a failure when the diet ultimately failed. Honestly, not everyone who struggles with their weight is blessed with such great people to work with. I have heard a lot of horror stories here on OH about mean and negative comments from co–workers and a lack or support and encouragement while going thru weight loss surgery, but I am a very lucky girl to have such fantastic people to work with. I am truly grateful for them and I love them. 
I guess that's where the tears come into play. I just got sort of sad leaving knowing there is a small chance that I may not ever see them again, ya know? Well, onward and upward! I just need to put my faith back on, know I have the best medical team working on me and remember that I participate in an EXCELLENT weight management program. My fears are normal, my tears are normal and my life is really about to change in a beautiful way. I have no doubt I will succeed. Everything's going to change, isn't it?
Ooohhh Optifast...do you come in Pork Chop flavor?
Jan 08, 2008
Breakfast...liquid. Mid morning snack...liquid. Lunch...liquid. Whoo hooo! Mid afternoon snack...chewy/waxy/gritty tasting bar type thing. Dinner...liquid. Evening snack...Yep! you guessed it, liquid. This blows.
On the super plus side, only six more days until RNY! It's sort of wierd that the date is so close. I remember my first informational meeting with the weight management center, sitting there thinking it seemed like such a huge and lengthy process to get to the operating table. I was scared, excited, determined and motivated. I dont know if I even believed that I would ever get to this point and I swear every day I pray that nothing happens between now and then to keep me from getting there. Well, getting approval wasnt as daunting as it seemed to be and everything moved along just fine. Soooo...soon, very soon.
Still, this liquid diet sucks. All I know is I just better have a smokin rack and a slammin backside after plastics. I'm just sayin'.
Staying on Track with a Little Help
Dec 28, 2007
Only 17 days until surgery and I have been on a liquid diet for the last week. Its been hard - Optifast doesnt give you alot of options and you dont get anything extra like lean protein, vegetables, etc. I really want to look back on this and be proud of what I accomplished pre-op, but holy crap...I want food! Mostly bbq chicken wings, although I dont know what that's all about. Maybe because they are delish?
Anyway, I have been struggling with the LD, but trying to stay focused and get right back on track after I stray. I had sort of a breakthru tonight while working thru a bad craving. I'm proud of myself becuse normally I would have jumped in the car, gone straight to the store or drive thru, and proceeded to eat the very bad-for-me food that I was craving. Well, anyone who has been there knows how the fallout feels and to be honest, I just didnt want those feelings. I didnt want to feel full and bloated, I didnt want to feel disgusted with myself over a lack of control and willpower and I especially didnt want to feel dissapointed in myself. In the midst of all this internal chaos, I sort of dipped my head a little, and simply asked God for help understanding my craving and the strength to get thru it without eating. He answered and honestly, 10-15 minutes later I was fine and a little stronger because of it. Now I KNOW I can and will be able to get thru head hunger. He's good! I'm good too:-)
My behaviorist wants me to contact a therapist to work thru all the emotional issues that will pop up as a result of losing weight and I am actually eager to talk it all out with someone who can help me look at things objectively. I love to get to the root of things (LOL, sometimes that bugs my friends) and to "figure it out" has always been my way to conquer and move forward. But, its nice to know that I dont always have to find an answer - sometimes I can just ask for help and i'll get it.
Sigh. I wish I would have started this journey 10 years ago... Oh well ~ Wouldda, Couldda, Shouldda. I mean, I have alot to look forward to and I'll be able to handle it! This is Freakin Fantastic! :-)
Bummed...
Dec 01, 2007
So my surgery has been scheduled for January 14th and I am really excited! I have a few appointments to get thru, and of course the 4 week liquid pre-op diet of Optifast, which I start on December 20th. People have asked me if I'm bummed that I wont be able to eat "normal" food for Christmas and at first I was like..."yeah, maybe a little..." But then I started thinking...not really. I have spent the last 18 years eating whatever I wanted without worrying about the consequences or caring what it was doing to my body. I'm bummed that I'm morbidly obese amd must have RNY to lose a significant amount of weight. I'm bummed that I am invisible to most when I am out in public. I'm bummed that I have spent my entire young adult life overweight and have missed out on so much, including marriage and having a child. I'm bummed that my health has started to deteriortae at a young age. I'm bummed that even though I will reach a normal weight, I will have to deal with the emotions and fear associated with that to remain sucessful. I'm bummed that I have never been able to cross my legs or do a cartwheel. I'm bummed that I never went to prom or had a date in high school. I'm bummed that I hate my body. But, no...I am not bummed that I won't be able to eat ham on Christmas :-)
An Apple Shaped Skirmish!
Nov 28, 2007
I just had a really emotional morning in front of the closet and was 20 minutes late for work because I couldn’t find anything to wear. The thing is, I have so many clothes, I couldn’t wear them all in a month if I tried. Its not that I don’t have anything to wear, its that I have very little that looks good on me. Ok, so lets be honest, not much looks good on a 340 lb, 5’3 body – but that’s not the point. Anyway, I got pissed. I was like, WTF??? This weight controls every stinking aspect of my life and now its making me late for work because I cant find something to cover my stomach? This sucks! Does anyone ever talk honestly and openly about just how much being fat sucks? It’s the worst! Now, in the bigger scheme of things - cancer, abuse, getting burned over 90% of your body - being fat doesn’t seem like such a bad thing to have to suffer thru. But if your fat and just trying to live the same normal, uneventful, everyday life that most everyone else is, fat’s not a good place to be! I know I will look back on this in a few months and my clothes may all be too big, but I swear I wont blog about how unhappy I am that nothing fits!!! Instead I’ll remember this morning and how emotional it was dealing with all the feelings that came over me because I couldn’t find a shirt long enough or with buttons that didn’t scream to be let free, a jacket or cardigan that didn’t stop just the other side of each boob and pants or skirts that didn’t shine a spotlight on my stupid apple shaped midsection! I would imagine that my clothes and I may go thru the same morning angst down the road but it honestly cant be this bad, can it?
